Jokes - Page 77

Last Tuesday, as President Bush got off the Helicopter in front of the
White House, he was carrying a baby piglet under each arm.

The squared away Marine guard snaps to attention, Salutes, and says "Nice
pigs, Sir."

The President replies: "These are not pigs. These are authentic Arkansas
Razorback Hogs. I got one for Senator Hillary Clinton and I got one for
Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi."

The squared away Marine again snaps to attention, Salutes, and says
"Excellent trade, sir."

jas, kelviyin naayaginna joke naayagiyumaa? :)

A guy is going on a tour of a factory that produces various latex products.
At the first stop, he is shown the machine that manufactures baby-bottle
nipples. The machine makes a loud "hiss-pop" noise. "The hiss is the rubber
being injected into the mold," explains the guide. "The popping sound is the
needle poking a hole in the end of the nipple."

Later, the tour reaches the part of the factory where condoms are
manufactured. The machine makes a "Hiss. Hiss. Hiss. Hiss-pop" noise. "Wait a
minute!" says the man taking the tour. "I understand what the 'hiss, hiss,' is,
but what's that 'pop' every so often?"

"Oh, it's just the same as in the baby-bottle nipple machine," says the
guide. It pokes a hole in every fourth condom."

"Well, that can't be good for the condoms!"

"Yeah, but it's great for the baby-bottle nipple business!"

A woman is in bed with her lover who also happens to be her husband's best
friend. They ... for hours, and afterwards, while they're just laying there,
the phone rings. Since it is the woman's house, she picks up the receiver. Her
lover looksover at her and listens, only hearing her side of the
conversation...
(She is speaking in a cheery voice)"Hello? Oh, hi. I'm so glad that you
called. Really? That's wonderful. I am so happy for you. That sounds
terrifiic. Great! Thanks. Okay. Bye bye."
She hangs up the telephone and her lover asks, "Who was that?"
"Oh" she replies, "that was my husband telling me all about the wonderful time
he's having on his fishing trip with you."

An exasperated mother, whose son was always getting into mischief, finally
asked him, "How do you expect to get into Heaven?"
The boy thought it over and said, "Well, I'll run in and out and in and out
and keep slamming the door until St. Peter says, 'For Heaven's sake, Dylan, come
in or stay out!'"

There was this couple, Mary and John, who believed they would return in
another life.

They got married and, as part of their wedding vows, promised that if one
died, the other would attend a sance exactly four weeks later and contact the
other.

Twenty happy years later, the man dies, and the woman, Mary, sticks to her vow
and visits a sance four weeks later. It went something like this:
Mary: "Is there anybody there? I'm seeking my deceased husband John. Is he
there?"

Strange, booming voice: "Mary? Is that you, Mary?"

Mary: "Yes John, is that you?"

John: "Yes, it's me."

Mary: "How are things where you are, John? What's it like?"

John: "Great, Mary. Everyday after breakfast we make love until lunchtime,
which lasts about half-hour, and then we make love until dinner. After dinner,
we make love until we fall asleep. It's great. I can't wait until you get
here."

Mary (shocked): "Is that what Heaven's like?"

John: "I'm not in Heaven."

Mary (fearing the worst): "Then where are you?"

John: "I'm a rabbit in Florida!"

Two nuns went out of the convent to sell cookies. One of them is known as Sister Mathematical (SM) and the other one is known as Sister Logical (SL). It is getting dark and they are still far away from the convent.

SL: Have you noticed that a man has been following us for the past half-hour?

SM: Yes, I wonder what he wants.


SL: It's logical. He wants to have his way with us.

SM: Oh, no! At this rate he will reach us in 15 minutes at the most. What can we do?

SL: The only logical thing to do of course is that we have to start walking faster.

SM: It is not working.

SL: Of course it is not working. The man did the only obvious thing to do. He started to walk faster too.

SM: So, what shall we do? At this rate he will reach us in one minute.

SL: The only logical thing we can do is split. You go that way and I'll go this way. He cannot follow both of us.
So the man decided to go after Sister Logical.

Sister Mathematical arrives at the convent and is worried because Sister Logical has not yet arrived. Finally, Sister Logical arrives.

SM: Sister Logical! Thank God you are here! Tell us what happened!

SL: The only logical thing happened. The man could not follow both of us, so he followed me.
SM: So, what happened? Please tell us.

SL: The only logical thing to happen. I started to run as fast as I could.

SM: So what happened?
SL: The only logical thing to happen. The man also started to run as fast as he could.

SM: And?

SL: The only logical thing to happen. He reached me.

SM: Oh, no! What did you do then?

SL: The only logical thing to do. I lifted my dress up.

SM: Oh, Sister. What did the man do?

SL: The only logical thing to do. He pulled down his pants.

SM: Oh, no! What happened then?

SL: Isn't it logical, Sister? A nun with her dress up can run faster than a man with his pants down???

Jas konntuteenga ponga!!!!! 🤣

THE COWBOY
A West Texas cowboy was herding his cows in a remote pasture when suddenly a brand-new BMW advanced out of a dust cloud towards him.
The driver, a young man in a Brioni suit, Gucci shoes, Ray Ban sunglasses and YSL tie, leans out the window and asks the cowboy, "If I tell you exactly how many cows and calves you have in your herd, will you give me a calf?" The cowboy looks at the man, obviously a
yuppie, then looks at his peacefully grazing herd and calmly answers,
"Sure, Why not?"

The yuppie parks his car, whips out his Dell notebook computer, connects it to his Cingular RAZR V3 cell phone, and surfs to a NASA page on the Internet, where he calls up a GPS satellite navigation system to get an exact fix on his location which he then feeds to another NASA satellite that scans the area in an ultra-high-resolution photo. The young man then opens the digital photo in Adobe Photoshop and exports it to an image processing facility in Hamburg, Germany. Within seconds, he receives an email on his Palm Pilot that the image has been processed and the data stored. He then accesses a MS-SQL database through an ODBC connected Excel spreadsheet with email on his Blackberry and, after a few minutes, receives a response. Finally, he prints out a full-color, 150-page report on his hi-tech, miniaturized HP LaserJet printer and finally turns to the cowboy and says, "You have exactly 1,586 cows and calves."

"That's right. Well, I guess you can take one of my calves," says the cowboy. He watches the young man select one of the animals and looks on amused as the young man stuffs it into the trunk of his car. Then
the cowboy says to the young man, "Hey, if I can tell you exactly what your business is, will you give me back my calf?"

The young man thinks about it for a second and then says, "Okay, why not?"

You're a Congressman for the U.S. Government", says the cowboy.

"Wow! That's correct," says the yuppie, "but how did you guess that?"

"No guessing required." answered the cowboy. "You showed up here eventhough nobody called you; you want to get paid for an answer I already knew, to a question I never asked. You tried to show me how much smarter than me you are; and you don't know a thing about
cows........

Now give me back my dog.

Chumma try pandren..

Our santasingh is appearing for his University final examination which consists of Y/N type questions.

He takes his seat in the examination hall, stares at the question paper for five minutes, and then in a fit of inspiration takes his wallet out, removes a coin and starts tossing the coin and marking the answer sheet - Y for Heads and N for Tails. Within half an hour he is all done whereas the rest of the class is sweating it out.

During the last few minutes, he is seen desperately throwing the coin, swearing and sweating.

The invigilator, alarmed, approaches him and asks what is going on.


" Oye, I finished the exam in half and hour". "But yaar ", he says, "I am rechecking my answers and am not able to tally them with what I wrote."