C h a p t e r 4
"Hmm..so aunty uncle must be wondering where you are.You should get going." Prithvi mumbled.
"Yeah.Ok..."she replied weakly.She was in no mood of leaving him right now.She needed him.Needed his company to make her feel safe.Whenever she used to have those nightmares,she never dared to spend the night alone.It reminded her of the time she spent in that god forsaken apartment,all alone,where she waited for Advait,who never came ; and as a result she either cried herself to sleep or didn't sleep at all.
After Advait and Dhruvi parted ways,it had been hard for Dhruvi,to accept the fact that he didn't care about her anymore.It took her ages to forget him.Every single thing reminded her of him,from the early morning coffe to a movie on the tv.Even when she knew he thought very little of her,she still cared about him.She made sure,he took care of his meals and medicines.It was a habit she had developed over the years she had known him and even after he hurt her-for the final time,she hadn't bulged an inch.She would make their common friends go to his house and check if he had eaten.It only worsened her condition,because he never returned those favours either.She had been hoping that,someday,out of the blue,he would wake up in the morning,and miraculously realise that he misses her-yes,she believed in fairy tales even after he broke her heart into a million pieces.One can only imagine how worse things had gotten,for someone like her to finally STOP BELIEVING IN FAIRY TALES.
She somehow made herself commit to the truth.She told herself that this whole Advait phase was a mistake..A stupid mistake she had made.She had confused an intense friendship she had with Advait,for love.And as she did so,she ruined an intense relationship,definitely that of two lovers, she had with Prithvi and termed it 'friendship'.
Relationships are way too complicated.Why can't they always be as simple as a-b-c,she thought to herself and sighed.
She always believed that true love happens,once,just once.But life was playing games with her.She had been in love twice with two totally oppositely characterised men.
For the most part of her life,Prithvi had been her companion.She hadn't interacted with others guys much.Not only because she studied in an all girls school,but also because,none of the other guys had successfully gained her attention.It was just Prithvi,who had been able to break those huge walls she had built all around her.
She had been a reserved person always.Wouldn't open her heart out to anyone.But with Prithvi..her feelings were like an open book.But then why didn't she fall in love Prithvi back then?Well,both of them were too naive to realise that they had extreme feelings for each other.Confusion filled their minds,but before either of them could come to terms with their feelings,Advait had entered their lives-HER life and had complicated things.
Dhruvi had been attracted to his larger than life talking skills.But all it was,was deception.He would cloak himself in his so called 'angel like appearance' and fool everyone around him.He was the kind of man who chose his relationships based on profit and loss.
Prithvi had warned her-not once,not twice,a million times.But Dhruvi always had Advait's back,she believed that there was a good side to Advait.A side only she had seen.So there wasn't any other person who could defend her on that.
Advait completely disoriented her outlook towards life.She stopped believeing in all the things she believed in the past.It took Prithvi a long time to put some life back into Dhruvi-to fill the void inside of her,to make her,whole again.He had been 90% successful.But then that 10%..still remained..Advait had encrypted himself so deep into her heart,that it was almost impossible for her to completely delete all the memories she had of his.
And that's why,each time,Prithvi took a step forward to make Dhruvi his,he would be forced to take two steps backwards.He didn't want to impose his wishes on Dhruvi-that's what Advait did,Prithvi would never force her into doing something,never.
He had hidden his diary for the very same reason.He wanted her to forget every memory she had of Advait first,only then would he make her,his.Not because Prithvi had some ego problem,but because,he loved Dhruvi way too much.So much so,that,if she would want to go back to Advait,he would let her go,BUT, first, he would see to it that Advait would be sent to a mental asylum for shock treatment -to give him an idea as to what he would do it him,if there was even a single scratch on Dhruvi.
After seeing Dhruvi in the pathetic condition that night..Prithvi,for the first time in his life,wanted vendetta.He had even thought about sending goons to reduce Advait into ashes,but somehow didn't do it.One reason being, he knew,even though all Advait did was hurt Dhruvi,Dhruvi did have feelings for him and he would NEVER hurt Dhruvi like that.But mostly because,death seemed too mild a punishment for Advait,Prithvi wanted to torture him upto his saturation point,upto a point whereafter Advait would literally beg,to let him die.
"Dhra..you ok?" Prithvi asked,concerned,seeing Dhruvi deep in thought.
"Oh yeah yeah..i was just thinking when your mom dad and Bhoomi are returning.They havent come yet na?"Dhruvi lied.She wasn't thinking about them,her thoughts were wandering between two people-Prithvi and Advait.
"Mom had called.They are staying at savitha aunty's place tonight.Its late,plus,they are planning some get to together tomorrow,so needed help."Prithvi answered.
"Oh,so you're going to be alone in the house..." she mumbled,thinking about if it was possible for him..for him to stay the night with her..
But not once did she let herself tell him that..
Prithvi stood up,smiled looking at her and then abruptly went upstairs.
"Where are you-" before she could complete her question,he was already out of sight. Dhruvi stared at the staircase in bewilderment.
After a few minutes,Prithvi returned with a thick kashmiri shawl in his hand.
"What's this?" Dhruvi questioned,still confused.
The grin on his face was starting to annoy her now.
Prithvi simply came towards her,and covered her with the shawl.
"You do know what you were wearing when you came to see me,dont you?" Prithvi said,chuckling.
Dhruvi's eyes then dropped down,to realise ONLY NOW,that she was in a tank top.It was NOT NORMAL of HER to come out in tanks.She was in a hurry to see Prithvi,so she hadn't noticed what she was wearing.
Dhruvi's sight moved to and fro from her clothes to Prithvi.And then within seconds,they both burst out laughing.
Dhruvi then started walking towards the door,when she felt Prithvi's warm palms enclosing hers.She saw his hand first and then looked up to meet his eyes.
"What?You haven't seen me holding your hand before?"Prithvi retorted,his tone,masked with mischief.
Dhruvi looked away from him and a blush made its way through her cheeks.
Prithvi locked the Rai mansion and then slid his arms into her palms again.
They walked hand in hand till Dhruvi's house.As Dhruvi opened the door and stepped in,his grip loosened and soon enough,the warmth of hsi hands were gone.
"I'll see you tomo-umm later." he said,mischief still clearly evident in hia voice.
Dhruvi was confused,again.She sighed and walked in.Prithvi slowly pulled the door and closed it himself.
As Dhruvi stepped in,she saw her mom and dad watching news on tv and as the door shut behind her,their sight shifted towards her.
"Dhruvi.You hungry?I have kept aside a little food for you.We all finished our dinner.We woudl have waited for you,but Prithvi came to tell us that you had fallen asleep,watching tv in the evening.So we didn't disturb you." Vydehi said.
"No ma.I ate something Prithvi made.Not hungry.Im off to sleep.Goodnight pa,ma." she said affectionately and gave both of them a warm hug.
She always admired her parents.If it was for any other household,the daughter would have to be at the receiving end of a dozen questions if she returned home this late at night.But,her parents had utmost faith in their daughter,faith,that she would never do anything that would bring shame to the family.
Shame to family-she had almost done that,because of Advait.
She shook her head,she didn't want to think about him.
She walked upstairs and then recalled something her mom had said-Prithvi had come to inform them they she was asleep.So thoughful of him.How can so much be goodness be filled all into one man?Prithvi was an epitome of perfection.She thought to herself.
She opened the door to her room and walked inside,she didn't bother switching teh lighst on in her room first.She simplythrew the shawl on the bed and immediately stole a glimpse into Prithvi's house.His room's light wasn't on still.
A tiny wrinkle furrowed her forehead.
Just then,she felt a firm hand pull her.
She was about to scream,when a palm covered her mouth.
She had not turned the lights on in her room,so she couldn't see who it was.But she could vaguely makeout the outline of the body.It was definitely a man.
The very next moment,she was locked between his arms and his body.She panicked.She tried pushing the man away,but the hold was..she knew who it was now.. The hold of his hand wasn't too firm,so it didn't hurt her,nor was it too loose,that she could escape.
Panic turned into some other unknown emotion now..something she felt only when..Prithvi was around..
The proximity between the two wasn't much.She could hear him exhale and inhale.She smelled his body's manly perspiration.
"Prithvi?" she murmured meekly.
"What?Why so confused?I told you right-I will see you...later." he said grinning.
Dhruvi's face turned red.But she was glad that there was no light as of now,or else he would have clearly seen how red she had turned.
Soon enough,he let go of his hand over her mouth and moved away from her.He took two steps back and stood still.
Dhruvi's heart was thudding.The moment she could no longer feel the warmth of his body holding onto her..she breathed once again.she was panting now..She always ran out of breath whenever Prithvi was...close.Close enough to make her heart jumpout out of the mediasternum and land right into her mouth.
Prithvi moved few more steps back,turned around and switched the lights on.
He turned back,only to see Dhruvi panting.A smile made its way through his lips and transformed into smirk.
"Dhra,you look like you just finished running a marathon." he said chuckling.
Dhruvi felt embarassed,he knew he had that sort of affect on her each time he did something like that,yet that didn't stop him from making her feel embarassed.
Dhruvi quickly held herself together and thought of a response.."Shut up.I just got..scared.I thought some stranger caught me." she said weakly.
"Says the girl who threw that stranger KID flying away last year,for TRYING to scare her on halloween night." he retorted.
"I apologised!I didn't know he was a kid,he looked tall." Dhruvi defended herself.
"Apologise?Are you kidding me?You blackmailed him that if he complained to anyone,you would throw him into the sky again." Prithvi laughed.
"Shut up.Or you'll end up with the plaster of paris atleast in one of your major bones." she threatened him.
"Ya right."Prithvi laughed as he pumped his biceps purposely,proving it to her that he was physically stronger than her.
Dhruvi rolled her eyes. "Show off." she spat out at him,giggling.
Hearing this,Prithvi's laugh turned into a flirty smile.
He tilted his head,bit his lip and smiled.He started moving towards her now.The smirk intact on his face.
Shit.She shouldn't have called him that.Now even God couldn't save her.
She was nervous,but she could feel her insides feeling excited.
Prithvi was only a few inches away from her now.
She wanted to take a few steps back,but her feet felt heavy,she couldn't move them at all.
"Show off eh?" Prithvi questioned her,his playful smirk didn't seem to diminish even a bit.
"Prithvi,i was just..you know..i mean-"
The very next moment,she was sandwiched between the wall and him.She was panting again now.
"Hmm..I thought you said you got scared because you thought some stranger caught hold of you that time.Then,why are you out of breath now?I'm no stranger,am I?"
She restrained herself from looking at him,because she feared that she might stop breathing completely.
His gaze was tearing apart all the walls she had built all around her,the walls she had built to prevent herself from admitting it to him,that she,DID HAVE FEELINGS FOR HIM.
Prithvi realised that she was on the edge of breaking out of her cocoon.The cocoon inside which, she kept hiding herself ,to prevent herself,coming into terms with her unresolved emotions she had for him.
But she had been close to breaking out of it many a times before,but had bounced back to square one,leaving Prithvi disheartened.
Everytime he made a move,Advait's thoughts always popped up in her mind and she would isolate herself from all the people around her.Isolate herself even from Prithvi himself.
He always wondered why,but these questions maddened him.
He had taken an oath that he would help her close the Advait chapter and this was possible,only when her unanswered questions were answered.
She needed those answers to move on with her life.Though she CLAIMS to have moved on COMPLETELY.Prithvi wasn't oblivious to the fact that,she had not.
She had pushed aside Advait's thoughts,buried them deep inside,but that doesn't successfully guarantee that the feeling were gone,once and for all.
He had butchered her self-confidence.She was left feeling like an unwanted piece of trash.She wanted to know,why?Why,afterall all that she did for him,that he left,without even saying a decent goodbye.Why hadn't he man-ed up and confronted her about her shortcomings.
Shortcomings- Prithvi's mind kept repeating.Dhruvi wasn't the one with the shortcomings.It was Advait's shortcoming-that he didn't see how profoundly she loved him.It was his shortcoming that he thought he could play with her emotions.Bring her close and then detach himself from her,as per his convenience.It was his shortcoming that he thought Prithvi would let him go that easily.
Dhruvi was too good a person,to demand what she deserved.She would not even raise an eyebrow each time he hurt her.She would forgive him even though he never apologised.
Everytime,he insulted her,it would dice her heart into a zillion pieces,but she would never complain.She would simply let him walk away with it and as if that wan't enough,she would also defend him,saying he just has a good sense of humour-'Dost ka kya buraa maanna' she used to always say.'Dost'-The main reason Dhruvi ended up in such a mess was because she was confused all the time.
Love and friendship.Advait and Prithvi.She couldn't choose between the two,so she ended up dividing both the feelings towards both of them.
Dhruvi confused herself and all others around her.Advait being solely responsible for this..She was too young to be handling so much pressure..
But that didn't stop him from hurting her each new day in new ways.
What had he done to Dhra,Prithvi thought to himself.His Dhra-the strong,self confident tom boy had turned into a weak,lifeless,submissive slave.
Prithvi's thoughts had been wandering elsewhere,but his gaze,fixed on Dhruvi.
Dhruvi,who had been avoiding meeting his gaze, risked doing it now.
She could see how much he loved her.It almost looked transparent.But some other emotion was also clouding his eyes now.It almost made her view hazy.
It took her a while to realise that a tear had fought its way though his eyes.
Dhruvi went numb.She couldn't belive this was happening and...why.
A pool of doubts drowned her.
They were in the middle of a...moment.But where did the tears come from?
Prithvi was a brave soul.Even in the toughest of times,he would boldly face whatever obstacle would be putforth him.He was considerate towards everyone he cared about,he had his way of showing it too,but words and tears certainly weren't among them.
She had seen him cry just once before this.It was when she was rushed to the hospital...that night.She had never seen him so desperate.Since he was an infant,he had a king like aura around him.That of an alpha..letting any emotion overpower him,was like an insult to his ego.And to see HIM devoid of all his manly ego,wasn't like the typical him.
Dhruvi's hand immediately surrounded his cheek,rubbing off that one tear with utmost care.As though that tear was the most precious thing in the world.
She placed the hand on his shoulder,one touch was enough to let her know about the excruciating pain he was going through.
She patted his cheek "Prithvi?What happened?Huh?Look at me..tell me what happened." she asked,extremely concerned.
Prithvi couldn't look at her.He was too weak at the moment.His knees would have given up at any moment.
He had taken care of Dhruvi,all his life,as though it was HIS duty to do so.He hadn't let even an insect hurt her.But he couldn't do anything when Advait was torturing her. Advait, came like a hurricane and drained out all the life out of her.The worst part being,Prithvi failed her.He shoudl have done more.He should have not let her go,even though she was adamant.She was too young to take her own decisons at the time,it was his responsibilty..but he couldn't do anything.nothing at all.nothing.
"Prithvi!" she almost screamt,the unspoken pain she could see in his eyes,tormented her.
"Dhra I..I.." his voice was shaky.His words seemed indecisive.He tried to say something,but his tongue seemed to have been locked somehow.
He stole a glimpse at her and then looked away,utterly angry with himself now.For letting himself become weak in front of her.She needed a strong shoulder she could depend on,not someone who shed tears every fortnight.
He hit his fist against the wall in angst.He looked around with baffled glances for a few seconds and walked to and fro frantically.
Dhruvi,already worried seeing him weak,started panicking now.His actions were befuddling her.
Prithvi was feeling strongly guilty.The gravity of his pain didn't go unseen by Dhruvi.
"Prithvi,stop it.Tell me what's wrong." she said in a demanding tone now.
He buried his hand in his hair and shut his eyes close forcefully.
"Dhruvi I-I failed you-I should have done more-I should have..Even after 5 years..You still fear opening up you heart-you fear that you'd end up being hurt again..you fear opening up...to even ME.All because of him..because of that b*****d.I should have killed him the very day i saw him." Prithvi's anger had peaked.
Dhruvi's heart sank listening to what he said.He was blaming himself for the sins SHE had committed.This was wrong.SHE was the sinner,NOT HIM.She felt tart.
As if the guilt of having hurt Prithvi wasn't enough,now she had to carry the burden of making him feel guilty too.Guilty for the mistakes he had not even made.
She had not known Prithvi thought about it so deeply.She had never told him,how much she feared risking letting herself fall in love.But he had known...How could she let someone who loved her so much,feel guilty of something that wasn't even his fault?
"Prithvi.Whatever happened was a result of MY actions.Okay?." Prithvi shook his head in disbelief listening to this.
Dhruvi didn't give up.She spoke again,pulling his face towards her,to face her "Listen to me-It was all MY fault.There wasn't anything you could have done.I was so blinded by him,that i shut everyone out.IT WASN'T YOUR FAULT!" she stressed at the last sentence.It was the truth,it wasn't his fault at all,she kept saying to herself..
Prithvi was about to respond,when Dhruvi's phone started buzzing.She didn't bother even stealing a glance at the number,she simply disconnected it.
Prithvi opened his mouth to speak again,when the phone rang again.She cut the call again,still not seeing who it was.
It was Prithvi's 3rd attempt in trying to talk now,when the damned piece of technology rang again.
"Who the fu** is calling you?!" he pulled away the phone from her hand and concentrated on the number.It looked familiar-his eyes bulged out.His anger had already peaked,and now,he was capable of even murdering someone.Without wasting another moment,he smashed the phone,distorting it completely.
Financial markets and global economy
Ishaani
37