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Am back with another os...😆
Just loving the concept of os..just one or two parts..neither u all have to wait much, nor i feel guilt for making you wait be leaving my ffs mid way..😆
So here it is..do tell me how's it..
THAT ONE MOMENT..
I looked around as i stood in the dark bedroom of mine. There was broad day light outside, but my room closed over with heavy curtains just screamed darkness, agony and pain. Just like the room, my life was filled with darkness, no place was there where i could get solace, where i can find peace and love. I sat down on the floor feeling the four walls closing down on me. It was as if i have reached the end point of my life. Nothing was going positive in my life, each and every thing just conspiring against me. I leaned near the bed as my own weight felt as a burden to me, i can't handle it anymore. I just can't take all this pain anymore. Nothing serious has happened though for me to think like that. But it was like the incidents were making me die a slow death, a little more with each incident that was happening in my life. If i think back, it was the time he left me that my doom started. I was left all alone when he left to australia, trying to complete the work of a deal. He went for few weeks but as the work expanded few weeks turned to months, now its nearly 8 months and the work is still going on. He comes back for a few days and the days would be the happiest of my life. Just like he came last month for a week, and the week was as if i was the happiest person in this world, there wasn't a moment when he didn't pamper, a moment when he didn't take care of me, a moment when he didn't love me making me feel all the happiness of this world. From the morning when i used to get up with his gaze all over me to the confines of the night as he enveloped me in his arms, each moment was precious. But then it all ended within a week and once again i was left alone here, not that i blame maan, he has always done for me the best he could. From the time we got married running away from my house as maan was an orphan and my so called respectable and sophisticated parents could not imagine someone not rich as them as their son in law. But then i couldn't have left maan for he gave me the love i craved whole my life. He made me feel the happiness the small things bought in my life. With him, my life felt so much positive, filled with happiness but now it was all gone. Nothing was there for me to look over, the last month after maan left, it was all wrong that happened. From professional to personal, everything was terribly wrong. From the last one month, my mum would daily call me just to tell me that maan couldn't provide me any happiness, that i didn't deserve this life. Everyday she will tell that i was lucky to be their daughter and i should go back to them and marry that singhania, some rich brat. I know there would be some underlying business deal, otherwise my parents wouldn't do anything that didn't benefit them. What did i do to deserve such parents, why couldn't i have the parents who would care for their daughter. Just for one moment they would look at me with love, with care not as if i was some trophy they had earned, neither was i some thing to be indulged in business deals, nor i wanted to be a part of their profit making. Tears streamed down my eyes as i thought of my professional life. Even there everything was worse as it can be. My personal life with maan's absence, his decreasing phone calls had a deep impact on me. I couldn't concentrate on that too and that led to my poor performance. Boss's language and taunts were something we were always used to, but it all crossed lines soon. The small touches here and there, the heinous eye stares, the intentional bumps was something i ignored lost in my pain. Just diverging deep into never ending pain, i never looked into the other aspect these coincidences had. If i would have noticed these, i could have saved myself from everything that happened. Saved myself from the pain, hurt and shame i experienced in the past few days. I curled myself into the fetus position trying to find the warmth within me as there was no one for me, no one to hold me at the moment as i remembered the incidents that happened over the past few days. Clutching my knees together i remembered the time when i was alone in the conference room with my so called boss, working over a presentation. I was lost in my work trying to complete my work as this presentation was pending from many days and i was the sole person responsible for this. So i wanted to complete it as soon as possible not wanting the company to have a loss due to my personal problems and my negligence. I was so lost in my laptop that i didn't notice when he closed the door and stood behind my chair, I was suddenly awakened from my concentration in the laptop. For a minute i couldn't understand his stance and what he was trying to do. I shuddered with disgust as he stared at me and moved his hand over my arm. And then, i hugged myself harder trying to pry off the memory and those loathing stares and those disgusting touches. As he was busy in staring at my arm, moving his hand i took the chance to push him back and ran towards the door. But then the negligence towards food and health i showed in the past weeks just showed there as i felt really week before i could reach the door. And he caught me, keeping his hand over my mouth. Hitting me on the wall, he tried to kiss me on my cheeks , i tried all my might but couldn't do anything. I wanted to throw him away, just kill him at that moment but my hands didn't had the strength, my mind not able to comprehend what was happening. I tried harder but he was just stronger then me, i was about to faint as he tried to kiss me on my lips but then i just remembered the man who worshipped me, who loved me, who treasured me and i knew i couldn't let this happen to myself and don't know from where i gathered the strength. I kicked him hard, and ran towards the door clutching my phone in my hand as he stumbled back. I ran to my house and thankfully no one noticed me in the office as i didn't had it in me at that moment to face anyone. I closed the door of my apartment tightly and just slid down the door, calling maan. Wanting to tell him all that happened, trying to find some solace in his voice, to feel that someone somewhere was there for me. I called him and luckily he picked up. I cried just thinking of the incidents that happened. Hi jaan..his words soothed me more then anything in this world. I sobbed hard trying to cntrol myself, but then some girl called him and he said..jaan, am little busy. Will call u later.Love ya.Bye..He cut the call and the phone slipped out of my hand as i wept over the things that happened, the things that were happening with me. The call hurt me more then i was in agony before the call, it just increased as i thought. Even he didn't had time for me, i knew it was a lie. If he would have heard me crying, i knew he would left the whole damn thing for me.After that he didn't had much time to call me as he was busy and when he had the time, i didn't had the strength left in me to tell him what all happened in his absence. But then his little negligence made me feel all the more worse as the disgust and hatred i was feeling just increased. I slept on the floor hugging myself, but was woken up by a call from my mother. A hope was raised within me that maybe she would listen to me, may be she would have time for me, may be she would understand my pain. But then i was again proved wrong, i cried in front of her and all she had to say was to blame maan and me for all that happened. I cursed myself to have given a chance to her to laugh over and to taunt that me n maan were incapable and we couldn't have ever lived happily. She just went on and on about what would have they done if i was at there house, but she wasn't for a minute concerned about her daughter, she wasn't concerned abput how i was feeling. All she could do was demean maan and glorify herself. I cut the call not able to hear more and just lied on the bed promising myself not to leave that cheap person. He would pay for what he tried. Another heartbreak waited for me as i entered the office next day with a promise to handover the man to police but what welcomed me there was something i could never have imagined. Boss bent lower as he accused me of trying to seduce him. The whole office that i expected to be on my side was standing by him giving me disgusting looks. I just couldn't believe the people i worked with, the people i lived with could do this thing to me. And the last nail was when my best friend, the girl whom i knew from 3rd standard in school was standing against me and giving the statement to my other colleagues that she saw me trying to seduce the boss. I looked at her paled, not able to believe what happened with me. How could she do something like this with me, she knew everything about me n maan and she accused me of something like this.That day i didn't call maan, neither picked mum's phone as i knew i wasn't in a condition to suffer another incident, to suffer another negligence. As i sit here thinking of all the incidents that happened in the last few days..i can't believe what type of people i had as my friends and relatives. What type of people i thought of being my, i thought that they would stand by me when i would be in pain and today i faced the harsh realities. Everything just crumbled down and i was left alone in this whole world. I can't take this pain anymore, just can't. I can't lead more sleepless lives. the tough days. I can't take more betrayals. I can't leave in this worls with all those people who just used me whenever they needed me and left me alone when i needed them. I sat there writing the letter for him, i knew he would be thinking of me, how many betrayals and hurts i faced, i knew he could never hurt me. I knew he didn't deserve this for what all he had done for me, but i didn't deserve this too. I too didn't deserve this type of life and moreover i can't handle anymore this lonliness, this pain, this agony. I just can't handle it more. I was just trying to move a little far but i have reached beyond my saturation point. I looked at the knife that was kept on the table putting aside the letter i wrote to maan. The shining knife called out to me, that looked as a pathway, a solution to all my problems. I wanted solace, i wanted peace. I looked at maan's pic where he was looking at me with so much of love and then looked at the knife..i grabbed it not having it in myself to think of happiness anymore as i knew my life was cursed, i couldn't be happy neither my presence could make anyone happy.I just can't hold on anymore. I put the knife on my hand, looked one last time at maan's face, closed my eyes to die forever. To find peace and serenity away from this world...
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Aami Daakini
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