'Qayenaat' a MaYur FF - Completed

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Mahima

@Mahima_13

Stunner

+ 5

Posted: 15 years ago

#591

omg

mayank was styaring at nupur

and nupur deciding not to give up

wow

lets see watz next

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Escapist

@Escapist

Voyager

+ 3

Posted: 15 years ago

#592

res😳

*Edited*

Ab kya kahen hum.....iss update ne toh hume hila k rakh diya.....hume samhaj hi nahi aaraha k mayank ki shaadi n all kitna jaldi ho gaya sab kuch.....jaante hain kahani mayank aur nupur ki hai...woh kaise jee rahe hai ek duje k bina..it's not the destination not the end that matters but the journey.

lekin ek cheez jo hume pareshan karrahi hai....nahi pareshan is not the word but wat I'm fearing is k ab mayank aur nupur ki shaadi ho chuki hai aur dono aapne zindagi saath beta rahe hai lekin ajanbi ki tarah.....ek taraf nupur hai jo mayank ke liye zindagi bhar intezaar karne ko tayaar hai

"hum aap ka intezaar karenge'aakhri saans tak. bas zyada na intezar karwayye'kahi yeh saansein na khatam ho jaaye."

aur ek taraf mayank hai jo aapne pyar ko bhula nahi parahe, aisa itne dukh kyun ?? kyun aap hume nupur(old) ke baare mein kuch nahi baatarahi hai? jaante hai this is reality true love cannot be forgotten no matter wat happens that feeling that phase can never pass if the love was true.....phir yeh duniya kisi k saath itni zor zabardasti kasie kar sakti hai ? aur kyun mayank nupur ko dhundne nahi gayaa....woh bhi toh usse pyar karta hai....kyun uss bechari ko saja mili aur aaj woh khud aise bhavar mein phass gaya hai....

sach kahe toh hum bhi zindagi bhar intezaar karne ko tayar hai lekin yeh samaj ek ladki ko aise rehne nahi deta..she has to give in and do everythng...atleast if the guy marries out of pressure hez still free and at his own will.....why not with us ? kya hum saacha pyar nahi karte the jo hume yeh saza mili ? kyun hum ??

aur ek baat yeh jo nupur ne kaha "intezar" k baare mein, aapke dil k bahot kareeb hai na yeh alfaz...pata nahi baar baar yeh kahani padke lagta hai jasie jab aap isse alfazon mein bayan karte ho aap ko bahot taqleef hoti hai.....aur dard mehsoos hota hai !

aapka toh nahi jaante lekin hume toh bahot dard hota hai yeh padke ....itna k bayan nahi karsakte hum....

aage aur likhne ki himmat nahi...lekin itna zarur kahungi ur emotions your words touch me deeply I've no words to describe ! Aur update aachi thi...😊

take care,
fatima

Edited by -shabnoor- - 15 years ago

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-SharNeela-

@-SharNeela-

Voyager

+ 3

Posted: 15 years ago

#593

Originally posted by: -shabnoor-
res😳

cute 😊 yeh res likhne ki waqt itna sharmati kyun ho? aap to Mrs. Sharma bhi nahi 😉

-Neela

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-SharNeela-

@-SharNeela-

Voyager

+ 3

Posted: 15 years ago

#594

Originally posted by: MjhtFan_Mahima
omg

mayank was styaring at nupur

and nupur deciding not to give up

wow

lets see watz next

Mahiii tu itna shocked kyun hai? shaadi ki pehli raat ko bechari ko kya divorce ke baare me sochna chahiye?? 😆 aur Mayank ghoor raha tha iss per lecture dey chuki Maria ko...dekhle aur meri Mayank per shakk karna bandh kar ab to! 😊

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Escapist

@Escapist

Voyager

+ 3

Posted: 15 years ago

#595

Originally posted by: sharneel

cute 😊 yeh res likhne ki waqt itna sharmati kyun ho? aap to Mrs. Sharma bhi nahi 😉

-Neela

aur hume Mrs.Sharma banna bhi nahi 😉........dekho ab comment update kardiya hai humne.....😊

-Fatima

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-SharNeela-

@-SharNeela-

Voyager

+ 3

Posted: 15 years ago

#596

Originally posted by: -shabnoor-
res😳

*Edited*

Ab kya kahen hum.....iss update ne toh hume hila k rakh diya.....hume samhaj hi nahi aaraha k mayank ki shaadi n all kitna jaldi ho gaya sab kuch.....jaante hain kahani mayank aur nupur ki hai...woh kaise jee rahe hai ek duje k bina..it's not the destination not the end that matters but the journey.

lekin ek cheez jo hume pareshan karrahi hai....nahi pareshan is not the word but wat I'm fearing is k ab mayank aur nupur ki shaadi ho chuki hai aur dono aapne zindagi saath beta rahe hai lekin ajanbi ki tarah.....ek taraf nupur hai jo mayank ke liye zindagi bhar intezaar karne ko tayaar hai

"hum aap ka intezaar karenge'aakhri saans tak. bas zyada na intezar karwayye'kahi yeh saansein na khatam ho jaaye."

aur ek taraf mayank hai jo aapne pyar ko bhula nahi parahe, aisa itne dukh kyun ?? kyun aap hume nupur(old) ke baare mein kuch nahi baatarahi hai? jaante hai this is reality true love cannot be forgotten no matter wat happens that feeling that phase can never pass if the love was true.....phir yeh duniya kisi k saath itni zor zabardasti kasie kar sakti hai ? aur kyun mayank nupur ko dhundne nahi gayaa....woh bhi toh usse pyar karta hai....kyun uss bechari ko saja mili aur aaj woh khud aise bhavar mein phass gaya hai....

sach kahe toh hum bhi zindagi bhar intezaar karne ko tayar hai lekin yeh samaj ek ladki ko aise rehne nahi deta..she has to give in and do everythng...atleast if the guy marries out of pressure hez still free and at his own will.....why not with us ? kya hum saacha pyar nahi karte the jo hume yeh saza mili ? kyun hum ??

aur ek baat yeh jo nupur ne kaha "intezar" k baare mein, aapke dil k bahot kareeb hai na yeh alfaz...pata nahi baar baar yeh kahani padke lagta hai jasie jab aap isse alfazon mein bayan karte ho aap ko bahot taqleef hoti hai.....aur dard mehsoos hota hai !

aapka toh nahi jaante lekin hume toh bahot dard hota hai yeh padke ....itna k bayan nahi karsakte hum....

aage aur likhne ki himmat nahi...lekin itna zarur kahungi ur emotions your words touch me deeply I've no words to describe ! Aur update aachi thi...😊

take care,
fatima

hum kya kahen aap se! bas yehi ke aap is FF se itna jur kaise gaye? saare kirdaar ko aap muqammal taur se jee rahe hai...hum jaante hain iss kahani me jo jazbaat saamne aarahe hai woh kaafi dardnaak hai. per uss dard ko iss gehrayi se mehsoos karna kisi hudh tak ghalat lag raha hai. Please don't get me wrong..as a writer I feel proud that my writing is touching you to such level of depth but as a friend ...

baaqi raha 'intezar' ..*sigh* ab to aapse darr lagne laga hai 😊 aap to humain bhi hamari kahani ki kirdaar ki tarha parhne lage hai. but I guess that makes you so different to others. hai na?

-Neela

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.SilentPrincess

@.SilentPrincess

Rocker

+ 3

Posted: 15 years ago

#597

Originally posted by: sharneel

Laiba...I can understand the frustration you have. But I also agree with the point where you said its a progress of the story. I am a MaYur fan myself and having Mayank married to another girl was so very difficult for me. But as you can see from my previous parts, I made the circumstances very clear to justify this wedding. The coming few parts may not be either liked by you but then again that remains a challenge for me 😊 The only tip I can give you is to look at it from Mayank's viewpoint...this is his story (as we don't know Nupur's version yet), its his journey...try and relate to his feelings, the dilemma he is facing, the confusion, the pressure - consider his feelings when he has this strange girl in his bedroom and what he is going through to keep sanity and emotions in balance. You will empathise with him and thats what the story is about. Its not about MaYur meet and they live happily ever after...that part hasn't come yet. MaYur have met but now they are separated and the story is about how they are living their lives with this separation as they still have to face their family and friends. Its a constant struggle within and my story is only portraying those feelings.

About the complaint? 😊 actually its Ramadan now and I am struggling to find time to update but at the same time I don't want to lose momentum. So updates may seem shorter but I will try to keep them more frequent. kyun..manzoor hai na?

-Neela

I do get ur story at this point...i mean this is very imp. for the progress of the story... i do get what ur trying to point otut in ur story... but i got a little worried from the word ''admire'' at first i thought that he's love (Mayank's) has reached till such a high point that maybe he's seeing HIS Nupur in the other nupur (his wife)... (hallucinating)

but i read sum comments & ur answers so im getting it now... he had like seen her before bt he was maybe looking at her before but still nots seeing her... 😊 Aur waise bhi usski biwi ai... itna haq nahi banta? 😛 just kidding....

and the story is about how they are living their lives with this separation as they still have to face their family and friends. Its a constant struggle within and my story is only portraying those feelings.

And that's why I loooove reading ur ff's... u potray feelings so well... one thing i forgot to add is that in ur previous 2-3 pars i loved the emotions in it... ofcoure myu's ... he's getting marred but not to his love how will he anage? and nupur2 getting married to a man who may never love her u potrayed it soo beutifully...but the thing iloved the most was hw u portrayd the fekings & concern of a mom.. 😊

I will try to keep them more frequent. kyun..manzoor hai na?

I know... finding time in ramadan is hard... lekin shart Manzoor hai... i'll be waiting for ur next update... besabri se... 😃😊😉

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fiza ahmed

@drfizaahmed

Stunner

+ 4

Posted: 15 years ago

#598

such hai kay ap kay akhair update tak hamein asa lag raha tha sahyad porani nupur kahin say wapas ajy aur yeah shadi rukh jay gi....but than i sum how really loved the fact k asa na ho...waran yeah FF daily soap ban jata.....ek khuzarish aur hai k plzz us nupur ko wapas na lana warna triangle ban jay ga...is nay rishty ke...is yaqeen ke taqat agar jeety tu zayada acha lagy ka....yeah sirf ek request hai warna ap likhny k hunhar ba khubi janti hain.....aur agar koi aur twist bhi aay ka tu yaqeenan acha hi hoga....bs asay hi dil mein kayal aaya tu kah diya..

wasay it was a gr8 update

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-SharNeela-

@-SharNeela-

Voyager

+ 3

Posted: 15 years ago

#599

Originally posted by: drfizaahmed
such hai kay ap kay akhair update tak hamein asa lag raha tha sahyad porani nupur kahin say wapas ajy aur yeah shadi rukh jay gi....but than i sum how really loved the fact k asa na ho...waran yeah FF daily soap ban jata.....ek khuzarish aur hai k plzz us nupur ko wapas na lana warna triangle ban jay ga...is nay rishty ke...is yaqeen ke taqat agar jeety tu zayada acha lagy ka....yeah sirf ek request hai warna ap likhny k hunhar ba khubi janti hain.....aur agar koi aur twist bhi aay ka tu yaqeenan acha hi hoga....bs asay hi dil mein kayal aaya tu kah diya..

wasay it was a gr8 update

Fiza...aap woh pehli shaks ho jissne iss track ko ek nayee umeed diya hai. humain aapki comments behudh acche lage. achanak se himmat barh gayi hai k koi to hai jo iss kahani ko samajh raha hai. aur plz aap guzarish na kiya kare...aap ne jo kaha sahi kaha aur humain bohat khushi hogi agar hum aisa kar paaye to. saath nibhaate jayye...ab to aap ki saath aakhir tak chahiye humain.

next update coming up 😊

-Neela

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-SharNeela-

@-SharNeela-

Voyager

+ 3

Posted: 15 years ago

#600

~~~~~~Part 24: Sliding Doors~~~~~~~

The sun has risen to a new beginning for Mayank and Nupur who have still not opened their eyes to this beautiful day. They were still sleeping after an exhaustive day of the wedding. Only Nupur wakes up from the knock on the door when Shilpa starts calling them from outside..

S: Nupur…beta chaaye laayi hoon.

Nupur wakes up and looks at Mayank who is deeply in sleep on the sofa. She sorts herself out quickly whilst responding to Shilpa..

N: aayi maa...

and then rushes to Mayank and forwards her hand to wake him up when she stops. No…I shouldn't (touch him) so she starts calling him …louder and louder…

N: suniye…Mayank ji…Mayank jiiiiiii
M: (Mayank opens his eyes slightly) kya hua??
N: maa khari hai bahar…chaaye lekar
M: haan to kya hua? andar bulayye aur humain sonay dijiye
N: ufffo…aap uthiye aur wahan bistar pe lait jayye
M: kya?
N: maa agar aapko yahan sotay hue dekhengi to sab garbar ho jayega. jayye ab…
M: (leaves the sofa and sleeps in the bed)
N: (picks up the pillow and blanket and puts it next to the other pillow on the bed. While she is at it, she also messes the bed a bit and then opens the door..)
S: kya hua beta? kab se bula rahi hoon. so rahi thee kya? (she takes a peek at the bed and smiles)
N: (Nupur touches her feet) haan maa…woh dair raat ko soye to aankh nahi khuli. dijiye..(takes the tray off of SHilpa)
S: yeh Mayank abhi tak so raha hai? usse jaga de beta. niche mehmaan aajayenge..tumhe dekhne k liye. tayyar hoke dono niche aajao. main intezar kar rahi hoon. thik hai? (smiles)
N: (smiles back) jee maa.

Shilpa leaves the room and Nupur locks the door. Mayank, who was pretending to be sleeping opens his eyes ..

M: chali gayi kya?
N: haan…ab aap bhi uthiye aur nahaa ker tayyar ho jayye. mehmaan aanewale hai niche
M: hmm…thik hai

and he goes off to take the shower whilst Nupur tidies the room up and takes the new kurta out for Mayank and carefully puts it on the bed. Mayank comes out of the bathroom and notices that the room has been tidied up and his clothes lying neatly on the bed. He gets annoyed though…

M: yeh kya hai?
N: aap ki kapre…pehen lijiye
M: aapko kisne kaha yeh sab karne k liye? boliye?
N: jee?
M: aap please meri cheezon ko haath mat lagaya kare. main koi baccha nahi hoon…apna kaam khud kar sakta hoon.

…saying that he takes the kurta pajama from the bed, puts it back into the cupboard and takes a shirt and his jeans out.

N: niche mehmaan aarahe hai. tewhaar me kya yeh kapre pehenna sahi hoga?
M: main koi tewhaar me nahi jaaunga. university jaa raha hoon. lautne me dair hojayegi
N: suniye…niche mehmaan aanewale hai. hum dono ko ashirwaad dene k liye. aap agar nahi honge to woh kya sochenge!
M: mujhe kisiki parwah nahi hai. maine aap ko kal hi keh diya tha na k main koi rasme nibhane ki qaabil nahi aur na hi aisi koi chaha hai mujhme. so please leave me alone!
N: kal aap ne ek vaada bhi kiya tha k duniyawaalon ke saamne hum yeh sab kuch zahir hone nahi denge. bhul gaye apna vaada?
M: (gets really irritated now) Goddd…kis musibat me phans gaya main. thik hai..main kaushish karunga ghar jaldi wapas lautne ki.

..and he rushes out of the room. Shilpa watches Mayank leaving the house in the morning..

S: Mayu..kahan jaa raha hai subha subha?
M: university maa.
S: university? aaj? kyun…Nupur ne bataya nahi k mehmaan aanewale hai aaj?
M: haan bataya hai maa per mujhe yeh sab bilkul pasand nahi hai. aap mere baghair hi karlo yeh sab. waise bhi log Nupur ko dekhne aarahe hai to mera kya kaam yahan
S: kya matlab tera kaam kya hai? log tum dono ko duaein dene aarahe hai. tera hona zaroori hai
M: per maa…

Nupur notices that an ugly argument is about to start so she decides to intervene..

N: maa woh inhe university me kuch zaroori kaam hai. imtihaan sir pe hai aur yeh lectures aakhri lectures hai iss saal ke. jaane dijiye inhe. aur aap suniye ji (points at Mayank) ghar jaldi se wapas aajayyega jaisa aap ne vaada kiya tha (gives a romantic smile at Mayank)
M: haan haan…thik hai (kya musibat hai..he says to himself)
S: thik hai to phir jaa aur jaldi wapas aaja na.

Mayank leaves home and Nupur and Shilpa get ready for the celebration. Mayank is feeling a restlessness in his soul..

M: yeh sab kya horaha hai mere saath? kya karoon kaha jaaoon kuch samajh me nahi aaraha.

Subconsciously he gets on the bus that takes him to that village again. He sits next to the tombs of the two lovers..

M: kaash main bhi aap ki tarha apni jaan deke apni mohabbat ko zinda rakh sakta. magar main duniya ki rasmon se…apni maa ki aansoon ke saamne haar gaya. meri mohabbat ne iss duniya ki berehemi k samne ghutne taik diye. ab main kya karoon? zinda rehne k liye koi wajah nahi mere paas aur maut ko gale lagalu to meri maa jeete jee marr jayegi. main kyun itna lachaar hoon…kyun itna majboor hoon? kyun mujhe kisi aur ko apni zindagi se jorna para? aakhir kya khata hai meri? ussne to aasani se keh diya ke bhool jaao..kaise bhool jaaooN..dil me rehti hai hamesha…kabhi ashk bannke aankhon se beh bhi jaati hai to bhi dil se nahi nikalti woh. har shay me har lay me mujhe woh dikhti hai…usski awaaz kaanon me gunjti hai. sach hai k kisi aur ki hogayi hai woh..to main intezar kyun kar raha hoon usski? yah Khuda…meri madad karo!! mujhe apni Nupur k baghair bhi usske saath zindagi bitana hai. koi mujhe usse..usski yaadon se alag nahi kar sakta chahe woh meri ho ya na ho.

…his eyes becomes wet as tears fall on the graves. Then he hears that familiar voice…baba's voice

Doob Rahi Hain Saansain Magar Ye GumaaN Baaqi Hai
Aaney Ka Kisi Shakhs Ke Abhi ImkaaN Baaqi Hai
Muddat Hui Ek Shakhs Ko Bichrhey Lekin
Aaj Tak Merey Dil Pe Ek NishaaN Baaqi Hai

B: beta…aashiqon ki mazaar pe ashkon ko na bahaya karo. yeh to kabse ek doosre me samaye hue hai…in per yeh zulm kyun?
M: zulm nahi baba..insaaf maang raha hoon. yeh bhi to mohabbat ke maare hai meri tarha bas farq yeh hai k marrke bhi yeh dono saath hai aur main akela apni hi laash apne kaandhon pe liye ghoom raha hoon
B: fiker mat kar baccha…teri mohabbat saccha hai agar to zaroor woh parwaan charhega in dono ki tarha. zaroor…

and he leaves mumbling to himself. Mayank spends a bit more time here until it becomes late in the evening. He returns home only to realise that he had forgotten that he promised to return home early for the gathering. He looks at the house which is very quiet confirming that all the guests have left. He realises his mistake and doesn't dare to meet his mom. Instead he goes directly into his bedroom where Nupur is waiting for him.

-Neela

Edited by sharneel - 15 years ago