"Its been a year since I have been writing this, it seems like its helping, but not to forget Gunjan, its helping me to improve myself. I am more active in office and now finally dad's company is going higher in the rankings. Gunjan is my strength. Gunjan is still my love. I can never forget all those times I spent with her. She has been like an angel in my life, I never thought I would fall so madly in love with someone that no other woman could come as close as she is. I dated so many girls over the years at college and no one, no one was able to help me get over Gunjan. None of them were good enough. Thats why I kept changing girlfriends to find someone as good as her. I had realised very early that she didn't feel the same way as I did. But I couldn't lose our friendship. It was very precious. As long as she was my best friend. As long as she was near me. But then she went and met Louis Grimaldi who completely made me jealous and I felt like killing him everytime he touched her, everytime they kissed in front of me. Till now I had always believed that she was mine and now suddenly this man was all over her and she seemed happy. How could I not feel like killing him? She gave him more time and whenever she was with him she had that smile which I had turned into tears not so long ago. I had always tried to match Gunjan's expectations, her dream man, I always tried to be that person, but who knew she'd find the ditto copy of her descriptions. Sigh. I am just happy that she is settled and has her love next to her. By now, She would be pregnant and Louis would be thrilled that he was becoming a dad, they would have a small little world of their own, and probably... she.. she.. would have forgotten that there was someone called Samrat in her life. But for me, she is still everythig. Gunjan. Gunjan. Gunjan."
I was almost in tears reading this entry. He meant everything he had said. Those times in the canteen when he said that he had all of those qualities of my drea man but he wasn't a prince and I had laughed at that, how bad would he have felt? I never think before saying stuff. I had no idea he was trying so hard to be my dream man. And I never even saw him. And now, now I only see him. He always thought that Louis made me smile and he made me cry. That is wrong. I wish I could just tell him that. He made my life. It was because of him that I ever got over losing my father. I owe him everything...
"Life is getting better now. Not emotionally, but proffessionally I am happy with my work. I'm sure Gunjan would have seen me on tv, and maybe told Louis, Remember Samrat, Samrat Shergill, my best friend... Thats him right? Wish he would be here...
I wish Gunjan was here. I wish she was next to me holding my hand and resting her head on my shoulder. I wish she was in front of me wearing a pair of shorts and a tanktop telling me to take her for a drive. I wish.. I really hope she is happy. I hope she is fine. I don't think I have it in me to face her ever again. I miss her terribly but I can't go back, she must be having a life now. Most probably she is in her palace and enjoying life, Queen Size. Should I go back to visit aunty? Make sure she is alright? But what if Gunjan's there? What will I do then? Aunty would want me to talk to Gunjan, and I can't. I want to get over her but its impossible. I can't.. I just Can't. I can't forget the one person who I love more than everything, everyone. I can't"
Samrat's entries were never as long as mine but I came to know so much by reading them. It must have been so tough for him all those years but he was still there for me. He was worried about mom also but didn't have the guts to meet me. He stayed away for so long and he thought I would be settled with louis. He was so wrong, about everything.. he was so wrong!
Finally I reached the 3rd one he had been writing now. He didn't write too much but it all meant much more than I could imagine, no wonder Samrat doesn't let anyone in this room. Its filled with pictures of me and Samrat, all of us. There were albums of our college days, random pictures stalker-samrat took I don't know when. Then there were small gifts I had given him on his birthday and everything that we had together. Basically this room contained our friendship. He had shut it up these two years..
"Gunjan. I was here. I was in the hotel room talking to aunty. She had come here for her fashion show, I couldn't miss it. And I wanted to see her. I was ready now. Its been two years. I just want to her her once. Not for long, I'll keep my distance, Louis will probably be there too. I want to see her again, her eyes, her face, everything. I think I can do it now, go in front of her and control how I feel, now I realise why she wrote a diary, its comforting. You slowly get used to writing and then you're not scared anymore. It helps in realising your inner self. And I am ready to meet her, to see my love again.."
"I saw her today, she was standing at the door and staring at me. She didn't come in the minute her eyes fell on me. She is mad at me, I know she is. Her eyes had a certain dullness in them, earlier gunjan had a glimmer in her eyes which was missing today. Her hair was longer than before and she was wearing a salwar. Since when does she wear Indian clothes? Oops, forgot she was married. Dhruv looks like louis perhaps, he is nothing like Gunjan, no similarities, except he talks alot and he is very lazy. I think he's got more of his father in him... Gunjan was more stubborn than usual, I guess she is mad at me for leaving. After all I was her best friend, but she has to understand that it was for the best. She is happy in her life, its for the greater good. What if I still love her? Big deal. I am ready to face her. I will not let my emotions surface, I am going to be the same Samrat I was 2 years ago, for her I will be that person. Yes, I have changed but not for her. I have to put on a show, I don't have the guts to tell her my feelings, I will never have. She is just too good for me., I don't deserve her.
Anyway, whats the point of talking about this? She is married and has a kid, she doesn't have space in her life for anyone else. She is happy, complete. She will be here for two days and go back, so I should relax and just be with her for as long as I can. It won't last long.. Its going to end.."
I shut the book. He still loves me. He loves me. I love him.. For all this time I didn't realise it but he was my prince, always. I have to tell him, we have to be together. We've stayed apart for too long already. I sat there reading the rest of the entries. There wasn't much. He just wrote about how he loved me and he wondered why Louis wasn't here. He hadn't told me even the little things he went through. He couldn't, I guess. I did this to him. I made him suffer and I had to make up for that. I have to do something. He loved me to much, I had to make it up to him for every pain I gave him. There was a click and the door opened. My eyes sprang up to see Samrat at the door. "Gunjan!" he said in disbelief. "Samrat I—he lifted his hand indicating I should shut up. "I didn't think you would do this after I said no." he muttered slowly. "Samrat, just listen—"You read my diary Gunjan!" he shrieked. "Oh! What when you read mine? Huh? Now you know how I felt.." I tried to explain. "Oh! So this was to get back at me? This was all some stupid way to take revenge or something?" he snarled. "No Samrat.. I—"Pathetic." He yelled and stomped out. I went after him. I shut the door and locked it before I left. Crap. Crap. Crap. This wasn't how its supposed to end. No.
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