Today is a very special day for all of us here on the IKNMP forum. It's our dear Rachna Di's birthday! 🥳 😃
Happy birthday love! Thank you for allowing us to celebrate with you. 😳 I wish all the happiness in the world and more for you and I hope this new year brings immense joy and beauty to your life. I wish I could come and give you a hug in person, but until then, you'll have to make do with these 🤗 🤗 🤗
Now, obviously, I dedicate this OS to you, Rachna Di. I've tried to write it in your style, so forgive me please for any gaping holes--I'm not quite used to such serious writing! 😆
Between what is said and not meant, and what is meant and not said, most of love is lost. -- Khalil Gibran
Ragini pulled the blanket higher over her shoulder, trying hard to hide her shaking body from the man sleeping next to her. She shut her eyes tight and willed the tears to stop, willed the pain to stop, willed the whole world to just come to a standstill. But nothing happened. The emotions that she had been bottling up all day had come spilling out just as she crawled into bed. She had turned off the light completely, recognizing that she wouldn't be able to sleep tonight. At least Nachiket should be able to get a good night's rest. But she herself--she was never able to sleep on this day, this one day of the year.
September 5th, 1995. The mahurat was 7:21 am. She was dressed in a deep blue sari with silver embroidery. And he was in a matching blue sherwani. On that date at that time, their lives had become inexplicably linked forever. She became his and he became hers. For seven lives.
And every year for the past 15 years, on this day, she had gone through the day robotically, never pausing for anyone or anything. She had become habituated to ignoring her mother's questioning look, her desire to make sure her daughter was ok. She refused to look at the calendar all day in the hospital and even switched her computer's time to display September 6 instead. She couldn't answer the casual "How are you?" that people dropped into her unwilling lap when they stopped by for a favor from the administrative head. She purposefully dated papers incorrectly whenever Nishi or Aarav had needed her signature on a school form. And she retired every night to her room, leaving the light on and staring at their wedding album, streaking the pictures with her tears.
But, this year, she couldn't. She couldn't simply ignore the cheerful good mornings that her kids gave her, even though her morning was anything but good. She couldn't hide the calendar hanging on the wall without everyone noticing and asking her hundreds of questions. Each time she saw one of her kids, she was reminded of that night, that very first night twenty years ago, that they had spent in each others arms, finally succumbing to the waves of passion that had been plaguing them for months.
It was especially poignant this year: they had reached a milestone year, just days after their remarriage. And she just couldn't bear to remember those memories without realizing the pain that had resulted from those immensely joyful moments. They say what you love the most gives you the most pain, so that's probably why the worst part was him. The way he looked at her as she exited the bathroom that morning--his eyes following her wet hair down her shoulders. Did he know that his eyes traced the very patterns on her skin that his soft, cold fingers had traced that night, sending shivers down her spine? She could see it in his eyes at breakfast, that passive recognition between the two of them, that longing for what they had had. But then he had asked for a glass of water. Was that the only reason he had been looking at her? Was she just hallucinating what she thought she had seen in his eyes? Did he even remember?
Later in the day, she had been leaving Nishi's room, which had now become the room for all the kids since the marriage, and he was just exiting the bathroom. He wasn't watching where he was going and she was preoccupied with her thoughts; they had collided and his hand slipped around her waist as she grabbed the collar of his sweater. His hand around her waist; just as he had done before he had claimed her that night. She hoped to see it in his eyes, those same emotions that she knew she couldn't hide from appearing in her own eyes. But there was nothing.
She had steadied herself quickly, averting her eyes. She didn't want him to see how much she was affected by today, by his touch, by his memories. As she pulled away from him, she felt a tug on her finger. Her heart rose and she turned, her eyes full of hope.
Her ring was caught in his sweater. He turned to look at her hand, his lips resting on the "Nachiket" etched into her palm. She used her other hand to pull the fibers of his sweater from her ring and immediately turned away, her eyes closing as a single tear fell from the corner of her eye. She rushed into the bathroom in her bedroom, not wanting anyone to see her in this state.
That night. How his lips had kissed his name on her palm, as he whispered into her ear. "Tumne kaha na ki main apna naam nahi dhoond paya iss liye main tumse pyaar nahi karta hoon? Aaj dikha tha hoon Nachiket kitna pyaar karta hai apni Ragini se..."
---------------------------------------------------
Ragini sat up on the bed and bit down on her lip, trying again to stop the tears. She reached for the glass of water next to her on the nightstand and brought the glass up to her lips, her hands shaking the entire time. She couldn't get it all out of her head, the memories flooding into her soul and tearing it to piece. The dam she had built all these years to hold them back had just broken. Why did he do this to her?
"It's over."
Ragini dropped the glass of water and it broke into pieces on the ground. "Ragini!" he yelled, flipping on the light and racing towards her side of the bed. She hadn't moved her hands from the position she had been holding the glass in, but her eyes were shut tight and her shoulders were heaving as she lost herself in a frenzy of tears. She felt him pull her foot up onto the bed, he was gone and then he was back, her foot stung, something wrapped around her foot, everything went black.
He had pulled her against his chest, hugging her tightly. He knew in an instant that this day had been as hard for her as it had been for him. He should have realized earlier...
When she came out of the bathroom in the morning, she looked divine, the glow of a newlywed bride evident on her face. He couldn't help but remember that night, their first night together. She had that same glow on her face, that same happiness and excitement hidden behind a veil of shyness. He followed her the droplets on her wet hair as the slid down her neck and fell onto her blouse, admiring them for having the courage to touch her in places he could only dream of.
But he had decided the previous night to not to let her know that he remembered the significance of today's date. What if she didn't remember? But did she remember? He had tried to find the answer to his question in her eyes at breakfast, but the way she looked at him, her eyes piercing through his soul, told him otherwise. He was scared, scared of letting her see him at his most vulnerable moment. So he asked for a glass of water. The trademark of a liar.
He was slowly dying throughout the day, watching her move about like nothing was wrong. But what had really killed him was when she collided with him in the afternoon. His hand slipped instinctively around her waist, where he had dreamed of putting it since they were married. And the way she had grabbed his collar, her hand grazing his neck. He remembered how she had traced his neck with her cold hands that night, sending him to a heaven he didn't know existed before. But he made sure not to show anything in his eyes; it took all his self control, but he couldn't, he just couldn't prove to her that he was never able to forget. But that question still panged in his heart--did she remember? Before he could check whether she was feeling the same way, she had averted her eyes and turned away.
He had missed his chance to peer into her soul, to understand her. But then she turned around again and looked at his shoulder. He realized her hand was still on him and his heart soared. He turned his head and was immediately mesmerized by the scent of her mehendi. His lips recognized the taste, the same taste that he had experienced that night, when he kissed her palm and followed with her hand, her arm, her shoulders, her cheeks, her lips, before wrapping his arm around her waist and taking her and marking her as his own forever. She remembered...
But his heart sank when he realized that it was simply her ring caught in his sweater. She quickly freed her hand and left, but he was still standing there, shell shocked. Didn't she feel anything? From him, his touch, his memories? Not even today?
When he had retired to bed, he noticed that the lights were off. But he couldn't sleep tonight. He could never sleep on this night. He would count the seconds until midnight, waiting for a new day to arrive and take him out of this horrible state of longing and confusion. And finally, it had arrived.
"It's over," he said out loud, without realizing it. Then he had heard the glass shatter.
By the time he rushed to her, one of the glass pieces had slid across her foot, creating a deep gash. He ran for the medicine box and quickly wrapped her foot, the doctor in him taking control. A whirlwind of thoughts rushed through his mind--she remembers?! Otherwise, why would she be so affected? Is she crying? She's crying! Ragini, why do you do this to me?! You know I can't see you cry!
He couldn't see clearly anymore; the tears he had been holding back for sixteen long years starting falling from his eyes. All he could see was a terrified petite shape and he grabbed her, pulled her close to him and wept.
They stayed like this for hours, crying in each other's arms, the one place they both found solace. The murky cloud of emotions that had been plaguing the two of them was slowly clearing away and both were able to forget the pain that they had faced alone for so many years. They healed together, the presence of the other filling the wounds that time had but deepened.
---------------------------------------------------
Ragini pulled away first and raised her sleepy head to meet his eyes. "What's over?" she asked, still dazed from the night's events. Nachiket blinked his eyes open; he took a moment to gather his thoughts before responding.
"The wait. The wait is finally over. It's a new day, Ragini. And a new day brings new hope."
He looked at her tear-stricken face and into her longing eyes. He loved the childlike innocence that had crept onto her face, instantly hiding away the wrinkles that time had ruthlessly added to her soft face. He saw relief for the first time in days, peace for the first time in months, happiness for the first time in years, and, best of all, he saw love in her eyes. For the first time since they had separated. And he wasn't going to let anything happen to these emotions, to his Ragini. Not anymore.
He took her hand and walked her to the window in their room. The sun had just begun to pierce the sky and the clouds were colored with the warmest colors possible, tints of red, orange, and yellow. It seemed as if the entire universe were starting afresh today, opening the doors to heaven once more and inviting anyone brave enough to enter. He wondered if she was brave enough to reclaim what she had lost. Was he brave enough to reclaim her?
Nachiket wanted to wrap his arms around her, but he hesitated. He didn't want to move too fast; the past 24 hours hadn't just magically fixed everything between them. But he also wanted to prove to her that he was there for her, her support system. He compromised and left his hands on her shoulders, hoping it would somehow be enough of a gesture.
Ragini sensed his discomfort; she didn't want this awkwardness between them. No matter what happened in the past, today he was her husband and she was his wife. And she wanted them to overcome the differences they had had all these years, no matter how slowly they went or how long it took. She took his hands and guided them around her waist, where they belonged, and leaned back into his tall, muscular frame.
"It's a new year for us, Nachiket," she mumbled, softly. "And whatever we do, we are going to do together."
Side by side with your loved one, you'll find enchantment here.
The night will weave its magic spell, when the one you love is near.
Anupamaa
Kyunki Saas Bhi Kabhi Bahu Thi 2
