'Saath Tumhare' last Part IV(Short story)

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Daebak

@Daebak

Trailblazer

+ 7

Posted: 17 years ago

#21

👏 beautiful part.....poor akash.......i can understand how he must b feeling with his only ambition in life shattered.......being no more eligib;e to fly 😭

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golu_1677

@golu_1677

Inactive

Posted: 17 years ago

#22

Bhoomi have this fic of urs stored in my comp. Wen ever i have free time go thru them. Cont will wait for more good fics from u.

U are a wonderful writer. So Many good fics u have given us to read thanks. Keep going.

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Rabia

@SuhanaSafar

Dazzler

+ 7

Posted: 17 years ago

#23

Originally posted by: bhoomikauttam
About the ones in bold letters u wrote.. Hey common dont take it as racist, Disha is not racist.. its the scary faces of those people and the way they came and sat next to her.. she realised she canbe in trouble.. and if u know in Paris when it haults and u really need to be careful abt ur luaaggage.. the theifs r look out for that... Its reality!.. thats why I put that point across.. Disha travels across quite often and she knows where what can turn messy... She just tried to safeguard herself .. Also women tend to get the intution of if somethign can be fishy here.. and thats what she felt as those guys came and sat next to her...

Sorry, I'm not convinced. Why did you choose to make them Africans? The faces of Africans are no scarier than anyone else. And you didn't even mention that they were men, or that they looked like thieves. You just singled out the race. I don't think the fact that they're African should have anything to do with the situation. Personally, I would be a lot more comfortable with that section if you just said that "some rough looking men" or "men who looked like they were part of a gang" came and sat next to her. The way you wrote it makes it seem like she was frightened of them precisely because they were Africans...which I think seems racist. But anyway, maybe I'm just being overly critical. It's just that I'm from California which is one of the most liberal places in the world, and over here, that kind of statement would not be accepted. But anyway, I don't think you meant for it to be racist, so I'll just move on and read the next chapter. The story is very interesting so far!

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Rabia

@SuhanaSafar

Dazzler

+ 7

Posted: 17 years ago

#24

awww, sweet chapter. It's sad that Aakash had to deal with such a horrible accident, but I'm glad that he has moved on and has new goals to aim for. Hopefully Disha will now be an essential part of his life.

Edited by SuhanaSafar - 17 years ago

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Bhoomi

@bhoomikauttam

Dazzler

+ 2

Posted: 17 years ago

#25

Originally posted by: togepe30
👏 beautiful part.....poor akash.......i can understand how he must b feeling with his only ambition in life shattered.......being no more eligib;e to fly 😭

Hi Vandu dear... Am glad u enjoyed reading this part.... Yup it happens so often.. that the goal behind which we spend our whole life we reach and it seems to have vanished.. the pain only that person can know.. .. hey but I like u smiling.. keep smiling.. ehhe Will post the next part soon. dear..

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Bhoomi

@bhoomikauttam

Dazzler

+ 2

Posted: 17 years ago

#26

Originally posted by: golu_1677
Bhoomi have this fic of urs stored in my comp. Wen ever i have free time go thru them. Cont will wait for more good fics from u.

U are a wonderful writer. So Many good fics u have given us to read thanks. Keep going.

Hi Golu dear.... I am so happy and a bit surprised to know that u saved this in ur comp.. awww so sweet of u.. I dont know if its nice enough to read it again.. but just that i have fond memories of it... I do recollect ur comments on it.. thats the reason I had posted the next one after this quite fast......

Hey thanks for appreicatign my effort and encouragign me... Writer.. oh i need to get a llot of knowledge from friends like u.. which will help me... Its my pleasure to share my ff with friends as wonderful as u... Its been years but we still have the same warmth and love for each other...😃

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Bhoomi

@bhoomikauttam

Dazzler

+ 2

Posted: 17 years ago

#27

Originally posted by: SuhanaSafar

Sorry, I'm not convinced. Why did you choose to make them Africans? The faces of Africans are no scarier than anyone else. And you didn't even mention that they were men, or that they looked like thieves. You just singled out the race. I don't think the fact that they're African should have anything to do with the situation. Personally, I would be a lot more comfortable with that section if you just said that "some rough looking men" or "men who looked like they were part of a gang" came and sat next to her. The way you wrote it makes it seem like she was frightened of them precisely because they were Africans...which I think seems racist. But anyway, maybe I'm just being overly critical. It's just that I'm from California which is one of the most liberal places in the world, and over here, that kind of statement would not be accepted. But anyway, I don't think you meant for it to be racist, so I'll just move on and read the next chapter. The story is very interesting so far!

Firstly RAbis let me tell u its a one off story not a genralised statement on any one.. I wont take it as Racist.. I havnt called them black..... Its just that they looked horrifying.... I just dont know why u r takign such things personaly....

I think my intentions were clean.. nothing to hurt or harm any on indivudal or a state or conuntry.. most of my fanfics r clsoe to reality and the situation r which can happen... U wont belive but this is my story which i cherish for one more reason.. this incident u n I r discussign and even the base of the story line... one of my online reader told me.. she has gone throguh something similar.. and she was shcoked how i had portrayed a story so close ot her life...

Come on even I want to get on.. happy that u appreicated my intentions were not to hurt.... Keep giving me ur feedback.. I appreicate that.. it surely helps me ... I may not be a good writer.. but My thoughts r pure enough... thats what i gain strength from...

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Bhoomi

@bhoomikauttam

Dazzler

+ 2

Posted: 17 years ago

#28

Originally posted by: SuhanaSafar
awww, sweet chapter. It's sad that Aakash had to deal with such a horrible accident, but I'm glad that he has moved on and has new goals to aim for. Hopefully Disha will now be an essential part of his life.

HI Rabia..... U liked this one... Yup this is my personal fav scene or part.. I liked it when i wrote... and the names were decided with the story ..... Hope u like the remaining parts which i will post soon 😃..thanks for all ur encouragment...

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Bhoomi

@bhoomikauttam

Dazzler

+ 2

Posted: 17 years ago

#29

Part IV

Aakash (looking at the busy streets outside):

Kya pata tha is bheed mey tum miljaogi,

Kuch hi palon mey meri taqdeer ban jaogi,

Salona sa chehra ,muskurat har gam dorkardega,

Tumhe pakar to, har dil khil khila uthega.

Disha …Chahat hai zindagi guzare ab to ……Sath Tumhare……..(smiling)..

Disha writing in her diary………..

Apne sache pak manse sabko Apna banalete ho,

Har dil mey apni itni khaas jagah banalete ho,

Tumhare jasbaaton , pyaar mey naiki dekhi hai,

Tumse judi ab mere Zindagi ki har khushi hai.

Aakash…..lage mujhe, rahu har pal…….Saath Tumhare….(Blushing & closes her diary…with a broad smile on her face..

Disha's Mobile rings , its Aakash… She gets all excited

Disha: Hi..

Aakash: Hi, just called up to say thank u !!

Disha: Why? Maine kya kiya hai…nothing as such....

Aakash : U don't know, but u have been a friend in deed. I needed to speak to someone about my failure & my struggle of life. It had been suffocating me for long.

Disha: can understand, me as well should Thank u, as meeting u , knowing ur life has inspired me as well. It's a not only a pleasure but a pride to be ur friend…Aakash…

There is this silence …they want to say, hear something but cant get words to express…

Aakash: U need to sleep early, for preparing for the event. Will call u later. Good night1

Disha: Good night!…(Blushing..smiles covering her face…)

Both hold on the mobile as if they have expressed their love n r holding on to each others hands.

Early morning, Disha is called at the venue urgently, she rushes to find Saket standing there.

Disha is shocked as well as angry…

Disha: What r u doing here?

Saket: I have to keep a watch on u . pata nahi kahan kahan kiske sath rahati ho..

Disha: u keep ur mouth shut , and I don't need any watch dog like u . Get out of here.I don't want to create a scene here.

Saket: Kyun ?? waise to bahut himat agayee hai dekkh raha hoon, kabhi idhar bhagti ho kabhi udhar. After what u have done, how can I leave u …

The whole crew of the event watching them arguing….She walks at the exist gate…..Saket walks along with her..

Disha: Leave me alone. Please go away. I don't love u .

Saket : U have to love me, & that why I am here. U be with me u will start loving me.

She is upset n knows he is not gona listen.

Disha: U use to harrase me on phone I didn't took action against u due to uncle n aunty but now don't make me call the security to throw u out. So better u leave urself.

Saket: Tu bulaigi security ko, achaa…dekhta hoon , trying to go close to her..

………….Hi Saket…!!!..Saket looks around …its Aakash. Disha feels secured yet ..

Disha: Aakash, I will catch u later…..(she tries to react as if she is fine..)

Aakash: Disha..Saket is my friend , let me ask how is he doing..

Disha: I can take care…don't worry….Aakash…

Saket (wondering): what r u doing here , listen she is my chik, tum isse door raho.

Aakash: Acha chalo hum Disha se door rahker baat karte hain, (Puts his hand on his shoulder & go out of the exits door with him)

Aakash punches him….they fight …Disha rushes n just is able to see the security taking Saket away.. She is worried ..

Disha: Aakash why did u….Aakash interrupts..

Aakash: Why did u ????smiling..

Disha: slowly…smiling along…why did u …?

Aakash: Why did u.. ??? I was just correcting his love letter….he had made many spelling mistakes..(smiling as a matter of fact)

Both laugh & realize the desire to express their love to each other.. …but just walk along..and get back to their rooms.

Next day the grand event. Disha is looking in search of Aakash to wish him good Luck..

Disha: Where r u ???Akashu..kahan ho..?

Its just few minutes & Aakash hasn't reached the venue & his mobile is unreachable as well.

Disha gets worried, event is going good so far…she keeps jogging to the entry to enquire about him…

After the Event has started, she gets very upset as well as worried, goes at the entry again..Aakash..!!!

She sees Aakash walking in….she hurriedly, goes n hugs him..where were u? ..puts her head on his shoulder) I was so worried. …..(tears roll down….)

She feels his breath n realises ,she has never been so close to him…loosens her grip off his shirt..

Aakash: Disha am sorry , made u so tensed.!.actually was with the UK police , Saket had been hitting at the window glass panes , don't worry he is in the lock up now..

Disha: Mere wajah se tumhe yeh sab sehna pada.Tumhe koi chot to nahi pahunchi na?(in a low husky voice) Tears filled in her eyes.

Aakash: Haan chot to lagi hai, dard itna ho raha hai ki pucho matt, ab jab tak tumhare asuu bhare ankhen dekhunga dil mey to dard hota hi rahega!

Disha smiles…& wipes off her tears. They rush back with the announcement of the awards….holding each others hands…

They enter the Auditorium, which is full of silence, both of them r breathless. Disha rushes into her team to take the update of the event. Her heart beats faster as the Announcement of Aakash nominated category is up now. She tries to look at him, he too looks at her. She smiles n through her eyes gaze wishes him…

And …….!!!!…The Global award for Best creative work in advertising goes to Mr. Aakash Ahuja for the Advt Carry On !,… "Marygold Advertising" India…!!!

Aakash gets ups all elated, Disha stands there clapping happily, Aakash shakes hands with his colleagues & rushes towards Disha, she congratulating hugs him, tears rolling down from her eyes.

Aakash (goes on to the stage): It's a great occasion, winning the prestigious global award. It's a team effort and I know my team at Marygold deserved it, I thank each n everyone from my team. Special thanks to my Parents for supporting me through out , my friend Veer for making me get on with life.

(Looking at Disha )Finally Success ki Disha mey kadam rakh raha hoon, am achieving the path of success and thank u all for appreciating my effort & creativity. Thank, have a great evening….!!!

The next day , Aakash & Disha take their luggage to go back to India. They have their friends around this time, they get into the flight trying to take that every glimpse possible of each other. Their seats too r far away. This is a direct flight to India. They keep recollecting how they met …thinking….

Saath unka kitna suhana hai,

Zamana hame ab lagta begana hai…

Flight lands at Delhi airport…Aakash waits at the arrival where Veer has come,

Veer: Gayatha tab chehre per pareshani thi, ab yeh kaisi roshni !!! Congrats U made it…yaar…patting him hard ….

Aakash tells he needs to wait for someone, Disha arrives, n she is so excited to see him. She waves at him.

Veer : Ab who kitaab main padta hoon, u carry on…..(Naughty smile..)

Disha: Aakash….Hamara safar to khatm hone ko aya…

Aakash: Disha hamare safar ki yeh khubsurat shuruwat hai. Safar zindagi ka…jisme hai Khubsurat Saath Tumhara…..

Disha(put forward her hand , as asking for a promise): Zindagi bhar ke liye…(smiling …. sparkle in her eyes)

Aakash (put forward his hand with the medal/coin holding it): Rahenge... Saath Tumhare

********The Beginning of a New Journey********

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monika

@monikaseth

Sparkler

+ 3

Posted: 17 years ago

#30

bhoomi i want to hug you ! awesome , mindblowing , amazing dear . you are toooooooooooooo good . i love it what a short story sooo nice sorry i am late .iam waiting for next sweeet story. 👏