Posted:
Will reply to your comments in a bit... decided to put the update first as.. you all have been requesting... 😃
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The Real World ... The Real Truth ...
So here I am, wet, sad, finally in my senses and leaning against a door that separates me from the world. The world of Shiv Kapoor. A world where K-serials, frizzy hair, tripping, slipping, falling and among many other things people like me don't exist. We are just mere experiences, people they come across and then laugh about later. The same way Shiv and Shashank are right now, on the other side of the door. How did I end up here? Shiv was supposed to be someone I only admired from a distance while he never even acknowledged my existence. I was supposed to end up with someone just like me, penniless, clueless and of course careless. How did I end up falling for a guy who is perfect? How did I end up wanting the moon when I am suppose to be satisfied with just watching the stars from my window?
The door knob turns and I realize Shiv is coming in. I quickly jump up, wipe my tears and run to the washroom to wash my face. He comes in and I walk out of the washroom. He smiles at me, I look away.
"Gauri are you okay?"
Am I okay? What a question to ask a girl who just realized she can only want the moon but never have it. And even if she gets it for a little while she can't keep it. I look at him, straight into his eyes, hoping he can read them and for a second I think he can but then he starts to laugh, I look away. "Shashank is a complete joker; he does stupid things like that all the time. If I had known you were so afraid..."
"...you would have saved me. My knight in shinning armour!" I interrupt with a certain unwanted bitterness trailing my voice.
"Gauri...?"
Oh I wish he wouldn't look at me like that, or say my name with that confusion in his voice. I want to run into his arms and cry. Tell him how much I love him and how I wish he wished for me too. "I am just not feeling too good. Can I be alone for a bit?"
"Oh yah, yah. Do you want me to do anything for you?"
Yes, I want you to love me back. "No, I am fine."
"Gauri..."
"Yah..."
"Sorry."
"For?"
"I don't know. Just ...I don't know if I have done anything to be sorry about. But if I have I want you to know it was not intentional because I would not do anything to hurt you."
Did he read me? No, because that is not what my ears are yearning to hear. I smile back. "You have not hurt me." Only introduced me to the real world. The real where you and I don't belong together. A world where I belong in your jokes and you in my heart.
***
I wake up to a dark room and hold up the clock beside the bed. Squint and use the little ray of light coming through the drawn curtains to look at the hands of the clock and where they point. It is 5:15 pm. Two hours and four minutes since I spoke to Shiv. I fall back into bed not wanting to wake, every muscle of my body aches and I feel so weak. There is a knock. I ignore it. Again. I ignore it. Again. I can't ignore it anymore. I drag myself out and lazily walk to the front door open it. Shashank.
"Hey Gauri!" He beams.
"Hi." I reply in a groggy tone leaving the door open and taking a seat on the couch. He follows.
"Gauri I hope you are not mad because of me and what I did?" He sits across me on the coffee table.
"I am not mad..." A lump starts to ache in my throat.
"Good, you have no idea how mad Shiv is with me. He was fine at first but when he came back after seeing you he was furious at me. I felt so bad."
"Really?" Shiv is worried for me? Don't get too excited, he might just be concerned like a friend is concerned for another.
"Gauri, to tell you the truth I never thought Shiv would be like this. I mean, you can imagine with his good looks and good family background quiet a few girls were after him. He dated many too, but he could hardly even remember their names. But with you..." He pauses.
"But with me what..." I urge him like a five year old begging for their birthday gift. A thousand hypothetical sentences that could follow 'but with you..." popping in my head. But with you... he loves you. But with you... he can't live without you... but with you ... he is in love with you. But with you ... he would die if you left. All of them confessing Shiv's love for me, or telling me how meaningless his life would be without me.
"But with you..." Why is he pausing again? If he does not continue soon, I should not be held responsible for murdering him. "He remembers every little detail."
He remembers every detail? How anticlimactic. He remembers every little detail because he can then joke about it later. My spirits are dampened again. I let my head hang low as I feel a new surge of depression overcome me.
"So will you come downstairs now and join us?" Shashank asks with a hopeful tone.
"Hmm..." I look up in a daze now. "I..." Another knock on the door. I turn around to look towards the open door and find a beautiful and lovely Ipshitta smiling at us. She walks in.
"How are you feeling Gauri?" She asks in her melodious voice.
"Fine..." I smile back.
"You are fine, but Shiv isn't. He is sitting down there sending all of us up here one by one because he is afraid you are mad at him." She let out a quick laugh.
I look directly at Ipshitta and notice how her skin is glowing and her eyes glittering. Anyone now looking at her would be able to tell how happy and in love she is. "Ipshitta what is like to have the person you love so much love you back?" I instantly ask a tear escaping my eye. Ipshitta looks at me first a little surprised by my question and then at Shashank and then back at me, this time smiling.
"Gauri, you do know Shiv loves you right?"
"Huh?" I am taken back by her question.
"You don't know! He hasn't told you!" She almost screams in shock. "I can't believe this!" She now turns to Shashank. I can't believe that guy who has done nothing but talk about Gauri this entire trip, hasn't even told her how much he is in love with her." Turning back to me now, she continues. "For the last two hours he has whined, cried, and cribbed about how you are mad at him and he doesn't know what to do. And he has not even told you he loves you." Once again turning her attention towards Shashank, "can you believe Shiv is the one who got Anupam and me to confess our loves in school to each other and here is on a romantic island with the love of his life and he hasn't even told her he loves her yet!"
"He loves me?" I ask not feeling excited or happy or sad or depressed. I feel nothing because I still can't believe it. Nothing ever goes right with me, how can this? How can Shiv be in love with me?
"Yah, tell her what he told you today Shashank!"
"Oh okay, today when we coming to see you up here Gauri I asked Shiv if he loved you and..."
"And he said I watched those K-shows that you used to make fun of…"
"Yah he did, how do you know?" Shashank is in a daze at my knowledge of their conversation.
"Because I was listening to you both from the room." I say blushing a bit out of embarrassment for having to confess to my eavesdropping.
"Then you must know he loves you, if you heard us."
"How does that prove he loves me, all it does is tell me that he thinks I am silly and just a joke. And anyways I shut the door after that, I couldn't stand it anymore." A few more tears roll down my eyes now, as my cheeks heat up feeling a bit of anger remembering Shiv and Shashank laughing at my expense.
"Gauri, you shouldn't have shut the door..."
*Flashback*
"Do you love her?" Shashank asks suddenly
Shiv snickers, "do you know she watches those K-shows that we used to make fun of…"
"No way…are you kidding!" Shiv and Shashank both share another laugh. "But you still love her, despite all that. Right?" Shashank asks as their laughter ceases.
"No, I love her because of all that. When she makes things bigger than they are, I get to hold her and calm her down. When she told me she was pregnant because we kissed, her innocence touched me and made me fall in love with her more. When she lies to her friends about me, I love her for her hopefulness. And her K-shows, well ..." He laughs now, and Shashank joins him. "Her K-shows make her resourceful, any problem and she can find a solution for it. I love her for all that, and a lot more. I am in love Shashank."
"I can tell!" They both laugh again.
*Flashback ends*
I am laughing and crying at the same time now. He loves me! He loves me! But before I rejoice any further I just have to curse myself first. All those years of watching K-serials and the only thing worth learning, when eavesdropping listen to the ENTIRE conversation and not just bits and pieces of it because it can lead to misunderstandings. And what do I do? Shut the door just before he is about to confess his love! How could I do that! Argghhhh!!!!!!
Ipshitta throws her arms around me and I can't stop crying, because of my stupidity of shutting the door. "I am so happy for you Gauri!" Ipshitta announces. "Should we go tell Shiv?"
"Wait a minute!" I jump up and run to the washroom, and look into the mirror. Oh goodness what a disaster. My eyes are puffy and red from all the crying. My hair is standing up right making me look like an electrocuted person. I come out sulking, "Ipshitta look at me! I am a complete mess; I can't see him like this!"
"You don't look that bad Gauri..." Ipshitta lies and now Shashank is not looking at me, trying to avoid having to lie himself.
"How about I meet you all downstairs for dinner later?" this will give me a chance to run to the beauty saloon I saw in the hotel lobby earlier and pretty up.
"Are you sure?"
"Look at me Ipshitta."
"Okay, okay, I will tell Shiv you are feeling fine and will come meet us for dinner you just have to freshen up. Okay?"
"Yah, thanks." I smile more to myself than to Ipshitta.
So here I am, wet, sad, finally in my senses and leaning against a door that separates me from the world. The world of Shiv Kapoor. A world where K-serials, frizzy hair, tripping, slipping, falling and among many other things people like me don't exist. We are just mere experiences, people they come across and then laugh about later. The same way Shiv and Shashank are right now, on the other side of the door. How did I end up here? Shiv was supposed to be someone I only admired from a distance while he never even acknowledged my existence. I was supposed to end up with someone just like me, penniless, clueless and of course careless. How did I end up falling for a guy who is perfect? How did I end up wanting the moon when I am suppose to be satisfied with just watching the stars from my window?
The door knob turns and I realize Shiv is coming in. I quickly jump up, wipe my tears and run to the washroom to wash my face. He comes in and I walk out of the washroom. He smiles at me, I look away.
"Gauri are you okay?"
Am I okay? What a question to ask a girl who just realized she can only want the moon but never have it. And even if she gets it for a little while she can't keep it. I look at him, straight into his eyes, hoping he can read them and for a second I think he can but then he starts to laugh, I look away. "Shashank is a complete joker; he does stupid things like that all the time. If I had known you were so afraid..."
"...you would have saved me. My knight in shinning armour!" I interrupt with a certain unwanted bitterness trailing my voice.
"Gauri...?"
Oh I wish he wouldn't look at me like that, or say my name with that confusion in his voice. I want to run into his arms and cry. Tell him how much I love him and how I wish he wished for me too. "I am just not feeling too good. Can I be alone for a bit?"
"Oh yah, yah. Do you want me to do anything for you?"
Yes, I want you to love me back. "No, I am fine."
"Gauri..."
"Yah..."
"Sorry."
"For?"
"I don't know. Just ...I don't know if I have done anything to be sorry about. But if I have I want you to know it was not intentional because I would not do anything to hurt you."
Did he read me? No, because that is not what my ears are yearning to hear. I smile back. "You have not hurt me." Only introduced me to the real world. The real where you and I don't belong together. A world where I belong in your jokes and you in my heart.
I wake up to a dark room and hold up the clock beside the bed. Squint and use the little ray of light coming through the drawn curtains to look at the hands of the clock and where they point. It is 5:15 pm. Two hours and four minutes since I spoke to Shiv. I fall back into bed not wanting to wake, every muscle of my body aches and I feel so weak. There is a knock. I ignore it. Again. I ignore it. Again. I can't ignore it anymore. I drag myself out and lazily walk to the front door open it. Shashank.
"Hey Gauri!" He beams.
"Hi." I reply in a groggy tone leaving the door open and taking a seat on the couch. He follows.
"Gauri I hope you are not mad because of me and what I did?" He sits across me on the coffee table.
"I am not mad..." A lump starts to ache in my throat.
"Good, you have no idea how mad Shiv is with me. He was fine at first but when he came back after seeing you he was furious at me. I felt so bad."
"Really?" Shiv is worried for me? Don't get too excited, he might just be concerned like a friend is concerned for another.
"Gauri, to tell you the truth I never thought Shiv would be like this. I mean, you can imagine with his good looks and good family background quiet a few girls were after him. He dated many too, but he could hardly even remember their names. But with you..." He pauses.
"But with me what..." I urge him like a five year old begging for their birthday gift. A thousand hypothetical sentences that could follow 'but with you..." popping in my head. But with you... he loves you. But with you... he can't live without you... but with you ... he is in love with you. But with you ... he would die if you left. All of them confessing Shiv's love for me, or telling me how meaningless his life would be without me.
"But with you..." Why is he pausing again? If he does not continue soon, I should not be held responsible for murdering him. "He remembers every little detail."
He remembers every detail? How anticlimactic. He remembers every little detail because he can then joke about it later. My spirits are dampened again. I let my head hang low as I feel a new surge of depression overcome me.
"So will you come downstairs now and join us?" Shashank asks with a hopeful tone.
"Hmm..." I look up in a daze now. "I..." Another knock on the door. I turn around to look towards the open door and find a beautiful and lovely Ipshitta smiling at us. She walks in.
"How are you feeling Gauri?" She asks in her melodious voice.
"Fine..." I smile back.
"You are fine, but Shiv isn't. He is sitting down there sending all of us up here one by one because he is afraid you are mad at him." She let out a quick laugh.
I look directly at Ipshitta and notice how her skin is glowing and her eyes glittering. Anyone now looking at her would be able to tell how happy and in love she is. "Ipshitta what is like to have the person you love so much love you back?" I instantly ask a tear escaping my eye. Ipshitta looks at me first a little surprised by my question and then at Shashank and then back at me, this time smiling.
"Gauri, you do know Shiv loves you right?"
"Huh?" I am taken back by her question.
"You don't know! He hasn't told you!" She almost screams in shock. "I can't believe this!" She now turns to Shashank. I can't believe that guy who has done nothing but talk about Gauri this entire trip, hasn't even told her how much he is in love with her." Turning back to me now, she continues. "For the last two hours he has whined, cried, and cribbed about how you are mad at him and he doesn't know what to do. And he has not even told you he loves you." Once again turning her attention towards Shashank, "can you believe Shiv is the one who got Anupam and me to confess our loves in school to each other and here is on a romantic island with the love of his life and he hasn't even told her he loves her yet!"
"He loves me?" I ask not feeling excited or happy or sad or depressed. I feel nothing because I still can't believe it. Nothing ever goes right with me, how can this? How can Shiv be in love with me?
"Yah, tell her what he told you today Shashank!"
"Oh okay, today when we coming to see you up here Gauri I asked Shiv if he loved you and..."
"And he said I watched those K-shows that you used to make fun of…"
"Yah he did, how do you know?" Shashank is in a daze at my knowledge of their conversation.
"Because I was listening to you both from the room." I say blushing a bit out of embarrassment for having to confess to my eavesdropping.
"Then you must know he loves you, if you heard us."
"How does that prove he loves me, all it does is tell me that he thinks I am silly and just a joke. And anyways I shut the door after that, I couldn't stand it anymore." A few more tears roll down my eyes now, as my cheeks heat up feeling a bit of anger remembering Shiv and Shashank laughing at my expense.
"Gauri, you shouldn't have shut the door..."
"Do you love her?" Shashank asks suddenly
Shiv snickers, "do you know she watches those K-shows that we used to make fun of…"
"No way…are you kidding!" Shiv and Shashank both share another laugh. "But you still love her, despite all that. Right?" Shashank asks as their laughter ceases.
"No, I love her because of all that. When she makes things bigger than they are, I get to hold her and calm her down. When she told me she was pregnant because we kissed, her innocence touched me and made me fall in love with her more. When she lies to her friends about me, I love her for her hopefulness. And her K-shows, well ..." He laughs now, and Shashank joins him. "Her K-shows make her resourceful, any problem and she can find a solution for it. I love her for all that, and a lot more. I am in love Shashank."
"I can tell!" They both laugh again.
I am laughing and crying at the same time now. He loves me! He loves me! But before I rejoice any further I just have to curse myself first. All those years of watching K-serials and the only thing worth learning, when eavesdropping listen to the ENTIRE conversation and not just bits and pieces of it because it can lead to misunderstandings. And what do I do? Shut the door just before he is about to confess his love! How could I do that! Argghhhh!!!!!!
Ipshitta throws her arms around me and I can't stop crying, because of my stupidity of shutting the door. "I am so happy for you Gauri!" Ipshitta announces. "Should we go tell Shiv?"
"Wait a minute!" I jump up and run to the washroom, and look into the mirror. Oh goodness what a disaster. My eyes are puffy and red from all the crying. My hair is standing up right making me look like an electrocuted person. I come out sulking, "Ipshitta look at me! I am a complete mess; I can't see him like this!"
"You don't look that bad Gauri..." Ipshitta lies and now Shashank is not looking at me, trying to avoid having to lie himself.
"How about I meet you all downstairs for dinner later?" this will give me a chance to run to the beauty saloon I saw in the hotel lobby earlier and pretty up.
"Are you sure?"
"Look at me Ipshitta."
"Okay, okay, I will tell Shiv you are feeling fine and will come meet us for dinner you just have to freshen up. Okay?"
"Yah, thanks." I smile more to myself than to Ipshitta.
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