Posted:
The Note: I didn't pick one couple for this OS, instead I kept it universal, so imagine either. Same with my other OS, it was again written in a short time so expect mistakes and randomness. It is a song inspired OS, and if you've already figured the song then great, if you haven't I'll reveal it at the end. I don't know if universal OS's would work, but *shrugs*
Part two and three are on pages 5 & 7.
The Girl With The Broken Smile..
"Hey," she whispered.
Her tear streaked face, her crumpled hair and her messy clothes indicated she had another fight. I smiled at her warmly and took a step back to let her come in.
"What happened this time?" I asked sitting next to her, but not too close.
I wanted to sit closer, I wanted to hold her in my arms and rock her softly. Whisper quotes and lyrics of her favourite authors and songs making her feel beautiful and loved.
But I couldn't. Not when she belonged to someone else.
"He came late again, this time drunk and when I asked him why he did this, he shout.. and h..h..he," she broke down, tears streamed down her face and my heart yearned to wipe them away, to kiss her trembling lips and make her mine. But I didn't. Instead I sat opposite her, positioning myself on to the sturdy, glass coffee table and took her hands in to mine and brushed her hair away from her face.
"Why don't you leave him?" I asked softly knowing the answer.
She shook her head slowly, "I can't leave. I love him."
Why did my blood boil? Why did my body stiffen? Why was it harder to hear her answer each time she said those words? Why did it prick my heart when I knew perfectly well what her answer was going to be? Then why, why, WHY, did I want to just curl up and rot away piece by piece when the name that followed the words 'I love..' was not mine? Why did it have to hurt?
+++
We were best friends me and her. Joint at the hip they would say. We broke the vision that a girl and guy cant just be friends, we showed the world that I could be friends with her and she could be friends with me without one or the other falling in love. We would laugh, play pranks, fill the school corridors with our stupid jokes and loud voices. We would sneak in food from the canteen and eat it secretly in the forbidden roof garden on top of the science blocks declaring our never ending list of desires and wants.
It was a blissful time then, with no tensions and no stress, just freedom. Where we could roam around mindlessly and not have to worry about relationships and drama and a certain four letter word.
But desires change and so did ours.
She no longer wanted to rule the fashion world, direct a movie, be the goddamn prime minister. She just wanted a job as a teacher. And I no longer wanted to be a footballer, a formula one driver nor did I want her and I to be 'just friends'. I wanted to admit that I was wrong and they were right.
A girl and guy can never be just friends.
+++
"I don't understand, I mean he loves me and I love him then why am I the one crying?"
I didn't understand either. If that douche of a boyfriend was hurting her then why didn't she just stay with me instead. I would never let her cry, I would never let pain even scratch her, I'd stand as a shield in front of her, protecting her from any form of torment so that its shadow would not dare to fall upon her.
I would keep her happy.
+++
I didn't tell her I loved her, I was only 18 and still unsure myself. I knew I felt something but I was too stupid to realise what it was before it became too late. We went to the same University. She studied history and I went on to do my MBA. Everything stayed the same. We laughed, pranked and acted totally insane but still I felt different. Everytime I saw her, the urge to never let her go deepened and it was as if I could not get enough of seeing her. I started to feel tiny impulses run at full speed through my body whenever I felt her single touch and I often found my gaze linger on her angelic face for too long. Suddenly the person who I knew the most became my most confusing puzzle which I couldn't solve.
Over those three years my love for her grew and at the same time our friendship got stronger. I was too afraid to risk losing her so I stayed quiet about my feelings. I had thousands of opportunities to tell her but I never found the right words to explain the weird sensation which occupied my mind day in and day out.
Then one day I got it.
I loved her.
I still love her.
+++
"You must be annoyed at me coming here all the time?" She let out a tiny laugh.
I shook my head instantly, "My doors always open, you can come anytime you want."
She looked at me with her big, expressive eyes telling me a countless amount of emotions yet the one I wanted to see so bad never once appeared. "Really, you mean that?"
"I mean everything I say when it comes to you," I answered back.
+++
It was a Thursday when I decided to tell her I loved her. I stood out in the pouring rain watching her run towards me. Drops of rain glistened down her face and her damp hair swayed gently in the breeze making her look no less than an angel. I remember my breaths quicken and my palms start to sweat. I was nervous, for the first time in my life, I was nervous to meet my best friend. She came up to me and hugged me, sticking her wet body against mine and making me lose all feeling from my neck downwards. My hands slowly lifted in an attempt to hug her back but before I could rest my fingers on to her spine she retreated. I looked in to her sparkling eyes and cleared my throat; I was about to tell her the biggest truth of my life, but she beat me to it. "I'm in love!" I was physically upright but yet I had collapsed. I initially refused to believe her but then she repeated it jumping up and down the second time round. "Are you happy for me?" I swallowed back a sob and nodded.
How I wished I had told her the truth.
How I wished I saved her from falling then instead of having to save her every single time after.
+++
"Do you think it's me?" she asked, her voice faltering and the tear streaks on her face less visible now.
"It can never be you," I cupped her face and wiped the last of her smudged eyeliner away with my thumb, "never in a million years is it you."
'What are you thinking? How could you not be enough for him? You are more than enough for anybody and if that Jerk couldn't see what precious thing he has in his hands then I would be more than delighted to open his damn eyes for him,' was what I wanted to say, but once again the words got lost somewhere deep inside of me.
+++
I tried to be happy, oh how hard I tried. But each time I saw them, heard them or even thought about them I seemed to die a new death. There were times of alcohol, there were times of mindless clubbing and there were times where I almost lost myself to the hands of death.
Almost.
I didn't let her know of these things though. I couldn't tell her I was bent on destroying myself because I loved her so very much. I couldn't be selfish. She wasn't mine in the first place, nor would she ever be.
She seemed happy too, in love and happy. For three months everything was fine for her until I saw her one night. I was walking aimlessly down a desolate road with no directions but a clear destination. I was making my way to jump off a bridge and rid myself of the fever of never ending agony which took over my body and dominated my soul. I was determined to kill myself just so the thoughts of her would drown along with my body too.
All it took was a single bump in the shoulder and one look at her broken smile to change my destination.
+++
I watched the steam from the coffee dance it's way out of my mug and I waited till it completely lost itself in the midst of the air.
"What if it was us instead?" she asked.
I turned my gaze on her, "What do you mean?"
She hugged her knees closer to her and shrugged. "Do you remember everyone used to say we were the perfect couple because we weren't really a couple?"
I nodded.
"Well what if we had? What if one of use fell in love with the other, then what do you think would've happened?"
I froze. Every part of my body screamed for me to tell her that I loved her. 'Tell her the truth, tell her NOW!' they whispered furiously. I too wanted to give in to the whispers but wouldn't that make me a monster? Wouldn't it mean I was taking advantage of her vulnerability? I scrunched up my left fist in to my palm and squeezed the whispers right out of me.
"Well, what if?" she prompted.
I answered, "Maybe it would work, maybe it wouldn't, but we didn't try and now we won't know. However, on the basis of 'what if'' I know for certain I would never let you fall, not the way he makes you fall now."
She released her knees and stood up.
"I should go now," she said putting on her coat.
My heart cried, 'No! Don't go, not now. Please don't say goodbye,' but I said, "Okay."
She smiled and hugged me, "You're my best friend, you know that right?"
I nodded and hugged her back.
'I love you but do you know that?'
She opened the door but stopped to look back.
"I liked your what if," and with that she turned around and walked away.
+++
In year 10 she asked me to make a promise.
"Do you promise to be forever honest, till death do us apart?"
I laughed, "We aren't married drama queen."
She rolled her eyes, "the relationship between best friends is a much better relationship than one of husband and wife."
"Since when?"
"Ever heard the term 'empty shell marriages'?"
I nodded.
"What about empty shell friendships?"
I shook my head.
She smiled triumphantly and I understood.
"I promise," I replied
+++
I looked at the open door in front of me. I could either run out and keep my promise or I could shut the door and wait for her to come everytime I saved her from falling to only leave once again.
I looked at the open door and made a decision.
I ran.
Okay, that's it. Sucks or it was okay?
There might be a part two depending if I think it needs one.
Oh and the song was: Maroon Five, She will be loved
Take care,
Ava :)
Arjun
