FF: Last thing I expected - Mayur. Chapter28 Pg148 - Page 98

i jus completed reading ur ff...wow its just superb!!not enough words to describe it....u r an awesome writer...do continue soon...and pm me if u can..

hey wen r u updating dear? its been ages

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kainath...when r u updating????? pleaaaaaseee update soooon....im missing neev a lot yaar!

i can't wait till u update. But pls update soon. Iam going crazy lol.

kaitz....weekend toh khatam honewaala hai...when r u goin to update???missin ur updates......😕

Chapter 24 Part 2

She swept in a haphazard manner, not really sweeping, simply passing time. She couldn't answer that question! What sort of a question was that? Why did I cry? 'Cause of you, you lummox! Slowly she gathered all the pieces together and set it delicately into the bin. When she turned to look at Mayank, her expression was guarded and she was biting her lower lip. Murdering it, actually.

Beautiful, beautiful creature, he thought happily. She still hadn't answered his question. That wasn't a good sign was it? What was taking so long? Maybe I should ask her again.

"Nupur, why did you cry?" he repeated.

She opened her mouth and closed it just as quickly. Mayank could almost see, well in his imaginary drunken state, the wheels in her head turning as she contemplated how exactly to tackle the question. Mayank thought she was simply going to refuse to answer him this time. She heaved a huge sigh, leaned forward with an intense look in her eyes and asked, "Why are you so persistent about this?"

The fact that she was not blowing him off like he'd expected left Mayank unable to answer right away. When he was able to find his voice, he said honestly, "Because I believe I have a right to know."

Nupur leaned backwards and turned her back against him. She heaved another sigh, but more quietly this time. "Mayank, can't we…can't we just drop the subject? I mean – let's …let's just start over it's-"

"No Nupur. We're not going to start over. Starting over is what we've always been doing. When we were together before, and even now. We cannot ignore the past and I think we've been playing along for too long now. You and I both know what we went through all those years back and we've managed to hide it pretty well during your stay here but I'll have you know if we don't talk about it anytime soon, I'll explode. I'm serious. So sit down, and just answer my question Nupur. Why did you cry?" Mayank burst out.

Nupur whipped around to look at him, dumbfounded. What did he just say? He wants to talk? Now? At the most inappropriate time? And moreover he's drunk! What sense can I talk with a drunk person? Why we separated? His betrayal? Annie? Neev? There is no way I'm carrying on with this. She began to walk past him to switch off the corridor lights saying, "Mayank, you're drunk. Go to the room and sleep there. I'll go watch Neev and-"

Before she could finish her sentence, Mayank and grabbed her wrist and pulled her towards him, forcing her to look straight into his eyes, her face centimeters away from his.

"Nupur, don't disregard this for God's sake! You need to tell me why you cried! I have to know." He pleaded. Nupur tried to pry her wrist from his vice-like grip and literally had to use all of the weight to do so. Once she'd freed her wrist she rounded up on him, almost yelling,

"And why should I tell you Mayank Sharma?! Who are you anyway? You're nothing to me! Nothing! If you put it in the technical way you're just my boss because if your memory has failed you let me remind you that all this is just a business transaction – you want me to do something, I do it, I get paid, okay? That's it! I admit we did get carried away last night, and we shouldn't have, because as the saying goes Mayank, personal and professional lives should never be mixed. But it was a one-time, impulsive thing, as I'm sure you're very familiar with already, and it didn't mean anything. Zilch! Get it? I don't even know why I'm screaming all this to you, because you're drunk, you won't remember a thing tomorrow and it'll all be back to the empty, lifeless, soulless, Nupur! Happy?"

Mayank reeled. Not just from the drunken stupor, Nupur's monologue just cleared all his thoughts instantly. He couldn't think. He couldn't breathe somehow. He held on to the counter as he steadied himself. Soulless? That incident had affected her so much? I have the capability to hurt someone so much? That thought scared him to his wits. The one person he'd loved with all his heart, for whom he would do anything, anything at all, he single-handedly had made that one person soulless? His lungs hurt. Knees buckling, he collapsed on the sofa, with his hands on his head. He couldn't stand it. He couldn't stand hurting her so much. It killed him, tore him apart bit by bit like when a piranha attacks its prey. Except here, he was both the piranha and the prey. The only way all this was going to work was if he let out the truth…the whole truth. There was no point, absolutely no point in keeping it to himself any longer. She deserved the truth, and he was going to give her everything she deserved. Everything.

"Oh now you fall back down on the sofa? And cover your face? What is this Mayank, some dramatic television programme? Don't you think we've suffered enough drama in the past? Five years, to be exact, isn't it?" she asked, incensed.

"I know when it was; I could never forget it, no matter how hard I tried, or how much I wanted to. Let me say what I have to say, Nupur, without interruption."

"There is nothing left to s-" she started, but he cut her off quickly. "Please Nupur, just hear me out."

She closed her mouth, and folded her hands across her arm and went back to the kitchen, not at all planning on 'hearing him out'. She had had enough for one night. He was drunk, hammered really, the way he was behaving, and she wasn't a fan of masochism either, so she was going to retire for the night, thrashing in her sleep, after washing the dishes. She let the tap run.

"Five years ago, on September 28^th, I came over to your home, your old home, expecting that you and I would be spending a romantic evening alone, clearing our misunderstandings we had had over the past few days. Well, the alone part came true, but the romance was a facade." Mayank launched. The tap continued to run.

"I was excited that evening, things were going well with my job, and you had finally agreed to talk to me about your insecurities. But, I was also a little nervous. I wanted things to work for us, and I didn't know how to approach the sticky situation. It was a delicate matter after all, you thought I was seeing someone else. All these texts you were receiving, and the things you had heard about...about me and Annie being together – I know it all terrified you. You probably thought I was playing a game with you, further launching you into your well of insecurities and doubts. I didn't understand then, those insecurities and doubts. I was thoroughly confused. I just thought it was dead simple – I love you and you love me. For me, there was utmost trust – nothing was wrong. I wasn't aware of these little seeds of suspicions that were deliberately being planted in your head, just so...just so we broke up. I wasn't aware of Annie's manipulations, her tactics, the dreadfully dangerous strategy she was using. I just thought she was a good person, an annoying one, but I had to tolerate her – her father was my boss." The tap had stopped running. The dishes had stopped clanking against each other. He could only hear heavy breathing behind him as he continued.

"Those were the fears that made me nervous that evening. I was also afraid though, of fooling myself to see something that wasn't really there. By the end of the evening, you had made my fears a reality. Of course, even then, I was trying to talk to you, trying to talk over your incessant sobs and yells, trying to make you tell me why you were suddenly wanting to kill me by breaking up, but you wouldn't listen. I faintly remember you saying Annie cried over the phone to you, saying that you were getting in the way of me and her. Well, that was unimportant anyway. The only important thing was you listening to what I had to say. Which you were adamant on not doing so. You wouldn't tell me what I had done and you refused to hear anything. Typically, my anger got in the way. I said things...things that haunt me still. Things I want to strangle myself for. Things that make me want to – anyway. You threw me out. I banged, I pleaded, I shouted, you didn't budge. When I left, I was numb, heartbroken and pissed off."

He shook his head at the memory. "I didn't want to return to my empty loft. Going there, being alone, would have only intensified what I was already feeling. I got a call from CJ just then, an invitation to her last minute party. I needed loud, ear-splitting music and a hard drink or two at the moment, so I headed to the bar. Everyone was there, even Annie. My first instinct was to walk up to her and throttle her with my bare hands. Instead, I ordered their strongest drink and told the bartender to keep them coming." He laughed sadly this time, "I had never thought I would find myself inside a bar, ordering hard liquor and getting smashing drunk, but that's what I did that night."

Nupur had slowly, naturally, walked back into the living room and kneeled down in front of him, staring at him narrate this, with his hands still covering his head.

"I was sitting there, drinking down one shot glass after another, while my heart, my bones, my existence continued to shatter into a million tiny shards." Mayank removed his hands from his face for a moment and when he opened them, Nupur could see the pain that reflected in its onyx depths. "The more I drank, the easier it was to forget, and the more I was able to forget, the less pain tormented me."

Nupur wanted to say something, anything, but was afraid that he would stop talking, and now she found herself wanting to hear everything. She knew she was listening to someone who was not in his senses, but hey, drunken people always speak the truth don't they?

"The next morning, I woke up in a strange bed with...with Annie lying next to me. I was horrified because not only could I not recall the night before, but I had slept with her. That moment, when I woke up, I realised that any hope I had of getting back with you was gone. And this time, it was all my fault. I can't tell you how much of an idiot I felt like after that morning because it's more than I can put into words. Before I had the time to even sneak out from there, she was awake and...and was all over me. I felt repulsed, more by myself than her. I felt unclean and filthy lying in that soiled bed. Without saying a word, I simply walked out of that dodgy place, irate. The next few days were bad though. I wasn't taking anybody else's calls. I had blocked all of them, I was only trying to contact you. But...but you weren't responding. I resorted to drinking more often, I grew more and more angry and bitter at you. I used to constantly re-assure myself that you were wrong, and my actions were justifiable. You had made the wrong choice deserting me, not the other way round – that had become sort of my motto. Samrat tried to talk to me about it, I figured you hadn't told him your side of the story yet, so I blew him off. I didn't need anyone then. I knew I was falling hard into depression, but I wanted to at that time. I...I pretty much didn't feel like...like being."

Nupur watched him with such intensity, she could feel the heat radiating from her corneas. Or maybe she was hallucinating as well. This wasn't real. Mayank was not just talking about how he really felt. He didn't mean any of that. Except he did.

"Then I got that call, two weeks later. The call that would alter the course of my life forever. The consequence of that call that would make my life would make my life worth living again. Annie was pregnant. I didn't know how to react. I guess, the full impact of her words hadn't hit me. I was only thinking about you at that point in time. How you would feel about it. How you would take the news. I went up to see her and she revealed everything. How she had set all of it up – her master blaster plan to split us. How she had successfully managed to frighten you, giving you the impression that I was going to leave you for her, that I loved her more than you, that I was leaving you. As she was saying all those things, I wasn't happy that I could finally reveal the truth to you. I was in disbelief that you actually believed all those things. I was furious that that was all the trust you had in me. That was the first true, and to be perfectly honest, the only moment I hated you. I hated you with such a vengeance I made the decision to leave the state forever, taking my mother with me, and providing Annie support with the pregnancy. In that whirlwind of affairs, I also made the life-changing decision to marry Annie – a slap to your face that was to be. I had hoped you would hear about it, and when Samrat came to my flat the morning of the wedding, it was confirmed. We ended up with a broken arm for Samrat and a black eye for me that day. What a wonderful wedding that was."

Nupur felt herself shaking. It was chilly. The windows were open and the cold draft was coming in. But that wasn't why she was shaking. Nope, that definitely wasn't. Annie had purposely done all that? It was a ploy? All of it was carried out to separate Mayank and me? She felt bile rising up her throat. She wasn't ready for this. For these confessions of the heart. She wished he stopped now. She wished he ended everything. She wished, like the dream she had, he could kiss away all her guilt, shame, anxiety, everything. But no, he carried on.

"However, in those years, especially once Neev came, I had reason to live again. Reason to live for someone once more. You might not believe me, but it was Neev, my little baby, who made me realise that I never did hate you. I don't know why or how, but I realised that...that this wasn't your fault. If the fault lied with anyone or anything, it were the circumstances – maybe, we just weren't meant to be together. Maybe we weren't made for each other. I kept those thoughts with me, outwardly portraying my hatred for you, but internally...I...I still loved you. And two months back – when you came in front of me, all those pent up feelings, the anger, the love, the guilt, all came rushing back – but I couldn't tell that to you. I still had my supposed ego to satisfy. So...so I became the sardonic, cynical and bitter Mayank Sharma – all the while still crazy about you, even though I was in denial. And yesterday, when...when that bas***d tried to...I lost all control, Nupur. I had been keeping everything inside me for too long. And one thing led to another and...this morning when I woke up, I didn't feel empty anymore. For five years, five years Nupur I never had a decent night of sleep. Last night, I did. I slept like a baby, with the wonderful dreams and all. And today, when I tried to...tried to come closer to you – you went away. You cannot even fathom how I felt when you ran to the bedroom, Nupur. It was September 28^th all over again. And now you scream at me, telling me that I mean nothing to you, yet I made you lifeless...I don't know what to say. I don't know what to feel, hell I don't even know how to feel anymore, Nupur."

Mayank reached a hand forward and ran it up and down her arm. She shuttered under his touch. He brushed his hand up to her face, pushing aside a stray lock of hair. "Mayank, I-" She began, her voice thick, her eyes glazed over.

He interrupted her once more, placing a finger on her lips. "Nupur, don't try to defend yourself. I know why you did what you did. And...and if I was in your place, I'd probably do the same. You...you don't even have to believe all this if you don't want to, but I...I swear Nupur. I'm not lying. I really am not. I never betrayed you. I never can betray you. All I want is for us to be....us. Just us. We should be together. It's the only way that makes sense...I...I love you, Nupur."

She was crying now, tears pouring out uncontrollably, her face scrunched up, her cheeks flushed, her hand in his hand, his finger on her lips, they just sat like that for ages, for an eternity. Nupur tried, terribly exhausted, but tried to instruct her brain to switch off the tear-tap, but it wasn't working. It was as if her mind was independent from the rest of her body now. She couldn't think anymore. She just wanted to be like that, in this pose, forever. She wanted to hear those last four words forever, she wanted them to envelope her in this blissful embrace which she wouldn't let go of ever.

Mayank wiped her tears, and slowly traced a circle over and over again around her cheeks. He then asked her hesitantly, "Are we, then Nupur?"

She looked up at him, startled at this question, "Are we what?"

He tried to catch her eyes, and when he had it, he wouldn't release her gaze. "Are we?" he repeated, his voice much more steady this time. "Are we getting back together?"

"Do you . . . do you want to?" she asked him, and her voice sounded as if she was teetering on the edge. He wished he didn't have to answer. He wished she knew the answer. He wished he could pull her cheeks towards him and slam his lips to her. But he had to answer, and this was the moment that could make it or break it.

"Yes," he answered, his eyes burning into hers.

And then instead of her jumping into his arms, instead of her laughter suddenly ringing through the kitchen, instead of even flushed cheeks and an awkward giggle, she broke eye contact with him. She released herself from his grasp and stood up, straightening her skirt.

"N-Nupur?" he asked, disbelief bubbling up in him. His head was starting to sway ever so slightly. His nervous system was slowly getting more and more depressed – the effects of excessive drinking. This wasn't what was supposed to happen.

"Mayank," she breathed, "I just don't think . . . I don't think it'd work." Why am I doing this? Why does it have to be so bloody difficult?

"What — what do you mean?" he stood up. He couldn't help himself. He wouldn't let this happen again. He wouldn't. He loved her, and he knew she loved him; damn it, he knew she did.

"We tried being together, Mayank," she said, and there was a kind of desperation strung in her voice as she looked up into his face. She had tears again. "We were together for years, but it just didn't work. We're too different. We fight too much, and when we broke up —"

"We broke up because Annie wanted us to break up!" he shouted, his speech starting to get slurred, his breath unexplainably short. Somehow it had all been knocked out of him.

"Mayank, I..I believe you, I know this wasn't meant to happen, and..and...it's like you said Mayank! Maybe, we just weren't meant to be together! I know that what happened in the past was a mistake, but I can't forget all those fights, and the words we said so easily, Mayank! That will stay with me forever! And if we really loved each other –"

"I do love you!" Mayank interrupted. He couldn't believe she was saying this. He felt he was going to pass out any minute now. "And I know you love me; I know you do!"

Nupur felt her voice break and the flood gates threatening to open again. She couldn't tolerate his pain, his desperation. She couldn't. Well then why are you doing this to him? Why don't you agree to what he says?! But she couldn't...she didn't know what but something was stopping her. Perhaps the rational side of her mind, perhaps her morals, she didn't know but there was something. "That's not what I meant! It came out wrong! I do love you, Mayank, and I know that you love me, but it's not enough, Mayank — it wasn't enough before and it's not enough now. We're too different, and love isn't going to —"

"No, no," Mayank shook his head. "I won't listen to you say this. We belong together, Nupur. We're Mayank and Nupur. We've belonged together since we were nineteen years old! Everybody knows it! Samrat, Gunjan, Sonali, my mother, and everybody — everybody knows it!"

Nupur shook her head sadly, tears streaking down her face once again, rapidly now. "I'm sorry Mayank...I really am. I will always love you but I can't put myself through this once more. Plus, you're...you're drunk – you won't even remember any of this tomorrow and I...I cannot...I cannot have that May-"

"You're wrong! You're wrong, Nupur! I'm not drunk..I'm just..." he swayed on the spot as he said those words. "Nupur, the only reason thise won't work is because you don't want to make it work! You aren't even willing to try!"

"That's not true!" Nupur defended.

And then he was out of things to say again. They just stood there, facing one another, faces red and breathing heavy. She was still silently crying, and he knew he was on the verge of tears too. "This is . . . this is really it, then?" he asked her.

"Yeah," she nodded, sniffing, "I think it is."

"So everybody was wrong? "he prodded, and he wasn't sure what he expected her to say, what he wanted her to say. He was sad, he was hurt, he was angry, and all he wanted to do was rewind the day and start over. After everything they'd been through in the two months, — they still ended up here, standing in the kitchen about to walk out of one another's lives again?

"I'm sorry," Nupur whispered. "I don't mean to hurt you."

Mayank tightened his jaw. "Fine then, Nupur. You and I don't share anything other than a strictly professional relationship. I won't get involved with anything you do, and neither do you. Only when the DMP comes around, we act civil. Otherwise, I don't care what the hell you do."

He stumbled out of the room, refusing to let Nupur even touch him, almost tripping twice on the way, and slammed the door shut behind him.

OMG iam the first one to see and comment. wow finally u have update! wait lemme read and then comment.

OMG....!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
i dont know whether to be happy and jump around at the confession or cry buckets of teras at her refusel.....the STUPID STUPID CYNICAL GIRL...!!!!!!!!!!!

reserved!!!!!!!!!

nice part kainathh...