FF|Arhi|Th#2 How IPK should've been[Ch14/Sc3 pg122 - Page 53

I always wondered when the time will come when I manage to wake up all by myself. Meaning without Amma's summons, without Buaji's scoldings, without Jeeji's tugging. But then, I realised that since the past few days, I hadn't been getting much sleep at night. I'd lie on the bed, and stare at the ceiling, watching the fan whir round and round. Well, this seemed like a good idea; don't sleep at night and don't worry waking up early.

I turned over to my side and stared at the alarm clock, watching the radium hands move synchronously. Tick tock tick tock. I knew the alarm would ring in just a few more minutes, telling me that it was time to get up and go about my business. Strangest thing is that I had been shutting down the alarm clock everyday since the past few days before it managed to ring, denying it the only thing that it was meant to do. I felt a strange sense of happiness. Or maybe I was just becoming a sadist.

I noticed the time, it was 05:00 in the morning. I remembered that the visiting hours in the hospital started as early as 06:00. Maybe it would be a good idea to leave early today. That way I could actually meet the specialists too. Deciding on the plan, I quietly sat up on the bed. The silence in the room was permeated only by the sound of Amma's deep breathing. I took a moment to pause and look towards her. I was really glad that she decided to bring Bauji for the medical camp. If he hadn't come here, this miraculous operation probably could never have been performed.

I looked around the room. Bauji, Amma, Jeeji, this house, Lucknow. So many memories were tied here together. I closed my eyes and remembered how Bauji worked in his sweet shop, I remembered how Amma made pooris in the kitchen, I remembered how Jeeji used to get ready for her college. I remembered Sugandha Aunty's yells from the next door for a cup of milk. I remembered Bauji's oldest friend Jagan Uncle coming over for a cup of tea in the evening. I remembered going to the Mela with Jeeji, I remembered bargaining over a new pair of bangles, I remembered relishing MotiMahal's kulfis. I opened my eyes and looked around the room again, feeling slightly sad by the nostalgia. Bauji, Amma, Jeeji, this house, Lucknow. So many memories were tied here together.

A part of me was begging me to stop thinking about those things. They were a chapter from my past. Another part of me was reiterating that I was here again, so it was the present as well wasn't it? Ohh! This was so confusing! I swung my feet to the side and slowly got off the bed. Chal tayyar ho ja Khushi, din shuru hone wala hai, I thought to myself

I walked to the washroom and switched on the light. As I looked into the mirror I stared at the haunted eyes that were staring back at me. My eyes slowly touched the dark circles around my eyes. Damn I looked haggard! I quickly splashed cold water on my face, not that I needed any vestigial sleep to be driven off.

After freshening up I walked towards Jeeji's room. I knew she won't be awake so early, but I needed to tell someone that I was heading to the hospital. I didn't want them to panic when they woke up. As I walked towards Jeeji's room, I started thinking why she was staying here while Jeejaji was in the same city. I had fought with Jeeji that she could at least stay at a hotel if not at Jeejaji's home, but she had firmly turned me down. She told me it was more important for her to be with Amma and me. She thinks I'm a kid and can't understand the situation. She obviously doesn't want to go in front of the Raizada family during the Shradh Pooja. I sighed in resignation. Will there ever be an ending to Jeeji's suffering? I opened the door to her room, careful about the creaking noise the door sometimes made. She seemed to be sleeping. I knelt by the bed and gently shook her.

"Jeeji?"

"hmmm?" she mumbled sleepily.

"Jeeji hum hospital ja rahe hain," I whispered. She opened one bleary eye trying to focus her sight on me.

"Itni raat ko? Abhi to bahar andhera hai Khushi," she replied sleepily. I could not help but smile. This was something I used to say to her when she'd try to wake me up early in the morning.

"Jeeji, 5:30 bajne wale hain. 06:00 baje se hospital mein visiting shuru ho jaati hai. Hum bas thoda jaldi nikal rahe hain. Mandir hote hue jayenge. Tum aaraam se tayyar hokar Amma ke saath aa jana," I explained to her. Jeeji stared at me for one moment and I feared she'll probably object. But then she nodded and closed her eyes again. I left her sleeping in peace and slowly walked out of the main door.

Lucknow was one of the most beautiful cities in the early morning. And more so was Gomti Nagar, the place where I had spent 10 years of my life. Ok I was probably biased to think so. But one could not deny the beauty of the early morning's sunrays as they shone determinedly, brightening up every nook and corner of the street. I could see newspaper boys vigorously cycling to reach their destinations, milkmen piling up mini tanks of milk on their bicycles. I could see a flower vendor sprinkling water on the neatly garlands. The world outside my home had already woken up ready to embrace another day.

I decided to visit Devi Maiyya's temple which was closest to my house. I could then take a detour to go to King George's Hospital if I could manage to convince the auto driver for a decent fare. Think about that later Khushi. I walked down the familiar street, feeling relaxed for the first time in many days. The endearing sights were making me feel happier than I had a few moments ago. This was home.

I reached the temple in record time and slowly climbed the marbled stairs. This temple reminded me in a way of the one I used to frequent in Delhi. It too had a similar marble staircase and with the red flags flapping in the wind. It too had a beautiful banyan tree in its courtyard. But the idol of Devi Maiyya was bigger there. I reached the inner sanctum. Despite it being early, the temple was already welcoming a steady stream of worshippers. I stood before the idol and folded my hands in prayer.

Hey Devi Maiyya. Sabse pehle to, aapke darshan ke liye itne deri se aane ke liye maaf kariyega. Woh kya hai na, hum pichle ek saal se ghar wapis aaye hi nahin hain. Par hum Dilli wale mandir mein aapse milne aksar jaya karte the. Devi Maiyya, Bauji ka operation safalta se karwane ke liye dhanyawaad. Abhi to hum nahin jaante ki uss operation ka parinaam kya hoga, par humein aap par poora bharosa hai, ki aap sab acha hi karengi. Amma ko bhi bahut chinta hoti thi Bauji ki, par ab woh bhi pehle se thoda khush hain.

Devi Maiyya, Jeeji aur Jeejaji ko hamesha saath rakhna. Itna kuch hua pichle kuch dino mein, par phir bhi Jeejaji ne Jeeji ka saath nahin choda. Apne pati hone ka dharm nibhaya. Jeejaji jaise insaan ko jeeji ki zindagi mein bhejne ke liye bhi aapka bahut bahut dhanyawaad. Un par apni krupa dristhi banaye rakhiyega.

Arnavji ki tabiyat ko theek rakhiyega. Unka gussa thoda niyantrit rakhiyega. Pata nahin khane peene par woh theek se perhez kar bhi rahe hain ya nahin. Par aap to sab dekhti hain na Devi Maiyya, to unka khayal rakhiyega. Aur -

I stopped abruptly and my eyes flew open in shock. I was actually praying for him?! What the! I quickly folded my hands, bowed my head one last time and walked away from there. Did I have no self respect left in me? The man told me in no uncertain terms that he didn't want me in his life. He told me that he wouldn't come back in mine either. That chapter of the past is CLOSED, Khushi! Bhool jao!

And yet, I could feel my thoughts swirling around him again. I sat down on the topmost stair and closed my eyes.

The way he came close by the poolside on the day of Roka, the way he brushed by her skin on the day of Mehndi, the way he flirted with his eyes, the way he had rubbed his cheek to hers during the haldi, the way he had hugged her the day he came back to Gupta House to ask her to marry him, the way he had held her close when she had slipped in the mud, the way he had kept his hand on her mouth pinning her against the wall to stop her from shouting... I realised my breathing had hiked up thinking of every one of those instances.

Could I really forget him that easily?

The way he had removed her hand's grip on his arm, the way he had removed the pink angvastram and dropped it on the mandap, the way he had left, the way he had asked her to break all ties with her mother, the way he had admitted to throwing Payal out of Shantivan, the way he had removed his ring from his finger, the way he had yelled at me that he never wanted to see me ever again... My breathing had returned to normal, but I noticed a lone tear was flowing down my cheek. When did that happen? I wondered as I wiped it away slowly.

Why did my life become so upside down? Despite being with Amma and Jeeji, despite being back at Lucknow, my home, why was I still feeling so restless? I had been doing fine didn't I? Ever since the last my last fight with him... I felt my breathing getting constricted. Now that everything had finished between us, now that every relationship had broken and been dusted under the rug, why was I feeling this ache again? Nahin Khushi! Tumne Devi Maiyya se vaada kiya tha ki ab tum nahin rogi khaas kar ke aisi baat ke liye jiska ab koi mehetva nahin hai.

Yes I needed to forget him. And easy or not, it had to be done.

And I guess part of it had already started now that we had promised that we won't be seeing each other anymore. So it wouldn't be that hard forgetting him, would it? I shook me head dismissively as I stood up resolutely and started walking down the stairs. I had better things to do than sit around thinking about Arnav Singh Raizada all day long.

I summoned an auto and asked him to take me to King George's Hospital but not before haggling with him on the preposterous fare he was daring to charge me. Who the hell did he think I was? A tourist?

ENGLISH VERSION