Dev and Radhika, their differences, their oneness - Page 2

Originally posted by: DEVIKA8

Superb post! gerdes,why3 and radev24..

What an analysis...Thanks for opening up post like this...I think Eva and Anukapoor can add their points too...

Thanks, Devika. I look forward to their views too.

Originally posted by: set_raj

Gardes....just have to say one thing...👏Very well said...you are awesome..superb...fantastic...genius..Brilliant...dear sister..
Sorry instead of one thing ..I type Five..😃
👏

Thanks, Raj Bhaiyya. I am overwhelmed by your praise. You are too kind! Now I wonder what our dear friend Mishti has to say. She will come up with a good parody for me, knowing her! 😳😆

Originally posted by: RaDev_4Eva

Great post Gardes..loved everyones anaylses.👏

Here are my 2 cents

I think that it is good that both have some differences..as one can learn from the other. They are like two pieces from a jigsaw. If one has a gap the other piece fills it.

Dev has never been forced to anything..he had a different lifestyle and has learned to beacome indepentant after going to America...to some extent he always got whant he wanted and never actually understood the worth of it...but that changed when Radh did not become his wife..he learned how importent she was for him and how he always must love and cherish her. Now he wants to shower his unconditional and limitless love on Radh as he couldn't before because of the unfortunate circumstances.

Now he wants to express his love for her fully.

Now moving on to Radh...She has always been forced to do nearly most things in her life and before dev came into her life, it looked like that she was suffocating in her own self, in her own body..she had been so used to the inhuman treatment she got..that she thought thats was all she was worth. The constant bossing around from Vishaka, the constant taunts and tricks from Amma, Devki and Shashtriji not being able to do anything about it. As Amma always says that she is in debt to us- that is what has become her true thinking.

Now both of them have started changing as Dev has now become more serious in life and respects and know how lucky he is to get the thing he has got. Radh also is developing as we can how see the real Radh coming out of her shell and becoming more comfortable and is not being in an atmosphere where there is constant 'negative vibes' in the air.

Radh has a lot of responsiblities on her shoulders.Radh knows that Dev is trying to shower his love on her and she knows the expetations that Dev has from his wife but she also knows the expetations other people have from her. She know:

--The expetations of a waris

--The expetations of Dev - to support him, be with him and love him.

--The expetation of the whole family from their Choti Bahu (a lot)

--The expetations of being a RP

--The exectations the people of Vrindavan/Dehi have from their RP' wife

She is knew to all these responsibilites and expectations and is getting used to it.So right now I think Radh is trying to balace each thing because of her responsiblities without hurting Dev.

Thanks, RaDev4Eva. Yes, our postees are very astute and insightful and it is fun for me to read their posts. You have posted a very insighful thread yourself and I enjoyed your perspective. Excellent points. Now we just wait and see how the writers proceed with the anticipated tracks and hope that they maintain a balance in showing problems wenknow are bound to come their way as well as showing the togetherness that we expect from RaDev!

Originally posted by: radev24

<FONT face="Comic Sans MS, Times, serif" size=3>Why3. Radev and Usha (sigrid), you have summed up Gardes thread and queries so beautifully by expressing your thoughts based on yourindividual outlooks. Just immaculate ...</FONT>

<FONT face="Comic Sans MS, Times, serif" size=3>Dev and Radhika complement and compliment each other so wonderfullyin spite of coming from two opposite spectrums of the pole. Their kanha has bridged the gap so beautifullythat as u say, Usha, there's very little to no gunjaish for a fight. Yesterday Dev ne to itna bhi kah diya that from now he will never ruthofy, period. </FONT>

<FONT face="Comic Sans MS, Times, serif" size=3>Being pampered by daadi and getting all the freedom growing up, Dev can get away with shunning some of his responsibilities. But can we say that about radhika ? Certainly not. She not only feels obligated to do her dharm to both the families, but even indebted cos of lack of confidence and self esteem growing up. Women in any culture have had to face and tackle a tug-of-war situation coming from both sides of thier families, adoptive and the new family that radhika has embarked into. </FONT>

<FONT face="Comic Sans MS, Times, serif" size=3>Radhika is no vishaka as she was never raised as one. Therefore, just compare the two CB's and the glaring differences between the two at PB. We see the difference in daadi's soft and contented smile, which was never there and obviously missing before.Our real CB is just always anxious and willing to forsake her pains coz of the urgency with which she feels and wants to carry out her dharm. </FONT>

<FONT face="Comic Sans MS, Times, serif" size=3>She has a tough job to please everyone, but her duty to please her husband has to be uppermost. At times it may not be an easy task but radhika is going to have to juggle, scrutinize, prioritize, be tactful. As we say, she got her work cut out for her, and is going to need Dev's support and understanding even more than he realizes. </FONT>

<FONT face="Comic Sans MS, Times, serif" size=3>I just feel so relieved in my own mind that as alwaystheir love is going toovercome any kind of tricks and jhamela the "known" machchars put before our RaDev. </FONT>

<FONT face="Comic Sans MS, Times, serif" size=3>Now, how the maayka scenario is going to play out is anybody's guess. This is going to be radhika's true test yet. Next few days are, IMHO, going to be testing ground for the creatives abilityand how they portray Radhika's newly acquired strength in tackling Vish and amma's manipulative tricks. Is Dev going to face yet another frustration or is he going to understand the precarious position his bride is going to be in ?? Well, we'll wait & watch !</FONT>

<FONT face="Comic Sans MS, Times, serif" size=3>~ P ~</FONT>

yes Prem I feel too that Radev will be able to overcome any twists put in their way by Vaishali and Trio clowns.......But amma is another story. I feel here Dev should stand strong and be firm with her.
I would not like her to loose her self confidence and self esteem. I feel Dev will be with her all the way and they will try to fight all the battles which come their way.

Originally posted by: sigrid

Thanks Grades for an excellent post. You have covered so much beautifully that there is not much to write.

Why3 and radev24 have covered most of the thoughts and points wonderfully.

Marriage is like a Chariot. Husband and wife are like the 2 wheels of the Chariot. They balance each other as the wheels in chariot does it.
A marriage is a balance where the weakness of one partner is balance by the other partners strength.
Here also RaDev are different and yet they are same. The difference is the way they were brought up. Their upbringing was like day and night.
Radhika was orphan whom the Shastriji's gave home. But the way she was brought up she got lot of values but no confidence in herself. She did not have much value for herself. Whereas Dev oozed with confidence and self worth. Their love is soul to soul. They are attuned to each other on a spiritual level. Their love has no boundaries. They understand each other. Purohit family is traditional and Radhika has to balance herself to everyone's expections. She is the Choti Bahu, Raj Purohitine, daughter, sister but above all a wife. For her it is tough. She has to balance all the roles she is in. But her love. respect and trust should be with Dev before anyone else. She can take care of all her roles and responsibility with Dev in her fore mind. Key over here it the communication between Radev. Any time she feels she is of different opinion she should have a one to one talk with Dev in private. Same with Dev, he should understand where Radhika has come from (as he has seen Vishaka and Amma treating her.)
But yet they both share a oneness which is so rare. It is a blessing from their Kanaha that they are ready to do anything for each other. They may have argument, but they both have such a great understanding between them, that it will not lead to fights.
We have to see which directions the creatives are going to take. But Radhika should not allow amma and Vishaka to bring problems in her married life.
Dev is hers and She is his and that is the truth.

My 2 cents would that come monday, shastriji agrees to have Vshaka at his home and Dev comes and takes Radhika to Thakshak Raj goofa and they go to their farm house for their wedding night.........twin bal gopals

Yes grades, I feel too that their love, trust and faith will be able to stand any obstacles in their path.
It will be interesting to see how the creatives will be new tracks will be a test for their love. One thing which will make me upset is if they create any misunderstanding between the two because that will break up their divine love and devotion. Yes I would like to see their oneness getting more enhance their to their love.

Originally posted by: radev24

Why3. Radev and Usha (sigrid), you have summed up Gardes thread and queries so beautifully by expressing your thoughts based on your individual outlooks. Just immaculate ...

Dev and Radhika complement and compliment each other so wonderfully in spite of coming from two opposite spectrums of the pole. Their kanha has bridged the gap so beautifully that as u say, Usha, there's very little to no gunjaish for a fight. Yesterday Dev ne to itna bhi kah diya that from now he will never ruthofy, period.

Being pampered by daadi and getting all the freedom growing up, Dev can get away with shunning some of his responsibilities. But can we say that about radhika ? Certainly not. She not only feels obligated to do her dharm to both the families, but even indebted cos of lack of confidence and self esteem growing up. Women in any culture have had to face and tackle a tug-of-war situation coming from both sides of thier families, adoptive and the new family that radhika has embarked into.

Radhika is no vishaka as she was never raised as one. Therefore, just compare the two CB's and the glaring differences between the two at PB. We see the difference in daadi's soft and contented smile, which was never there and obviously missing before. Our real CB is just always anxious and willing to forsake her pains coz of the urgency with which she feels and wants to carry out her dharm.

She has a tough job to please everyone, but her duty to please her husband has to be uppermost. At times it may not be an easy task but radhika is going to have to juggle, scrutinize, prioritize, be tactful. As we say, she got her work cut out for her, and is going to need Dev's support and understanding even more than he realizes.

I just feel so relieved in my own mind that as always their love is going to overcome any kind of tricks and jhamela the "known" machchars put before our RaDev.

Now, how the maayka scenario is going to play out is anybody's guess. This is going to be radhika's true test yet. Next few days are, IMHO, going to be testing ground for the creatives ability and how they portray Radhika's newly acquired strength in tackling Vish and amma's manipulative tricks. Is Dev going to face yet another frustration or is he going to understand the precarious position his bride is going to be in ?? Well, we'll wait & watch !

~ P ~

Prem, again expressed your views so beautifully. Yes, we will just have to wait and watch and hope that the writers do justice to how they have developed the couple, continue with sensitivity and forgo absurdities. We are rooting for RaDev to succeed!

Gardes,
First of all congratulations on writing up an excellent post for discussion.
In your post you have raised many issues between Rad & Dev pertaining to their differences and oneness, but for the sake of keeping my reply simple and readable, I will at this time only comment on the 'Dev's wish overruling' part.

For any marriage to work in addition to love, understanding, trust and compromise, one other key criteria is communication.
But here gardes, you are not pointing at the lack of communication, but the Dev's communication being overruled by Radhika.

Now, has Radhika listened to anyone that she is going to listen to Dev? Come on, she overrules even Kanha, so Dev is just her husband after all!😉


OK, jokes apart, for me that behaviour is neither irritating or something that I adore. That ever self-sacrifice behaviour is not something that I want for myself.

For me, Radhika is just a fictional character which cannot be found in this universe. I do not know about the rest of the characters(bcos I am just thinking about Rad right now 😉), but everytime I see that character's behaviour, I am just in awe, though I may be shocked initially, I need to reason with myself why that character is such and such way.
I need to reason with myself because she is not someone from our world, a person I've never seen or heard before!

Now, coming back to the overruling part, she always gave priority to her kartavya.
I cannot call her being kartayva-nishta is shown only to her Maayka. Earlier she was kartavya-nishta pradhaan to shastriji's family and now we are seeing to the Purohit's family.
So, she isn't anymore partial to her maiden family. Wherever she is, she is faithful towards the priorities towards that house.

Earlier when Vishaka was in PB as choti-bahu, she was never interested and she even goes and asks Dev to get her excused from all CB responsibilities.
For Dev too, the responsibilities of PB that needed to be taken care by the CB had to be done by the CB and Dev does not discharge her from that.

Dev is fortunate that the girl he chose gives so much importance to the responsibilities.
It is very clear how much importance that Dev gives to kartavya when Dev lets her go do kitchen work when Radhika mentioned that during their phone conversation
or when he has come all the way from Delhi to Vrindavan just to meet and talk to her, he lets her provide water to the cows when she mentions that and withdraws himself.
He never imposes that she talk to him just because it is their time. He knows the importance of work.

Yet, when it is expected some responsibilities from Radhika as the CB of the PB (Brihaspati Puja, 1st rasoi etc), Dev takes a stand that is against everyone else's wish (yes, including Dadi. That is bcos somewhere deep down even Daadi expects that, otherwise the person with the utmost authority in PB would not give in to Vaishali & Mrinalini's doings in both the cases. Regarding Brihaspati Puja, there is nothing that God does not understand. Regarding 1st rasoi it is just humans involved 😉) because of her health. He is not being partial there because Radhika is his lover.

Though it may make Dev proud in the heart that his wife still went ahead and performed her duties, which husband would not (?!), I being a practical person, would have wanted Rad to stop everything and listen to what Dev said bcos the ultimate goal of CB of the PB is to beget a waaris and that is possible at the earliest (without complications) only if Rad can take good care of herself now and becomes fully fit and then starts to perform all her duties with full energy and enthusiasm. Like I said, Brihaspati Puja, 1st rasoi can all be taken care of. Where there is a will, there is always a way!
But again, I can't imagine Rad thinking like mine so she will do what is expected of her and it is not difficult for her to make Dev understand (here is where the communication would come in). Afterall, Dev would be the happiest if Rad gains respect, praise and trust from his family members. Radhika's win is Dev's win (and vise versa too). If Rad & Dev are happy, I am happy too. 😊

p.s.: Any questions, clarifications and comments are welcome 😃

Gardes,I am so glad you started this thread. Such a beautiful well thought out post. And look at all the awesome responses. Some of the questions you raised about marriage and the couples, are relevant even beyond CB and in our real lives.

Originally posted by: gardes

Does Dev understand that Radhika has to live more in the jenana (women's world) than in Dev's arms?

I think in a marriage be it arranged or not, the initial days/months are very challenging especially for the bride. Not only do you have to adapt to your husbands personality but also to his entire family. It is a monumental task. I personally don't think husbands can ever understand the magnitude of the challenge a new bride faces in his home. And I am not sure if Dev does. However, in Dev's defence he probably wouldn't have been this over protective if Radhika wasn't so injured. If circumstances were different, who knows, he may have happily joined her in doing the first rasoi.

Originally posted by: gardes

Does Radhika understand that she is Dev's wife and owes allegiance to him in spite of the jenana? Does Radhika see that Dev has the best of intentions in making her well?

Each of us have different duties to fulfill to different people in our lives. More often than not, these duties are conflicting. Sometimes, beti dharm, patni dharm and bahu dharm can be conflicting. In one's life, one cannot always be dutiful to just one person, be it your spouse, or your parents, or your in-laws. Depending on the situation one needs to choose wisely which dharm should be carried out at that moment for family relationships to remain intact.

Radhika's world revolves around the word 'duty'. She spent most of her life subjected to the attitude that it was her duty to do this or that. Love is secondary to duty, for her. So, for Radhika, in this particular incident, she had to choose between doing her bahu dharm which was doing the rituals to keep her husband's family happy and in the process cement her place in the family, and her patni dharm which was falling in with Dev's wishes to take rest. When Dev was in the gufa, Vaishali was upset with her and wanted her to go back to her room. Radhika choose to follow her patni dharm and do what she thought she had to do to save her husband's life rather than adhering to her bahu dharm and acceding to Vaishali's wishes.

Originally posted by: gardes

Does Dev see his mother's expectations of Radhika with the Brihaspati puja, the first rasoi, etc.? Can Radhika ignore these expectations when she is still fragile as defined by Dev? Dev can ignore Mrinalini's barbs but can Radhika, being the choti bahu?

I am not so sure if Dev does. Dev's love for Radhika is so bone deep that he feels like he wants to make up for every unhappy moment she has had in her life. And because of this he sometimes can be blind to events happening around him, especially events that can be detrimental to their relationship. I don't think he has ever realized the extent to which Vaishali resents Radhika. After his gufa return he sensed Vaishali's unhappiness but does he realize his mother desperately wants Radhika out and will do anything to achieve that ?

My 2 c is that Dev is cute when he goes all 'husbandly' on her but at some point he needs to take a step back and understand that Radhika needs to do certain things her own way to gain acceptance and respect in the family. Radhika needs to understand that she cannot make everyone happy all the time. To us viewers it has seemed that Radhika always puts her duty to her family in front of her love for Dev. Dev was always her husband in her mind yet now the society has accepted that Dev is her husband and gives her rights to do certain things she felt she couldn't do before. So, in major issues that might affect their relationship (for eg Vishaka) Radhika should accede to Dev's wishes and not impose her sense of duty towards Vishaka on Dev.

Once married, I think a woman's ( and a man's) duty should be first and foremost to the nurturing of their relationship. A healthy, respectful relationship is the basis for raising emotionally healthy children. Dev and Radhika are lucky that they have such a deep spiritual connection. All they have to do now is deal with mundane life issues together as a team and with utmost respect for each other's feelings and sensitivities.

It is so amazing to read everyone's opinions. It feels like Choti Bahu is our real life problems' forum. Some pf the opinions can be applied to real life.
Thanks every one