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Aysha

@aysha1989

Voyager

+ 4

Posted: 11 years ago

#141

Welcome back... missed your writing so much... You are one of my favorite writer and it is a bless to read whatever you write... You didn't just make me fall in love with your work but also with Urdu... Can't wait to read your writings again... 😊

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-SharNeela-

@-SharNeela-

Voyager

+ 3

Posted: 11 years ago

#142

Originally posted by: aysha1989
Welcome back... missed your writing so much... You are one of my favorite writer and it is a bless to read whatever you write... You didn't just make me fall in love with your work but also with Urdu... Can't wait to read your writings again... 😊

Thank you so much Aysha! I am so glad to see you on my thread after a year!! And your comment...its truly an honor! Thank you sweety.

By the way, I read something that you wrote (I didn't know you actually write as well) and to be very honest with you...I must say it was one of the highest standard of writing that I tend to come across usually. 👏 So hats off to you! Too bad I am not a Virmaan fan so couldn't continue with it but please do continue writing. You truly deserve that long line of fan following 😊 Keep it up dear..

-Neela

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.SilentPrincess

@.SilentPrincess

Rocker

+ 3

Posted: 11 years ago

#143

Welcome Back to my One and Only favorite writer. :)

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-SharNeela-

@-SharNeela-

Voyager

+ 3

Posted: 11 years ago

#144

Originally posted by: .SilentPrincess
Welcome Back to my One and Only favorite writer. :)

Thank you ...Thank you! bas aap hi ki kami thee 😛

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-SharNeela-

@-SharNeela-

Voyager

+ 3

Posted: 11 years ago

#145

~~~~~~~~~~~Writer's Note~~~~~~~~~~

Gosh it feels so weird to be writing here after more than a year I think! To be frank I never ever even imagined that I will be able to write again and to this point I still don't know if my ability to write something would justify the quality it bears! This is something I leave to my readers to be fair and judge accordingly. All I know that it feels right to write something now despite the fact that my Urdu may have lost its touch (didnt have any serious urdu in my life for a year now) and I seriously feel more comfortable writing in English and may be experiment with different concepts as well. Again I need my readers feedback on this about how open are they about me writing in English and/or writing on non-MaYur stuff (perhaps on Writer's Corner?)

Anyways...coming back to the upcoming stories (yes, plural) I actually planned a comedy to restart this writing hobby again and pretty much formatted it likewise. But then again, as soon as I announced my return, I had couple of comments here and there and few PMs all quoting the 2 common things..Urdu and Shayeri. So I thought let me pick up from where I left off and perhaps the other experiments can come along later on. What say? 😉

About the story below, what do I say? Why don't you read and please this time do leave a comment. I absolutely need to know where I stand after a year of not writing anything at all. So any words, any input will help me to steer my writing style towards the right direction. Enjoy...

-Neela

p.s. I want to dedicate this story or perhaps this event of restarting my writing to all my readers especially those ones who, over the year kept PMing me requesting me to write something. I think the whole reason why I am here now being able to publish something worth reading is solely because of those readers and their words which motivated me and encouraged me to come back. Thank you all. I am truly honored!

Edited by NorthernLight - 11 years ago

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-SharNeela-

@-SharNeela-

Voyager

+ 3

Posted: 11 years ago

#146

~~~~~~~~ Ek Mulaqat Mukhtasar Si ~~~~~~~~~

"arrrey bhai dhyaan se...uss me meri kaanch ki dish set hai toot jayegi. araam se uthaaye..." bua ji folds her forehead with frustration. She has been packing for more than a week now and the whole process is really taking a toll on her! Bauji has gone to pick up the van for removal services. Nupur has been strictly instructed to stay inside the building as Buaji believes this area is one of the worst locations in Mumbai. Ever since they relocated here, not for a minute she enjoyed the heavily congested roads and buildings especially the close proximity of neighbouring buildings have somehow always created a level of suffocation for her. There seems to be no privacy at all! Seems like everyone is watching thorugh each others' window!! Above and beyond all her personal misery, she had a constant fear about the safety and security of Nupur, her only niece and always made sure she is well protected or as per Nupur's view "well guarded".

While buaji is managing the workers to take their stuff outside, sitting at the steps of the apartment building, Nupur tries to continue reading her novel when suddenly a long shadow devours the light upon her book. Before she could react, a familiar yet unknown voice startles her with a question

M: Bauji ka intezar ker rahi ho?
N: (taken a back bit she instantly stands up) jee...aap...? yahan?
M: woh Adi se milne jaaraha hoon. kab ki hai train?
N: shaam ki 4 baje (she mumbles)

Suddenly there seems a mile long silence between them. Feeling the awkwardness, Mayank breaks the silence

M: yeh kitaab abhi tak parh rahi ho?
N: abhi tak matlab?
M: matlab pichle 3 mahine se yehi kitaab leke ghoom rahi hai aap. itni wafa toh pehle kisi bhi kitaab k saath nahi nibhayi aap ne (he has a grin on his face)
N: woh shift hone ki chakkar me zyada waqt nahi mila parhne ko...kher... aap ki exams kaise jaarahe hai?
M: aapko kaise pata k exams chal rahe hai?
N: waise toh aap ki room ki batti hamesha dair raat tak jalti rehti hai per aajkal subhe hone se pehle nahi bujhti toh andaaza laga liya k exams hi chal rahe honge
M: (astonished by her observations) jee...bas ek final assignment aur presentation ka kaam baaki tha. isi liye Adi se milne jaaraha tha
N: parhayi k ilawa bhi doston se milne ki wajah hoti hai
M: hote honge per hamari dosti kitaabon se hi hai. waise aap ne apna kamre ka rang blue kyun kiya? aap ki favorite color hai kya?
N: nahi...bas humain apne kamre me ek chota sa aasman chahiye tha..aapki mumbai me aasman nahi dikhta...sirf oonchi oonchi emaratein! bas isi liye shayed. By the way, lagta hai blue AApki favorite color hai, hai na?
M: haan...per aapko kaise pata?
N: kyunke aapke zyada tar shirts blue hai..dark blue, navy blue, sky blue...(she looks away from him)
M: waqai me ...humnain toh notice hi nahi kiya. accha aap k haath ab kaise hai? moch agayi thee na?
N: arre woh toh 6 mahine pehle ki baat hai. rickshaw se college jaarahi thee toh motorbike se dhakka lag gaya aur hum gir gaye. abhi theek hai haath...dekhiye! (she extends her hand towards him and then instantly pulls it back). Accha aapki behen Diya kaisi hai ab? shaadi k baad usse dekha hi nahi yahan per
M: woh log ab Delhi me shift hogaye toh yahan bohat kam aana hota hai. She is fine though..khush bhi hai.
N: Aur aap?
M: jee?
N: matlab aap ka kya plan hai? Exams k baad kya kerna hai?
M: well..kuch job interviews lined up hai. dekhte hai..
N: ufff accha yaad aaya..woh letter mila aapko? kisi bari company se aaya tha...pata nahi kyun postman hamare building me chhor ke chala gaya. woh toh shukar hai Khuda ka k hamare haath lag gaya. Chotu k haath aap k ghar bhijwaya tha..mila tha na?
M: (smiles..) toh woh aap thee! chotu se poocha toh bas yehi kaha k pados wali building ki didi ne diya. jee mil gaya aur waqai me bohat zaroori letter tha. ek job interview ki call thee...Thank you!

Their conversation is disrupted by the labours who were bringing further boxes down the stairs. Watching the men carrying the boxes Mayank takes a deep sigh!

M: kya Mumbai phir kabhi nahi aana hoga?
N: uhu..bachpan se lekar aaj tak bauji apne job ko leke kahin daffa transfer hue aur hum log issi tarha se shift karte rahe ek sheher se doosre sheher. per ab Bauji retire kar chuke hai toh hum Morena wapas laut rahe hai hamesha k liye. waise bhi Mumbai jaise baray baray sheher ko hum jaise chote chote log raas nahi (she smiles)
M: haan per shayed Mumbai ki logon ko chote sheher k log raas aajaye. Who knows? He tries to gauge her reaction by looking directly into her eyes.

That's when Buaji calls Nupur from outside..."Nupur..beta tere Bauji agaye hai gaari lekar. jaldi se bahar aaja..dair hogayi toh train chut jayegi"

N: apna khayal rakhiyega. university jaana zaroori hai per utna nahi k bukhar k bawajood bhi baarish me bheeg k class attend kerna paray. aur haan...aap ki woh navy blue shirt...usski doosri button bhi toot gayi hai. Aunt ji se keh ker silwa lijiyega. Best of luck with your exams, not that you need it. Dua hai aap kaamyaabi ki bulandiyon ko chhooain aur hamesha khush rahe. Allah Hafiz...

She picks up her bag and her book and starts walking downstairs.

-Neela-

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

dilwalon k muqaddar me bhi kya kya likkha hota hai
kabhi diye ki lau toh kabhi aag ka dariya likkha hota hai
gham nahi k uss aag me rooh tak raakh ho jaata hai
malaal hai k woh makaan bhi jalta hai jiss per naam unn ka likkha hota hai

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Edited by NorthernLight - 11 years ago

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.SilentPrincess

@.SilentPrincess

Rocker

+ 3

Posted: 11 years ago

#147

Reserved.
Edited.

This is a very simple story.. yet its not. :) shayad yehi aapki haasiyat hain.. kuch na keh k bohat kuch keh jaate ho. And this is one of the many reasons why you're my favorite writer.

Its a beautiful story.. or what should i say.. aik bohat he khubsoorat mukhtasar mulakat thi. The title is just perfect.. i love your titles because they describe the whole story in just a few words..

A 5 minute meeting told us so much about them.. and strangely. They didn't know that the other person know so much about them..

Like bua jee mentioned.. There's no privacy in the area.. although there's a certain barrier.. but when it comes to MN, everything turns invisible.. and they can see right thru each other..

"The color blue to get a feel of the heaven.." it brought back a beautiful memory.. so thank you for that. :)

I think this is the simplest story you have ever written.. but there's so much you can absorb from it.. which makes this story complicated. Or unique I'd say the right word is.. :)
You still have the magic intact.. and it makes even the simplest story so beautiful..

And lastly.. those 4 lines in the end. I'm more than happy.. ecstatic to see them.. I've truly missed them.. even more than your writings. :)
What do i say .. its.. painfully beautiful.. i want to shed a tear. But also smile.. whole heartedly..

The perfect way to end this OS.

-----

Now the writer herself..

WELCOME BACK! 🤗

I've really missed you.. and your beautiful work.. and finallyyy you're back. :) I hope you intend to stay as well and not run off again.. :p

it's really good to see you back ... now keep writing.. so we can read more from you.

-Fatima-

Edited by .SilentPrincess - 11 years ago

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.SilentPrincess

@.SilentPrincess

Rocker

+ 3

Posted: 11 years ago

#148

Ab post bhi kar dein... kitna intezaar karwao ghe.. :(

Edited by .SilentPrincess - 11 years ago

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Humayra

@Humayra

Dazzler

Posted: 11 years ago

#149

You are back :D

Missed you..

Kitne dino ke baad apne MayUr ka OS likha hain!!!

Nice OS..

Dono ander hi ander ek dusre ke kuch feel karte hain par Bol nahi paye ya phir shayad khud realize hi nahi kar paye..

Jo bhi ho, Nupur to Morena wapas chali gayi.. Kya yahi ending hain? Please iska second part likhiye, ek happy ending dijiye.. I know life mein hamesha happy endings nahi hote hain but kuch log to lucky hote hain.. Kya MayUr ek baar k liye bhi wo lucky couple nahi ho sakte?

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Nirvrithi

@Nirvrithi

Inactive

Posted: 11 years ago

#150

Tum bhi na neela. Ek saal kya kitna bhi break le lo, tum nahi badlogi. Mayur ko aise beech sadak pe chodke jaati ho. Aur tumhare mayank tho phone number ya address bhi nahi poochta, just in case he needs later? Atleast for our sake-kamse kam happy ending hum imagine kar sakti thi?

You portrayed their feelings very well thru this short and meaningful convo.Baaki comments second part ke baad. Marriage tak nahi chahiye, minimum ye tho sure ho jaye ki they will keep in touch and will give their feelings a chance?

Im so happy you are back.