Dev and Radhika, their differences, their oneness - Page 3

Does Dev see the intensity of the tug-of-war in the PB household with Radhika caught in the middle of it and she may not wish to inflame it further?

I think he sees it to some extent as evident in Puja and other stuff. He even appreciates her efforts to fit in the family, but he feels that any conflict is due to Mrinalini and not Vaishali. He is blind to the fact that Radhika is least concerned about Mrinalini (look at her response to Neg from Mrin), but is more affected by Vaishali because Vaishali is Dev's mother and also because Radhika knows that Vaishali does love Dev intensly. He doesn't even see that sometimes Dadi keeps quiet even if Vaishali is unjust towards Radhika to maintain peace. Dadi knows that Vaishali is being influenced by Mrin, but is helpless at this time to do anything about it. She has tried to make Vaishali understand the value of Radhika, but knows that she can only do so much. Hence, it would be Radhika's burden to keep on proving to Vaishali as expected by Shastriji. Since Radhika is always going to be quiet about Vaishali's behavior, Dev will never know unless Dadi tells him or he sees it himself. Therefore, Radhika will always be balancing herself between his wishes and Vaishali's immaturish behavior.

I will write more later on other questions.

Gardes excellent post👏

Some people in this thread have mentioned that Radhika gives more importance to duty than to love, but to me she equates love with duty. I don't think that Radhika knows that duty and love are two very different things. This is probably because it has been drilled in her brain that in order to prove her love she has to do some duties, she thinks that they are the same.

Sach na kaha koi jane kisliye
Buddhu samajh ke shayad isliye
Dekh abbe gadho

Bheja khol kar

Arre dekh abbe gadho

Bheja khol kar

Ki yeh teri ulti akal hai
Mere chamcho mujhe khabar hai

Kyon nahi ullu apna khopri use karta
kaam nahi hai yeh hai tere baska
Kyon nahi ullu apna khopri use karta

kaam nahi hai yeh hai tere baska
Sapne se bahar aaja akal kidhar hai
Arre sapne se bahar aaja akal kidhar hai

Ki yeh teri ulti akal hai
Mere chamcho mujhe khabar hai

Radhika ke khilaf jo utha hai larne
Gadhe ki tarah apna ulloo sidha karne
Arre Radhika ke khilaf jo utha hai larne
Gadhe ki tarah apna ulloo sidha karne

Bheja khali kya yeh pata hai
Bheja khali kya yeh pata hai

Ki yeh teri ulti akal hai
Mere chamcho mujhe khabar hai

Akal yeh banda ayese use kar jaaye
Seedhi chhez ko bhi ulti kar jaye
Gili Gili Gili Gili Gili Gili
Arre akal yeh bande ayese use kar jaaye
Seedhi chhez ko bhi ulti kar jaye
Dekh karishma hum abh bhi saath hai
Dekh karishma hum abh bhi saath hai

Ki yeh teri ulti akal hai
Mere chamcho mujhe khabar hai

Ki yeh teri ulti akal hai
Mere chamcho mujhe khabar hai
Sach na kaha koi jane kisliye
Buddhu samajh ke shayad isliye
Dekh abbe gadho

Bheja khol kar

Arre dekh abbe gadho

Bheja khol kar

Ki yeh teri ulti akal hai
Mere chamcho mujhe khabar hai

Mishti,

Originally posted by: bee5

Mishti,

I have to give it to you 👍🏼for the song selection !!

And the parody - well done!!👏

Good that you gave the link of the original song. I watched that for few mintues and get into the tempo of that song to enjoy your parody.

I was wondering what was Dev wearing singing this song?😉 I guess silk off-white dhoti and orange kurta would look good!! 😃

Thank you Bee 😊

Originally posted by: misti73

Thank you Bee 😊

How about just the dhoti with the thread..............then you will be bale to enjoy his chest when he is dancing.............all the muscle work will be visible 😉

No, I need the kurta on !! Otherwise, it would be too much of distraction !! 😉

Originally posted by: bee5

No, I need the kurta on !! Otherwise, it would be too much of distraction !! 😉

So u only want to imagine the muscle action with no dancing but excercise 😉😛

Thanks for putting up this wonderful post, Gardes. I enjoyed reading everyone's replies ... agree with most of them

As far as I see it, I think neither was at fault.
- Dev was being overprotective of his wife, who he knows has a tendency to overdo things and give priority to duty over her own well-being.
- Rads on the other hand feels better and wants to start taking up her responsibilities as CB.
- Rads understood that why he was being overprotective, but went ahead and did what she felt she needed to do ... knew that he would be angry and so tried to pacify him.

I do not see her behavior as being mahaan. Unlike Vishaka, she loves doing these rasams and is eagerly looking forward to being the CB of the house. She also knows that by her looking good, she will make Dev look good

As some of you had pointed out, the beginning few years of a couple's married life are the best and worst of times. Also, if you add the whole joint family set up to this (esp the PB joint family) it complicates matters enormously. I think we will see more of this - where Dev to the extent he knows will step in and be overprotective of Rads while Rads will go out of the way to prove herself as a worthy CB.

As a couple, given the expectations that the entire family has of them, they need to strike the right balance. As much as I love Dev for being overprotective, Rads does not need to listen to him all the time. To that extent, I think she is a very different wife from Deviki who is very obedient . Rads on the other hand, is so deeply connected to Dev that she feels totally comfortable challenging him. She does however need to respect his wishes where her family is concerned.

The last few episodes have re-iterated for me what is amazing abt CB ... the deep connection between the two ... how despite being so different from each other, they are perfect together.

It will be interesting to see how they strike the balance with her family - her nature is such that she will go out of the way for everyone around her, (whether it is her or his family) ... it will be interesting to see how and where Dev draws the line where her family is concerned.

Originally posted by: bee5

Gardes,
First of all congratulations on writing up an excellent post for discussion.
In your post you have raised many issues between Rad & Dev pertaining to their differences and oneness, but for the sake of keeping my reply simple and readable, I will at this time only comment on the 'Dev's wish overruling' part.

For any marriage to work in addition to love, understanding, trust and compromise, one other key criteria is communication.
But here gardes, you are not pointing at the lack of communication, but the Dev's communication being overruled by Radhika.

Now, has Radhika listened to anyone that she is going to listen to Dev? Come on, she overrules even Kanha, so Dev is just her husband after all!😉


OK, jokes apart, for me that behaviour is neither irritating or something that I adore. That ever self-sacrifice behaviour is not something that I want for myself.

For me, Radhika is just a fictional character which cannot be found in this universe. I do not know about the rest of the characters(bcos I am just thinking about Rad right now 😉), but everytime I see that character's behaviour, I am just in awe, though I may be shocked initially, I need to reason with myself why that character is such and such way.
I need to reason with myself because she is not someone from our world, a person I've never seen or heard before!

Now, coming back to the overruling part, she always gave priority to her kartavya.
I cannot call her being kartayva-nishta is shown only to her Maayka. Earlier she was kartavya-nishta pradhaan to shastriji's family and now we are seeing to the Purohit's family.
So, she isn't anymore partial to her maiden family. Wherever she is, she is faithful towards the priorities towards that house.

Earlier when Vishaka was in PB as choti-bahu, she was never interested and she even goes and asks Dev to get her excused from all CB responsibilities.
For Dev too, the responsibilities of PB that needed to be taken care by the CB had to be done by the CB and Dev does not discharge her from that.

Dev is fortunate that the girl he chose gives so much importance to the responsibilities.
It is very clear how much importance that Dev gives to kartavya when Dev lets her go do kitchen work when Radhika mentioned that during their phone conversation
or when he has come all the way from Delhi to Vrindavan just to meet and talk to her, he lets her provide water to the cows when she mentions that and withdraws himself.
He never imposes that she talk to him just because it is their time. He knows the importance of work.

Yet, when it is expected some responsibilities from Radhika as the CB of the PB (Brihaspati Puja, 1st rasoi etc), Dev takes a stand that is against everyone else's wish (yes, including Dadi. That is bcos somewhere deep down even Daadi expects that, otherwise the person with the utmost authority in PB would not give in to Vaishali & Mrinalini's doings in both the cases. Regarding Brihaspati Puja, there is nothing that God does not understand. Regarding 1st rasoi it is just humans involved 😉) because of her health. He is not being partial there because Radhika is his lover.

Though it may make Dev proud in the heart that his wife still went ahead and performed her duties, which husband would not (?!), I being a practical person, would have wanted Rad to stop everything and listen to what Dev said bcos the ultimate goal of CB of the PB is to beget a waaris and that is possible at the earliest (without complications) only if Rad can take good care of herself now and becomes fully fit and then starts to perform all her duties with full energy and enthusiasm. Like I said, Brihaspati Puja, 1st rasoi can all be taken care of. Where there is a will, there is always a way!
But again, I can't imagine Rad thinking like mine so she will do what is expected of her and it is not difficult for her to make Dev understand (here is where the communication would come in). Afterall, Dev would be the happiest if Rad gains respect, praise and trust from his family members. Radhika's win is Dev's win (and vise versa too). If Rad & Dev are happy, I am happy too. 😊

p.s.: Any questions, clarifications and comments are welcome 😃

Thanks, Bee, for your input. I have conflicting emotions on the questions I have raised. If I look at it from my husband's perspective, the outcome may be very different than if I were looking at it simply from mine. The responses are truely amazing and fun to read. All the postees have viewed the show over time and have presented great rationale for their viewpoint. I really need to revisit all the posts again to truely appreciate everyone's thoughts. I purposefully chose to stay away from Amma's issue and overruling Kaanha's justice and kept the discussion to a interpersonal relationship of a newly married couple and finding their place in a household.

Originally posted by: angake

Gardes,I am so glad you started this thread. Such a beautiful well thought out post. And look at all the awesome responses. Some of the questions you raised about marriage and the couples, are relevant even beyond CB and in our real lives.

I think in a marriage be it arranged or not, the initial days/months are very challenging especially for the bride. Not only do you have to adapt to your husbands personality but also to his entire family. It is a monumental task. I personally don't think husbands can ever understand the magnitude of the challenge a new bride faces in his home. And I am not sure if Dev does. However, in Dev's defence he probably wouldn't have been this over protective if Radhika wasn't so injured. If circumstances were different, who knows, he may have happily joined her in doing the first rasoi.

Each of us have different duties to fulfill to different people in our lives. More often than not, these duties are conflicting. Sometimes, beti dharm, patni dharm and bahu dharm can be conflicting. In one's life, one cannot always be dutiful to just one person, be it your spouse, or your parents, or your in-laws. Depending on the situation one needs to choose wisely which dharm should be carried out at that moment for family relationships to remain intact.

Radhika's world revolves around the word 'duty'. She spent most of her life subjected to the attitude that it was her duty to do this or that. Love is secondary to duty, for her. So, for Radhika, in this particular incident, she had to choose between doing her bahu dharm which was doing the rituals to keep her husband's family happy and in the process cement her place in the family, and her patni dharm which was falling in with Dev's wishes to take rest. When Dev was in the gufa, Vaishali was upset with her and wanted her to go back to her room. Radhika choose to follow her patni dharm and do what she thought she had to do to save her husband's life rather than adhering to her bahu dharm and acceding to Vaishali's wishes.

I am not so sure if Dev does. Dev's love for Radhika is so bone deep that he feels like he wants to make up for every unhappy moment she has had in her life. And because of this he sometimes can be blind to events happening around him, especially events that can be detrimental to their relationship. I don't think he has ever realized the extent to which Vaishali resents Radhika. After his gufa return he sensed Vaishali's unhappiness but does he realize his mother desperately wants Radhika out and will do anything to achieve that ?

My 2 c is that Dev is cute when he goes all 'husbandly' on her but at some point he needs to take a step back and understand that Radhika needs to do certain things her own way to gain acceptance and respect in the family. Radhika needs to understand that she cannot make everyone happy all the time. To us viewers it has seemed that Radhika always puts her duty to her family in front of her love for Dev. Dev was always her husband in her mind yet now the society has accepted that Dev is her husband and gives her rights to do certain things she felt she couldn't do before. So, in major issues that might affect their relationship (for eg Vishaka) Radhika should accede to Dev's wishes and not impose her sense of duty towards Vishaka on Dev.

Once married, I think a woman's ( and a man's) duty should be first and foremost to the nurturing of their relationship. A healthy, respectful relationship is the basis for raising emotionally healthy children. Dev and Radhika are lucky that they have such a deep spiritual connection. All they have to do now is deal with mundane life issues together as a team and with utmost respect for each other's feelings and sensitivities.

Originally posted by: Minajay

It is so amazing to read everyone's opinions. It feels like Choti Bahu is our real life problems' forum. Some pf the opinions can be applied to real life.
Thanks every one

Yes, Minajay, the responses are truly amazing and each postee has given a lot of thought to the questions. Thanks.