Geet
I closed my eyes keeping the knife on my wrist to end it for once and for all. But just before i could skit my wrist, my phone rang, breaking the trance i was in. I didn't wanted to take the phone, but the name flashing on the screen just made my heart beat once again. I kept the knife aside to absorb the last happiness my this life was giving me.I took the phone, controlling my emotions. Not wanting to make him feel sad. My mind stilled over the words.'make him feel sad', my mind shouted over me'what the hell were you just doing a minute back, if u care about his sadness so much'
Geeett..he literally shouted over the phone..Jaan, you won't believe what happened today, i have told you so many times and am telling you again that you are so so lucky for me. From the time you have been with me, ever damn thing has gone good. Ohhh geet!!! am just so happy..Don't know what i'll do without you. You know what happened today, the clients..maan continued as he presumed I was listening, he was just so happy but i was lost in whatever i was going to do. Does my pain matters to me more than his happiness. If i talk to him, won't he be there for him. But can i subject him to so much pain to know that someone tried to..tears spilled out of my eyes. I was in two minds at the moment, one side i didn't wanted maan to be in pain, but then he may move on and get his happiness.Have i given him any happiness ever and i can't handle this pain anymore too. All these betrayals, can i face those people once again. Noo..i can't do that..but how can you make this happen to maan, the sane part of my mind shouted. What hasn't he done for you. You are the only person whom he has in his life. But why should you think of him..the other mind said. Did he call you to know why you were sad. Did he get to know what you are going through. He is not some antaryami, to know what you are going through when you don't even tell me. But he could have understood my pain, my anguish. How can he be just so happy when i was dying a slow death here. The sane mind was still shouting over but now, as i kept the phone aside taking the knife once again in my hand, the insane part of my mind conquered over. I stopped thinking, tears streaming down. I could hear maan over the phone as he was waiting for my reply.. Geet..are u listening baba..geet, kahin so to nhi gayi tum..geet jaan..I thanked god that i was hearing his voice that may be i waon't be here to hear it again. The knife was hurting little as i pressed it more. I was to press it more when i heard two voices, one from the phone and the other his as he stood at the entrance of our room, the knife slipped out of my hand as i stood up. Surpriseee jaaan..I hid my hand that had the little cut over it and tried to put the knife under the bed without him noticing it. I just stood there blank as maan came and engulfed in a bone crushing hug picking me from the ground in his arms.
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Maan
It just felt heaven to have my jaan in my arms again. Being in a orpahange for most of life, I couldn't imagine someone loving me soo much, someone whom i can call 'my own' someone who would be with me and we will share our problems solving them together, we will be sharing our happiness to just double over our celebrations. I picked her in my arms ohh jaan..its just amazing to be back home.
But why isn't she responding, the reaction my geet would have given was to be so different. She would have shouted and screamed in happiness and delight, and here she was just standing, may be i have shocked her rather than surprising. And why wouldn't she be shocked you idiot maan, i smiled i have told her that i won't be coming the next 3 months and will come only after the project will be complete but just to be with my jaan, i just completed it soon and from now on i will be with her. I thought as i kissed her on her shoulder, but then i noticed she wasn't hugging me back.
I came out of the hug and looked at her, her face has lost all the color, she looked so pale, just blank and emotional less.. geet, kya hua jaan, u are not happy am back..i pouted, she still didn't say anything and looked down. kya hua baba..i asked moving her face up with my finger. Her eye lashes still covered her eyes and she smiled little. I have known her enough to understnad that she was not ok. Something wa terribly wrong,
I thought back the last few days, i did understand her pain and agony in her voice, she was just so sad the last few days but then i thought it was due to us being away. So i didn't press it either, not wanting her to feel all the more sad. Was there something more to it, did i do a mistake not asking her why she was sad. never mind maan, since now you are here, you can make up for it and i know she will understand.
I took her hands in mine, trying to undo whatever mistake i did, for which she was sad. Geet..jaan am sorry for making you sad but you know na work an..i stopped and looked down as i felt some liquid on her hand.. God geet, ye kya hua. Tumhe chot kaise lagi..How stupid i am, tumhe chot lagi hai and i was busy in some stupid pleasentaries..kya, mei bhi na..and blood loss won't be good for..what the hell are you speaking maan, that is supposed to be a surprise..you idiot. it won't be good for u..i said as i looked for a first aid box,thanking god that she didn't apid attention to what i was speaking.. As i moved ahead, i hit something on the floor and geet suddenly shouted, literally.. maan, dhyan se..as she came near me. Arey baba..kuch nhi hua as i looked down and picked up the knife from the floor.
From when did geet handa become so careless, to throw things here and there..i laughed but she still didn't reply..maan your wife is very sad and may be angry, jaldi kuch karo. I kept the knife on the table nearby and came with the first aid box as soon as possible.I took her hand in mine and looked at the cut, there wasn't much blood but still it would have been hurting her.
I wiped the blood, and looked at the cut..Geet, what happened, ye cut kaise lagaa. I could feel the shiver as i asked the question, her face once again turned blank. She looked evrywhere except me as if to trying to hide something.you should take more care of yourself now as you are..keep quite for sometime you..i kicked myself mentally, but when you have such a big happiness, its just not easy to hide it..Acha chodo,.whatever the reason was, i would find it soon.
Mei..wo khana bnati hun, wo..apko bhookh lagi hogi..
are baba, tumhare haath me chot lagi hai, tum kaise karogi..ruko, i'll order it.
Haan..mei order kar deti hun, Aap fresh ho jaiye..She went downstairs as if trying to ignore me.
Chalo koi nhi jaan, mei tumhe jaldi hi manaa loonga..wohh maan freshen up fast, isse pehle ki mrs geet maan singh ghar ko sir par utha le..
I was about to go to washroom when my eyes fell on the knife..ise bhi kya hogya hai, kitchen me gayi hai to knife bhi le jaati..mei de deta hun.
I picked the knife and noticed something red on it. What was geet cutting with it, ye geet bhi na pagal hai, kabhi bhi kuch bhi karti hai..i thought as i wiped the red thing, but it was..what?? what was it..i thought as i rubbed it between my fingers..is it..blood..
Blood what nonsense maan..kuch bhi sochte ho tum..knife par kyun blood..i was just thinking over this when something like paper touched my feet. I bend and picked up the paper to read what was written over it. The life was sucked out of me, my heart stopped breathing as i read through the contents of the paper. My body lost its strength as i dropped the knife and sat on the bed..
Geet was doing..she was trying to commit suicide..i clutched the bed tighter thinking what could have happened for she was thinking such a step..but what..and suicide..such extreme step..why i thought as tears streamed down my eyes. She has got that cut because she was..she was..i kept my hands on my eyes, not able to believe it. Geet was suffering something so bad that she wanted to commit sucide without even telling me and there i was busy in my work.. I sweared if it was anything related to her family, i will kill all those bas***ds.. but why didn't she tell me if there was any problem.She was going through so much and i didn't even knew..the thought made me feel disgust over myself.
I went towards the kitchen, but as i stood outside the kitchen watching her lost in herself thinking something..i wiped my tears and thought will she be able to answer my questions now. Will it be ok to stress her more now, in this condition i didn't wanted her to experience any more pain. Not now atleast, i will make her forget all this and since now, i am here..i will solve all her problems. Not anymore, i kept the paper inside the drawer, not wanting her to know that i knew about it. I kept the knife there too, taking deep breathes, i wiped my tears and tries to be as much calm as possible.
Geet..i hugged her from back. She hugged me back turning to my side, her face smiling..i could feel the difference in her face. She hugged me tight, her heart was calm and she was not that sad. I hugged her tighter, clutching her in my arms, not able to think of pain she would have been experiencing.
The thought just crossed my mind, if i would have been a minute late what would have she done to herself..maan u are crushing me..her voice was back, not that cheerful but she was calm now.. I wiped my tears before she could see them and just rested in the hug.. if i would have been a little late in the flight, on the road in the traffic.. i would have lost my life, i would have lost the only person who was mine, who was there for me to share my problems,.my hapiness, my pain and the thought killed me knowing i wasn't there for her when she needed me..
We rested on the bed after we had a silent dinner. Geet was trying to be cheerful but the underlying pain was much clear to me. I hugged her to me as we slept, she kept her head on my shoulder, her one hand resting on my heart that was still beating hard thinking of what happened and what could have happened.
She smiled as i looked at her, i kissed her forhead and rested my lips there for a moment believing it that she was with me and all safe. I closed her eyes with my hand and asked her to sleep. She wound her arms tighter around me, drifting to sleep but i couldn't sleep. I couldn't just sit there knowing there was something that was hurting my jaan that forced her to take such a step.
Till midnight, i was thinking..my heart restless and i couldn't even stop the tears flowing down my face. Just thinking and rethinking of the happenings making me feel misearble. I looked at her face that looked so serene at the moment but i knew there was so much pain behind the serenity and innocence that appeared on her face while she was sleeping. I caressed her face,imagining of all the possible things that could have been possible for her to face this, for her to do something like this and the worst thing i didn't had a clue to whatever was happening in my wife's life. I failed as a husband.
I was busy thinking when i didn't notice that she was awake, She wiped my tears breaking my trance. I looked at her and smiled, hiding whatever i was thinking.
Maan..kya hua she stood up in a moment.. aap itne dukhi kyu ho..aur ye aansu..kuch hua kya..
I kept my head on her lap, clutching her hand i kissed her hand.. She looked at me surprised and shocked..her face told that she knew i have got to know about what she was trying to do..her face in so much worry. She was so sweet, how could anyone give her pain and how could i not know of it. She could feel my restlessness even in her sleep. And i couldn't even feel her pain, her agony when i was fully conscious, fully in senses.
I kissed her stomach..kissing the little life within her. A part of us,telling her what i wanted to surprise her about the time i entered the house.. if what she wanted, would have happened.. i would have lost my wife along with my unborn baby. Just the thought increased my guilt 100 times more.
Maan..geet asked shocked..am i..i..
Haan geet, you are pregnant. When i was coming from the airport, i was just passing by dr. verma's hospital. I remembered about that you said yesterday that you haven't taken the reports. So i went to take the reports and there dr. verma told me of your pregnancy. I was to surprise you but then i couldn't help calling you at that moment only but then i thought of surprising you with this great news when i come home, so talked of the office things.
He looked at her face as she once again was lost in her face. Her eyes widened and her hand clasped over her mouth. I knew what she was thinking of.
I sat up taking her in my arms, providing her the support knowing that she would be feeling guilty for hurting herself and inturn hurting our baby. I wiped her tears, as she looked at me.. i didn't wanted to..wo..mujhe pta nahi..i..was..
shh..geet..relax..sshh..son't worry..now am here for you..shuuu jaan..As she relaxed in my arms, i looked at her as she calmed down..what would she have to face more. I knew i had no one for me, i was all alone so i had no one to expect, no one.. I knew i was all for myself. So there were no expectations and thus no pain for me. But she, she has it all that you call a family. She was bound to have expectations from her family but she was hurt more and more seeing her expectation not being fulfilled, seeing each of her dreams crushed. Expecting and not getting your expectation fulfilled is much more painful than not expecting at all.
I looked at her as she calmed a bit, and then looked at me.. now relax geet, nothing happened and now you and the baby are all fine with me. She nodded. I caressed her face , my hand moving over her eyes, cheeks, her lips as i looked in her eyes..lekin geet..itna sab..kyun..
She looked at me..wo mei..i was stressed and wo..aap..mai..
Geet..tumne mujhe bhi nahi btaya.. itni dooriyan kab aa gayi hum dono ke darmiyaan..ki tum apne dil ki baat bhi mujhe nahi bta payi..you were in so much pain and i don't know what i was doing there..
nahi maan..aisa nahi hai..aapki koi galti nahi hai..she said, wiping my tears.
Kaise galti nahi hai geet..my wife..you were just abut to do..i sobbed, not able to control myself...i couldn't have afforded losing her.. how could you even think of doing something like that..agar tumhe kuch ho jata, mei to marr hi jata. Ye sab mei tumhare liye hi to kar rha hun..Shaadi se pehle apni puri zindagi maine akele bitayi hai, lekin aage mei akela nahi jee pata geet.. You can't imagine how precious you are to me. I can't think of my life without you. You are my family that i never had, the friend that i never found in the orphanage, the love i always thought of. I said as i kissed her pouring out the frustration of last few hours but then couldn't even imagine her state, something would have been there to take her to this situation.
Maan..please aap roiye nahi..please..she hugegd me.
I made her sleep down on the bed and rested by her side..ab tum so jao..i don't want you to take stress over anything. Now the maan is there to handle all the problems, you don't have to worry about anything..anything in this whole world.
the maan..attitude..ahann!!! she smiled a little..
obviously.. with this project, our company is one of the best in india, so maan is a big name jaan..and moreover this maan can do anything for you.I hugged her tight, promising to myself to take away all the worries.
I love u maan..she hugged me tight..
me too love u and my baby..just so much..
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Geet
As i sat with my 8 month old baby bump, thinking back of those days. I shiver today thinking if i would have taken that step, if maan would have been a little late..i would have lost all this. I would have missed the 7 months of happiness that i have been experiencing. After knowing the truth in the morning, the first thing maan did was to file a complaint against my boss and he was sentenced to jail. Maan never let me go to the court or that office again. And the power of maan was such that boss himself admitted what he tried to do to me and suffered for his deeds.Maan even handled my family and now since, maan was growing in the business industry and the handas couldn't have managed to take loss in their stupid deals. So as maan kept growing in money and power, they kept going lower for getting benefits. But after that i never heard from them. Guess, maan's magic.
I smiled.Now it was our world..me, maan and the baby. Maan have been taking so much care of me from that day. He had established the business well and everyone was talking of this new dynamic boy in the business world. His anger, his style, his intelligence..everything was talked of..be it business parties, be it tv, newspaper or magzines. And now, i was waiting here and maan was planning some surprise inside the room with nakul kaka. Nakul kaka was living with us from 5 months, he has become a family with all the love and care he showered on us as if we were his kids.
Maan..i said slowly..i am getting bored.
Just a moment jaan..its all complete..wait for the surprise and keep sitting there baba.
Just a moment..just a moment..am hearing of this just a moment from last an hour and thsi just a moment isn't over.
Happy moments are never over jaanu..he said as he kissed me on my forhead and picked me up in his arms.
umm..i moved my head away showing my gussa to which he just chuckled.
He let me down in the room and i was shocked at the dcor of the room. It was filled with so many fluffy toys..the walls in all the bright possible colors with cartoon pictures all over the room. Nakul kaka left us to our privacy.
He hugged me from backwards..but agar ladki hui to..
I know boy hi hoga but still i have designed the room ki girl ho ya boy..just few little additions and the room would be ready for our cutie..he said keeping his hand over my belly, caressing it.
But, i also wanted to help in the baby's room..i pouted..
jaan..u would have tired youself..its near 8 months and so much of work won't be good for you..
But mei aapse naaraz hun..ye to galat baat hai..i went going round the room as he moved behind me to manofy me.
Another of our cute arguements..where we would fight then laugh over our silly talks and then cuddle up to each other in nights..There were problems, there were fights, there was anger and pain..but there was no 'one moment' where negativity conquered over our lives. We both remained together and trust me, never a problem felt so difficult. All moments, we were together, waiting for our baby..the most beautiful happiness of our life...
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Kyunki Saas Bhi Kabhi Bahu Thi 2
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