Posted:
Pre-note: Okaaaay! So I am finally here..so, so damn sorry for the delay, it took me forever to write, what with one hell of things coming up, exams, deaths and what not...and then the worst writers block EVER!! Can you believe it, I wrote parts of this months ago but couldn't put it together! Anyway, I am here now...and this is a pre-warning: the part is short, the part is not good, and I dont like it :P but I couldn't do anything with it, had more to write but decided to stop here cuz I simply couldn't write anymore and I wanted to post it today...so, just don't beat me up for it, next one will be better...promise promise!! :) okay then, at your own risk, go ahead and read.
Recap: Nikki gets sick, Armaan and Abhi help Riddhima take her to the hospital, Riddhima's mother gets sick at home, Armaan drives her home and wanders about, sees the family portrait
Chapter 4: When all hope is lost....
'Tea?'
Riddhima smiled and sat down on the stairs next to him, taking in the fresh air and the gloom of the clouds which promised a rainy day. The waft of the jasmine flowers her mother had laboriously worked on for years rose with a swish of air and she took in a deep breath. Armaan looked at the sudden calm peace enveloping her face, hiding the cloak of an uncertain anxiety she carried all the time, he realized now. Looking down at the mug in her hands, she replied to his question:
'Yeah...Because that's what a lifetime in Chandigarh does to you!,' and then, in response to his confused look, she elaborated, 'Well, we used to live in a small town near Chandigarh, ever heard of Pinjaur?,' to which he nodded, and she continued, 'It's such a small town...everyone knows everyone, and being kids, the highlight of our day was to sit at Ramchand Chacha's dhabba and have a cup of tea...all of us used to go there during breaks and in free time..God knows how many classes me and Nikki have bunked for it....and thus have carried around the legacy of his dhabba with us all around...chaaye!' she put up her cup in front of him to emphasize her point.
Armaan smiled at her, and looking at the contents of his own cup, he gave a clarification unasked for, 'Coffee has been the sole addiction through out my life...you know the usual remedy for remaining awake at night? Drink coffee! Some dumb-ass fellow student suggested it to me back in school during my final boards...and though it never worked in warding off sleep, it stuck with me for a lifetime, I reckon!,'
Riddhima grinned at his reply and they both became silent for a while, taking in the pleasant ambiance of the weather and the light shades of orange the sun had started melting into.
'Ever gone back?'
The sudden question confused her for a second, till the meaning sunk in and she shook her head vigorously, without thinking. Then she halted and nodded after a while, two tiny strokes of her head moving up and down.
'Yep. Twice. Once when my dad died, and then for Nikki's wedding. Never again.'
He nodded once, a silent 'oh' escaping him, nothing more. He knew he couldn't say anything regarding her father's death; he had always been clueless how to pursue and apologize for a matter like that. Whether her words marked a finality of something finished in the past or never to happen again, he couldn't distinguish and before he could ponder over it more, she turned to him with a warm look in her eyes that had been absent just a second ago.
'You never told me where you are from?' she questioned, and he smiled, cocking an eyebrow, 'You never asked!,' and then to her speculative look, he gave in and replied, 'I was born in Mumbai, grew up there, moved to Delhi for college, came up here for my post-grad and been here since...'
With a smirk, she replied, 'Your life summed up in one sentence! Pretty explicit, huh?,' and he laughed out loud at this.
'Yeah well, that's how my life is. Simple, to the point and not very explicit,' he put down his now empty coffee cup and Riddhima smiled at him, nodding slightly.
'Yeah, that's not unheard of, definitely not by me,' she replied, and even though Armaan didn't fully understand what she meant, he let it go. After a second's pause, he looked at her and questioned, in a slightly low tone.
'Riddhima?'
"Yeah?" she turned to look at him, pulling her gaze away from the row of carefully planted flowers her mother had planted the past season. The flowers were wilting now, thanks to the cold season. She made a note in her mind to dig out all the old, wilted flowers someday.
"Have you talked to Rahul yet?," his question made her jittery for some reason, and she shook her head while taking a sip of tea from her mug.
"Err..no! Not yet...I will, soon...,' she took in his inquisitive look and sighed, 'I promise I will, Armaan...I know this is important...I just, today was just such a hectic day..what with Maa and Nikki and..'
'It's okay, Riddhima..I was just asking,' he smiled and then stood up, pulling his jacket closer around him, 'I have to go now, but I shall see you tomorrow in my office, okay?,' he smiled and she smiled back, putting her cup down and standing up next to him.
They both walked to his car in silence, but as he started the car, Riddhima stopped him.
'Armaan..,'
'Yes, Riddhima?,' he turned to look at her and he could see a light crimson shadow her cheeks. Whether it was from the cold or from something else, he couldn't determine.
'Thank you for everything, today,' They both smiled at each other at her statement and he nodded back.
'Not a problem at all, Riddhima...and if, God forbid, something happens to Auntie, will you call me? Please? I would want to help.'
His statement gave no explanations and she didnt require any. She smiled at him and waved as he took off, then she walked back silently to her house, closing the door behind her as she did.
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Padma Gupta sat up in her bed, looking around her room, taking in the scent of the fresh jasmine flowers Riddhima had put in the vase that morning. Except for the flowers, her room was distastefully bland; there was no furniture except the bed, an armchair and a dressing table; there were no paintings on the walls, no pictures on the mantelpiece. In fact, it looked like a room never lived in. That was the impact she had wanted on herself, on her surroundings since the day her husband had died.
Five years ago, Shashank Gupta had died of a sudden heart attack. Simple as that, the doctors had given no more explanation. His heart had suffered a severe cardiac arrest, he had died within an hour of the initiation of the pains. He had left behind three bewildered, clueless children and a wife who lost herself to his death.
Padma suffered from Prolonged Grief Disorder, a psychological disorder doctors insisted was initiated by the death of her spouse. She couldn't relate to the terms of the said disease, all she knew was that every morning she woke up to a strong yearning to see and to be with her husband; she blamed herself for his death, she longed to be be with him, she couldn't sleep, couldn't eat, and she was forever anxious. She had lost any sense of responsibility for her children, not because she didn't love them, but because she had lost her identity. She couldn't be their mother anymore, she had lost that part when she lost her husband. With his death, he had taken away a mother and left behind just a grieving wife.
Now, she put a smile on her face as her daughter, Riddhima walked into the room, holding a tray full of food. She sighed and looked away.
'You have to eat, Maa...whether you like it or not,' Riddhima imposed, putting the tray down before her and helping her sit up properly.
'Riddhima, I am not hungry...,' her voice was, as usual, hollow and monotoned.
'You are never hungry Maa...that doesn't mean you don't have to eat! Here, I made your lemon tea and your favorite sandwiches..,' Riddhima plastered a smile on her face and pushed the cup in her hands towards her mother. Padma took it with quivering hands and took a sip, a sudden calm coming over her face. She stared at the flowers in the vase again, and then at Riddhima. Her daughter had grown up so much in the past 5 years; there was a tranquil beauty about her that reminded Padma of her own youth. Shashank had always said Riddhima was a splitting image of her mother.
'Riddhima?'
'Jee, Maa?,' Padma smiled at her response. Even though Riddhima rarely spoke Hindi since they had moved to London, she always preferred using her mother language when talking to her parents. She lightly patted Riddhima's head in affection, then questioned her.
'Who was that guy?'
Even though the question was asked in plain curiousity, it made Riddhima nervous. Her mother was not aware of anything going on in her life, and she would prefer it if it stayed that way. She couldn't tell her the official acquaintance she had with Armaan, so she chose to describe to her mother the other relation she had with him.
'Who? Armaan? Maa, he's Abhi's best friend...I met a couple of times before..he's a..he's a friend,' Riddhima smiled and stood up, glancing at the clock on the front wall and realizing that she was horribly late for work.
"Armaan..' Padma said the name over, slowly, and then smiled at her daughter. Feeling flustered all of a sudden, Riddhima put the tray on the side-table and bent down to kiss her mother's cheek.
'Maa, I have to go, I am terribly late for work..I will see you at night. Rohaan is at home, so please call him if you need anything..Nikki and Abhi will be back in an hour, and I will try to com back as soon as I can, okay?,' Padma nodded and tried to smile back at her daughter's string of advises she knew were about to come. Sure enough, Riddhima rattled off about taking care of herself and taking the medicines at time, then left with a quick hug. Padma sat in her bed, looking at her daughter's retreating figure and thought of Rahul. He hadn't called since the whole week, and she worried about him. She had to talk to him. She loved Riddhima, but she would never understand. She was too much like her father in nature. Rahul, he would understand. She had to call him, soon.
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"And thats a goaaaaaaaaaall!! Arsene Wenger's boys have certainly hit the jackpot tonight...that beautiful shot by Cesc Fabregas has put Arsenal back on the run for the championship..what a shot!!!'
Armaan did a small victory dance to himself as his hands lifted from the shoe-laces he had been previously tying before his team scored a shot in the match. Grinning widely to himself, he bent down to lie the laces one more time and after doing that, emptied his now cold cup of coffee in two large swigs. After ten more grueling minutes, the match drew to an end and Armaan sighed with relief, then stood up and checked his appearance in the mirror on the side of the lounge.
Satisfied with his look for the night, he switched off the television and headed towards the hallway when Damini strode in, a more than happy look on her face. Blocking his way to the hallway, she grinned widely and with an excitement that suited a flimsy thirteen year old and clashed drastically with the usual composure she held, Damini jumped up and down in front of a surprised Armaan, letting out a thrilled cry.
'Armaaaaaaaaaan!! You won't BELIEVE this! I am so excitttttedddd!!,' she squeaked, and Armaan grinned in spite of himself; for her animated excitement was infectious. He raised his eyes, and replied, 'Yeah, I can SEE that!! What happened?'
She grinned, and then with a loud sigh of relief, plopped herself down on the sofa, throwing her whole weight over it and then handed him a paper she had been holding tightly in her fists. Armaan took hold of the crumpled paper and started reading it. When done, he looked up at her with a smile that reflected in his eyes and said, 'Well, I believe that calls for a celebration!'
Damini beamed at him, then stood up and clapping her hands together in delight, she started pacing to and fro. 'I mean, it was the most unexpected thing ever...I never even expected being a part of this huge project, let alone be the one to manage it...for years I have built useless buildings and gone through client after client with snobbish attitudes and work that I couldn't care a penny about...and now I get THIS! The biggest deal every bloody architect in the city has been yearning for...and I GOT IT!'
The flare of victory that rose on Damini's face as she said those last words made the smile skip off Armaan's face. Instead, he bit his lower lip to stop a biting retort he knew he would utter, and with an effort this time, said, 'Well, you got what you wanted...and I am happy for you. Congratulations!'
She turned and smiled at him, her face flushed with happiness and he smiled this time, effortlessly. Walking towards him, she put her arms around him in an instant and drew him into a hug, murmuring a 'thank you' as she ruffled his hair affectionately. Armaan's hands lingered on her back for less than a second, then he hugged her, truly happy for at her success. And then he drew back. The embrace had lasted for even less than a minute, and for some reason, Damini noticed how uncomfortable he looked after it. Her smile faltered a little, and she looked up at him as he looked back, rubbing his jawline with his thumb, smiling at her.
He looked undeniably handsome today, Damini noticed. The stubble had been trimmed a little, and his hair was set back in a way that defined his sharp features very well. The black blazer he was wearing above the white shirt fitted him well, and she smiled as she took in the waft of his usual cologne. What a contrast it was, she realized, the man he was today and the guy she had married almost 8 years ago.
Armaan cleared his throat as he saw Damini lost in some thought, and it was effective enough in bringing her out of her reverie.
'So...I think we should go out...and err...celebrate somewhere?,' Damini blurted out, a hopeful tinge in her tone that was hard to miss. Armaan looked at her and bared his teeth letting out a small hiss, as if in pain.
"Errmmm...I would love to, but I am going out already...It's Abhi's birthday today and we are all going out to dinner!" The expression on Damini's face cleared to give way to a too raw look, an expression Armaan wanted to remain aloof of and so he diverted his gaze.
"We all?"
'Oh ermm...yeah...Abhi, Nikki, me and Riddhima..,' he halted for a while and then hurriedly added, 'He invited you too, but I thought you'd be attending some party today so I told him you might not be able to make it...'
'Aah!' was the only sound Damini let out for a few seconds, then looked up at him with eyes that gleamed dangerously and said, 'Why don't you call them off? I mean, this is really big for me and I really want to celebrate with you tonight!'
Armaan shook his head at this, then replied slowly, 'I can't do that Damini...it's his birthday. I have missed too many chances with him to make any more mistakes...and you know that better than anyone else.' When no reply came from her side except a hardened expression, he added, 'Why don't you come along with me? You are not going anywhere either way and he invited you too...so...,'
Damini folded her arms, all the exuberant radiance gone from her face, 'No Armaan, why don't you come along with ME this time? To some party I should be attending, to a formal dinner, or to a gala night...all those places you SHOULD go with me as a husband! It's the biggest day for me and still....Why don't you choose ME over your friends for once and make me feel I'm important to you too!'' she said, in a cold, low tone voice.
Armaan rolled his eyes, and putting on his watch looked at her, 'Not again, please, Damini. We have had this conversation countless times, and we always end up saying the same things. I don't want to ruin your mood, and I definitely don't want to ruin mine either. SO, go up, get ready. We are going to Abhi's birthday dinner where we will act like mature, civil adults and come back and continue this very enthralling discussion. Alright?'
There was a cold harshness in his eyes that Damini was not unfamiliar to, and it was exactly this vice that made her stomp up to her room to get changed. She had no other option for now, Armaan knew exactly how and when to push her buttons, and she couldn't get out of it, not now.
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'Niiikkkkiii!! Hurry up...Armaan's hereeee!!' Riddhima screamed up the stairs to get her beloved best friend away from the mirror she had been attached to since the past three hours. When a muffled shout came back, Riddhima rolled her eyes and muttered under her breath. Honestly, why did she ever expect anything else from Nikki? She had never been one to care much for punctuality.
Deciding that she should at least open the door to let Armaan in, she walked over and pulled the door open, letting in a cold waft of air only to see Zaara standing in front of her, beaming at her with amusement.
'Zaara?'
'Wow Di, you look beautiful! White really suits you, I must say!' Zaara ranted, making her way into the hallway herself. Riddhima noticed a stack of books in her hands and frowned.
'Err..thanks! But what are you doing here?' she questioned, following Zaara into the lounge.
'Oh, I came to give these to Rohaan...exams are just around the corner and the guy hasn't even got the course books..can you imagine?' she grinned, taking off her gloves and rubbing her hands together. 'Anyway, you look ready to kill today....where are you going?'
'To the Roka!,' Riddhima rose her eyebrows at her with planned glee and Zaara's mouth dropped open.
'Oh my God! I hate youuuu!! I'd kill to go to that posh place, but alas!...why though?,' Riddhima smiled at the sudden suspicious frown that came over her face and rolled her tongue inside her mouth.
'Let's just say I finally found someone I liked enough to go on a second date with!'
Her statement had the exact intended reaction. Zaara threw the books down and her eyes opened wide in shock, and she took hold of Riddhima's hands in excitement and said, 'Oh my God! Serioussslllyyy?? Who is he? What does he do? When did this...'
Riddhima started laughing but before she could answer any of the questions, the door bell rang again. Riddhima walked off to get it while she could hear Zaara behind her, murmuring 'he's here, he's here'. Riddhima shook her head at the teenage excitement she had just witnessed and opened the door to find Armaan standing before her, rubbing his hands together and blowing air into them.
He looked up at her and smiled warmly, and Riddhima smiled back as she saw his give a quick glance to her dress, then he looked up and murmured, 'Hi!'
Riddhima greeted him back and opened the door wide to let him in.
'Errmm...I don't think I should come in..we are already running late...are they ready?' he asked, and Riddhima rose an eyebrow.
'Welll...let's just say they have been ready since an hour or so but have refused to admit it yet!,' Armaan grinned at the implication of her words and Riddhima just noticed his dimples, how deep they ran into his cheeks and the laughter lines that suddenly became prominent on his face. She averted her gaze when she found Armaan looking at her curiously.
'Riiiggghht...by they way, you look very pretty tonight!,' It was a platonic comment, one she must have heard a thousand times at numerous business meetings, but his words brought a tinge of crimson to her face and she smiled warmly. Before she could say anything, a voice interrupted them from behind and Riddhima was horrified to find Zaara heading towards them.
'Of course she does! She's dressed up specially today, haina Di?,' she winked at Riddhima and turned to look at Armaan, who gave her a surprised look. 'Hi, I am Zaara...Rohaan's friend!'. She extended her hand to him and after a second's hesitation, Armaan smiled and shook her hand.
'Hi Zaara...I am Armaan,' he replied to which Zaara rose her eyes, impressed.
'Desire, it means, doesn't it?,' she asked coyly and Riddhima closed her eyes in dignified horror after taking in the amused look on Armaan's face as he nodded to her question.
'Well, you must be something great to have made Di agree on a second date...mostly she tends to run away from her dates on the pretence of a business meeting...I am SO glad she met you..like FINALLY!,' Zaara blabbered on and Riddhima put a hand to her eyes, ashamed as Armaan darted a more than amused and gleeful look at her.
'Errrm...thank you very much...I'm also very glad she didn't choose to run away from me!,' Riddhima looked at Armaan in shock as he answered Zaara with a smile, a look of utmost seriousness and sincerity in his eyes. Looking at Riddhima, he extended his hand and murmured, 'Shall we?,' to which Riddhima gave him an 'I dont believe this' look. Turning around, she took hold of her coat from the stand nearby and wore it, paying special attention to buttoning it up, especially as she was very much aware of the two pairs of eyes staring at her. When she couldn't waste any more time on this specific chore, she turned to look at Armaan who extended his arm to her, yet again. Biting her lips to stop herself from grinning, she took hold of Armaan's hand and as he exchanged niceties with Zaara, she noticed the smile that played on the corner of his lips and spoke more in his eyes
As they walked away from the house and the door closed behind them with a waving Zaara, Riddhima yanked her hand away from his and looked at him, indignant. But before she could say anything, Armaan turned to her and said, 'So you run away from all your suitors, Riddhima? Not fair. Very unladylike, I must say!'
Riddhima rolled her eyes at him, 'What you did just now wasn't quite gentlemanly either!'
'Aaaah. I was just trying to save you some healthy grace in the eyes of a teenager!' he replied, and Riddhima grinned despite herself.
"Armaaan...you are such a jerk!!,' they both laughed out at their casual banter, and then a breezy silence fell around them as they walked to the car.
Walking silently, Riddhima realized how easily and how quickly she had developed a comfortable rapport with Armaan, both being feats that were hard to achieve by her usual standards. Even though their conversations consisted of random quips and purposeless remarks, she concluded that she enjoyed his company and if anything, he proved to be a good person to talk to. Maybe they would become good friends some day.
Armaan speculated his own uplift of mood as the laughter finally died down and they walked their way to his car, their feet half soaked in ice-water. He believed himself to be a warm, affable person to strangers, but there was a point where his politeness ended and most of the times, he intended not taking it far from there. However, with Riddhima, things were different. They weren't exactly friends yet, mere acquaintances would fit the situation better but he knew it could develop into more, a good friendship maybe. He wondered whether he'd be able to put in any effort for it now, not with Riddhima, but with any other person for that matter. He had kept personal distances with people for so long that in order to penetrate it, he knew he'd have to break it himself. He found Riddhima's company pleasing, he figured, and ended the thought process at that.
As they reached the car, Riddhima walked to the passenger seat unconsciously and opened the door to seat herself when she found Damini looking up at her in surprise. Riddhima stepped back from the car door instantly, taken aback by her presence there for she hadn't been aware Damini was coming along too. She mustered a smile on her face to hide the obvious shock she'd had and Damini smiled back too. Armaan, in the meanwhile, had seated himself in the driver's seat and bending over Damini, looked out at Riddhima.
'Riddhima, come on...take a seat or you will freeze out there!'
Riddhima nodded and opened the back-door, sitting behind Damini and mentally reprimanding herself for unconsciously wanting to take the front seat. She wasn't sure how Damini would react to it, but she pushed the thoughts away when Damini turned in her seat with a smile plastered on her face.
'Riddhima! It's so good to see you again...and you look great!,' Riddhima smiled in response to her clichd compliment and threw back another one of the redundant lines she had used countless times.
After the pleasantries were exchanged, Riddhima became conscious of the fact that there was nothing much to talk about, especially as Damini turned back in her seat to fish for her cell phone in her handbag. The car was enveloped with silence for the next few minutes, as Damini busied herself on her mobile, Armaan fidgeted his fingers on the steering wheel and Riddhima looked outside her window. For a fleeting second, she looked at Armaan, who, at that very moment, had shared a cold, dead look with Damini and that sheer insensitivity in both their eyes troubled her. In the minutes that followed, she wished for Nikki and Abhi to hurry, for the lack of conversation, along with the chilled silence in the car, made her extremely uncomfortable. She heaved a sighed of relief as she saw them walking towards the car, and wished in her heart for the evening to be a light, fun-filled one.
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'To my one and only jeej, who has kept his promise all these years and hopefully will do so for the coming ones....you are the best man for my best woman...Happy Birthday!,' Riddhima grinned as she side-hugged Nikki who sat next to her. Abhi smiled widely at her and nodded gravely, as if she had handed him a solemn predictament.
'To the man who is solely responsible for all the holes in the carpet, torn curtains and dirty walls in the guest room of my house....and who left a place in my heart when he left our house, both never to be filled by another again..,' Damini smiled and rose her toast to him, and this time Abhi chuckled, blowing a kiss to her in response.
'To the love of my life, the only one there will ever be, and to my husband, the only one who will be forever...a very, very happy birthday, baby!!,' Nikki rose her toast, with tears in her eyes and Abhi, who was sitting next to her, enveloped her in a big bear hug and whispered something to her which made her laugh. Watching this exchange of words between them, Armaan smiled and rose his glass towards Abhimanyu.
'AND to the man who taught me what family is...my best friend and my brother, Abhimanyu Modi...Happy Birthday!!,' His toast was followed by a mutual 'awww' by all the three girls present and Abhi smiled at him genuinely, speaking silently what only Armaan could understand at that moment. He was forgiven, with all truth in heart and soul. He smiled at him and nodded, and Abhi finally spoke up.
'Okay, so THANK YOU all of you for all your love and affection and...,' looking at Damini, he winked and continued, 'all those months of torture you gave me in your house..,' to which Damini scowled and Abhi grinned. 'I love you all...and this conversation is turning too gay for me now. Come on, it's my birthday, and everyone's going to dance now!!'
They all laughed at his silly quips, for that is that Abhi was all about. Emotional to the T, he wouldn't ever let people know what really was in his heart and if ever those feelings dare surface, he would ward them away with his jokes and wisecracks. Now, Armaan, Damini and Riddhima sat on their seats, watching Abhi and Nikki dance slowly to a romantic song, and they all smiled in spite of themselves. They were so much in love, they were so blessed. They were what came close to perfection, and watching them two, they realized what they themselves lacked now, had never had, perhaps would never have now.
Damini's mobile buzzed and she excused herself from the table. Armaan and Riddhima sat in silence; Armaan now staring at the glass in his hands while Riddhima still stared at Abhi and Nikki, her eyes stuck to one point but her mind somewhere far away. Somewhere she could have had, somewhere something she had let go...somewhere, something she would never have...anymore.
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=l SO, ready to kill me now!! Um sorry, um sorry...thats all I can say...please don't leave comments if you don't like it (read: Nija :P) and well, throw all the chappals my way then!
This part goes out to sai :D HAPPY BIRTHDAY GIRLL!! You asked for it, here it is then :) Hope you had a blast, sorry I couldn't come up here earlier...love you! :)
Chalo phir, hope to be here soon this time :) lovya all!!
p.s. Ramadan Mubarak to everyone!!
p.p.s donon desh ke vasiyon ko Happy Independence Day :D :D
p.p.p.s. Please don't hit me :P
Cheers!!
Kiran
Kyunki Saas Bhi Kabhi Bahu Thi 2
Current Affairs
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