IPK and Feminism Query#2 Page 36 - Page 25

If this was a Mills & Boon universe where hearts are made of gold instead of flesh and blood,
If I were a bit of a silly twit whose generosity of heart and capability to forgive and forget had qualified me to become the perfect sahansheel Bharatiya naari,
& most importantly, if the man in question looked like an angsty Barun Sobti whose chocolate-eyed gaze made my ovaries quiver,
Then my answer would be a resounding YES.

Sadly in real life, I would probably be traumatized or angry or probably both. I know what it is like to have been felt up. It's disgusting, and makes you want to be physically sick, and it makes you feel dirty. I cannot even begin to imagine what it must be like to be publicly humiliated, physically hurt, get your clothes torn off, and then shamed out of your birthplace, with your own and your family's reputation in shreds. Love, did you say? Yeah right. In the times of cholera.😆

But then this is my own sad little universe I was talking about. In the fairytale version, Beast turned Prince Charming recounts said events with a wistful smile on his face and thinks it was all great fun, though maybe a small, blink-and-you-miss-it apology should be tossed out to mollify his own conscience. & the all-forgiving underdog heroine is mad and ajeeb anyway, so it all means nothing to her, as long as her man stays with her and proclaims to accept and love her in spite of who she is. Hamesha. & they live happily ever after.

I have a different opinion from most people. I would first try to understand his whole character and learn what exactly led him to take such a violent step of threatening to rape someone.

I think I'll pass writing a big fat NO in bold red letters, and counter your question with:

Originally posted by: molten_lava

I have a different opinion from most people. I would first try to understand his whole character and learn what exactly led him to take such a violent step of threatening to rape someone.

Rage is a very powerful feeling which can destroy a man. When rage hits you, you basically have no control over what you do. A person starts thinking irrationally, so much that they don't realise the consequences of their actions. Even the best of men, act violently when their egos are bruised or for vengeance.

Unless he's not a psychopath out there to rape women coz he gets sadistic pleasure out of it, I would go ahead and forgive the person for that one moment of lost control, coz nobody is fully black nor white. There's always a grey shade.

So his side of the story is also important for me before I jump to conclusions.

I understand your viewpoint. Something like this is certainly possible if you look at it from a neutral point of view. But this approach takes a certain level of calm, logical, unbiased understanding of the situation. My question is, is it possible for a victim to be so objective about the whole situation? I understand time heals a lot of wounds, but is such magnanimity humanly possible?

Originally posted by: -Aimz-

I think I'll pass writing a big fat NO in bold red letters, and counter your question with:

Should you live with that man?

Should you even think of living with him?

This is fiction. The guy went from Off-with-her-head to Forehead Kisses. But this doesn't happen in your real life. In real life- once a Beast, always a Beast.

There are ladies out there surviving such men. Every day, every night. Yet they compromise. And though I respect these women, their bravery and their strength, I don't respect their decision.

Originally posted by: merit

I understand your viewpoint. Something like this is certainly possible if you look at it from a neutral point of view. But this approach takes a certain level of calm, logical, unbiased understanding of the situation. My question is, is it possible for a victim to be so objective about the whole situation? I understand time heals a lot of wounds, but is such magnanimity humanly possible?

I think to a great extent it depends on what exactly happened. Someone misbehaving with you is different from someone threatening to rape you. Assault would be a better word maybe. In a fit of anger. Pathetic. Yes. Unforgivable.? I don't know. The point I would like to make is I wouldn't stay back and suffer in a relationship with a person who is a willing perperator of such crimes. But getting into a relationship with a person who has behaved wrongly in the past in a fit of anger and has REAlZED And REPENTED foruhe same, its a different thing altogether. For Example in Pandora's Box, Arnav had misbehaved with Khushi in the beginning. Physical assault. But he was sorry for his angry outburst. She had a large enough heart to forgive him. I think I could forgive that much of a fault. I am no saint myself. So I won't burden others with the expectation of being one. Like I said, depends on what exactly is the story. A sadist devil incarnate or an honest mistake. Having said that staying back in abusive relationships or getting into one inspite of being aware of no realization or acceptance of a mistake by the abuser is a big No No. Interesting discussion for ups Munchy.

Originally posted by: molten_lava

I have a different opinion from most people. I would first try to understand his whole character and learn what exactly led him to take such a violent step of threatening to rape someone.

Rage is a very powerful feeling which can destroy a man. When rage hits you, you basically have no control over what you do. A person starts thinking irrationally, so much that they don't realise the consequences of their actions. Even the best of men, act violently when their egos are bruised or for vengeance.

Unless he's not a psychopath out there to rape women coz he gets sadistic pleasure out of it, I would go ahead and forgive the person for that one moment of lost control, coz nobody is fully black nor white. There's always a grey shade.

So his side of the story is also important for me before I jump to conclusions.

Originally posted by: molten_lava

I have a different opinion from most people. I would first try to understand his whole character and learn what exactly led him to take such a violent step of threatening to rape someone.

Rage is a very powerful feeling which can destroy a man. When rage hits you, you basically have no control over what you do. A person starts thinking irrationally, so much that they don't realise the consequences of their actions. Even the best of men, act violently when their egos are bruised or for vengeance.

Unless he's not a psychopath out there to rape women coz he gets sadistic pleasure out of it, I would go ahead and forgive the person for that one moment of lost control, coz nobody is fully black nor white. There's always a grey shade.

So his side of the story is also important for me before I jump to conclusions.

Originally posted by: minimuffin86

OK so I'm pressed on time so instead of a character assessment I'm just going to pose a question instead:

Would you ever be with a man who had once threatened to rape you and then maligned your name and character on a public platform?

the consensus was obviously NO, but where are you really going with this question... what are you not asking, or what are you going to ask next?