"The first duty of love is to listen." ~ Paul Tillich
Jeevika wasn't quite sure what had happened.
One minute she was awkwardly making her way to the door...the next she was in Viren's arms...and then he was kissing her.
It wasn't gentle nor slow. This was intense and potent, all the more so for the water sliding across her skin, drenching her suit, and the dark undercurrent of passion that had been subtly laced into their every encounter since his arrival. She forgot everything and time stood still.
She was aware of nothing but him and once she had gotten over the initial shock that had rendered her immobile, she was kissing him back with just as much fervor, pouring every single stormy emotion into it; desperation, anger, love, grief. He demanded just as much as she gave, his hands roaming from where they had been originally supporting her; one pressed at her lower back, pushing her as close as possible into intimate contact with him; the other roughly entangling in her wet hair.
It seemed as though their separation, every moment they were apart both physically and emotionally, had pushed them both to such a state that they had become so powerfully aware of every touch, every word, every sensation. The anger and hurt still simmering between them had somehow only lent some wicked shade of sensuality and she felt as though she was drowning in him.
Her hands rove over the strength of his back and arms, back down his chest, hovering at his hips, where his towel clung dangerously low and she felt his breath hitch. It gave her some satisfaction, pushing him so close to the edge when she had been hurting for so long. When her thumb brushed teasingly over his navel, he bit down lightly on her lower lip, and she gasped, as he began to take back control, deepening the kiss and catching her hand tightly, twisting it around to her back. His lips broke from hers and her eyes flew open at the lack of contact before his lips seared down her neck and she arched back, making a tiny sound of pleasure.
He pushed her directly under the stream of water, pushed her back further as though looking for something to lean her against, when her foot slipped yet again. He caught her, staring at her for a moment, at her eyes which she was sure were clouded and dark with the turbulence of emotion. His own were unreadable, yet she had this hazy thought that wherever he would take her next, she would not have the presence of mind to stop him, nor did she want to...
"Jeevika!" Beeji's voice called.
Both of them were startled by the intrusion, unsure whether to be thankful or regretful for the call back to the present. What had they done, she wondered, running her hand back through her hair as he let go of her, looking anywhere but at her.
She headed out of the bathroom to the adjoining room, which thankfully happened to be hers. It would have been quite mortifying to have anyone find her in her current bedraggled state. She paused to glance at her reflection in the mirror. Her lips were kiss-swollen, her face flushed, her hair a drenched mess and her suit clung to her body like a second skin.
The door creaked open and she spun around apprehensively, but it was only Viren, still attired in his soaked towel. Jeevika tried to focus her attention elsewhere, mumbling, "Be careful of the water on the floor...you might slip..." she had left a little trail from the bathroom to where she stood, a small puddle forming at her feet. It was so quiet in the room she could almost hear the drip-drop sound of water droplets splashing to the floor from her hair. Viren locked the door behind him and she gulped, her pulse picking up again.
"I need to change-" they both began at the same time, then stopped, realizing that neither could leave the room.
Jeevika took out a towel for each of them, handing one to him gingerly before turning around to give him some privacy. Although at a sudden flash of movement in front of her, she realized she had forgotten about the mirror. She closed her eyes shut tightly, wringing the towel between her hands, blushing, singularly aware of every movement and sound behind her.
She didn't open her eyes until she felt his presence behind her and he took the towel from her hands. There was something akin to amusement in his eyes as she met his reflection in the mirror and she stood up straighter in defiance. Without a word, he began to dry her hair methodically, his gestures much more gentle compared to their rough intimacy in the bathroom. When he stopped, she slowly turned around, facing him. His jeans hung snugly over his hips, he'd neglected to put on a shirt as yet, still radiating heat. His gaze lowered from her eyes to her neck and she felt a tiny trickle of water slowly make its way down from her nape to her collarbone. His eyes followed the movement and he lowered his head to kiss her there. She felt the flicker of his tongue and she was wracked with a delicious shiver, the tension between them still tangible.
His fingers undid the slippery cords of her dori and he wrapped the towel around her, taking a step back, turning around to both find a shirt and give her some privacy. She pulled off her suit as quickly as possible and picked up the churidar he'd left on her bed, putting it on with just as much haste. Her fingers were trembling, as she struggled with the dori and again, he approached from behind, silently, tying it for her with gentle precision.
"We need to talk," he said quietly.
She nodded, moving to sit on the edge of the bed for some support. He sat a safe distance across from her and began, "I don't want to fight with you anymore."
She looked up at him, feeling the first stirrings of hope in her heart, "Neither do I."
"You need to come back." I need you to come back.
"What about Swamini Bua?" she asked quietly, looking down.
There was a pause, then, "It's too late to undo the truth, but she's recovering slowly..."
And that's when it hit Jeevika. He still blamed her, still refused to accept that perhaps she might have had a valid reason for telling Swamini the secret behind Karan's murder that night. It's too late to undo the truth, as though she had made a terrible mistake. It was true, she did regret telling Swamini, she regretted not having the strength to keep silent under the weight of her degrading insults. But, Viren didn't know that, he didn't know what truly happened that fateful day and he still hadn't bothered to ask, as though the answer would make little difference. And that's what hurt her. That he had so little faith, so little trust in her judgment and in her respect and love for his aunt.
"I want to forgive you," he said and that was when she rose from the bed, a piece of her heart breaking from what she knew she needed to do.
"Virenji, I don't want to fight with you anymore," she said softly, "But, I don't think I can come back. Not yet, at least."
He looked stunned; he clearly had not expected a refusal. "Why not?"
"We can't go back to how we used to be until we rebuild our trust in each other."
His gaze was shuttered. "You broke it."
This time, she held her head high, and though her heart hurt she told him calmly, "I spoke to you and I listened to what you had to say. I understood your anger and your pain. But, you see, that's the difference between you and me. You spoke to me, but didn't listen to what I had to say. And the only anger and pain you understood, was your own."
There was a small silence, before he looked up finally, "I'm listening now."
Viren waited for her to speak. Something in her words, her tone, struck home and he felt a pang of guilt. He had so blindly assumed she would simply listen to him, be overjoyed at his forgiveness and return home. It was not only an insult to her strength of character, he realized, but arrogance on his part. And her gentle reminder spoke volumes to her inner pain.
"I never wanted to hurt Buaji," she said, clearly emoting through her eyes, "I love and respect her very much. And I also respected your decision. After all, I originally said that we shouldn't tell her the truth, that it might destroy her emotionally...but, then I realized that her anxiety over what we weren't telling her, and her fear over the truth was eating away at her just as painfully. Still, I said nothing because you asked me not to. And then, she began to ask me questions. She believed I killed him and she became very distraught. I said nothing still..." her voice began to break, "She insulted my parents and my upbringing, as though I had been taught to be a murderer, and that was when I told her. I know I shouldn't have told her, and definitely not in anger and hurt, but I did. That was my breaking point. I would never have told her otherwise and it hurts to realize that you think I would. And perhaps you still blame me. I still blame myself. But, I wanted you to know anyway," she shuddered in a deep breath, blinking away her tears.
Viren sat stock-still, staring at her in shock, pain and remorse. He had berated her so harshly for hurting his family, forgetting that his family was hers too. It was this love of family that had led her to exposing the truth. And yet, she still felt guilt over her actions. And what had he done? He had simply compounded it. Her nightmares...he felt a wave of revulsion towards himself.
"You told me not to go near her after," she continued, tears slipping from her eyes before she could stop them, "So I didn't. But-"
"The nurse left and you saved her," Viren finished, tears forming in his own eyes, "Maa told me yesterday. I didn't listen to you, I didn't believe you...I'm so, so sorry..." He pulled her into his arms tightly, as though he'd never let her go again.
"I shouldn't have-" she began, but he interrupted her, "You did only what anyone else in your place would have done, you were even stronger. I hurt you so much that you left..." She buried her face into his neck, her body wracked with sobs. He was crying himself, with self-repulsion and grief.
Once she had sufficiently calmed, she pulled away from his hold, composing herself, looking away.
"Please come back," he entreated.
She took a deep breath, "I need some time, Virenji, please. Not only for my sake, but Buaji's."
He began to protest but she shook her head, "Please, Virenji. Give me some time."
He said nothing. He owed her that much. Though his heart ached for her, he knew that he couldn't simply expect her to forget everything and pretend nothing had ever happened. But, he would do everything within his power to win her over and bring her back.
He loved her, always had, always would, and he was never, ever letting her go again.
Edited by KryanVirikaLuv - 9 years ago
Iss Pyaar Ko Kya Naam Doon
Jodha Akbar
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