Prt 16 **again read with caution** I must tell u I teared up myself while writing this**please don't come after me with your belans...im sorry...**I loved the name DISHA...thanks ziddi**
When Jais eyes met with Banis it was like there were no need for words because they already knew exactly how the other felt. Jai looked at Bani...his Bani. God she looked sickly; like every time he sets eyes on her she gets paler and paler. It seemed like it was takinga ll her energy to just keep her eyes open and sitting up. Jai just stood by the door not wanting to go inside, not knowing what to say to her; mainly not knowing how to face her. It was because of him that she was in this situation. She had wanted to give him that special gift he had always longed for and in the process she had given up her life. Her life for the life of his daughter. Bani called out his name, that was just a bit more than a wisper, that brought him back to the present.
B- Jai...(Jai looks at Bani)...Dont you want to sit with me? (Jai looks down and like a stborn kid shakes his head in the negative)...Dont you want to spent time with me b4...b4...b4 time runs out....
That was it Jai could take no more. He was at her side in an instant. She sat next to her on her bed, gently afraid that the slightest wrong pressure might break her. He grabbed her hand and put rested his forehead on it. He could feel the tears stinging his eyes, that threatned to fall at any minute.
J- Why baby? Why did u do this? Why r u leaving me like this?
B- I had too...i wanted to give you the child you heart longed for...i had no other choice.
J- Yes u did...i was happy with just you and Sonny, I didn't need this. What I need is you but u r leaving me.
B- I will never leave you, I will always be in your heart, remember that. I will be here watching over you always.
J- What am I supposed to do now, my life is nothing with out you in it, with out u by my side I am lost.
B- You are not lost, you have two beautiful children that will become your lifes purpose, they will give your life meaning, they will make your life complete.
J- My life will always be incomplete with out you, don't u know that...dont you know how much you mean to me...how much I love you?
B- I love u too my jaan, I did this because I love you. I did this because that one smile on your face showed me that I had made the right decision. When out baby girl was born and u saw her the smile on your face was enough to let me know I had done the right thing. I saw the joy and pride and affection on your face that I had wanted to see. I have no regrets about anything I did.
J- How can u say that, u r leaving you family behind...you will never see our children grow up?
B- Jai don't do this to me (crying) please not now...dont argue with me. Whats done is done I cant change it.
J- But why did u lie to me, why!?
B- If I had told u the truth would u have let me have this baby....
J- No!
B- That's why...no matter how mad u are at me u r happy that now u have a child of your own.
J- I have Sonny!
B- Yes and Sonny will always be our boy, but now you have a daughter too. A complete family.
J- NO! My family is not complete because with out u everything is incompete...i am imcomplete.
B- Jai please...stop this...i don't want to sedn my last time arguing with you.
J- But...
B- No...please...i ...i want to see the baby...i want to see your baby girl.
J- What...u havent seen...i mean...
B- I fell unconcious as soon as she was born, I still havent seen her...will you go get her...i want to se her b4...
With out another word Jai walked to the nurseryand brough theit little girl with him. When he walked in with the tiny bundle in his arms Bani teared up again. All her sacrafices and all her pain ahd been worth it, for that one little scene...her baby in ther arms of her busband...perfect. Jai came and sat with his shoulder to Banis shoulder. He was about to place the baby in Banis arms when Bani refused.
J- Bani...u have to hold her...
B- No Jai...
J- Bani don't be stuborn u have to hold her...
B- No i...i...i cant...
J- Why the hell not!!??
B- (crying)...because im afraid that if I hold her now I wont be able to let go...if I hold her close to my heart I may not be able to let go.
J- U cant deprive this innocent jaan the warmth of her mother even if it is for a short while.
With that Jai placed the baby into Banis arms. His heart swelled with pride...his child and the mother of his child...together...
B- She is beautiful...
J- Ofcourse...just like her mother...beautiful...(Jai brushed a strand of lose hair behind Banis ear) After all...she is your baby...she is our baby
B- No Jai...she is not my baby...she never was my baby...
J- But...
B- She was never ment to be mine...she has been, is and will always be YOUR baby.
That's when it hit Jai. Ever since the beginning Bani had never refered to the baby as "mine" or "ours"...she always said it is "your" baby...It had never occurred to Jai as to why bani never accepted the baby as hers as well.
B- Can u look at this precious face and tell me to take ack what I did? Can u look me in the eyes and tell me you regret my decision....
(Jai is silent...)
B- Jai...will u do something for me?
J- Anything...anythign for you...
B- I want you to name her Disha...Disha Walia
J- Disha?
B- Yes...she will give you porpose to live, she will be the direction of your life...now you have her instead of me to guide you...along with Sonny. They will make you complete, they will make you whole.
J- No...
B- Jai...(confused and hurt)
J- I will not name her Disha Walia..i will name her Disha BANI Walia...she is part of u no matter how may times u say she is only mine.
B- (teary) Disha...hi Disha...im you mamma...(crying)...i love youa nd im sorry I have to go but I will be with you always. Disha.....Disha...
As if on cue the baby stirred in Banis arms and slowly opened her eyes. She looked up at Bani. They both noticed the big, round brown eyes looking up at them. Jai was floored at how much like Bani she actually looked, she woud be a reminder of Bani always. As both proud parents looked at Disha she curled up her tiny fists and yawned bringing her fists to her face...so cute...but that was it for Bani...her tears were now rolling like the barrier had been broken...there was no stopping them. Jai took Disha and placed her in the bassinet by the bed and came back to Bani. He took her into his arms and let her cry. Bani burried her face in his chest and let loose. In between sobs and thguorh muffeled words Bani said...
B- Jai please watch after my children. Make sure they know how much mamma loved them, that I didn't want to leave them but....Make sure you give extra attention to Sonny, my baby boy is my world and I sont want him to feel like I abandoned him. Im trusting you with my two most cherished and precious pocessions...treasure them...love them...
J- Always...i will always...
With that Jais tears began to roll from his eyes as well. His heart ached when he had to take the children away from Bani...especially Sonny. His heart physically hurt to do that...the look on Banis face was killer. It was like her life was being taken away from her...and in a sence it was. Her family was her life and soon she wouldn't have that.
Jai didn't know how but some how he fell asleep while holding Bani. He woke to the sound of someone calling his name...although he could barely hear it...he looked down to see it was Bani...but looking at Bani this time...he knew...the end was near...
B- Jai...
J- Haan Bani bolo...tell me...
B- Hunny I don't have much time left...i need....breathing...
(Jai quickly grabbed her oxygen and held it over her nose)
J- Bani please don't leave me...
B- I have to...i cant hold on anymore...i cant...
J- Please Bani please..
B- I love you babe, with my whole heart and soul...u r the only one for me...
J- No Bani...please...
B- I want u to be happy...find love again...
J- No never!...you were it for me...forever...i love you....
(With that Jais barrier broke and he was crying like a baby...he could no longer remain strong for Bani...he coldnt do it for anyone now...he couldn't hold the pain and anguish in his heart any longer)
B- Jai...i....
J- Bani...Bani!!!!
B- I....l...l...love......you...J...Jai........................ .........
With that last testament to their love Bani was gone. With her final breath she had uttered his name and she was gone...She had left him...alone...again...Jais heart and sould were shattered as he lay with his head resting on the hand on the woman who was his life, the woman who ment the world to him...Jai laid with his head resting on the hand on his dead wife....................
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Ishaani
