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*EDIT*
That was one heck of a roller-coaster ride of emotions. I actually have the story open on another tab so I can quote and make sure I don't miss anything...and if I do, you'll just be hearing from me again, so deal with it :P
Right. I love your characterisation. Arnav, Khushi, Shyam...these people we know and have met in the show and in so many stories across this forum. But this man, Maamu-jaan...I read about him, and even now I can't shake off the feeling that he's bad news. There's something just beneath his heartiness, in the way he makes what is compulsory sound like an offer, in the way he makes his subordinates, who are supposed to fear him, forge an outwardly relation with him...it makes me afraid. He makes me afraid. There's this dread in me that he's going to make trouble for Khushi...and Arnav, which I just knew was it was after I read that description and you made me crush on a gangster. Seriously, that's not done. And now I'm digressing again too. Gah.
And you know...I love how I can't predict anything at all in this story. Even with the identities of Khushi and Arnav, I wasn't certain to commit before you wrote something that blew my mind away. And despite that, you still blew my mind away. I don't know if I was expecting bloodshed or treachery from the cliffhanger in chapter 2, but this, this I most certainly did not expect. And it lives true to the theme of the dark genre...it proves that this 'story of Arnav and Khushi' isn't going to be a bed of roses, but will have all the greys in-between our ideals of black and white. That single sentence, 'And the girls were brought in'...it was like a blow, because I didn't expect it and when I thought about what must follow, I didn't want it either. But reality doesn't change coz you don't want something, and it's brought out through and through here.
And my respect for Arnav doubles. His dropping eye-contact, not prolonging her moment of shame, and yet watching her and protecting her throughout. His whisking her away before anyone else could harm her.
'Respecting him for making her feel clothed when everyone one else undressed her with her eyes.'
'For respecting her when everyone else degraded her.'
'For protecting her when everyone else wanted to devour her.'
'For being with her when everyone else wanted to be in her'
Those were simple, yet so powerful lines. Everything you wrote about Khushi, about how she had resigned to her fate...it just broke my heart and I confess, I cried for her. We are so quick to label things good and bad, and yet here are two 'unsavoury' characters who are the victims of their circumstances with feelings as human as ours, and you brought that out so beautifully that I can't help but pray that they find some happiness in each other in this world of 'lives lost and fates broken'. I absolutely loved this description - 'a shady dingy room which smelt of lives lost and fates broken' - like a metaphor for their world. It's so bleak...it makes me afraid and wary and still hope
The last line...I don't know. I got tingles. Both from anticipation, and from dread. It's not going to be easy, is it? I just hope they both get out unscathed.
By far my favourite chapter, this one
Edited by -doe-eyes- - 12 years ago
Real Estate
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