Jokes - Page 85

Good one Vani...Very Funny 😆 😆

Jas 😆 .....Yengeirunthu pa pidicheenga???? Very Funny!!!!! Esp. the Ambassador one!!! 😆

Good one Jas 😆😆, especially the ambassador one 😳 😆

The Smith's were proud of their family tradition. Their ancestors had come to America on the Mayflower. They had included Senators and Wall Street wizards.

They decided to compile a family history, a legacy for their children and grandchildren. They hired a fine author.

Only one problem arose - how to handle that great-uncle George, who was executed in the electric chair.

The author said he could handle the story tactfully.

The book appeared. It said
"Great-uncle George occupied a chair of applied electronics at an important government institution, was attached to his position by the strongest of ties, and his death came as a great shock."

A dinner speaker was in such a hurry to get to his engagement that when he arrived and sat down at the head table, he suddenly realized that he had forgotten his false teeth.

Turning to the man next to him he said, "I forgot my teeth!"

The man said, "No problem." With that he reached into his pocket and pulled out a pair of false teeth. "Try these," he said.

The speaker tried them. "Thanks, but they're too loose," he said.

The man then said, "I have another pair...try these."

The speaker tried them and responded, "Too tight."

The man was not taken back at all. He then said, "I have one more pair... try them."

The speaker said, "They fit perfectly!" With that he ate his meal and gave his address.

After the dinner meeting was over, the speaker went over to thank the man who had helped him. "I want to thank you for coming to my aid. Where is your office? I've been looking for a good dentist."

The man replied, "Oh I'm not a dentist. I work at the morgue.."

An old cowboy dressed to kill with cowboy shirt, hat, jeans, spurs and chaps went to a bar and ordered a drink. As he sat there sipping his whiskey, a young lady sat down next to him.

After she ordered her drink she turned to the cowboy and asked, "Are you a real cowboy?"

"Well, I have spent my whole life on the ranch herding cows, breaking horses, mending fences... I guess I am," replied the cowboy.

After a short while he asked her what she was.

"I've never been on a ranch so I know I'm not a cowboy," said the young woman, "but I am a lesbian. I spend my whole day thinking about women. As soon as I get up in the morning I think of women. When I eat, shower, watch TV, everything seems to make me think of women."

A short while later she left and the cowboy ordered another drink. A couple sat down next to him and asked, "Are you a real cowboy?"

"I always thought I was, but I just learned that I'm a lesbian."

A rich widower miser went back to India and married a young village girl. The girl did not like his hugging and kissing all the time. He thought of a scheme to teach his wife not to hate his American life style.

He bought a piggy bank and told his wife that every time he kisses or hugs her, he will put a rupee coin in the piggy bank and at the end of month she can open the bank and buy a new saree with the money.

The scheme worked very well. The young wife showed more willingness to be kissed and hugged. At the end of the month he gave her the key and told his wife to open the piggy bank.

What he saw did not please him. There were many 5 and 10 rupee notes along with rupee coins in the box. Where did these come from he demanded angirly. I've been putting only rupee coins. The wife replied: Not everyone is as kanjoos as you.

The Wrong Way

As a senior citizen was driving down the freeway, his cell phone rang.

Answering, he heard his wife's voice urgently warning him, "Herman, I just heard on the news that there''s a car going the wrong way on Route 280. Please be careful!"

"It's not just one car," said Herman, "It's hundreds of them!"

Two confirmed bachelors sat talking one day, their conversation
drifted from politics to cooking.

"I got a cookbook once," said one, "but I could never do anything
with it."

"Too much fancy work in it, eh?" asked the other.

"You said it." said the first, "Every one of the recipes began
the same way - 'Take a clean dish.'"

"In what aisle could I find the Polish sausage?"

The clerk looks at him and says, "Are you Polish?"

The guy, (clearly offended) says, "Well, yes I am. But let me ask you something, if I had asked for Italian sausage would You ask me if I was Italian?
Or if I had asked for German bratwurst, would you ask Me if I was German?
Or if I asked for a kosher hot dog would you ask me if I was Jewish?
Or if I had asked for a Taco would you ask if I was Mexican? Would ya, huh? Would ya?"

The clerk says, "Well, no!"

"If I asked for some Irish whiskey, would you ask if I Was Irish?"

"Well, I probably wouldn't!"

With deep self-righteous indignation, the guy says, "Well then why did you ask me if I'm Polish because I ask for Polish sausage?"

The clerk replies, "Because you're at Home Depot."