Jokes - Page 99

Yes, Vani that was a good one...... 😃

Since mother's day is around the corner (I know, I know..... in UK they celebrate in March though I am not sure about other continent. But we follow the Americans, coz Mother's day originated from there. 😃

Anyway, have fun..... dedicated to all mothers. It is fun to read this. Believe me, many of these are true. It is said mothers possess with invisible radar. 😃

Subject: Fwd: my mum..............
My Mother taught me about ANTICIPATION:
"Just wait until your father gets home."

My Mother taught me about RECEIVING:.
"You are going to get it when we get home!"

My Mother taught me to MEET A CHALLENGE:
"What were you thinking? Answer me when I talk to you... Don't talk back to
me!"

My Mother taught me LOGIC:
"Because I said so, that's why."

&

"If you fall out of that swing and break your neck, you're not going to
the store with me."

My Mother taught me MEDICAL SCIENCE:
"If you don't stop crossing your eyes, they are going to freeze that way."

My Mother taught me to THINK AHEAD:
"If you don't pass your spelling test, you'll never get a good job."

My Mother taught me ESP:
"Put your sweater on; don't you think I know when you're cold?"

My Mother taught me HUMOR:
"When that lawn mower cuts off your toes, don't come running to me."

My Mother taught me how to BECOME AN ADULT:
"If you don't eat your vegetables, you'll never grow up."

My Mother taught me about SEX:
"How do you think you got here?"

My Mother taught me about GENETICS:
"You're just like your father."

My Mother taught me about my ROOTS:
"Do you think you were born in a barn?"

My Mother taught me about WISDOM OF AGE:
"When you get to be my age, you will understand."

My Mother taught me about JUSTICE:
"One day you'll have kids, and I hope they turn out just like you. Then
you'll see what it's like."

My mother taught me RELIGION:
"You better pray that will come out of the carpet."

My mother taught me about TIME TRAVEL:
"If you don't straighten up, I'm going to knock you into the middle of next
week!"

My mother taught me FORESIGHT:
"Make sure you wear clean underwear, in case you're in an accident."

My mother taught me IRONY:
"Keep crying and I'll *give* you something to cry about."

My mother taught me about the science of OSMOSIS:
"Shut your mouth and eat your supper!"

My mother taught me about CONTORTIONISM:
"Will you *look* at the dirt on the back of your neck!"

My mother taught me about STAMINA:
"You'll sit there until all that spinach is finished."

My mother taught me about WEATHER:
"It looks as if a tornado swept through your room."

My mother taught me how to solve PHYSICS PROBLEMS: "If I yelled because
I saw a meteor coming toward you, would you listen then?"

My mother taught me about HYPOCRISY:
"If I've told you once, I've told you a million times: Don't Exaggerate!! !"

My mother taught me THE CIRCLE OF LIFE:
"I brought you into this world, and I can take you out."

My mother taught me about BEHAVIOUR MODIFICATION:
"Stop acting like your father!"

My mother taught me about ENVY:
"There are millions of less fortunate children in this world who don't have
wonderful parents like you

👏 👏 👏 That dedication for all mothers were good Caryn. It was funny too 😆

If any of you caught sleeping in office, you can use this excuses 😆 😆

10) ''They told me at the blood bank this might happen.''

9) ''This is just a 15 minute power-nap like they raved about in that time management course you sent me to.''

8) ''Whew! Guess I left the top off the Wite-Out. You probably got here just in time!''

7) ''I wasn't sleeping! I was meditating on the mission statement and envisioning a new paradigm.''

6) ''I was testing my keyboard for drool resistance.''

5) ''I was doing a highly specific Yoga exercise to relieve work-related stess. Do you discriminate toward people who practice Yoga?''

4) ''Dang! Why did you interrupt me? I had almost figured out a solution to our biggest problem.''

3) ''The coffee machine is broken...''

2) ''Someone must have put decaf in the wrong pot...''

1) ''.....in Jesus' name, Amen.''

Nice and funny one Caryn 😆

Neths, I like the last one in caught sleeping in office.
😆😆

gud one Caryn & Netra 👏 👏 👏

Ah Beng bought a new mobile.
He sent a message to everyone from his Phone Book &
said,
"My Mobile No. Has changed.
Earlier it was Nokia 3310. Now it is 6610"

====================================
Ah Beng : I am so Proud, coz my son is in Medical
College.
Friend: Really, what is he studying.
Ah Beng: No, he is not studying, they are Studying him.

==========================================
Ah Beng : Doctor, in my dreams, I play football
every night.
DR: Take this tablet, you will be ok.
Ah Beng : Can I take tomorrow, tonight is final game.

===========================================
Ah Beng : If I die, will u remarry?
Wife: No! I'll stay with my sister. But if I die
will u remarry?
Ah Beng : No, I'll also stay with your sister.

=========================================
Ah Beng : People consider me as a "GOD"
Wife: How do you know??
Ah Beng : When I went to the Park today, everybody said,
Oh GOD! U have come again.

===========================================
Ah Beng complained to the police: "Sir, all items are missing,
except the TV in my house."
Police: "How the thief did not take TV?"
Ah Beng : "I was watching TV news..."

=========================================
Ah Beng comes back 2 his car & find a note saying
"Parking Fine"
He Writes a note and sticks it to a pole "Thanks for
complement."

=============================================
How do you recognize Ah Beng in School?
He is the one who erases the notes from the book
when the teacher erases
the board.

===============================================
Once Ah Beng was walking he had a glove on one hand
and not on other.
So the man asked him why he did so. He replied that
the weather forecast
announced that on one hand it would be cold and on
the other hand it would
be hot.

==================================================
Ah Beng in a bar and his cellular phone rings. He
picks it up and
Says "Hello, how did you know I was here?"

===================================================
Ah Beng : Why are all these people running?
Man - This is a race, the winner will get the cup
Ah Beng - If only the winner will get the cup, why
others running?

===================================================
Teacher: "I killed a person" convert this sentence
into future tense
Ah Beng : The future tense is "u will go to jail"


=====================================================
Ah Beng told his servant: "Go and water the plants!"
Servant: "It's already raining."
Ah Beng : "So what? Take an umbrella and go."


=====================================================
A man asked Ah Beng why Ahmad Badawi goes walking
in the Evening and not in the morning Ah Beng replied Ahmad Badawi is PM
not AM

😃 😃 😃



A busload of politicians were driving down a country road, when suddenly the bus ran off the road and crashed into an old farmer''s barn.

The old farmer got off his tractor and went to investigate. Soon he dug a hole and buried the politicians. A few days later, the local sheriff came out, saw the crashed bus and asked the old farmer where all the politicians had gone.

The old farmer told him he had buried them.

The sheriff asked the old farmer, "Lordy, were they ALL dead?"

The old farmer said, "Well, some of them said they weren''t, but you know how them crooked politicians lie."