My first attempt at Fanfic - Page 2

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freakandnut57 thumbnail
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Posted: 18 years ago
#11
"……WHY??"

"Huh?"

"You know well enough what I am asking, WHY didn't you attend the party??"

"Oh, some important work held me back……."

"It was our party, you did know that Colonel?? OUR party…..and you were NOT there!"

"I have already explained myself….."

"Yes….you certainly have….EXPLAINED……"

Silence…….

"Main hi bevkof hoon, jo yeh sab karti rehti hoon……Paanch saal ho gaye shaadi ko…..aur hum dost bhi nahin bas sakein!"

Silence….

"Kuch bhi karu…..aapko kuch na kuch kaam aa hi jata hai…..Simla jana tha, kaam aa gaya…..pichle saal tumhari bahen ki shaadi hui, mujhe bhej diya…..aur ab saare guests ke beech main akeli thi……….aur aap ko phir se KAAM THA!!??"

"Gopal, meri coffee kahan hai?"

"Important kaam……kya hota hai aapke liye yeh main jaanti hoon…..phir se…."

"PLEASE!!", yelled Colonel Rajveer Singh Shekhavat, at his wife, "….I said I am SORRY!", his wife, Ritu, was almighty's one beautiful creation, with all the aesthetic perfections…..draped in an expensive black saari, sparkling jewellery, she looked like a dream……..but the Colonel's eyes never rested on her….her beauty was all in vain to him. As he looked at her, with a blank expression, his eyes didn't have a tinge of attraction, admiration, love or even respect.

"We are married, do you realize that Colonel?? MARRIED! You owe me some of your time……..Yeh shaadi nibhaana aapki bhi zimmedaari hai!", yelled she.

"Haan…..hai na, meri bhi…..zimmedari……Zimmedari hi to hai!"

Ritu stared at him for a minute, as her silently sipped his coffee. Than walked out of the room….

Rajveer stood up….his hands tucked in his pockets, looked up in the sky, and closed his eyes, "I am sorry……Naveen!"

************************************************************ **********************************************

The atmosphere grew more festive as cars full of relatives arrived at the Ghai household in Kapoorthala, from all over the country that morning!

Pooja's face had a glow, which made her shine brighter than her chunky jewellery. She was sitting on the jhoola with Biji, and all her relatives wished her one by one as they came. Every now and than, she kept on looking at her hand, where a golden ring with an engraved "A" shone under the sun, the mere glimpse of this, made her pretty face glow even more!

"Oye Praji, tusi, Amritsar wich Hotel book karai?", Pooja's aunt asked her father.

"Yeh tuna achha yaad dilaya.", answered Surender Ghai, "Kuljeet, oye Kuljeete…."

"Ji Pitaji",answered Kuljeet, Pooja's brother.

"Amritsar di koi changi hotel wich ek changa sa kamra dekh ke book karvaade, Pooja de khaad dost aane wale hai…..aur inhe to thik se rakhe nahin, to aspas ke log use pareshaan karne aa jayenge….bhai poora khyal rakhna, hamari khatirdaari main koi kami nahin honi chahiye!", explained Surender.

"Ji, Pitaji", said Kuljeer and drove off in his motorbike.

------------------------------------------------------------ ------------------------------------------------------------ ------------------------------------------------------------ ------------------------------------


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angeliclooks_me thumbnail
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Posted: 18 years ago
#12
dat was amazing jivora! 👏 but me sad dat raj married ritu n not naina 😭 nyways... do continu sooooon 😉
HarshuKiDeewani thumbnail
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Posted: 18 years ago
#13
omg... ur really, really good 👏 👏 ... fab work 👏 👏 ... i jst read d whole fic right now... its awesome 😊 .... super cool 👏 ... plz continue asap 😊 😊 😊
kanak1309 thumbnail
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Posted: 18 years ago
#14
This doesnt look like a first attempt jivora...
this is absolutely amazing FF....

btw... i was wondering... why did Raj say "i'm sorry Navin"??? did Navin ask him to get married to ritu kya???? 😆

luv
kanak
devilangel thumbnail
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Posted: 18 years ago
#15

you are really good jivora.. i loved the fic until now altho i ddint understand many words properly..

but as kanak said, its definitely not a first attempt.. and i cant wait to read more 👏

and ritu is calling her husband colonel.. its hilarious 👏

Edited by devilangel - 18 years ago
freakandnut57 thumbnail
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Posted: 18 years ago
#16
"Ali, tere liye phone hai."

"Ji, Aapa"

Ali walked up to his sister and took the receiver from her hand.

"Helo?"

"Tum samajhte kya ho? Jo man main aayega w o h karoge? Aur main karne doonga? Bro, you are very much mistaken!", a familiar voice yelled on the other end of the receiver. It took Ali a second to recognize it, and this baught a grin on his otherwise serious face.

"Oh, Yudibhai, hum samaj saktain hain, magar yeh sab itni jaldi….."

"I am terribly angry with you, dude. Aap shaadi kar rahe ho, and what do I get….??? This invitation card…..aur w o h bhi shaadi ke paanch din pahele?"

"Magar, aap aa to rahe hain na?"

"Now he is asking…..Haan, ab teri lovestory ko ham sabne milkar to banaya hai….ab uska success dekhne bhi nahi aayenge kya?"

"To fir der kis baat ki…."

"Anyways, congratulations dude! I will be there in a jiffy. Magar baaki saare bhi aa rahe hain?"

"W o h sab Pooja jaane, usne hi zimmedari li hai!"

"Alright bro…………See you soon!"

'Zaroor"

The chat ended there….Ali had a smile on his face, his friend, one of the closest….and after such a looong time……He had a feeling of excitement, but he feared….that the past, and long forgotten memories would re-surface……

"Ali, yeh tumhara dost Yudi hi than na, jo party waale din….Madonna….??", his sisters question baught Ali back to the present.

"Ji Aapa. Pahele yeh bade confused-se hua karte the, magar ab to sahab Captain Yaduvansh Sahani ho gaye hain, aur KMA main Strategy & Communications padhate hai cadets ko! Dhan-daulat aur saari suvidha main palne ke bavajod army ke sakht aur discipline saanche main khudko dhaala hai inhone!", Ali voice was filled with pride and love for his friend!

***********************************************************
Army Headquaters, New Delhi, 1200hrs:

"Saahab ka mood kaisa hai?",Orderly Mayank Shekhar asked his collegue, holding a coffee mug.

'Pata nahin, aaj kisiko andar bulaya hi nahin!"

"Aisi koi baat nahin hai, magar zaraa sa darr lagta hai. Saahab waise to hain apni hi umra ka, magar unka jawab nahin….is desh ko un jaise ek do aur mil jaye na, to in sab dushmano ki chhotti kar de!"

"Yaar, fir bhi, zaraa sambhalyo! Kabhi pyaar se dost ki tarah baat kartein hain, aur kabhi aise dekhtein hain ki………"

"…Kuch bhi bol, koi baat hai, saade Major main, pichle saal Diwali pe ghar aaye the, to amma ke pairon ke paas baith gaye aur phir unhi se baatein ki, saari shaam, aur jaate jaate bole, 'Shekhar, amma ki jaan se laga kar rakhna!'…."

Trembling, Orderly knocked at the door. The door, that beared a very familiar name, but it seemed so much more respectable today, "Major Aalekh Sharma".

"Aajao, Orderly", a voice as young as a boy's called out!

"Coffee, aur daak, Major!"

"Hmmm…"

Orderly departed.

Major Aalekh Sharma fumbled through his post, flipping through what seemed to be a dozen of different envelopes, his hands jerked to a halt holding a golden envelope. He smiled……pushed aside all other posts, and lay back on his chair.
For several minutes, the strict, efficient, perfect, determined Army Officer, Major Aalekh Sharma, became Cadet Aalekh!

"Yeh fookat ki chai, fookat ka kapda….kaam kya hai?"

"Oye, khotya, yeh jail nahin hai, academy hai…..aur tujhe army officer banana hamara jimma hai!", face of plump Suriji floated in his memories…….

... "Abe oye Quaidi, jail se to nikal gaya, insaan bhi banja, shave kar le, makkhan ki tarah chalega yeh rezor",he could see several cadets holding him back, and one of them came near and near to him holding a razor.

"Kya tum Mujhe ander le jaoge, handsome??", Madonna asked him. This one was too much even for the grim Major to resist….and he laughed sitting in his cabin!

'RING-RING'

"Major Aalekh Sharma…"

"Happy Birthday to you……", said a girl's voice. Aalekh's face gave a never before smile……

"Ek tuich hai, jo mujhe wish karti hai…..saala apun ko hi apun ka birthday pata nahin….", without even realizing, he spoke in a completely different manner….a manner which he now never used, which was alien to all his collegues.

"Mare liye wahi din tumhara birthday jab hum paheli baar mile the, wahaan…..", she said. Her voice has miraculous effect on this strong hearted Major, his face softened every minute……

"W o h kya kehtain hai, 'Thank you'!", his grin widened….

"Bol, kya gift degi mujhe aaj?"

"Jo tu maange, mere paas ab tere siva kuch bhi nahin bacha….."

"Maang loonga, fir denaa hi padega…."

"Ab kisi bhi cheez ki kaami nahin hai, koi cheen sake aisa kuch hai hi nahin….."

"….tera raag nahin sunna mujhe, bol, jobhi apun mangege, milega?"

"Milega, Major….."

"Apun ko, apunki wohi dost chahiye……pooraniwali…………"

There was a long silence on the oppoite end….and then…..

"Pata hai Aalekh, mujhe kal hi……."

"Baat ghooma mat!"

And silence followed…..until Major heard a 'click' on the other end….

The call was disconnected………………………

------------------------------------------------------------ ------------------------------------------------------------ ------------------------------------------------------------ ------------------------------------


kanak1309 thumbnail
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Posted: 18 years ago
#17
Hey jivora, U know what I love most about u.... ur speed.... u post the parts really fast and we hav quite a lot of fun to read them so fast.... 👏

Thanx a lot for this...

as for this part........
simply outstanding.... both Ali-Yudi and Alekh-Naina part....
and that orderly convo was just sooooo good..... u do hav a very good imagination and u know where u r going

keep up the great work...
and do keep up the speed too 😉 😉

luv
kanak
devilangel thumbnail
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Posted: 18 years ago
#18
jivora.. i have to take writing classes from you. youre too good.. this part was simply mindblowing 👏
drymaple thumbnail
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Posted: 18 years ago
#19
greaaaaaaatt jivora 😳 ...sachi mein yaar...alekh naina's part was tooo good!!...i loved it..!! 😳 😳

the convo was 2 good 😳 😳

please continue... 😳 😳

take care and have loads of fun!!

devyani.
Prenz~13 thumbnail
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Posted: 18 years ago
#20
👏 👏 👏 its AWESUM jivora!!! 👏
i swear....sply alekh n nainas convo 😳 ...n ritu callin her husband colonel... 😆 😆
ur gr8888 at dis jiv..DEFINITELY not a first try..!! 👏

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