Jokes - Page 100

🤣 🤣,this kind of treatment needed in reality.

OMG all you guys are on full form here..... 😆

In case you needed further proof that the human race is doomed by stupidity, here are some actual label instructions found on consumer goods:

On a Sears hairdryer: Do not use while sleeping.

On a bag of Fritos: You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside. (The shoplifter special.)

On a bar of Dial soap: Directions: Use like regular soap.

On a Swann frozen dinners: Serving suggestion: Defrost. (But it's just a suggestion.)

On Tesco's tiramisu dessert (printed on the bottom of box): Do not turn upside-down.

On Marks & Spencer bread pudding: Product will be hot after heating. (Really??)

On packaging for a Rowenta iron: Do not iron clothes on body.

On Boot's children's cough medicine: "Do not drive a car or operate machinery after taking this medication." (Hello!!! I am a child ...)

On Nytol sleep aid: Warning: May cause drowsiness. (Now thats a surprise!!)

On most brands of Christmas lights: "For indoor or outdoor use only." (As opposed to what?)

On a Japanese food processor: Not to be used for the other use. (I gotta admit, I'm curious.)

On Sainsbury's peanuts: "Warning: contains nuts."

On an American Airlines packet of peanuts: "Instructions: Open packet, eat nuts."

On a child's Superman costume: "Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly." (I don't blame the company, I blame the parents for this one.)

On a Swedish chain saw: "Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands or genitals." (Ouch!!!)

* **Pain of a married man*



A woman awakes during the night to find that her husband was not in bed.

She goes downstairs to look for him.

She finds him sitting at the kitchen table with a cup of coffee in front of
him.

He appears to be in deep thought, just staring at the wall.

She watches as he wipes a tear from his eye and takes a sip of his coffee.


*"What's the matter, dear?"** * she whispers as she steps into the room. * "Why
are you down here at this time of night?" *

The husband looks up from his coffee, * **"Do you remember 20 years ago
when we were dating, and you were only 18?" * he asks solemnly. * **"Yes I
do" * she replies.

The husband pauses; the words were not coming easily. * **"Do you remember
when your father caught us in the garden?" *

*"Yes, I remember" * said the wife, lowering herself into a chair beside
him.

The husband continued.. * **"Do you remember when he showed the shotgun in
my face and said, 'Either you marry my daughter, or I'll send you to jail
for 20 years?" *

*"I remember that too" * she replied softly.

He wiped another tear from his cheek and said, * **"I would have been
released today!"** *

Technically Correct!!!

A helicopter was flying around above Seattle when an electrical malfunction
disabled all of the aircraft's electronic navigation and
communications equipment.

Due to the clouds and haze, the pilot could not determine the helicopter's
position. The pilot saw a tall building, flew toward it, circled,
and held up a handwritten sign that said "WHERE AM I?" in large letters.

People in the tall building quickly responded to the aircraft, drew a large
sign, and held it in a building window.
Their sign said "YOU ARE IN A HELICOPTER."

The pilot smiled, waved, looked at his map, determined the course to steer
to SEATAC airport, and landed safely. After they were on the
ground, the copilot asked the pilot how he had done it.

**"I knew it had to be the Microsoft Building, because they gave me a technically correct but completely useless answer." *

*What is confidence???? *

A hypothetical situation where 20 CEOs board an airplane and are told
that the flight that they are about to take is the first-ever to feature
pilotless technology: It is an uncrewed aircraft. Each one of the CEOs is
then told, privately, that their company's software is running the
aircraft's automatic pilot system. Nineteen of the CEOs promptly leave the
aircraft, each offering a different type of excuse.

One CEO alone remains on board the jet, seeming very calm indeed. Asked why
he is so confident in this first uncrewed flight, he replies :
**"If it is *
*the same software that runs my company's IT systems, this plane won't even
*
*take off." !!!! *

*That is called Confidence!!! *