He stood with his hand on the door handle of the private ward for a minute, gathering the courage to go inside and face his wife. He took a deep breath before slowly turning the door handle and stepping in and was relieved to find Khushi sleeping.
He quietly went near her bed, his eyes never leaving her peaceful face. The oxygen mask had been removed and if it hadn't been for the needles poking her skin, she could've been mistaken for sleeping.
His vision blurred as it struck him yet again how he was responsible for this condition of her's. He quietly sat on the stool next to her bed and gently took her IV free hand hugging it to his chest as silent tears flowed from his eyes. He sat like that for what felt like eternity, just looking at her and didn't realize when he dozed off.
He was woken up by some movement and saw Khushi stirring, her eyes fluttering open.
"Khushi?" he called out softly, standing up, his hands hovering above her not sure where to touch her lest her hurt her.
"Arnav Ji" she whispered trying to sit up as her eyes roamed over his body making sure if he was okay but winced as pain coursed through her fresh wound.
Arnav had already caught hold of her shoulders and gently laid her down before he frantically started bombarding her with questions, "Khushi? Are you alright? Does it hurt? Should I call the nurse?"
Khushi smiled a small smile despite herself seeing him this worried about her. How ironic it was that a person who hurt her at every opportunity was now so moved by her pain. "I'm fine, Arnav Ji" she managed.
He nodded before sitting back on the stool quietly and Khushi noticed how he was avoiding her eyes. She had thought she would never forgive him for what he did to her but one look at his face had changed her mind.
He was burning in his own personal hell. His shoulders were bent under the weight of grieve and regret and his eyes...
His eyes always spoke volumes, told her things he never did. Those eyes were filled with so much remorse and anguish that it took her breath away. They were pleading to her to understand what he wanted to say but couldn't bring himself to. She knew he wanted to apologize for what he did but didn't know how to. Not because he was ashamed of saying it, No, but because he felt sorry was too small a word for the hurt he had caused her. And suddenly she realized that she didn't want to hear it. He had realized his mistake and that was all she wanted.
"Where were you Arnav Ji, when I woke up?" she asked softly instead hoping to distract him from his pain.
Arnav winced as he turned his burning gaze towards her. He would've prefered if she shouted at him, tell him that he had ruined her life, blame him for her present condition but this calm attitude of her's as if nothing had happened was killing him. It was way worse than being yelled at but perhaps this was what he deserved.
"Khushi, wo.." He gulped. "I'm sorry!" he suddenly blurted. "I'm so sorry for what I did! Sorry for not trusting you! Sorry for not being there when you needed me! Sorry for the state you're currently in because of me..." he choked at the last line, unable to continue due to the lump in his throat while tears started streaming down his face.
"Arnav Ji!" She said, lightly placing her hand on top of his, "Its ok!"
"No, its not ok!" he shook his bowed head overcome with grief, "I am such a miserable excuse for a husband. It would've been better if I had taken that bullet and died."
"Arnav Ji, Never" she gasped out. "Never say that" she repeated firmly. She knew she had to get him out of this anguish. She couldn't see him like this because she loved him too much. His suffering was causing her pain too.
"But I could've lost you" he choked out, turning his agonized gaze towards her. "How would I have lived with that? Do you know how close I was to losing you because of who I am?" His head dropped into his hands and he clutched his hair in frustration.
"Sshh Arnav Ji, come here." Khushi said patting the space on the bed next to her and waited as he slowly raised from his stool and shuffled towards her bed, his shoulders slump, his head bowed.
"Look at me Arnav Ji." Khushi said softly and started speaking when he finally raised his tortured gaze to meet her's.
"I forgive you" she said softly. "And Its not really your fault, Shyam fooled us all. So please stop blaming yourself for all that happened because I can't see my Laad Governor like this" she smiled at the end.
He just looked at her for a while before saying softly "I love you Khushi!"
"Oh I know but I love you more" Khushi laughed lightly and Arnav leaned to touch his forehead to hers, smiling through his tears...
Realizing your love for somebody and to find that they love you back makes you the happiest person alive, he thought, but It also makes you the most weakest as you can't survive without that person. He had learnt this the hard way and he promised to not let any harm come Khushi's way as long as he lived...
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