Jokes - Page 82

A preacher wanted to raise money for his church and on being told that there was a fortune in horse racing, decided to purchase a horse and enter it in the races. However, at the local auction, the going price for horses was so high that he ended up buying a donkey instead. He figured that since he had it, he might as well go ahead and enter it in the races. To his surprise, the donkey came in third!
The next day the local paper carried this headline: PREACHER'S ASS SHOWS. The preacher was so pleased with the donkey that he entered it in the race again, and this time it won. The paper read: PREACHER'S ASS OUT IN FRONT. The Bishop was so upset with this kind of publicity that he ordered the preacher not to enter the donkey in another race. The paper headline read: BISHOP SCRATCHES PREACHER'S ASS. This was too much for the Bishop, so he ordered the preacher to get rid of the donkey. The preacher decided to give it to a nun in a nearby convent. The paper headline the next day read: NUN HAS BEST ASS IN TOWN. The Bishop fainted. He informed the nun that she would have to get rid of the donkey, so she sold it to a farmer for $10.00.

The next day the headline read: NUN SELLS ASS FOR $10.00. This was too much for the Bishop, so he ordered the nun to buy back the donkey, lead it to the plains, and let it go. Next day, the headline in the paper read: NUN ANNOUNCES HER ASS IS WILD AND FREE. The Bishop was buried the next day.

A man was in his front yard, mowing grass, when his neighbor came out of the house and went straight to the mailbox.
The neighbor opened it, then slammed it shut, and stormed back into the house.
A little later the neighbor came out of the house again went to the mail box and, again, opened it, then slammed it shut. Angrily, back into the house the neighbor went.
As the man was getting ready to edge the lawn, here the neighbor came out again, marched to the mail box, opened it and then slammed it shut harder than ever.
Puzzled by these actions the man asked his neighbor, "Is something wrong?"
To which the neighbor replied, "There certainly is!"


"My stupid computer keeps saying, 'YOU'VE GOT MAIL!'"

Q: Why do they have so much trouble with the phone systems in China?

A: Because there are so many Wings and so many Wongs that someone's always Winging the Wong number.

What did Saddam Hussein have in common with his father?

Neither knew when to pull out!

What's a native of Paris called?

A parasite.

What is the Cuban national anthem?

''Row Your Boat!''

What's the difference between greeting the Queen of England and greeting Bill Clinton?

You only have to get down on one knee to greet the queen.

Saddam's Bumperstickers

"My Army invaded Kuwait and all I got was this lousy bumper sticker"

"If you don't like the way I reign get out of small, neighboring countries"

"Bomb me, I need the insurance"

"Shi'ites happen"

What do you call a Mexican with a rubber toe?

Roberto.

Q: How come they don't have ice in Poland?

A: Because they lost the recipe.