Chapter 26
all paths leading to the same destination
Part I
"Kya kaha…", he couldn't believe his ears.He turned around and took a few steps towards her but stopped, she was sitting on the floor leaning on the bed, still lost in some different world.She continued after a brief pause
"….Vasant ke jane ke baad kaise jee paati usi ghar ki chaar diwaro ke beech jaha har pal mujhe uske na hone ka ehsaas satata rehta, uski yaado se bhara ghar ka ek ek kauna mujhe apni jindagi ki sabse badi kami ki duhayi deta rehta,mere akelepan ki tasweer mere saamane dhoraya karta,agar uss waqt tu mere saath na hota Kesar main na hi uss dukh se ubhar paati nahi Vasant ke dikhaye huye raasto pe chal paati….."
Kesar came and sat down beside her,but she hardly took notice of anything around her.The Gulaal that was sitting next to him had travelled back in time, oblivious to the fact that she was not supposed to reveal her innermost feelings to anyone, not even to herself.She had closed the doors to her heart long back, when Vasant left her breaking his promise.She would never let anyone do that to her again, but the Gulaal that was speaking now had no such inhibitions.This Gulaal knew what she wanted and she was never afraid to go behind it, this was the Gulaal who didn't think twice before leaving her home with a man she knew would always walk beside her, this Gulaal who always relied on her instincts to determine right from wrong, this Gulaal who would listen always listen to her heart, continued with her musing……
"Teri muskaan bilkul Vasant jaisi thi,duniya ki kutilta se bekhabar ekdum nirdosh,aur tere sapne bhi usi ki tarah niswarth,teri aankhon mein utna hi aatmavishawaas aur baato mein wohi dil ki sachaai ki zalak….Tu Vasant ka hi ek pratibeemb tha Kesar,jo mere liye jeene ki ek maatra wajah ban gaya tha….meri duniya toh tujhse shuru hoke tujhipe hi khatam ho jaya karti thi…." She sighed and looked up slowly. Kesar who was sitting next to her, came closer wiping a teardrop from her face.
"Tere jagne se meri subah hoti aur tere sone se meri raat,tujhme itni ulazi hui thi ke aklepan ka koi ehsaas chu bhi nahi paata,teri duniya,meri duniya se alag nahi thi Kesar lekin phir woh pratibimb itna lamba hota chala gaya ki mera anchal use dhankne ke liye bahut hi chota padne laga,Tum Vasant ki parchaai jarur the Kesar,per mere Vasant nahi the ..…koi adhikaar nahi tha mera tum pe…sirf farz the jo mujhe nibhane tha…ek Vachan tha jo mujhe pura karna tha…."
She stopped and looked at Kesar who was trying hard to contain his tears from falling. He wanted to hold her, shake her, scream at her…..make her aware of his presence in the room, in her life, in her heart…..but he was afraid, afraid of touching her, stopping her, holding her…the outpouring that had started had to continue, he had to find out what all she had hidden away inside her all these years, how much she had suppressed her feelings, her desires, her wishes…..He sat there completely numbed, staring at Vasant's picture, listening to the complete silence in the room…..
"Tujh pe MB aur PB ka haq tha mujhse jayada,unki saari umeed tujhse judi hui thi,tujhe lekar kitne sapne ,kitni kwaishyein thi unke mann mein lekin mere liye gaye ek faisle ne un sab pe ek sawal khada kar diya tha…Jab tu Sarufui ke yaha chala gaya padhne ke liye tab se hi apne aap ko iss baat ke liye tayyar kar liya tha ki ek na ek din hamare raasto ko alag hona hi tha…issi mein iss ghar ki khushiyaan chupi hui thi….lekin phir uss waqt jab tu hospital mein …",She paused for a second taking a deep breath and contined,"…….main apne aap ko rok nahi paayi…janti thi teri har woh koshisho ko jo mere kareeb aane ke liye thi…sab samjhati thi Kesar jab aadhi raat ko tu paani ke bahane mujhe apne paas khichta aur phir mera haath pakade ke so jata…na hi tu uss waqt chota tha,nahi main itni nadan...tera zabardati yuh haq jatana acha lagta tha…"and she smiled remembering his reluctance to leave her room when he got better. "….janta hai bachpan mein bhi tujhe bahut gussa aaya tha jab tujhe apne kamre mein bheja tha MB ne,pure do din tak naraz raha tha tu hum sab se…bade hokar bhi koi khaas farq nahi aaya tha,sabke upar chilla ke apni narazgi toh tu zahir kar hi deta tha….per teri tarah cheekh ke apni gutan ko kissi ke saamne nahi rakh sakti thi main…..sirf Vasant hi tha jisse mein apni saari baate,saare dukh,saari takleef bata sakti thi apni uss diary ke dwara…lekin tu usse bhi apne saath le gaya tha…"
Kesar looked at her with a pained expression on his face. He wanted to say so much, defend his action, put forward his reasons but he just kept quiet because he knew no amount of words would be able to undo his actions, of avoiding her, alienating her, leaving her all alone when she needed him the most. He felt an overwhelming need to take her in his arms, assure her of his presence. He was here now with her….. to put things right, he would always be there for her….as her kavach…
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...to be continued
Itti Si Khushi Sab TV
