Jokes - Page 79

five-year-old Alexandra, was concerned that her mother, Tiffany, might die while she was still a little kid.

"No," Tiffany assured her, "Unless I have a bad accident, I should live until you're much older."

"Old like Daddy?" Alexandra asked. "No," said Tiffany, "old like Grandma."

Alexandra's eyes lit up, "Whoa," she exclaimed, "that's forever!"

Matthew and his friend spend every lunch break on the computer. One day mom put a microwave dinner in for his lunch, and when the buzzer sounded, Matthew ran into the kitchen.

"Is it downloaded yet?" he asked

nallu: kambutar joke nalla irukku. :)

The phone rings and the lady of the house answers, "Hello"?

"Mrs. Walker, please."

"Speaking."

"Mrs. Walker, this is Doctor Jones at the Medical Testing Laboratory. When your doctor sent your husband's biopsy to the lab yesterday, a biopsy from another Mr.Walker arrived as well, and we are now uncertain which one is your husband's. Frankly the results are either bad or terrible."

"What do you mean?" Mrs. Walker asks nervously.

"Well, one of the specimens tested positive for Alzheimer's and the other one tested positive for AIDS. We can't tell which is your husband's."

"That's dreadful! Can't you do the test again?" questioned Mrs. Walker.

"Normally we can, but Medicare will only pay for these expensive tests one time."

"Well, what am I supposed to do now?" asked Mrs. Walker.

"The people at Medicare recommend that you drop your husband off somewhere in the middle of town. If he finds his way home, don't sleep with him!"

There were three city mice sitting at a bar. The first
mouse takes a shot of tequila, slams the glass on the
table and says, "I'm the toughest mouse in this city.
I'm so tough that I walk throughout the house collecting
mouse poison, return to my nest and grind up the pellets
with my morning coffee -- just for an extra jolt to start
off each day."

The mice look at each other. The second mouse slams
his whiskey -- throws his glass on the floor and says, "I'm
the toughest mouse in this city. I'm so tough that I go
up to the trap outside my nest, I trip the lever and make
the trap flip in the air, I catch the bar on its way down,
bench press it a few times, twirl it over and over with my
feet -- then I toss it to the floor, and take the cheese
for breakfast. It's all part of my morning routine."

The third mouse looks at the other two. Bored with the
conversation, he sets down his glass of beer and says,

"I've had enough of you two. I'm going to go home and
screw the cat."

The Dublin police were given orders to clean up the neighborhood.

That night a drunk staggered towards a constable and said:

"Excuse me offisher, what time is it?"

The cop replied, "It's one o'clock," and bonked him on the head
with his baton.

"Jeez," said Paddy. "I'm glad I didn't ask you an hour ago!"

Walking through San Francisco's Chinatown, a tourist is
fascinated with all the Chinese restaurants, shops, signs and
banners. He turns a corner and sees a building with the sign,
"Saul Dumbrowski's Chinese Laundry."

"Saul Dumbrowski?" he muses. "How the heck does that fit in here?"

So he walks into the shop and sees an old Chinese gentleman
behind the counter. The tourist asks, "How did this place get a
name like "Saul Dumbrowski's Chinese Laundry?"

The old man answers, "Is name of owner."

The tourist asks, "Well, who and where is the owner?"

"Me, is right here," replies the old man.

"You? How did you ever get a name like Saul Dumbrowski?"

"Is simple," says the old man. "Many, many year ago when come to
this country, was stand in line at Documentation Center. Man in
front is Jewish gentleman from Poland. Lady look at him and go,
'What your name?' He say, 'Saul Dumbrowski.'

Then she look at me and go, 'What your name?'

I say, 'Sem Ting.'"

Four rats saw an elephant on the way.
First rat: Let us beat him up well
Second: Let us cut his trunks
Third: Let us break his legs
Fourth: NO.. Let us leave him..

Paavam.. Namma naalu peru..
Avan oruthan thaniya irukan.. vitudulam.. Pozhachu pogatum..
(We four.. he is alone.)

An older, white haired man walked into a jewelry store one Friday evening with a beautiful young gal at his side. He told the jeweler he was looking for a special ring for his girlfriend.

The jeweler looked through his stock and brought out a $5,000 ring and showed it to him. The old man said, "I don't think you understand, I want something very special."

At that statement, the jeweler went to his special stock and brought another ring over.

"Here's a stunning ring at only $40,000," the jeweler said. The young lady's eyes sparkled and her whole body trembled with excitement. The old man seeing this said, "We'll take it."

The jeweler asked how payment would be made and the old man stated, by check. " I know you need to make sure my check is good, so I'll write it now and you can call the bank Monday to verify the funds and I'll pick the ring up Monday afternoon," he said.

Monday morning, a very teed-off jeweler phoned the old man. "There's no money in that account."

"I know", said the old man, "but can you imagine the weekend I had?"

One young man went for an IAS Interview.

"When did India get independence?" He was asked.
"The efforts began a few years earlier and final result was in 1947" He replied.

"Who was responsible for our independence?"
"There were so many. Whom to mention? If I name one, it will be a injustice to another." He replied.

"Is corruption the number one enemy in our country?"
"Some research is going on the subject and I can answer with certainly only after seeing the report" He replied.

The interview board was very pleased with his original and thoughtful answers and asked him not to reveal the questions to others, since they were planning to ask the same questions.

When he went out naturally others were curious to know what was asked.
He politely declined, but one persistent Santa would not leave him.

"At least let me know yaar ki.. wot u answered ??" he pleaded, and our friend obliged

Then it was the turn of this Santa.
When he went inside, since his resume was slightly illegible,
the board member asked him." By the way, what is your date of birth?"

He replied, "The effort began a few years earlier and final result was in 1947."

Somewhat puzzled, they asked another clarification. "What is your fathers name?"
He replied, "There were so many. Whom to mention". If I name one, it will be injustice to another".

The interviewer was incensed.
"Hey! Are you mad or what?"
He replied. "Some research is going on the subject. I can answer with certainty only after seeing the report."