Dev and Radhika, their differences, their oneness

In recent episodes we see Dev's wish being overruled by Radhika and it is irritating some viewers. Some call it Radhika's need to be mahaan/pious, some call it as Dev loving Radhika more, some see it as Radhika's unhealthy attachment to the undeserving members of the Shashtri parivaar, causing an imbalance in their relationship.

How do misunderstandings happen between two people in a marriage? How can Dev and Radhika overcome miscommunications and misunderstandings and meet each other half way?

A wedding brings two strangers from different backgrounds to cohabitate as a couple and share and alter their learned behaviors within the confines of a marriage. The partners bring their backgrounds and perceptions into their respective roles as spouses.

Radhika comes from a very traditional background where she is exposed to the scriptures that define the role of an ideal wife. Her role model is her mother Devki, who is very subservient to Shashtriji and Amma, sees her role as doing her duty, her kartavya, as a wife, daughter-in-law and mother, seeking approval, following all the traditional dharms as Shashtriji's wife and Amma's daughter-in-law.

Radhika carries that tradition of kartavya into Purohit Bhuvan, but keeping in mind that as proclaimed by him, she is also Dev's ardhangini and on equal footing with him, unlike Devki. This allows her to be more demonstrative towards Dev in their private moments, her acceptance of his nurture in her weaker moments like carrying her, dressing her, treating her wounds, protecting her from the machchars (mosquitoes ' Mircha gang) of PB. Living in a joint Indian family, she also has willingly accepted her role beyond being Dev's wife, the role of choti bahu of the Purohit parivaar, and she has a duty ' kartavya - towards them as well, as taught by Devki and Shashtriji. Purohit parivaar is also traditional and sought a traditional choti bahu to carry on their rasams. These rasams start as soon as the bride walks up the steps to the door

Dev has a traditional family but is nurtured by a pragmatist grandmother who believes that there is a time and place for things. Societal norms and expectations are fine up to a point. Dev's mother on the other hand is entrenched in rasams, expectations and societal norms and cares less about her choti bahu's wellbeing. Look what happened with Vivek - she cannot allow that to happen with Dev.

Is the conflict between the 2 women perceived by Radhika more and is it underestimated or ignored by Dev?

Dev's priority is his promise to Shashtriji to take care of Radhika and a promise to himself to make her well. Dev believes that rasams will happen when the time is right.

Does Dev understand that Radhika has to live more in the jenana (women's world) than in Dev's arms?

Does Radhika understand that she is Dev's wife and owes allegiance to him in spite of the jenana?

Does Dev see the intensity of the tug-of-war in the PB household with Radhika caught in the middle of it and she may not wish to inflame it further?

Does Radhika see that Dev has the best of intentions in making her well?

Does Dev see his mother's expectations of Radhika with the Brihaspati puja, the first rasoi, etc.?

Can Radhika ignore these expectations when she is still fragile as defined by Dev? Can she take advantage of Daadi's pragmatism, as Dev prefers her to do?

Dev can ignore Mrinalini's barbs but can Radhika, being the choti bahu? As seen in the kheer incident, have Dev and Radhika overlooked the fact that as one they foiled Mrinalini's attempts to disgrace Radhika and hence Dev?

The machchars' constant barbs about Radhika's condition and his own love and need to take away her pain makes Dev go to the Maut ki Gufa, at the same time Radhika prays for his safety in spite of her pain and overcomes the upshukan of the diya incident and brings him home safe. Do they understand that this is yet another example of their divine love and collective strength to solidify their marriage?

Radhika enters PB in a frail condition but is now improving and is trying to balance her role as a wife and a choti bahu and Dev continues to see a frail Radhika, HIS wife. Does Radhika understand her role as choti bahu and her kartavya to the family? Does Dev just see Radhika's interests and ignores the family traditions?

Radhika may be trying to balance what she has learned from the Shashtri parivaar and Dev may have a tunnel vision and a one track mindset in getting Radhika well and ignore the expectations of a choti bahu in the traditional family.

Are both at fault, is one more at fault than the other or is this just a miscommunication or a misunderstanding? The answer to the question is in how the viewers view their own world. The resolution again lies in how the viewers view their own world. Every couple goes through these pangs early in the marriage. Couples that can regain their equilibrium through love, understanding and compromise, succeed. Couples that lack the ingredients to bring back stability in a relationship, fall apart. Will Radhika understand her weaknesses and listen to Dev's concerns? Will Dev make Radhika understand his fears?

Gardes,

Excellent Post. Your other thread was also very good and you wrote all the points I was thinking about in that thread. Some of my thoughts are repetitious and so echo many of your thoughts.

Dev and Radhika do belong together because their differences and oneness make them whole. Radhika comes from an extremely traditional family and is now married into a traditional family where members range from extremely ritualistic and rigid (Vaishali) to religious, traditional but pragmatic and progress Dadi to modern yet traditional Dev to the Mircha gang. For all their evilness, chacha and Mrin are the truly shrewd ones (besides Dadi) who recognizes value in Radhika. They know that Dev's interests will be protected if Radhika is with him because Radhika is truly sacrificing and traditional girl who would protect her husband's position and give him right advice.

Simply superb post, Gardes !! Amazing in-depth eval and analysis, a host of poignant questions, but perhaps I lack the ability to put them so succinctly and completely ..

BTW, this is my 1^st day back on the forum (and first post .. not even gone to moi fav "musical" yet !) after a very long sabbatical, mainly due to insurmountable computer gliches, AGAIN ! At this point this "phenomenon" has become hilarious for me and not a blood-curdling experience any more, esp with the start of a New Decade, and wanting/needing to take things in stride !! (Actually taking a chance with this post as the "comedy of error" may happen again, uninvited !!).

Yes, this was the first time ever that I felt Radhika being "stubborn" and going against her husband and that too in front of entire family. But maybe I have permanent blinders on as far as she goes, coz her traditional upbringing simply goes against Dev's modern, maybe borderline flamboyant persona. And perhaps that may be the reason it appears that there needs to be some happy medium solution/resolution between the two otherwise overly understanding couple.

We can never underestimate the significance and importance of communication in any relationship even in the best of marriages. So that goes without saying. As viewers we clearly see that Dev is acting somewhat childish and yes childlike too and very adorable at times, as far as roothna, nok jhonk, etc. But it is also more than obvious that radhika's delicate condition is his utmost concern and hence the objection for first rasoi, brahaspati pooja, etc. And although it's a moot point now, he's not going to like the fact that she did pooja for his safe return from the goofa even at the cost of her ill health.

That said, I just believe and know in my gut that Dev is going to come around and realize (maybe with daadi's help in coming episodes) that as the choti bahu of the family and being a woman (as we recall she explained to Dev in the past also when radhika wanted a simple marriage), radhika has many duties to perform, not just solely as his wife. I think Dev in his anxiety to prove a good and caring husband (per his umpteen vachans), is perhaps overlooking the fact that a purohit khandan's CB has multifarious kartavyas and to fulfill the wishes and desires of other members too.

While the two come from totally different environments, the creatives are going to have to bring in some semblance of harmony and balance between our couple thru different anecdotes. We know that Dev is already planning, come Monday, to go to Vrindavan and we can already predict that he's not going to succeed, now that the unfortunate Vishaka angle and twist has come up, not to mention the dreadful vachan she (radhika) gave to manipulative amma. So is that going to create some rift between Dev and Radhika ?? Is she indeed going to go back to PB in two days (CB's 2 days, that is !!) ?? I doubt that very much.

As far as whether they are both at fault may be debatable. I think neither are at fault as they are both genuine, reasonable and very much in love with each other. If something does come between them, radhika is going to be the one to make it right, be that with a beautiful red rose, a love letter, a beautiful gift, an apology. People like radhika simply dont have it in their DNA to see a husband like Dev upset and naraaz.

Besides, like the rest of the viewers, I'm just so glad to see our Radhika becoming more and more sure of herself, behaving and acting more and more like a rajpurohitain should. And I dont think she will revert back to that old self just because she's back at the maayka, even under the ugly sayaa of the old hag.

And to quote your word "ingredients", our couple does have them, plus their cumulative power due to divinity and strength of their spiritual love. If coming episodes do show (and they just might) chhoti moti taqraars (arguments) between them, they're going to be just that ... chote mote, coz neither of them is going to turn them into a big or major issue. That is the height of their tacit and mutual understanding, respect, trust.

Happy New Year to One and All !!

Well, my 2C!

~ P ~

Superb post! gerdes,why3 and radev24..

Gardes....just have to say one thing...👏Very well said...you are awesome..superb...fantastic...genius..Brilliant...dear sister..
Sorry instead of one thing ..I type Five..😃
👏

Great post Gardes..loved everyones anaylses.👏

Originally posted by: why3

Gardes,

Excellent Post. Your other thread was also very good and you wrote all the points I was thinking about in that thread. Some of my thoughts are repetitious and so echo many of your thoughts.

Dev and Radhika do belong together because their differences and oneness make them whole. Radhika comes from an extremely traditional family and is now married into a traditional family where members range from extremely ritualistic and rigid (Vaishali) to religious, traditional but pragmatic and progress Dadi to modern yet traditional Dev to the Mircha gang. For all their evilness, chacha and Mrin are the truly shrewd ones (besides Dadi) who recognizes value in Radhika. They know that Dev's interests will be protected if Radhika is with him because Radhika is truly sacrificing and traditional girl who would protect her husband's position and give him right advice.

In the last couple of episodes, I did not find that Radhika did anything wrong in ignoring Dev's wishes. Even though Dev was mad at her for ignoring her health, he actually takes pride in the fact that Radhika is so traditional and considers everyone's wishes. Radhika even asked her that question. Dev is a pampered son of the family who was adored and indulged by three people in his family - Dadi, Vaishali and Vivek. Even if Vivek was well, it is Dev who deserves to be RP. Dev takes after his Dada and Dadi who started many progressive traditions and changed some of the bad practices. Dev has that approach, modern outlook and yet respect for traditions. In addition, he is mentally stronger than Vivek. Vivek adores Dev and himself wants Dev to be a great RP. Dev's strong personality, richess and influence of his family name compels everyone to fall with his wishes. So, Dev doesn't realize that some of the family members may not say anything to Radhika because of his wishes, but there are expectations from Radhika.

Radhika stayed at Dev's house for several months and realized that. Now that she is starting to walk properly and her pain is gone (suspending reality and belief as it is CB land), she knows that even Dadi would like her to take family responsibilities and be Dev's true wife. In fact Dadi recognized that quality in Radhika from the first day and is always trying to show Radhika's true worth to Vaishali who can not see beyond her norms of kul jaati, health and so on. That's why she treats her first son like an invisible member. Vaishali does not realize that Vivek is the one who also looks after the business in Dev's absence and is quite good at that.

Dev fell in love with Radhika because of her innocence and simple beauty. But, his feelings intensified when she was living at PB because she was everything he and his family wanted. As he is also progressive and pragmatic, he doesn't much believe in rituals. Hence his disregard for rasoi and puja. Radhika on the other hand is not only ritualistic and spiritual, but also recognizes that if Dev continues to do this, his position may be threatened by the evil trio. So, she doesn't want to give any reason to anybody that her actions have caused Dev's downfall. So, in this regard she will continue to resist Dev's orders because from her point of view, it is for Dev's benefit that she does this.

Now the problem will be if Radhika starts doing stuff such as doing things for Vishaka that eventually hurts Dev. If the creatives keep the serial in the right direction, they will show that Radhika is still doing things for other members, but will also keep them checked if their actions start harming Dev. Would Radhika stand up for Vishaka even against Dev's wishes? That remains to be seen. Hopefully, they will show a newer Radhika who ignores Dev's wishes when it comes to situations like Rasoi etc, but adhers to him if it comes to big things. I don't think it is a big problem if Radhika asks her father to give refuge to Vishaka, but it would be wrong if she decides to ask Dev or uses one of his vachans to fulfil that. Any sister would like to her other sister in trouble which is what Radhika is doing now. But, as she is shown to be traditional, Radhika should not be imposing Vishaka on PF. Lets see how Vishaka enters PB. If they need to show her coming to PB, it should be because of Vaishali's emotional blackmail of Dev and not because of Radhika.

Why3, thanks for your response! I had a choice of letting my views known or let the forum have an input in how they view the couple by posing a few questions. By starting to read the responses, I feel a a sense of satisfaction in my choice. You bring up excellent points and we just need to wait and see how the writers play out RaDev's marriage in the serial. By having open discussions, we learn to express viewpoints and understand the serial better. There will be future tracks that will be liked by some and disgust others. The focus of the serial will still be on RaDev, but will be interesting to see how they handle their marital issues, just like any other married couple!

Thanks Grades for an excellent post. You have covered so much beautifully that there is not much to write.

Why3 and radev24 have covered most of the thoughts and points wonderfully.

Marriage is like a Chariot. Husband and wife are like the 2 wheels of the Chariot. They balance each other as the wheels in chariot does it.
A marriage is a balance where the weakness of one partner is balance by the other partners strength.
Here also RaDev are different and yet they are same. The difference is the way they were brought up. Their upbringing was like day and night.
Radhika was orphan whom the Shastriji's gave home. But the way she was brought up she got lot of values but no confidence in herself. She did not have much value for herself. Whereas Dev oozed with confidence and self worth. Their love is soul to soul. They are attuned to each other on a spiritual level. Their love has no boundaries. They understand each other. Purohit family is traditional and Radhika has to balance herself to everyone's expections. She is the Choti Bahu, Raj Purohitine, daughter, sister but above all a wife. For her it is tough. She has to balance all the roles she is in. But her love. respect and trust should be with Dev before anyone else. She can take care of all her roles and responsibility with Dev in her fore mind. Key over here it the communication between Radev. Any time she feels she is of different opinion she should have a one to one talk with Dev in private. Same with Dev, he should understand where Radhika has come from (as he has seen Vishaka and Amma treating her.)
But yet they both share a oneness which is so rare. It is a blessing from their Kanaha that they are ready to do anything for each other. They may have argument, but they both have such a great understanding between them, that it will not lead to fights.
We have to see which directions the creatives are going to take. But Radhika should not allow amma and Vishaka to bring problems in her married life.
Dev is hers and She is his and that is the truth.

My 2 cents would that come monday, shastriji agrees to have Vshaka at his home and Dev comes and takes Radhika to Thakshak Raj goofa and they go to their farm house for their wedding night.........twin bal gopals

Originally posted by: radev24

Simply superb post, Gardes !! Amazing in-depth eval and analysis, a host of poignant questions, but perhaps I lack the ability to put them so succinctly and completely ..

BTW, this is my 1^st day back on the forum (and first post .. not even gone to moi fav "musical" yet !) after a very long sabbatical, mainly due to insurmountable computer gliches, AGAIN ! At this point this "phenomenon" has become hilarious for me and not a blood-curdling experience any more, esp with the start of a New Decade, and wanting/needing to take things in stride !! (Actually taking a chance with this post as the "comedy of error" may happen again, uninvited !!).

Yes, this was the first time ever that I felt Radhika being "stubborn" and going against her husband and that too in front of entire family. But maybe I have permanent blinders on as far as she goes, coz her traditional upbringing simply goes against Dev's modern, maybe borderline flamboyant persona. And perhaps that may be the reason it appears that there needs to be some happy medium solution/resolution between the two otherwise overly understanding couple.

We can never underestimate the significance and importance of communication in any relationship even in the best of marriages. So that goes without saying. As viewers we clearly see that Dev is acting somewhat childish and yes childlike too and very adorable at times, as far as roothna, nok jhonk, etc. But it is also more than obvious that radhika's delicate condition is his utmost concern and hence the objection for first rasoi, brahaspati pooja, etc. And although it's a moot point now, he's not going to like the fact that she did pooja for his safe return from the goofa even at the cost of her ill health.

That said, I just believe and know in my gut that Dev is going to come around and realize (maybe with daadi's help in coming episodes) that as the choti bahu of the family and being a woman (as we recall she explained to Dev in the past also when radhika wanted a simple marriage), radhika has many duties to perform, not just solely as his wife. I think Dev in his anxiety to prove a good and caring husband (per his umpteen vachans), is perhaps overlooking the fact that a purohit khandan's CB has multifarious kartavyas and to fulfill the wishes and desires of other members too.

While the two come from totally different environments, the creatives are going to have to bring in some semblance of harmony and balance between our couple thru different anecdotes. We know that Dev is already planning, come Monday, to go to Vrindavan and we can already predict that he's not going to succeed, now that the unfortunate Vishaka angle and twist has come up, not to mention the dreadful vachan she (radhika) gave to manipulative amma. So is that going to create some rift between Dev and Radhika ?? Is she indeed going to go back to PB in two days (CB's 2 days, that is !!) ?? I doubt that very much.

And while none of us can stand the fact that she's already in her maayka, fact remains that here again radhika is going to be faced with her "kartavya" as shastri pariwar's dharohar, if not as their daughter, and how and if that is going to conflict with Dev's expectations and wishes.

As far as whether they are both at fault may be debatable. I think neither are at fault as they are both genuine, reasonable and very much in love with each other. If something does come between them, radhika is going to be the one to make it right, be that with a beautiful red rose, a love letter, a beautiful gift, an apology. People like radhika simply dont have it in their DNA to see a husband like Dev upset and naraaz.

Besides, like the rest of the viewers, I'm just so glad to see our Radhika becoming more and more sure of herself, behaving and acting more and more like a rajpurohitain should. And I dont think she will revert back to that old self just because she's back at the maayka, even under the ugly sayaa of the old hag.

And to quote your word "ingredients", our couple does have them, plus their cumulative power due to divinity and strength of their spiritual love. If coming episodes do show (and they just might) chhoti moti taqraars (arguments) between them, they're going to be just that ... chote mote, coz neither of them is going to turn them into a big or major issue. That is the height of their tacit and mutual understanding, respect, trust.

Radhika does listen to and understand Dev's concerns and fears, but at the same time she has to make sure of not upsetting and/or going against the wishes and expectations of elders of the family. Radhika is really going to have to acquire that sense to keep both Dev and family happy.

Happy New Year to One and All !!

Well, my 2C!

~ P ~

Why3. Radev and Usha (sigrid), you have summed up Gardes thread and queries so beautifully by expressing your thoughts based on your individual outlooks. Just immaculate ...