Manhandling & sorry - Page 3

Originally posted by: Bechain_Bulbul

Chauvinism and feminism, both are extreme thought processes.

One cant be a reply to another

World always require balanced approach.

How is feminism an extreme thought process?? It is simply an advocacy of equality of sexes. How can you compare feminism and chauvinism??

OT: Virat is absolutely wrong in manhandling Sai and denying her food or throwing her out at night. No matter what Sai did, nothing can justify Virat's actions. I don't understand this practice of blaming the women for violent actions of men.

Originally posted by: janecastle

OT: Virat is absolutely wrong in manhandling Sai and denying her food or throwing her out at night. No matter what Sai did, nothing can justify Virat's actions. I don't understand this practice of blaming the women for violent actions of men.

We all know Sai was wrong and she would have been blamed by many if Virat had not taken such an extreme step. Sai's mistakes are never swept under the carpet, Virat's actions are very disturbing and that is why they are being questioned much more than Sai's actions.

Sai's actions were wrong, Virat's reaction to it was inhuman.. Being wrong and being inhuman are two different things.. A wrong can be rectified, but being inhuman takes a lot of redemption to be rectified. Nothing, no wrong that Sai did can justify what Virat did in retaliation. Thats not done.. In any case, had Sai come back after getting the two married, the first focus of Virat should have been all about securing Tai, even a night with Pulkit from Virat's perspective should have been detrimental to Tai.. And with Sai he would have taken care of it later on, normal people do that. His whole concentration was on how Sai needs a punishment and not on how to save Devi Tai from a fraud. Yet again I would say, Sai was wrong but Virat was inhuman..

The argument that Sai's mistakes both in case of manhandling and Devi's marriage, led Virat to showcase that kind of behaviour is an absolute disgrace to women fighting such atrocities on a day to day basis...Even those men claim that the namak in the daal was not appropriate and that made me angry and hence the reaction.

Virat has severe anger management issues, when it comes to Sai. He does NOT have any such issues when it comes to other members of his family (we have already seen that). Omi was at a greater fault than Sai as far as welfare of Devi is concerned and also as far as law is concerned, committed a grave crime and Virat could have easily arrested him, as he himself said so, but he let it go for Sonali Kaku, her emotions. However no emotion, no love, no feeling, no care , no concern, no safety issues could change his decision of throwing Sai and Usha Maushi out late at night and deny them food yet again..He denied them their shelter.. basic necessities of life.

Sai was wrong.. very wrong.. Virat was inhuman extremely inhuman to a woman he claims to love and a woman who is his mother-in-law.

People question what has Sai done for Virat.. Well she is to return to the same man, to take care for him, keeping her self respect aside, knowing he doesnt love her for the love she has for him...She has done a lot, but then she does not talk about. WHile virat has his lawyers talking about it again and again..

I am liking Virat's redemption, I did not like him letting his family go just like that, but then this is ITV, I have to let go few things.. At least he did not force his apology on her or gave her the family's vaasta to come back to him.. And at least Sai is not mahaan enough to get back to him for AAi...who in that house is the only one and she knows that, who loves her unconditionally, who cannot take her AAba's place in her life but atleast be somewhat close to him.. Yet she denied to go back. Both the characters are behaving human.. Normal.. When you commit a mistake like this, the apology need to be forced but felt.

Originally posted by: AnjuRish

💯 I am a adult and I do not think I need permission to go out of the house. How can anyone deny food again inhuman behaviour

If you have problem with wife decision discuss and decide to seperate so be it. But u cannot ask unr legally wedded wife to leave the house at midnight. As per law she has the right to stay until they are legally seperated

I am 40 and have seen quite a few hard knocks. I survived since I had education, self respect and courage.

I believe that every gender deserves respect care and honour

Hey

Thank you for affirming and that’s Exactly how it should be. I was so upset and worried to see how normalised were the reactions to Virat’s actions because he was abusive and toxic. If anything I hoped people will call out the embedded toxicity, misogyny and patriarchy in the track. Absolutely nothing can explain Virat’s abusive behaviour. There’s no way to justify his abuse. A husband having the authority to oust wife from house at midnight only shows the skewed power dynamics in a husband- wife relationship. A wife has every claim and right on husband’s property and house legally and he cannot throw her out at his whims and fancies. Period

Exactly what you Said- you have a problem? Discuss and separate if you can’t reach a consensus. But ousting from house, humiliating in-front of public, manhandling is all a result husband’s male ego getting bruised. His ego getting hurt results in physical/ emotional abuse. It’s unacceptable. Yes with education, courage and self respect we carve our own space in a male dominated society

You don’t husband’s permission to go out- Thats such a messed up concept I can’t wrap my head around. When you seek approval or permission from someone you place them in a position of authority which isn’t the case of a husband and wife. They are equals. A wife can inform if she wishes to but there’s absolutely no need for the husband to demand’ to know his wife’s whereabouts. He has no authority to manhandle her, deny her basic necessities such as food and shelter if she denies to share where she is going. That’s toxic and is UNACCEPTABLE in real life. Yes education will make the difference. But just like in the track majority of households still believe in the age old bullshit.

Glad to know you had 40 wonderful years without compromising on self respect and education. We need more of such ppl. Sending all love and good wishes

Rose

Originally posted by: Rosekutty12

Hey

Thank you for affirming and that’s Exactly how it should be. I was so upset and worried to see how normalised were the reactions to Virat’s actions because he was abusive and toxic. If anything I hoped people will call out the embedded toxicity, misogyny and patriarchy in the track. Absolutely nothing can explain Virat’s abusive behaviour. There’s no way to justify his abuse. A husband having the authority to oust wife from house at midnight only shows the skewed power dynamics in a husband- wife relationship. A wife has every claim and right on husband’s property and house legally and he cannot throw her out at his whims and fancies. Period

Exactly what you Said- you have a problem? Discuss and separate if you can’t reach a consensus. But ousting from house, humiliating in-front of public, manhandling is all a result husband’s male ego getting bruised. His ego getting hurt results in physical/ emotional abuse. It’s unacceptable. Yes with education, courage and self respect we carve our own space in a male dominated society

You don’t husband’s permission to go out- Thats such a messed up concept I can’t wrap my head around. When you seek approval or permission from someone you place them in a position of authority which isn’t the case of a husband and wife. They are equals. A wife can inform if she wishes to but there’s absolutely no need for the husband to demand’ to know his wife’s whereabouts. He has no authority to manhandle her, deny her basic necessities such as food and shelter if she denies to share where she is going. That’s toxic and is UNACCEPTABLE in real life. Yes education will make the difference. But just like in the track majority of households still believe in the age old bullshit.

Glad to know you had 40 wonderful years without compromising on self respect and education. We need more of such ppl. Sending all love and good wishes

Rose

Exactly my point

Originally posted by: Dvanshi123

But your thoughts on manhandling,throwing someone out on night .

Previously too he had stopped her from eating food ,manhandled her.

Just coz now he is sorry he is apologizing.

Just coz he is a man he gets away treating his wife like this?

Would you forgive ?

How is it justified?

Indian televisions always glorifies Manhandling .

( Not respect to only this serial but in real life too)

Also an answer specific to the show

1- if we bring up what Sai did is wrong, so Virat threw her out in the same sentence that basically means we are equating Virats and Sais's actions. There is no comparison because Virat behaved in the most inhumane, pathetic, evil way by throwing out his 18 YO wife onto the streets at midnight. The reason he gave is nothing is more imp for him than his Tais happiness. But when he got to know Omi fabricated the documents and tried to thwart the same Tais happiness did he oust Omi from house? No, he didn't. Did he pursue charges against him? No. He was let off. If Virtas concern was really about Devi Tais happiness and something wrong happening to her why was Omi let off with a stern warning but Sai was ousted in the most humiliating way from the house. There was a bias in his treatment and we can't deny that. His extreme reaction to Sai was stemmed from n egoistic husband's desire to punish his wife for disobeying his orders, for daring to defy his authority. If I had seen a similar treatment or at least seen him pressing charges against Omi I would have accepted he was concerned about Tai but the truth is he was not. So yes manhandling, throwing out, denying food was all the actions of an abusive husband and not of a concerned brother.

2-Why do people assume Sai was unapologetic. Enough scenes were shown to make the audience understand she was felling guilty and sorry for hiding things from Virat (after he put on the bangles, not picking up his phone calls). As soon as she came back she requested Virt to lend her an ear but he was blinded with rage and humiliated her. Also, why should she apologize for eloping Devi and uniting her with her real husband, Pulki? That poor creature was locked up and drugged in her own home for 10 years, nobody cared for her happiness. She was estranged from her husband and biological child. Sai is the only one who in 10 years tried to bring back happiness in her life. She shouldn't be apologizing for bringing happiness back in Tais life. But she can apologize for hiding things from Virat and she was shown rightly initiating that conversation before Virat behaved like an MCP and threw her out with no concern for her safety at all. Makes me wonder wasn't he concerned about his Tai safety being with a fraudulent? But here the man himself put his wife in the same precarious situation he thought his Tai is in by ousting her from the house. Who will take responsibility for Sais safety now? This also shows even during PD fiasco he was not concerned about safety but about how Sai denied to answer his questions and made a plan of her own(Neil himself said this in IV). If he was really concerned abt Saftey he wouldn't have thrown her onto the streets. So for me that NONE of the he was concerned about Sai's saftey excuses given during PD fiasco never makes sense.

3- Sai rightly prioritised her self-respect and left Chavan Nivas. Also she has never humilated Virat in any way. Pakhi is equally her abuser at Chavn Nivas. She actively participated in berating and throwing Sai out. Pakhi has time and time again humiliated, taunted and abused that 18-year-old thinking the Sai snatched the man whom she loves. Why should Sai be silent about her actions? She rightly pointed out Pakhis shameless behaviour in front of the public so that it can serve as a deterrent to that shameless women. Sai deserve to expose Pakhi because she is the victim and Pakhu is the abuser. After today's episode its clear that Pakhi deserves to be exposed. Also, she didn't humiliate Virat by calling him a toy. She merely pointed out what Kaku was doing. How's that wrong? She deserves to expose Pakhis abusive behaviour. The fam keeps pushing Pakhi and Virt to spend time together and the wife is questioned and humiliated(ladakh trip) Why should she be silent then? Sai didn't humiliate Virat whereas Virat casually labelled her to be mentally unstable in front of the neighbourhood. That's so low given how his own sister is a mentally ill patient. IDK why ppl nitpick Sais and blame these to be Sais faults because its really not.

Virat is a caring sensitive person but that doesn't absolve him of his abusive actions. He was wrong and problematic on multiple levels. There's no comparison between Virtas wrong and Sais wrongs because Virat was abusive and toxic period. He is rightly owing up the mistakes and is cognisant of the trauma he put Sai through. Since its a show they can and will redeem him but in real life his actions are unacceptable. Also this is not a Virat VS Sai post. This is what a neutral person felt while watching the show. BUT TOXICITY AND ABUSE CANT BE ROMANTICISED. Have already responded to the real-life scenario, this is just an addition to what I could comprehend from the show

Hey, all thoughts are personal and is a specific response to the post creator, please don't tag me to aggressively defend any particular fictional character.

Originally posted by: Rosekutty12

Hey

Manhandling and emotional/ physical abuse is unacceptable in real life. This is a show and we will take it if Virat is offered a redemption but there’s no justification for abuse and manipulation irl, I wish girls growing noticing the red flags and walk away. I would never accept and has never accepted such behaviour irl.

Since your question is specific a husband has absolutely no right to deprive a wife of shelter or food. Its a relation of equals and not of subordinates. He’s no one to offer a punishment, god that concept is so messed yuck. Its relation of equals and trust and love should be the basis, not one of a master and subordinate.

I hope we stop romanticising toxicity. Its a show and they will show it but IRL the behaviour were you throw out your wife at midnight onto the streets, deny her basic rights is clear abuse and should not be accepted. There’s no going back. And wrt to PD fiasco- no a wife doesn’t need husband’s permission to go out, that’s such a patriarchal concept. And his later actions to avenge that insult by denying food is exactly how a typical MCP behaves.

Some of the answers specially in this forum makes me worried seeing how normalised the toxic behaviour is. I just want to emphasise how patriarchal, chauvinistic and toxic it is. And its sad that women are often told to forget the abuse and go back to abuser. No they don’t have to. Abuse be it emotional or physical is not okay, it’s unacceptable.

As an independent working women I have never accepted abusive behaviour from anyone/ will never. What you said is right ITV glorifies toxic behaviour. I will take it here because its show but IRL its NOT ACCEPTABLE

P.S- My ans is specific to the post creator. If you have a diff opinion pls don’t tag me and argue. You are entitled to your opinion as much as I am to mine

I agree with u on one thing ,

I m also amused after going through some answers on this forum make me also worried that how fake feminism & toxicity of this serial glorified to no end .

## I will not argue further just wanted to share something, even I m entitled to say my views. Thank u. Don't quote or tag me coz I will not answer only.

Keeping Sai and Virat aside. In real life, ideally everyone should inform before leaving the home. For minors, it is important to seek permission of their parents while for adults, it is important to inform their family. It is a gender neutral thing.

If a husband or wife doesn't inform the spouse then the spouse can question the person and if on questioning, the other person is not willing to share the info then one can't and shouldn't stop him/her from going out. Manhandling, denying food is a strictly no no.

Originally posted by: Dvanshi123

But your thoughts on manhandling,throwing someone out on night .

Previously too he had stopped her from eating food ,manhandled her.

Just coz now he is sorry he is apologizing.

Just coz he is a man he gets away treating his wife like this?

Would you forgive ?

How is it justified?

Indian televisions always glorifies Manhandling .

( Not respect to only this serial but in real life too)

His actions are not justified. But when it comes to forgiving a person, a lot of factors are taken into consideration. Whatever he did was very wrong, not something that one should tolerate.

If he was a person who has always been abusing her physically or emotionally, Sai would have never lived with him. She knows him as a person who has always been respectful towards women, who has always been kind, generous and honest too. He was the guy who took her responsibility after her Dad passed away.

These were the exact things that she spoke and challenged him with right before he shut the door.

"Mein bhi toh dekhoon ki ek adarsh beta, imaandaar police officer, woh insaan jisne meri zimmedati li thi, mere mooh pe darwaaza kaise band karta hai"

She believes that he is all of these and yet he had shut the door on her face. She kept hoping against hopes that he wouldn't do it and that she has to remind him of what kind of a person he actually is. But it didn't help, he was consumed in rage, his ego was bruised and he didn't think anything before shutting the door the door on her face.

It is because of this trust that broke, she isn't willing to return now. She waited the whole night and even then he didn't change his decision.

Having said all these, right now, she is hurt, in pain, feeling let down by him, but she also would not be able to forget his good deeds.

One's good deeds should always be taken into account at times like this.

A person might or might not be able to forgive their spouse after this kind of a behavior.

Even after all this, would they pray for their well being or will they curse them?

A good person would only pray for their well being, would wish that their spouse change for good and live a happy life. She did ask him not to do this to anyone else, and also said that if he did, he would lose them too. It clearly was not just a warning, it was because she wished him well, doesn't want him to suffer by carrying this kind of attitude in the future. She suggested that he changes himself and leads a happy life.

Anyway, if such a thing had happened in real life, once they are able to come out of the shock, hurt and humiliation, a person would also think what is it that they did, because of which they were punished or they are in this situation now.

If they actually didn't do anything, nothing at all that they deserved this, then it is a different thing. (When I said deserve, I didn't mean the ousting, I meant the conflict, the fight or the differences that arose between the couple.)

Even then, one can forgive the person for their good qualities if they wish to and if they trust that their spouse wouldn't repeat it.

Forgetting the severity of the punishment, one should think why did the situation even arise, how did the day start and why it ended that way. Forgiveness begins when a person thinks all these.

I can continue to look at myself as a victim as much as I want, but if I was a really fair person, I should think the below during any situation -

what made him behave that way?

what made him do all these in first place?

what did I do that it ended up this way?

did I do anything that riled him up?

was I right in what I did, he need not have gone to this extreme, but would it have even come into picture if I had not done this?

am I wrong in expecting that he shouldn't have done this?

if I am not wrong in expecting it, why does it still feel like I also have a hand in it?

would these have happened if I never did what I had done?

would he have still behaved this way if I had not done it?

Has he ever done it when I have been right?

is he a person who would do it if I am not wrong?

is he not the same person who looked at all my wishes and tried to fulfill it?

Is he not the same person who stood up for me against his family?

Is he not the same person about whom I spoke to Aai telling that I believe in your upbringing?

If it all the same person who has always been nice, kind, generous, patient, why did he do this? I never expected this from him. But I too was wrong, I have also been a reason for his anger. It is just that he need not have done this.

Should I give him a chance to rectify his mistake?

Can I hold his actions against him?

How can I forget what he has done for me so far?

How can I forget that he was the person who was with me when I lost my Dad?

These are the kind of thought process one should and will have in a position like this. Just because a person was abused or was manhandled, doesn't make the person right. She can be a victim, but the victim should also think of many things before deciding whether to forgive a person or not.

I am not expecting Sai to do it immediately because she would be in a state of shock and would have still not been able to accept that he out of all did this to her. She would have never imagined Virat to be doing these. It is very tough for her to trust him because of his actions. Returning to his house would look out of question to her and it is quite natural to think that way. She wouldn't want to return to that same house, she would only be feeling that only because she was dependent on him and had no place to go did he even challenge her saying, "what will you do now that you do not have roof, duniyaadari seekh lo".

So, her returning to that house is not something she can think of.

She is right in her place to feel all these now, but she should also think about why it all happened or whether Virat is really a monster who doesn't deserve forgiveness, whenever she is in a state to.

At the moment, his apology cannot change her decision, but she would also not be able to see his life in danger. When it comes to life and death situation, nothing would matter to a person, no past or no self respect. She wouldn't give importance to anything more than him. The mere thought that something could have happened to him would be enough for her to go check him, to forget this incident.

Ultimately people should be important, relationship should be important atleast in thia instance.

It depends on person to person whether they want to forgive or not.