C h a p t e r - 24
I was alone. All alone. I wiped the tears which had found an opening and scrolled down my cheeks. I was sitting in the restaurant in the hotel and staring at people enjoying their meals, with family, friends and their loved ones. And I was alone. I ordered a lasagne and sat there waiting. I texted Patrick to ask if everything was going alright and he said it was. It was happening again. I was alone again. I hate being alone, I hate it. I have no one to talk to, no one to distract myself with. Huh. No one. "Hi.." Samrat said taking the seat next to me. I shut my eyes, sighed and opened them again. How did he know that I was lonely? How does he come to know when I need him? Maybe he only realises when I'm in the city, near him. Otherwise he doesn't remember who I am. "I just told you'"Yes, and Thats why you were crying?" he asked. "Gunjan, why didn't you tell me? Why didn't you call? I would have come, you knew that, didn't you?" he asked holding my hand. "That time, I didn't know anything. I just knew that my best friend, someone whom I trusted my life with, had left me, without saying a goodbye, that person had left me without any promise of return... Why would I call him? What would I say? You left just like that and didn't look back even once in all this time, how would I even think of calling you?" I bluntly asked removing my hand from under his.
"Look, I'm sorry, I'm sorry I left without a word, I'm sorry I wasn't there when you needed me, but don't you get it? I was hurt, and I thought you were better off without me.. it was for your good!" he said apologetically. "Oh, so its my fault.." I said standing up. "I didn't say.." he said holding my hand. "'no ofcourse you didn't.. look, forget it. As I said, it doesn't matter.." I said leaving the restaurant. I went down and the rest of the time my mood was off. He had got to me again. What did he mean by 'he was hurt and he thought I was better off without him?' why did he think so much? Why couldn't he come and talk? Why did he just have to leave.. I had gotten over this, I had asked myself this question so many times in these two years and I was tired of not getting the answers so I stopped thinking.. I stopped pondering over all this, and once again I'm in it. Why does Samrat not understand.! It took me two years to get over him leaving, two whole years... and now he's back? He can't come back. I can't let him back! Gunjan you have to be strong, you have to hold yourself together, this can't be it. I can't drown in sorrow again.. I won't have the strength to heal again...
The rest of the time, he maintained distance, though I could constantly feel his eyes on me, he didn't come and speak to me. Thank god for that. I was relaxed and i avoided all his stares. I had to calm myself down every half hour but it was okay, I was doing it. "Gunjan, let's go back to the room and get dressed, its time!" Dia said chirpily. "Mom, are you coming with us?" I asked. "I'll be up in ten minutes, if you guys are done with your work just go!" she ordered. Both of us went upstairs and got ready. Mom had made a saree for me for today. She thought I would look good in a silver netted saree with a deep blue silk blouse. The saree had a blue border and navy blue stones on it. The net was light and beautiful. It made me look beautiful.. according to Dia. Dia too wore a saree. Hers was pink with a silver blouse. She looked gorgeous and little Dhruv wore a suit.. He looked so adorable. I couldn't help but hug him innumerable times. He looked utterly handsome. Mom was in her room getting ready when Samrat came. He wore a navy blue suit with a whitish/silverish shirt. DAMN IT! Why did he have to wear this colour combination, why? Our dresses looked colour coordinated. Great! His eyes were fixed on me and mine looked in the opposite direction. But he looked good. I had seen him. He looked mesmerizing, clean shave, intellectual white rimmed glasses, stylish black shoes and a very fancy suit. He looked way too hot, only his tie was a little crooked. "Fix his tie!" I whispered into Dia's ear. "Whose?" she said out loud. "His tie!" I repeated. She looked at Dhruv's. "His tie is fine!" Dia spoke out loud. "Samrat's!" I said a little louder. "You can do it yourself!" she said with a wink. "No.." I said. I turned around to move across the room when he stopped me. "You look beautiful..!" he commented. "thank you." I said softly. "you look good too." I said meekly. "Straighten your tie." I muttered. He looked at his tie and then did it. It was still crooked. He had made it even more crooked. He was doing it purposely! "Okay?" he asked. "Perfect!" I said moving away again. If he wanted to look like a monkey, then let him! I shouldn't care. Me and Dia went down to check on everything, while Samrat waited for mom.
It Starts In 5...4...3...2...1...GO!
And there walked the first one. The backstage was in a mess. We let mom stand in front and enjoy as Dia, Benji and I huddled around, Samrat wanted to help backstage but I made sure he didn't. I was mean again. I told mom that if THE Samrat Shergill works backstage then what about his reputation? And he's a guest, he should be there, enjoying the show sitting on VIP seats. Mom seemed to be on my side for a change. I was glad. One after the other, models started walking the ramp and I could hear the photographers' cameras clicking away. Backstage was a mess, hair, shoes, make up, dress, everything needed to be perfect. And finally the show stopper. She was welcomed with a roar of applause as she walked through those curtains onto the ramp. Mom was brought on stage and it was time for her message. I went out to see the last bit. I wanted to see my mother give her speech. I was proud of her, I was a proud daughter. I couldn't believe how far my mother had come. It was heroic of her to have done so much, and I am going to follow her foot steps, I am going to leave everything of my past behind and move ahead and start a new life with all the people that are there is my life. Not those who left me mid way!
"I would really like to thank all of you for coming here to today and acknowledging my work. I have come a long way because of the love and support I have received from my family, especially my daughter. I wouldn't have been here without my children... Thank you, and enjoy the party!" she said looking from Dia, to Benji, To me and lastly to Samrat who was clapping the loudest. He was there. He was there for her. It was because of him that mom was here. How could I possibly hate him? Could I? I have to stay away.. I have to.. but can I? Can I stay away? Should I stay away? Or should I give him a chance. How did I not see it before, it was him. It was him all the way. He is the reason that my mother is successful, I still remember...
I was crying in my room and my mother in hers. I had shooed her away, I didn't want anyone near me, I was alone in this world, I was miserable, I could not console myself and I was surely in no state to console mom. I didn't have the strength to hold it together. I just couldn't do it. "Gunjan.." he slowly placed his arm on my shoulder. "What are you doing here? everyone left, funeral's over!" I sobbed loudly. "That's why I'm here.." he said sitting down next to me. "For you.." he whispered. I held onto him. I held on, and cried, and cried. He didn't say a word, he didn't complain that his shirt was soaking with my tears, he didn't console me, he was just there. His hands were around me and he was there. Thats all I needed, and nothing more. I cried, I cried alot, but the next day when I woke up I was stronger because I knew I wasn't alone in this world, I knew I had to stop crying. It took time, It took courage and he gave me both. He came home everyday with me, spent hours consoling my mother, he spent hours telling me how I should be there near my mother and slowly we came together, me and my mother we were closer than ever. It was what my dad would have wanted, something I would never have been able to do without his help. He gave my mother direction, a reason to move on, she didn't need to marry again, or give up on life, life would move on, she would move on just fine with me... I was completely broken but he didn't leave, he didn't give up hope, he was there... always... and forever.
I have to speak to him... All this while he's been trying to explain and I just dont listen. He's always been there for me, what if he wasn't there for 2 damn years, how does it matter that he needed some time to himself for once in his life, I should have listened.. atleast once, atleast once I should have tried to understand... If that man can hear me out, can reach out for me most of the times when I need him, I can forgive him this one time, can't I? Maybe nothing more, but we could just be friends..
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