Prt 17: *I don't really know all the rights that are done at the time of funerals so im going by what ever little knowledge that I have. Please excuse my mistakes*
**made it extra long for you all since I didn't update in a long time**
The next day passed in much of a blur for Jai. After Bani has passed, Jai just sat with her like that, frying his eyes out, for a while. It wasn't until later when Raashi Bhabi came in to see what was going on that Jai left her side. He left her side very reluctantly. Jai sat unmoved at Banis bed side. The nurses had come and covered Banis face with the sheet, yet Jai was still sitting there. Later Ranveer Bhaia came and put a hand on his shoulder Jai finally moved from there. He just got up, and without one single word, walked out into the hallway like a zombie. Jai felt that Bani had taken a big part of his own soul with her when she left him. He didn't feel like the same person insides anymore. He didn't feel the warmth of Banis love in his veins, or the joy of anything anymore.
Some how everyone had managed to keep out of his way that day. Aaryan, and Sonny hadn't been home that day. They were sent to a friends house. Raashi Bhabi didn't want the boys around all of this. Disha was still in the hospital so they didn't have to worry about her. Jai didn't have the courage to look at Disha after Bani had died. He feared that maybe, just maybe, he would look at her and hate her for taking his Bani away from him.
At the wake the Walia House had never been so somber; ever. There was pin drop silence; no one did or said anything. Jai could hear the faint muffeled sounds of Raashi bhabi crying behind him. Ranveer Bhaia sat next to him not knowing what to do. Jai just stared at the picture in front of him. His eyes red and dry; he had no more tears left to cry. He just stared at the picture of Bani expecting her to jump right out of it. It was a picture of Bani in a pink and blue sari, a gift from Jai. It was a random picture. The day it was taken Jai had given her the sari to put on for dinner. Jai happened to get a new digital camera that day so he was just messing around taking pictures. He captured Bani with her hair open laughing whole heartedly at something he said. It was a great picture, so full of life and happiness. Yet now it was only a picture…nothing more.
When Banis body arrived home Jai again was like a zombie until it came to the point where he had to do her final rights. Since Bani died a suhagan, she had to be sent away as one also. There she lay in front of him in her shaadi ka joda; complete with bangles and jewelry. She looked just as beautiful as the day the had gotten married. Jai had to add the final touches…her sindoor and mangalsutra. This is where he is head. How could he do that to her? How was he supposed to put on her mangalsutra and sindoor knowing full well it would be the last time? Some how he managed. He didn't put on her mangalsutra however. Bani had 2 mangalsutas; one from their wedding when Jai claimed Bani as his wife, and another one that she later picked out for herself. The original one he just couldn't part with. He was already parting with Bani, and he wanted to keep this for himself. He knew how much this small piece of jewelry meant to Bani. When on one was looking Jai had quietly slipped her mangalsutra into his pocket, and pulled out the other one and put that one around her neck. He took his hands and put on her sindoor. Jai was so dazed that he didn't realize how badly his hands were shaking.
Then they took her to where she would be cremated. Jai had placed one branch of wood over at a time. It was Ranveer bhaias guidance that kept Jai going. His hand was ever present on his shoulder. Right b4 Jai placed the last one over Banis face he took one last look at her. He took one last look at her pouty lips and thought about how they turned up into a smile every time she saw him or Sonny. One last look at her eyes that used to light up whenever Sonny and Jai had planned a secret surprise for her. One last look at her face, the peaceful face that he watched almost every morning as she slept. That's what she was doing now, she was sleeping…peacefully…like and angel.
With a unbelievably heavy heart Jai put the last piece of wood over Bani covering her face. As he light the wooden casket on fire his eyes could hold back no more. Jai broke down once again. He didn't have the power to hold back. Jai crumpled onto the floor and cried. Ranveer Bhaia was right there with him. Letting his tears flow as well.
By the time they returned home it was night. Jai walked in to see that Raashi bhabi was trying desperately to get Sonny to eat, who hadn't eaten all day because his mamma wasn't there feed him. Sonny always ate with Bani, but now there was no Bani. Upon seeing Jai Sonny jumped down from the table and ran to him. Jai wasn't really paying attention, and was brought back to reality by someone pulling on the legs of his trousers. He looked down to see his confused and hurt son looking back at him. Jai slowly picked him up.
S- Papa…where is mamma…when she coming home? Hungry, I want mamma to feed me.
J- Sonny be a good boy and go eat with massi and aaryan ok.
S- No papa…I want mamma!
J- No Sonny go to massi.
S- No!. I want mamma!!!
J- NO! NO MAMMA! You have no mamma anymore!!!
Jai had lost control some how. Sonny looked heart broken and ran from Jai at the instant; while a horrified Raashi bhabi and Ranveer Bhaia looking at him. He knew he was wrong and he knew he was all Sonny had left now. Jai made his way to Sonny and Aaryans nursery and found Sonny sitting near the window holding his favorite teddy bear; one that Bani had given him. Jai went and took Sonny into his lap and as in a chair near the window.
J- Im sorry beta I didn't mean to yell at you. Please stop crying…papa said sorry naa.
S- *sniff* I no crying cuz u yelled at me papa…im crying cuz you said I have no mamma anymore. I knew mamma was going to leave me…everyone always leaves me.
Hearing this Jai felt a tug on his heart strings. How did he say such a horrible thing to his son. He felt like the worlds biggest jerk. Jai hugged Sonny tightly…
J- No beta, you have a mamma, you will always have a mamma.
S- But where is she, she mad at me?, tell mamma come home, Sonny be good boy.
J- No beta, mamma cant come home now…
S- Mamma no love Sonny?
J- No don't ever think that. Mamma loved Sonny very much. But mamma cant come home because God called mamma to him. God needs mammas help so mamma had to go to God.
S- But I need mamma too.
J- Well mamma is always her with un…in your heart…
S- In here (touching his chest)
J- Yes…right here. And if u want to see mamma u can see her too. U see that bright star in the sky.
S- Oooo…yeah…that one…
J- Yes that one…that one is your mamma…she is looking at you from there so u can see her too.
S- I can see mamma in the sky.
J- yes…
S- So mamma still love Sonny but God called mamma.
J- Yes..
S- So I still good boy?
J- Yes beta…you r still a very good boy…u r mammas good boy.
S- Yes…mammas good boy.
Father and son fell asleep on the chair that night. Clinging to each ther in the absence of the one person they both loved, and needed.
The next month went by some how. Since Disha didn't get mothers milk and due to a little jaundice she was in the hospital. Raashi bhabi went to see her everyday. Jai only went every once in a while….and only when he was certain she was sleeping. One day the hospital called and told him his daughter was ready to come home. Jai had literally begged Raashi bhabi to go get her, he just couldn't go.; but bhabi had refused point blank. She said that it was time Jai acted like the father he was to this little girl….its was what Bani wanted. She died so he could be this childs father…"don't let Banis death be in vain" is what Raashi bhabi said.
Jai mustered up the courage to go. He took Sonny who was excited to go get his baby sister. Jai was stalling once he was at the hospital. He checked and re-checked the baby car-seat to make sure it was secure. He made sure he had gas, he checked his tires….when he checked the level on his air freshener he knew he had to stop and go in already. He took his time filling out the discharge papers. About 1 hr later he walked into the nursery…all blue and pink. At one end he saw a nurse holding a pink bundle with a very proud and inquisitive Sonny peeking at it. Seeing Jai the nurse got up and walked over to him. Sonny was literally jumping with joy. The nurse wanted to hand Jai the baby but he hesitated a little. Finally he held out his arms and took the little bundle into his arms.
The baby stirred in Jais arms and for a second Jai was unsure of what to do. Slowly Disha opened her eyes and looked right at Jai. At that moment Jais breath caught. It was Banis eyes looking back at him…those same chocolate colored, almond shaped eyes. As if on cue the baby smile…like she knew she was going home…like she knew him. Jai was a goner at that moment. He knew that he could never do anything but love this baby…his baby. Bani was right…Disha…his daughter Disha would give his life meaning again…she would be his new reason for living.
Jai had Disha in one arm and was holding Sonny…who was skipping along…with the other hand. For the first time since Bani died, and what seemed like forever, Jai smiled. He looked at his children and smiled. He knew that his life would always be incomplete with Bani but with their children at his side he would be ok. He had to be ok, for Banis sake. As he walked out of the hospital Jai felt Bani. He felt that she was right there next to them, holding on to Sonnys other hand. Maybe it was because Banis mangalsutra was sitting in his coat pocket, by his heart. Either way she was there. Just like she had said, she would be with them always. Jai…well he saw hope again….he saw life again.
**this part is dedicated to my B-MAN…you will be with me always…in my mind and in my heart…I will never forget you…I will always love you…this one is for you jaan…from your Robin**
"Met you as a stranger,
Took you as a friend,
Hope to meet you in heaven,
Where friendship never ends."
JAZ
