Jokes - Page 69

A man went to an eye specialist to get his eyes tested and asked,
"Doctor, will I be able to read after wearing glasses?"

"Yes, of course," said the doctor, "why not!"

"Oh! How nice it would be ," said the patient with joy,
"I have been illiterate for so long."

A fellow decided to decorate his bedroom. He wasn't sure how many rolls of wallpaper he would need but he knew that the Irishman who lived next door had recently done the same job and the two rooms were identical in size.

"Murphy," he asked, "How many rolls of wallpaper did you buy for your bedroom?"

"Ten" said Murphy.

So the fellow bought the ten rolls of paper and did the job. It looked wonderful, but he had 2 rolls of wallpaper left over.

"Murphy," he said. "I bought ten rolls of wallpaper for the bedroom, but I've got 2 left over!"

"Dat's funny," said Murphy. "So did I."

Vani nice ones esp. eye doctor 😆 😆 😆

Confucius Says:

Man who wants pretty nurse, must be patient.

Man who leap off cliff jump to conclusion.

Man who love and loses, have not right lawyer.

When lady say 'no she mean 'perhaps when she say 'perhaps she mean 'yes but when she say 'yes, she not a lady.

Man who run in front of car get tired.

Man who run behind car get exhausted.

When man 60 marry girl 25, like buying book for someone else to read.

Man who pushes piano down mineshaft get A flat miner.

Confucius also Says:

House without bathroom, uncanny.

Man who throw dirt, losing ground.

Two wrongs not make right, but two rights make U-turn

Do not drink and park, accidents cause people.

Man who crosses ocean twice without washing, is a dirty double crosser.

Man who speak with forked tongue, should not kiss balloons.

He who have last laugh, not get joke.

Man who throw away watch, wasting time.

Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like bananas.

A man hated his wife's cat and he decided to get rid of it. He drove 20 blocks away from home and dropped the cat there. The cat was already walking up the driveway when he approached his home.

The next day, he decided to drop the cat 40 blocks away but the same thing happened. He kept on increasing the number of blocks but the cat kept on coming home before him.

At last he decided to drive a few miles away, turn right, then left, past the bridge, then right again and another right and so on until he reached what he thought was a perfect spot and dropped the cat there.

Hours later, the man called his wife at home and asked her, "Jen is the cat there?"

"Yes, why do you ask?"answered the wife.

Frustrated the man said, "Put that cat on the phone, I am lost and I need directions."

Subject: Resignation

To whom it may concern:

I am hereby officially tendering my resignation as an adult.

* I have decided I would like to accept the responsibilities of a 5 year old again.

* I want to go to McDonald's and think that it's a four star restaurant.

* I want to sail sticks across a fresh mud puddle and make ripples in a pond with rocks.

* I want to think M&Ms are better than money because you can eat them.

* I want to lie under a big oak tree and watch the ants march up its trunk.

* I want to run a lemonade stand with my friends on a hot summer's day.

* I want to think a quarter is worth more than a dollar bill cause it's prettier and weighs more.

* I want to go fishing and care more about catching the minnows along the shore than the big bass in the lake.

* I want to return to a time when life was simple. When all you knew were colors, multiplication tables, and nursery rhymes. When I didn't know what I know now. When all I knew was to be happy because I was blissfully unaware of all the things that should make me worried.

* I want to think the world is fair.

* I want to think that everyone is honest and good. I want to believe that anything is possible.

* I want to be oblivious to the complexities of life and be overly excited by the little things again.

* I don't want my day to consist of computer crashes, mountains of paperwork, depressing news, how to survive more days in the month than there is money in the bank, doctor bills, gossip, illness, and the loss of loved ones.

* I want to believe in the power of smiles, hugs, a kind word, truth, dreams, the imagination, Santa, the Tooth Fairy, a kiss that makes a boo-boo go away, making angels in the snow and that my dad and Superman are the strongest people in the world.


So......here's my checkbook and my car-keys, my credit cards and the bills too, my 401K statements, my stocks & bonds, my collections, my insurance premiums, my job, my house and the payments too, my e-mail address, pager,cell phone, computer, and watch.

I am officially resigning from adulthood. And if you want to discuss this with me further, you'll have to catch me first, cause,

"Tag!"...
"You're it!"

A MBA and an Engineer go on a camping trip, set up their tent,and fell asleep.

Some hours later, the Engineer wakes his MBA friend. "Look up at the sky and tell me what you see."

The MBA replies, "I see millions of stars."

The Engineer asks "What does that tell you?"

The MBA ponders for a minute : "Astronomically speaking, it tells me that there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets. Astrologically, it tells me that Saturn is in Leo. Time wise, it appears to be approximately a quarter past three. Theologically, it's evident the Lord is all-powerful and we are small and insignificant. Meteorologically, it seems we will have a beautiful day tomorrow. What does it tell you?"

The Engineer friend is silent for a moment, then speaks. "Practically... Someone has stolen our tent".

Jas and Vani nice jokes. 😆 😆 😆

Jas and Vani, very nice.

Jas I enjoyed resignation.