Tick.
Tock.
Tick.
Tock.
I can't help it. Staring at myself in the mirror, all dressed up in my wedding attire, I can't feel a single thing.
Tick.
Tock.
Tick.
Numb. That is what I am right now. I am not happy with this alliance but I can't do anything about it. I want to talk to my best friend but I can't because he hates me.
Tick.
Tock.
I am about to be married to a man that Nanu chose for me.
A man that I do not love.
A man whom I considered my friend. Just a friend.
Tick.
I want to scream so loud. Shout that I can't take it anymore. This pain, this hollowness inside of me that is growing every second I get closer to marrying him. The void that only one person could fill.
My best friend.
My man I love.
My forever love.
How do I tell him that I love him when won't even look at me?
Ti...
"Suman Di?" Preeti calls me, pulling me from my thoughts. I look at her in the mirror standing behind me with her hands on my shoulder, eyes filled with sadness for me. "It's time, Di. Aditya is waiting for you."
It's time.
________________________________
I am walking towards the mandap with Preeti by my side and as soon as I enter the room I can hear a hush fall over the room. I look up to see all the people around me looking at me in awe, smiling, waiting, watching. But my eyes seek only one... Shravan.
I find him standing at the side on the far back, not away from the crowd but not in it either, looking dapper in his black suit, looking at me with a stoic face but his eyes, his eyes are filled with pain that I am responsible for. So much pain. Not able to look at him anymore I avert my eyes to the man sitting at the mandap, decorated to perfection and exactly how I wanted it to look.
A square platform with gold beams on each corner, pink colored drapes fanning out on all sides, interspersed with fairy lights, at the top making the roof of the mandap. From where the drapes end flowers hang in a small curtain all around in every color imaginable. More fairy lights are wrapped around on the gold beams, emanating a soft warm glow all over the mandap making it look gorgeous and inviting.
He remembered...
________________________________
I don't recall sitting beside Aditya or when the pandit started with the chants all I could feel, at that moment, was the dread and panic rising slowly and steadily, choking me.
I raise my eyes from the Holy fire in front of me and the first thing I see is tulips, white tulips to be exact, covering every available surface in the room.
"Sumo, mein tumhari wedding par tumhe tumhare favorite tulips dunga."
I move my eyes again in search of the man who has my heart but before that, I am met with another set of eyes that belong to my other best friend, Pushkar. He continues to stare at me and had I not been looking so closely to gauge the expression playing on his face I would have missed the slight shake of his head.
"Ab aap dono phero ke liye khade ho jaye."
I stand without any thought, my mind still stuck on Pushkar and what he was trying to tell me. I am pulled out of my musings when I feel my chunri being pulled and I realize that we are moving around the Holy fire, Aditya leading me, taking vows that I know I will never be able to fulfill.
The panic is rising.
As we finish taking the first phera my eyes meet Preeti who, even though is standing in the front and showering us with flowers, is crying silently. To the outsiders, it would look like my sister is sad because I will be going away from home forever but we both know that that is not the real reason why she is crying.
Dread.
Second phera.
My eyes again meet with Pushkar's and once again he is shaking his head trying to convey his emotions that he can't say through his expressions.
Gulp.
Third phera.
Ramnath Uncle. I see him sitting beside Nanu smiling with him and I feel my heart bottom out at the euphoria he must be feeling right now.
Short breaths.
Fourth phera.
My eyes find Shravan and I feel like I can't breathe anymore. The pain in his eyes is crippling me and I can't take it anymore.
"Ab vadhu aage aye aur phere le."
I stop.
I'm rooted to my spot.
I can't breathe anymore.
I look around me... Preeti... Pushkar... Ramnath Uncle... Shravan.
"Suman?" I hear Aditya calling me but I don't register it. He holds me by my shoulders and turns me around and I can feel the chatter die down around us.
"Suman!" he shakes me and I am brought out of my thoughts. I can feel the stares of the guests and my family weighing down on me.
I look towards Nanu, my mother, my father, my whole family rolled into one. He's looking at me with confusion in his eyes and for the first time in my life I don't hold back. I let him see everything the pain, anguish, hurt, fear, suffocation every single thing I am feeling. I see his eyes widen with realization as he understood what was going on. He takes a deep breath and his face smooths out. Another breath and a simple nod of his with a barely there smile and I feel the dread slowly going away.
I turn towards Aditya and slowly push his hands off of my shoulder and take a step back. My hands go towards the gatbandhan and undo it very quickly.
"Suman!" I hear mamiji exclaim.
I take another step back and quietly whisper "No."
As fast as my feet can take me I get down the mandap. In a fraction of a second three things happen. I turn around one last time towards Nanu and see the acceptance in his eyes for what I am about to do.
Pushkar pushes out from the crowd that has gathered around me and comes to stand in front of me he whispers the one word that allows me to let go. "Go!"
I pull the chunri off my head, throw it down to the ground and I run.
I run from the mandap.
I run from what was expected of me.
Not caring about all the people calling me, I run out of the house, out the gate. I can feel the pain, fear, dread, and panic slip away one by one and I feel lighter than I have felt in ages.
Tears stream down my face.
My breath is coming in short quick pants.
My lungs are burning.
And for the first time since Preeti's engagement, I feel alive.
Suddenly, out of nowhere, car screeches stop in front of me and a figure steps out and I squint to the see the figure.
"Sumo..."
Breathe in. Breathe out.
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Hey! This is my first venture into Ek Duje Ke Vaaste fanfiction and reading all the fantastic stories about the one pair that made me fall in love with them from the get go I had a massive itch to write and this is the product. I REALLY hope you liked what you've read so far so don't forget to leave a comment, positive or negative and yes do vote!
Until the next chapter...
PS. This can also be found on Wattpad! 😃
INDEX
Anupamaa
