thegameison thumbnail
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Posted: 12 years ago
#1

Author's Note

It's random and sad, like me tonight. Also, it's really short. I had it written in about twenty minutes but then I really had to write it. I'm gratified by the outcome. Now, I don't normally use Hindi and/or Urdu words in my fiction but since I was listening to the song Kabira, I picked up the word Nirmohi which means ruthless as the title of this prose. You may find that it does not suit the one shot well. Nonetheless, I'm hoping you'd like this venture of mine. (:


*


Sharon had thrown her arms around Swayum's neck. Everybody was gaping. Her friends were sniggering on top of that. She was fully aware of what she was doing but she was doing it anyway, she was hugging Swayum in the middle of everybody, right in front of the gates of their institution. She tightened her grip before she had given him the chance to put his arms around her. A few seconds later, he awkwardly put his hands around her waist, unhinged by all the weight she'd thrust on his lanky frame. He did not hug her with the vigor with which she embraced him but he did not push her away. When she just didn't let go, he hugged her back gently, dropping the awkwardness.


She shifted her hands from around his neck to his back. Her neck had been resting on his shoulder; she lowered and put her head in his shoulder instead. He rubbed her back and she realized she was crying. In her urgency to not shed tears on his shirt, she backed away and felt the hotness in her face for the first time. She understood instantly that her tears were ceaseless that afternoon. Her face burned and she stared at him. When he asked her if she was okay, she laughed sardonically. Had she been looking okay to him? Would she have thrown herself on him if she had been anything even remotely close to okay? Not really, she thought and shook her head in reply. He nodded and patted her shoulder. He crinkled his twinkling eyes just a bit and smiled at her.


Already having publicly embraced him she did not mind what she did next. She kissed his cheek as slowly as possible and told him she loved him in a whisper. Later she thanked him in her mind for behaving like he had not heard it. Somehow she could feel he was smiling even when all she could see was the side of his pimpled face and his unkempt hair. She did not want to discontinue that moment of proximity but she did. A good few inches distanced now, she gazed into his face and made it more intent than it had been ever before. Loudly she declared that she would miss him when she left and he replied that he would too.


Sharon was conscious, awake. But she had conveniently permitted herself to imagine. Or was she dreaming with her eyes open? She had her theories on how she was to give a name to her former state. But the pothole in the road had made her snap out of it. The vehicle she had hired had one of its tires in a nasty pothole and she was losing time. If she didn't reach the institution in time, he'd have gone. She wouldn't get to see him. Ordering the driver to hold his shit together and run, she looked at her wristwatch desperately. When she did reach the place, however, things had happened rather differently.


Nobody gaped or sniggered because she couldn't find the right person on whom to jump. No awkward hands encircled her waist because she never got that close to Swayum. Making small talk with his friends, he laughingly walked out of the gates. When he saw her he walked in her direction and offered his hand which she took immediately. They shook hands and her friends informed him for her that she was leaving. A query of a question and a half later, he went and took the backseat of his car. He was visible behind the dark window of his car. As the driver took him away from her, she searched for his face properly in the backseat. He waved at her smilingly and she waved too. She stared in the direction of the car as long as she could see it. Even a point could have done. But the car and Swayum were gone. That was when the tears had started to flow. Even they had refused to follow the lines of her imagination. For, they redefined ceaseless on more levels than Sharon had deemed credible formerly.






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Death_Memories thumbnail
13th Anniversary Thumbnail Rocker Thumbnail + 3
Posted: 12 years ago
#2
Beautiful i mean like Wowww
you are a very talented writer u have a certain way around words which makes us fall in love with your every piece it was small yet conveyed everything it meant to...
simply awesome
_Deepika_ thumbnail
13th Anniversary Thumbnail Sparkler Thumbnail + 4
Posted: 12 years ago
#3
Hey Kanks...

Its such a pleasure to read something from u...really..the concept...the execution...the flow in the language is just beautiful...her apprehensions ...her held back feelings..her unspoken love taking up the shape of such uncontrolled emotional explosion ...swayam being swayam..trying to hold her console her...not risking her comfort...beautiful lines..loved them

That was when the tears had started to flow. Even they had refused to follow the lines of her imagination. For, they redefined ceaseless on more levels than Sharon had deemed credible formerly.


I am a sucker for tragedies..loved this work of urs ...as i always say..
u r one of the best we have here😊keep writing dear

---
Deep

Edited by deep_Tanha - 12 years ago
annihilation thumbnail
15th Anniversary Thumbnail Stunner Thumbnail + 3
Posted: 12 years ago
#4
All I can say is this piece is beautifully written. I never read something so short that's a complete opposite in its effect : humongous. It doesn't have a proper beginning nor an end like what usually stories do but its still impactful and sends out those 'feels' its supposed to send to the readers. I'm glad I gave this a read. :) Your mad writing skills, something always to be J of.
Edited by herms_angel - 12 years ago
ToujoursPur thumbnail
13th Anniversary Thumbnail Rocker Thumbnail + 2
Posted: 12 years ago
#5
kanks--

i'm in awe of the language you used yaar---that was so smooth.

yeah, what we dream of saying and doing and what we actually never manage to say ...

the part which followed after she actually recahed institution was real good. she could not find the right person to jump to

how often does this happen that where we imagine a look of love---there is but a glance of friendship..or maybe even of a lesser something.

would you continue this?---its rather complicated and maybe you could clear matters up? but thats cause i'm such a sucker for happy endings.; }
you are one of my favourite writers. way to go.
love---medha

ps---i agree nirmohi somehow so far is not very apt for this one----all the more reason to continue and shape it up?😉 nah---i just wanna read more of you.
Edited by medhasarkar - 12 years ago
-spongy- thumbnail
13th Anniversary Thumbnail Sparkler Thumbnail + 4
Posted: 12 years ago
#6
wow

it was simply beautiful

i mean the way you wrote it was amazing...

i loved it

it was a pleasure reading it

will you be continuing it

please do

thanks for the PM

i loved it

do write more

P.S. im not able to read your SS ""
as time doesn't permit me...
keep sending me pm's
nd i'll try reading it soon
i hope you understand
Destiny_015 thumbnail
12th Anniversary Thumbnail Sparkler Thumbnail Networker 1 Thumbnail
Posted: 12 years ago
#7
I loved the title of this prose. Nirmohi. I feel it went very nycly with the theme of this story. It was very apt. Sharon's daydream or imagination was really amazingly penned. Her feelings were so beautifully written here. I loved these lines. "In her urgency to not shed tears on his shirt, she backed away and felt the hotness in her face for the first time. She understood instantly that her tears were ceaseless that afternoon. Her face burned and she stared at him. When he asked her if she was okay, she laughed sardonically. Had she been looking okay to him? Would she have thrown herself on him if she had been anything even remotely close to okay? Not really, she thought and shook her head in reply." The fact that she was imagining so much tells it that how much she wanted to tell her feelins to him before its too late. Bt she cudn't tell him. The story had a sad ending but I loved it this way. A beautful write up Kankshita. Gr8 work.
Edited by tannu_swayam - 12 years ago
Swaronvrushan thumbnail
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Posted: 12 years ago
#8
Sorry yaar par after dream mujhe actually kuch samaj mein nahi aaya...
swaron_arshi_07 thumbnail
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Posted: 12 years ago
#9
nice but sry I didn't get the story line
do continue it soon
nicely written
sweetydiyafrien thumbnail
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Posted: 12 years ago
#10
i will just finish read this and then get to comment for sure...

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