Manhandling & sorry - Page 4

Originally posted by: Fruitcustard_9

I agree with u on one thing ,

I m also amused after going through some answers on this forum make me also worried that how fake feminism of this serial glorified to no end .

## I will not argue further just wanted to share something, even I m entitled to say my views. Thank u. Don't quote or tag me coz I will not answer only.

Hey

I had particularly asked to not tag me if the intention is to pick a fight. What am I to understand of the quoted post when you say "fake feminism?" Feminism for me is equal rights and opportunities irrespective of gender. So IDK what is fake feminism is and the post was specific to real-life and personal experience. This is something I have done in my life. It's just unbelievable how you go on to a quoted post to discredit what I posted saying "fake"?

Also, what do I make of a quoted post that goes on to say " I will not argue further, I am entitled to my views? There was no argument in the first place because we were not conversing. 2- You are definitely entitled to your opinion but not by tagging me on the post and discrediting what I said to be personal and in real life to be fake? I responded because it was quoted post and an extension of my own conversation. With all due respect please don't quote or respond when I particularly requested that especially with such generalizing remark which has nothing to do with a specific post. Also, you cant just come on to my post, respond, and then later say no further arguments. No, if you want that don't quote the post or don't invade the other person's space. Ignore if something doesn't align with your views just like how I specifically responded to the post creator and didn't indulge in a convo with rest. I hope I am clear. I hope this is the final exchange. Please don't tag or quote me. You already did, hence I responded. Please respect the personal space on my posts.

Thank you

Originally posted by: laksh

His actions are not justified. But when it comes to forgiving a person, a lot of factors are taken into consideration. Whatever he did was very wrong, not something that one should tolerate.

If he was a person who was always abusing her physically or emotionally, Sai would have never lived with him. She knows him as a person who has always been respectful towards women, who has always been kind, generous and honest too. He was the guy who took her responsibility after her Dad passed away.

These were the exact things that she spoke and challenged him with right before he shut the door.

"Mein bhi toh dekhoon ki ek adarsh beta, imaandaar police officer, woh insaan jisne meri zimmedati li thi, mere mooh pe darwaaza kaise band karta hai"

She believes that he is all of these and yet he had shut the door on her face. She kept hoping against hopes that he wouldn't do it and that she has to remind him of what kind of a person he actually is. But it didn't help, he was consumed in rage, his ego was bruised and he didn't think anything before shutting the door the door on her face.

It is because of this trust that broke, she isn't willing to return now. She waited the whole night and even then he didn't change his decision.

Having said all these, right now, she is hurt, in pain, feeling let down by him, but she also would not be able to forget his good deeds.

One's good deeds should always be taken into account at times like this. A person might not be able to forgive their spouse after this kind of a behavior. Even after all this, would they pray for their well being or will they curse them? A good person would only pray for their well being, would wish that their spouse change for good and live a happy life. She did ask him not to do this to anyone else, said that otherwise, he would lose them too. It clearly was not just a warning, it was because she wished him well, doesn't want him to suffer by carrying this kind of attitude in the future. She suggested that he changes himself and leads a happy life.

Anyway, if such a thing had happened in real life, once they are able to come out of the shock, hurt and humiliation, a person should also think what is it that they did because of which they were punished or they are in this situation now.

If they actually didn't do anything, nothing at all that they deserved this, then it is a different thing. (When I said deserve, I didn't mean the ousting, I meant the conflict, the fight or the differences that arose between the couple.)

Even then, one can forgive the person for their good qualities.

Forgetting the severity of the punishment, one should think why did the situation even arise, how did the day start and why it ended that way. Forgiveness begins when a person thinks all these.

I can continue to look at myself as a victim as much as I want, but if I was a really fair person, I should think the below during any situation -

what made him behave that way?

what made him do all these in first place?

what did I do that it ended up this way?

did I do anything that riled him up?

was I right in what I did, he need not have gone to this extreme, but would it have even come into picture if I had not done this?

am I wrong in expecting that he shouldn't have done this?

if I am not wrong in expecting it, why does it still feel like I also have a hand in it?

would these have happened if I never did what I had done?

would he have still behaved this way if I had not done it?

Has he ever done it when I have been right?

is he a person who would do it if I am not wrong?

is he not the same person who looked at all my wishes and tried to fulfill it?

Is he not the same person who stood up for me against his family?

Is he not the same person about whom I spoke to Aai telling that I believe in your upbringing?

If it all the same person who has always been nice, kind, generous, patient, why did he do this? I never expected this from him. But I too was wrong, I have also been a reason for his anger. It is just that he need not have done this.

Should I give him a chance to rectify his mistake?

Can I hold his actions against him?

How can I forget what he has done for me so far?

How can I forget that he was the person who was with me when I lost my Dad?

These are the kind of thought process one should and will have in a position like this. Just because a person was abused or was manhandled, doesn't make the person right. She can be a victim, but the victim should also think of many things before deciding whether to forgive a person or not.

I am not expecting Sai to do it immediately because she would be in a state of shock and would have still not been able to accept that he out of all did this to her. She would have never imagined Virat to be doing these. It is very tough for her to trust him because of his actions. Returning to his house would look out of question to her and it is quite natural to think that way. She wouldn't want to return to that same house, she would only be feeling that only because she was dependent on him and had no place to go did he even challenge her saying, "what will you do now that you do not have roof, duniyaadari seekh lo".

So, her returning to that house is not something she can think of.

She is right in her place to feel all these now, but she should also think about why it all happened or whether Virat is really a monster who doesn't deserve forgiveness, whenever she is in a state to.

At the moment, his apology cannot change her decision, but she would also not be able to see his life in danger. When it comes to life and death situation, nothing would matter to a person, no past or no self respect. She wouldn't give importance to anything more than him. The mere thought that something could have happened to him would be enough for her to go check him, to forget this incident.

Ultimately people should be important, relationship should be important atleast in thia instance.

It depends on person to person whether they want to forgive or not.

When you are angry it's best to pause.

Maybe not talk for sometime.

In anger people tend to go overboard.

Originally posted by: Dvanshi123

When you are angry it's best to pause.

Maybe not talk for sometime.

In anger people tend to go overboard.

I agree, my post was an answer to your question if such a person can be forgiven or not.

Originally posted by: Bechain_Bulbul

Here i would like to remind that in most (almost 90%) indian homes (with both girl and boy but more with girls) but the scenario is-

Child- mummy i am going, will come back in one hour

Mom- but where are you going

Child- bas aise hi...aa jaungi abhi

Mom- chale jana maine kaha mana kiya lekin bata ke to jao

Child- nahi batana

Mom- tell me clearly

Child- nahi batana....i am going, i will see how you will stop me

Mom- (slaps on face, pinch the ear and drag back to the room) jyada hosiyari chadhi hai....aane de papa ko na teri shikayat ki to dekh lena aur tab tak khana bhi nahi milega tujhe.

🤣🤣🤣

Har ghar ke hisaab se thoda bahut treatment mein kam jyada ho sakta hai lekin no one can deny it and no one can say that indian way of parenting is wrong because we all grew up like this...taking punishments from parents.🤣

So coming to virat and sai now, already it was established that virat took sai's jimmedari and he is elder to her like some 7-8 years. He considers her as bachhi and forum people have said it time and again that virat act more like a guardian to sai then husband....to is logic se to virat acted just like any other concerned indian guardian🤣

P.S. Ok the comparison was just for fun. Husband wife are equals. No one beneath or above anyone and both should respect that. Manhandling and food denial by husband in no way can be justified. In the same way denial to share information about her whereabouts with a concerned husband, insulting him in front of everyone, bringing his past and labeling him as 'toy' of her ex gf, also can never be justified.

So in conclusion- what i said in my previous post that chauvinism and feminism are both extreme thought processes. Neither of them is right. None of them can be yhe answer to other.

World always require balanced approach.

Parents aapko slap karne ki bhi authority rakhte hai .

Some people will hide Sai's faults under carpet of 18 & justify her every fault .

Sai never stopped devi for making fun of pakhi at various occasions.

Before devkit track pakhi never done anything wrong to devi still devi had made fun of pakhi , she blamed her for Samrat's being MIA but seriously it is samrat decision not pakhi. Devi should not make fun of pakhi , I know she called out about pakhi being after virat as she is right also but devi don't have right to taunt pakhi about samrat missing, sai never stopped devi . As sai don't like pakhi so she is ok if anyone make fun of pakhi .

Sai had many times said about samrat wheather he is alive or dead is so wrong to say about someone who has not done any wrong to u still sai has dragged samrat in her fights

Originally posted by: janecastle

How is feminism an extreme thought process?? It is simply an advocacy of equality of sexes. How can you compare feminism and chauvinism??

yes feminism by definition on paper is advocacy of equality of sexes but in reality, in society, what we see is radical feminism now a days. They believe that since women were dominated by the men now women got the right to dominate and oppress men in same way.

For example, In bollywood, hollywood, ott and tv also majority of the content we see in the name of women empowerment or women based shows showcase modern day women as drinking, smoking, cursing, involved in crime, f**king multiple men just to portray them as cool as or equivalent to men. This kind of behaviour was neither good for men nor it is for women. Nobody is talking about actually empowering women by showing them as career woman, independent, strong willed, straightforward.

coming to ghum, I never said that what virat did can be justified in any manner but what sai did was not good either. Insulting virat, labelling him as toy of pakhi in front of everyone, not revealing the whole truth to him about pulkit's kidnapping and all, whatever the reason was, she should have confided in her husband who had promised her to wait till he reinvestigate the case. Both are flawed characters, both did wrong and both will repent for it. Ultimately it depends on a couple if they can arrive at the solution, at the compromise and reconcile by forgiving each other or not.

the whole point here is that while nobody supports virat's actions here but still why to always criticize him and not sai when she is wrong. Agar virat ki harkatein galat hain to sai ki soch, uski basha, uski harketin bhi utni hi galat hain. Do galat cheez ek sahi nahi bana sakti.

Originally posted by: Rosekutty12

Hey

I had particularly asked to not tag me if the intention is to pick a fight. What am I to understand of the quoted post when you say "fake feminism?" Feminism for me is equal rights and opportunities irrespective of gender. So IDK what is fake feminism is and the post was specific to real-life and personal experience. This is something I have done in my life. It's just unbelievable how you go on to a quoted post to discredit what I posted saying "fake"?

Also, what do I make of a quoted post that goes on to say " I will not argue further, I am entitled to my views? There was no argument in the first place because we were not conversing. 2- You are definitely entitled to your opinion but not by tagging me on the post and discrediting what I said to be personal and in real life to be fake? I responded because it was quoted post and an extension of my own conversation. With all due respect please don't quote or respond when I particularly requested that especially with such generalizing remark which has nothing to do with a specific post. Also, you cant just come on to my post, respond, and then later say no further arguments. No, if you want that don't quote the post or don't invade the other person's space. Ignore if something doesn't align with your views just like how I specifically responded to the post creator and didn't indulge in a convo with rest. I hope I am clear. I hope this is the final exchange. Please don't tag or quote me. You already did, hence I responded. Please respect the personal space on my posts.

Thank you

U can't stop anyone from quoting any post on a public forum.

I will definitely quote whichever post I want to .

If there is any rule of India forum where post can't quote to share me d rule .

If u don't want me to quote ur post fine I will not .

Thank u

lol you are here with the sole intention to pick a fight. I expected a little more courtesy but anyway not going to fall for it. Bold of you to assume I said you can't quote something in a public forum. Because I never did. I requested to respect my personal space and boundary which you clearly don't understand. The problem was not you quoting the post(though I did request not to be quoted) but the way you discredited personal experience and lived reality under a sweeping generalizing statement of fake (?) feminism. It's disrespectful and offensive especially when you don't even know me. I really don't appreciate the tone and you should be mindful and respectful of other person's opinion and feeling especially while quoting their post. The post wasn't concerned with you or anything you said. It was a personal opinion, it no way concerned anybody else let alone taunts. SO PLEASE. I entertained you enough and I won't anymore because you don't deserve the time and attention after multiple disrespectful encroachments. When someone says they don't want to engage that means they don't want to. No means No.

Please be more respectful of others' opinions and views, I might have had a diametrically opp view than yours but I didn't come on your post to argue/pick a fight and that shows tolerance, respect, and growth.I respected your opinions and expect the same in return. Anyway, I can't fight with real people for shows. I will refrain from commenting because neither do I have the patience nor time but Please don't be so aggressively attached to show that you would discredit someone's personal opinion and invade their personal space after multiple requests. That's petty, childish, and not acceptable. Please learn to be more accommodative of others' views. Something/someone doesn't align with your views and specifically requested not to be tagged? Respect their boundaries and personal space. I won't respond further, so it's on you how you take it. But this whole unwanted engagement was disrespectful and I don't appreciate it at all. So kindly stay away. In dont entertain such behavior.

I learn from some people from this forum who carry intension to instigate others but people should know on public forum u can't create ur own set of rules , If some people have so much problem with other views then stop dragging people in ur post & indirectly taunt other members , stop taunting others & instigating others for fight . Learn to respect other person pov , every person will not agree to u , it doesn't mean u will start calling them names.Please don't be so aggressively attached to some frictional character that you start taunting others

Stop being childish & grow up. Kripya apna gyan apni pocket mein rakhe or pehle khud follow kare apna gyan phir dusro ko de or ho sake apne liye personal forum khol le agar naye rules bane ho to coz apke rules public forum pe nhi chalenge. Learn to respect a forum where people share their views before start calling people names. Even other people will also not appreciate or entertain this.

Thank u.

TM opened this topic do discuss something not asked people to taunt others indirectly

Originally posted by: Rosekutty12

Hey

Thank you for affirming and that’s Exactly how it should be. I was so upset and worried to see how normalised were the reactions to Virat’s actions because he was abusive and toxic. If anything I hoped people will call out the embedded toxicity, misogyny and patriarchy in the track. Absolutely nothing can explain Virat’s abusive behaviour. There’s no way to justify his abuse. A husband having the authority to oust wife from house at midnight only shows the skewed power dynamics in a husband- wife relationship. A wife has every claim and right on husband’s property and house legally and he cannot throw her out at his whims and fancies. Period

Exactly what you Said- you have a problem? Discuss and separate if you can’t reach a consensus. But ousting from house, humiliating in-front of public, manhandling is all a result husband’s male ego getting bruised. His ego getting hurt results in physical/ emotional abuse. It’s unacceptable. Yes with education, courage and self respect we carve our own space in a male dominated society

You don’t husband’s permission to go out- Thats such a messed up concept I can’t wrap my head around. When you seek approval or permission from someone you place them in a position of authority which isn’t the case of a husband and wife. They are equals. A wife can inform if she wishes to but there’s absolutely no need for the husband to demand’ to know his wife’s whereabouts. He has no authority to manhandle her, deny her basic necessities such as food and shelter if she denies to share where she is going. That’s toxic and is UNACCEPTABLE in real life. Yes education will make the difference. But just like in the track majority of households still believe in the age old bullshit.

Glad to know you had 40 wonderful years without compromising on self respect and education. We need more of such ppl. Sending all love and good wishes

Rose

I know because I have suffered with those kind of mindsets

In my mid 20s I had a arranged marriage. This person was very abusive both physically and mentally. But in public he has his soft pleasing persona. As per many, I have this cold and very slightly intimidating persona. I can be brutal with facts when angry. It was so difficult to walk out , he used to portray himself as wronged.

MCP behaviour, gaslighting .

My bro said he does not care , if I don't want to live with him that's a good enough reason for him to support me. I was so touched , even though he has never let me down ever till then. I walked away despite all the taunts and crap.

In court I was able to prove all my allegations and won my freedom.

It was a tough battle . Believe me the kind of crap I got from.extended fam and all that

It's all about agenda and who can manipulate more

I dislike this gender bias . I believe even men need respect , support and even space as much as us.

A few years later , I reconnected with a old friend and we are now married and I have a 4 year old.

Originally posted by: Dvanshi123

Exactly my point

Glad our views concur, thank you for bringing up the topic. Loved engaging with you

Love and good wishes

Rose