Ah! I I love those pieces of prose that just flow out of us, like sweat or tears. They kind of fall into place so perfectly which their laboured counterparts can never match, as much as I try. Are they just manifestations of inspiration? Or just a thought kept at bay, even unknown to us that just had to have its say, right here right now? Hehe, nonetheless, however it made its way into this realm, I'm happier for it. 😃
I like the title even if I dislike the penchant for authors in finding the most remotest, vaguest titles for their pieces. It's not that I find them pretentious but in my anarchic world I like to
make things fit! hehe Here, I hope to find the link in that same vein whence the inspired words burst out.
What can I say? Whenever I return here and check out your latest, I curse myself for leaving it too long. You have a brilliant knack of pulling the reading in through details. In the most concise yet comprehensive way you allow us to comprehend your whole meta, situation and people whilst lacing it with intrigue. That first paragraph was just so pleasing! "
Everybody was gaping. Her friends were sniggering on top of that." I loved how you even layered the crowd here. It's this detailing that just pours out of you and makes as feel as though what we reading not only has thought and afterthought BUT life!
"...
unhinged by all the weight she'd thrust on his lanky frame." Here the movement of his heart mirrored by the movement of his limbs. Just finely done! The flow of your sentences have really improved but one thing remains the same, your brilliant and wondrous punchlines! "
dropping the awkwardness." 😆
I love how you change the tone through the second paragraph by giving more information yet still managing to hold all the cards. "
Had she been looking okay to him?" We understand the motive and yet we don't. Excellent!
I loved how you played with distance and nearness in the third. The difference of the actual and figurative so that as she pulls away from him she becomes closer to him. It's not that her love has deepened but more in the way that she is recognizing its state for the first time and or even labelling it, giving it a name so to speak. I really liked these notes. [I swear I wrote this last line before reading on and when I did and came across "
to give a name to her former state" I nearly fist pumped the air! hehe. It's not that I'm saying that I'm in tune with you or anything but rather that it shows how wonderfully you constructed the piece. So just like Sharon we know something before we realize it. Just brilliant!]
Then that last chapter twist which I really didn't see coming. Again I don't really like 'dream scenes' but here the layering makes me forget my aversion. The juxtapositions of the actual and the imagined was just beautifully done, poignant yet telling too. I liked the spin on the famous line that it is only in the moment that we lose something that we know of its worth to us, that famous wisdom to just be grateful. AND yet here you accentuate the impact of losing something of value before it had a chance to become a part of us. It is in losing that we understand the potential gain. It is the difference between knowing and realization which you have wonderfully told. Nirmohi indeed for life's cuts always are even if they are made to heal. I loved it!
Edited by a little faith - 12 years ago
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