Hey guys! I apologize for the slight delay in updating..was super busy the last two weeks. So without further ado, here we go.....
CHAPTER 15: Some successes and other setbacks
Two days later, outside the OT:
Atul was nervous. Very very nervous. As the nurse helped him on with his green gown and cap, he tried to take deep calming breaths and regulate his racing heartbeat.
"You'll be fine, Atul. You'll do just fine," he kept chanting to himself under his breath.
"Pardon me?" asked the nurse, "Did you say something, Dr. Atul?"
"N…nothing," he replied. And then he began the chant in his mind, "Inhale and….Exhale, Inhale….Exhale," he repeated as he breathed in and out in time to the chant in his head.
Dr. Keerti arrived after a few minutes as well.
"Good morning, Dr. Atul," she said, holding out her arms for the nurse to help her on with the gown. "Did you study the case file that you were provided with?" she asked him in her usual no-nosense tone.
"Go…good morning, Dr. Keerti," he replied back nervously. "Y..yes, I r..read the case file very thoroughly."
"Good," she replied. "I am expecting you to make the most of this opportunity, Dr. Atul," she said as the nurse snapped the rubber gloves on to both their hands. She flexed her fingers for a bit and then looked up at him. "All set?" she asked.
His mouth now felt completely dry and he doubted a coherent sound would emerge from it, so he simply nodded and then followed her inside the OT.
Inside the OT:
There were two other nurses assisting in the surgery, but otherwise it was just Dr. Keerti and him. This was the very first time he had ever been inside the OT. Usually, he had only observed the surgeries from the observation room and had gotten an impression of a highly charged environment and a constant blur of activity going on. And now, he was on the other side of the glass window. He took a deep breath to steady himself once again and approached the patient lying on the operating table. The file had already informed him that the patient was a 35 year old male with stones in his kidneys. The surgery was basic enough, but he still felt nervous. Partly because it was his very first time in the OT, and the other reason was standing across from him on the other side of the patient. She was currently busy with some last minute conferring with the nurse.
All of Atul's concentration was focussed on that conversation, when suddenly he noticed movement throught the glass observation window behind Dr. Keerti. Armaan, Riddhima, Sapna and finally Anjali, all trooped in and sat down on the benches in the tiny little observation area. As each of them caught his eye, they wished him all the best in their own respective ways. Armaan pumped a fist in the air and mouthed (or probably shouted) "Go Champ!" Ridz and Sapna both gave him Thumbs up signs and yelled, "Go Atul," as well. And when his eyes finally landed on Anjali, he saw that she was smiling at him. That smile itself had an almost instant calming effect on him. They both looked at each other directly for a few moments, and then her smile got wider and she tilted her head slightly and nodded twice. And he understood what she was saying without her saying a word. You can do it, Atul. Something he himself had repeated to himself almost a million times since the past few days and what everyone else had said to encourage him as well. And yet…her saying it, not even verbally, but more with her eyes, seemed to finally get through to him and in that moment, all his nervousness vanished and he could actually feel calm pervading his body completely, leaving his mind completely clear and focussed on the task at hand. He looked at her for a moment longer and nodded back at her, knowing she wouldn't be able to see him smile back with the mask on his face. And then he turned back to the patient and watched Dr. Keerti begin the surgery.
Dr. Keerti spoke little during the surgery except for asking the nurses to pass on the instruments and elaborating a bit on the procedure as well as the patient's case history a little, while throwing in some questions to Atul. After about a half an hour, she finally stepped back and looked up at Atul. "Would you finish up here with the stitches, Dr. Atul?" she said, stating more than asking.
"Yes Ma'am," he replied and then proceeded to take the needle and thread handed over to him by the nurse.
Keerti watched him carefully as he carefully stitched the wound closed with precise small stitches. He could practically feel the heat of her gaze from the side and any other time may have fumbled knowing that she was watching this intently. But that focussed calm continued and he just devoted his complete concentration to the task on hand, blocking her out of his mind. After a few minutes, he stepped back and looked up at her. Dr. Keerti glanced down at the neat row of stitches for a moment and then looked up at him.
"Excellent job, Dr. Atul," she said to him, sounding a little surprised and impressed at the same time.
"Thank you very much, Dr. Keerti," he replied, feeling a warm glow spread inside his heart.
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When he finally emerged from the OT after washing up, he was intantly engulfed in a bear hug by Armaan.
"Champ, mere bhai, mere dost! Aaj to tune kamaal kar diya, yaar! Dr. Keerti ko to zor ka jhatka laga hoga, nahin?" he laughed. "I'm so proud of you, Champ!" he said clapping him on the back.
Riddhima and Sapna congratulated him as well, but he didn't quite register what they were saying to him because he had eyes only for the person who had now walked up to him.
Anjali held out a hand and with a beaming smile on her face, said, "Congratulations, Atul!"
He grinned back at her and shook her hand, "Thanks, Anjali," he replied, suddenly feeling as if he was floating two inches above the ground.
"I'd told you you'd do fine, didn't I?" she tilted her head teasingly at him. "And look at you! You completely blew away Dr. Keerti!"
Atul blushed a little at that, and ducked his head for a second before looking back at her. "I guess I should have believed you," he smiled back.
Armaan and Riddhima watched this exchange with visible surprise on their faces, while Sapna just watched both Atul and Anjali with a big smile on her face. But before any of them could say anything, their beepers went off and they all hurried off to their respective duties after calling out hasty 'byes' to each other.
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Dr. Keerti's Office:
Atul knocked on the glass door of the office. Dr. Keerti looked up and motioned for him to come in.
"Good afternoon, Ma'am," he said.
"Have a seat, Dr. Atul," she said, gesturing towards the chair as she skimmed through the documents in front of her. Atul sat down and looked around the office while he waited for her to finish her work. Various degrees and awards lined up the wall on one side, while a few charts lined the other. But no photographs at all. Of family or anyone else. He looked back at the desk once again, expecting to find a picture frame over there atleast, but there was nothing. The only 'soft' touch in the entire office seemed to be a little snow globe sitting towards one side of the desk. He leaned in a little to try and make out what was inside it, but Dr. Keerti suddenly looked up from in that moment and he instantly moved back, hoping she hadn't noticed him leaning in.
She closed the file in front of her, locked her fingers on top of it and looked at him directly now.
"A new case was brought in two days ago, Dr. Atul," she said, "a 6 year old with a heart defect." She slid over a file across the table towards him. "The heart is too small to sustain her body and she has collapsed from overexertion twice in the past. Dr. Shubhankar is officially in charge of the case," she paused, "and now you will assist him on this case."
"Yes, Ma'am," Atul replied, reaching forward to open the file. As he flipped it open to the first page, his eyes widened in recognition.
"Mili?!" he said in shock, an image of the sweet little girl holding her toy elephant and looking up at him with suspicion came to his mind instantly.
Dr. Keerti looked at him sharply, "Do you know her?"
Atul recovered a little and replied, "I…not really…I met her in a corridor of Sanjeevani a few days back…I guess..." he looked back down at the file, "her mother must have come to admit her to the hospital that day," he mused to himself.
"Oh." said Dr. Keerti. "Well…it's good that you already have somewhat of a rapport with the patient…it should help you. She is currently in the children's ward." The phone rang shrilly just then, and she reached forward to pick up the receiver and simultaneously addressed him, "That will be all for now, Dr. Atul."
"Thank you, Ma'am" he replied and after picking up the file from the table, turned and left.
Outside the office, he flipped open the file again and re-read the name on the top of the page. "Mili Mehra" As he flipped through the rest of the pages, random phrases and words leapt out at him. "Born with" "First attack...3 years of age" "Second…5 years" "CPR admistered to resuscitate" "Heart transplant required as soon as possible." Atul closed his eyes and leaned against the wall. So much suffering…for one so young!
Tubby says he will be friends with you now, He opened his eyes and smiled at that memory. He looked down at the file closed it slowly. "I guess it's time to go pay a visit to Tubby again," he said to himself.
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Children's ward:
Atul walked in and looked around the ward, trying to locate Mili. He finally noticed her sitting on her bed in the far corner of the room, staring out of the window morosely while the toy elephant sat neglected in her lap.
"Hi Tubby!" he said, when he finally reached her bedside.
She turned her face towards him in surprise at the sound of his voice.
"Oh Hi, Mili," he pretended to be startled. "You're here as well? I happened to be passing by and I noticed Tubby so I thought I'd drop in and say hi. So…how are you feeling today?"
Mili stared at him for a moment and her surprise was gradually replaced with the same morose look on her face before she looked away towards the window once again.
Not to be deterred, Atul scooped Tubby out her lap and held him up to his eye level. "What's going on, Tubby? Is Mili in a bad mood today?"
"Give that back!" she said to him in outrage, reaching out to grab the toy from him, but he deftly held it out of her reach.
"Just a minute," he replied holding Tubby's mouth/trunk close to his ear, "Tubby's telling me something here. He says…Mili doesn't like hospitals…she doesn't like the nurses or the injections…or….the doctors…is that true, Mili?" he asked her.
She didn't reply and glared back at him mutinously, trying to swipe the toy out of his hands again.
He continued to hold it out of her reach for a moment longer, and then finally handed it back to her. She snatched Tubby out of his hands and started muttering at it reprimandingly under her breath.
Atul sat down on the steel stool next to her bed and after a slight pause, said, "You know what else Tubby told me, Mili?" She didn't respond. He waited in silence, and after a few minutes, she turned to look at him.
"He said…Mili is really missing her Mom a lot," said Atul quietly.
Mili stared at him for a moment and then tears gathered in her eyes as she clutched Tubby to herself tightly.
"Why did Mom leave Mili in this place?" she said through her tears. "Mili doesn't like it at all! And she begged Mom not to leave her here!... And Mom still left her here! Why?" she cried. "I want to go home! Now!"
"Mili…"
Atul got up and sat down on her bed, reaching out a hand to brush away her tears and then stroke her hair.
"Mili, your Mom has brought you here so that you can get well! She wants you to be perfectly healthy and be able to play with all you friends as much as you want! Don't you want that as well?"
She subsided a little and after a moment of seeming consideration, replied in between hiccupping cries, "Yes, Mili misses her friends too."
"And this place isn't so bad either!" he said, and then paused. "Is it?"
She widened her eyes and gave him a look as if to say, "Are you kidding?"
"Except for the food I guess, haina?" he said making a face. "But what to do?" he continued with a resigned sigh, "Hospital food is always like that only."
"Mom brought food for Mili yesterday," she said, picking at some lint on Tubby. "But Mili is not talking to Mom right now, so she didn't eat it! And neither did Tubby!" she added defiantly.
"Hmmm…didn't your Mom feel bad?" he asked softly.
"Maybe…" she replied in a small voice and after a pause added in a stronger tone, "But she deserved it! Mili had already told her that she would never talk to her if she left her in the hospital ever again!"
"Mili, please don't be so angry with your Mom…you know that she loves you very much, don't you?" he said. And when she didn't respond, he lifted her chin up with his thumb and forefinger to look directly into her eyes. "You know it, don't you?" he repeated. Fresh tears fell from her eyes as she nodded slowly.
Atul slowly wiped away her tears once again and said, "This is very hard for her as well, Mili. And if you don't talk to her, it will only hurt her more…do you really want that?"
She wiped her nose with the back of her hand and shook her head.
"Mili is a very brave girl, isn't she Tubby?" he said, now addressing the toy elephant. He then put a hand behind his ear and pretended to listen for a moment. "He says he always knew that," smiled Atul, and Mili smiled back in reply.
"You just have to stay strong now, Mili…for your sake as well as your Mom's…We will soon have you fit and fine and ready to go! Alright?" he said.
Mili wiped her remaining tears, sat up a little straighter and slowly nodded in reply.
"Good girl!" said Atul, ruffling the hair on top of her head, causing her to giggle.
His beeper suddenly went off and after checking it, he turned to her and said, "I have to go now, Mili…but I'll be back soon! You'll be a good girl and take care of Tubby, won't you?" She smiled and nodded her head again.
"Oh, and before I leave…just to prove to you that the doctors at Sanjeevani are not that bad either…I have a little present for you and Tubby!" he said, rummaging around in his pocket.
"Tadaa!" he said, producing two clairs from his pocket yet again, and was rewarded as expected with joy lighting up her face. "Here you go! One for you and one for Tubby," he said, handing her one clair and placing the other in her lap next to the elephant.
As he turned to go, she called out to him, "Dr. Atul?"
He turned and said, "Yes?"
"Please come back soon," she replied softly, a hint of shyness and longing combined in her voice.
Atul smiled at her, "I will, Mili…very very soon!" He tweaked her nose and then finally hurried out.
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Later in the day, the latest IOTM scores were posted and to her pleasant surprise, Angie discovered that despite losing out on the chance to assist Dr. Keerti, she had still gained enough points to move upto second place, exactly one point behind Ridz. And Atul had also moved up many spots to third place, right behind Ridz and Anjali. Armaan on the other hand, had slipped a couple of spots to fourth place and Sapna was trying to cheer him up. Riddhima was gloating over this fact very happily and not losing out on any chance to throw a barb his way about his tall claims of winning the IOTM a few days ago. Armaan threw dirty looks back at her and they continued to bicker. Atul caught Angie's eye in the midst of this entire melee and gave her a thumbs up while mouthing 'Great job!' and she smiled and reciprocated with a thumbs up sign as well.
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Cafeteria:
Atul walked in and noticed Anjali sitting on one of the tables by herself, rubbing her forehead with one hadn and nursing a much needed cup of coffee in the other. He grabbed a coffee from the counter himself and walked over to her table.
"Long day?" he said.
Anjali looked up. "Oh hi, Atul," she replied. "Yeah, you could say it's been a loooooooong day," she said with a tired sigh.
"I can imagine," he said sympathetically, "It's been pretty crazy for me as well…and on top of that, Dr. Keerti's asked me stay back late today for a few new cases that have come in."
"Oh wow! You too??" she said in surprise, "Looks like Hitler decided to be "meherbaan" on both of us today….she told me to stay back for the new cases as well," she finished morosely.
"She told you to stay back as well? Aww…bad luck, haina?" said Atul, suddenly not minding the extra work so much more, but trying to maintain the sympathetic expression on his face.
She just nodded tiredly and took a sip of her coffee. Atul lifted his cup to take a sip as well and happened to notice Dr. Shashank passing by through the glass doors. That reminded him that he'd been meaning to ask her a little about that issue, and he wondered if this would be a good time to ask. They had become quite good friends now and she seemed to be completely at ease with him. So he decided to follow the impulse and go ahead.
"Anjali?" he asked.
"Hmmm?" she replied.
"I've…I've been meaning to ask you something that has been on my mind for a while now…" he said.
"What is it, Atul?" she asked in a puzzled tone.
He took a deep breath and said, "Do you…remember that day in the corridor? When you were talking to Dr. Shashank and Ridz? And I'd walked over to you after they left….?"
Anjali's eyes became shuttered instantly and he watched her slip on the cool expressionless mask once again as she replied in a wary tone, "Yes…?"
"When I saw you….you were crying, weren't you?" he continued.
She didn't reply, but he could feel the sudden tension in the air and wondered if he had made a big mistake by broaching this topic right now.
"I…I don't mean to…pry, Anjali…It's not really any of my business either, but I was just…"
"Then why are you asking me this, Atul?" she finally spoke in a cool tone. "I do recall telling you that it was none of your business, right?"
"Yes, Anjali…but I thought since we were good friends now…maybe you could tell me what had upset you so…"he replied.
She stared at him for a few moments with the expressionless mask very much in place and then said, "Look, Atul…we may be friends now but that does not, and I will repeat this…does NOT in any way imply that you have the right to interfere in my personal life or issues…is that clear?"
"Crystal," he replied quietly after a small pause. "Please don't misunderstand me, Anjali…I was just worried about you…."
"Worried?" she asked, looking at him in puzzlement, "Why??"
He glanced down at his coffee cup and didn't say anything.
"Look Atul," she said, "I can understand your concern as a friend, but really…I'm fine. You don't need to worry about me this much, alright? I am perfectly fine…and I don't want this topic to be broached again."
"Alright, Anjali," he said.
"Ok then," she said, not liking the sudden awkwardness that had now cropped up in the silence following their conversation. "My break's over now, gotta rush to the General Ward. See you."
"Bye, Anjali," he replied and as he watched her walk out of the cafeteria, mentally kicked himself for bringing up the topic in the first place…he should have figured that she would react in this way.
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Elevator, around midnight.
Anjali walked into the empty elevator and pressed the button for the ground floor, stifling a yawn with the back of her hand. "Thank god the day is finally over!" she thought to herself, already getting visions of crashing onto her comfortable bed back home.
The elevator stopped one floor down from her floor, and the doors opened with a chime to admit Atul in. He walked in a few steps and then paused abruptly, "Oh. Hi, Anjali," he said awkwardly.
"Hi, Atul," she replied back just as awkwardly. He pressed the button for the ground floor again and the doors closed shut again.
They both rode the elevator in complete silence, standing in opposite corners. Atul couldn't quite figure out what to say to her to cut through the tension, so he decided it would be best to just remain quiet, and Anjali felt too tired to conjure up the effort to try and make awkward conversation in that moment.
Suddenly, the elevator stopped with a jerk and the lights went out.
Udne Ki Aasha
CID
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