MT: Lessons learned from past relationships?

hello everyone! i'm not super new to IF but i'm new to the bollywood forum and this is my first member thread. i have noticed that several threads in the forum become hubs for heated debates, but the chill member topics seem to be an escape from all the arguments, which is why i think we need more of these in the forum. this is my contribution

past relationships can often leave people with feelings of sorrow and uncertainty, but we also gain wisdom and lessons from said relationships. these lessons can range from small to life-changing. we learn new things about ourselves, like our tolerance or intolerance towards certain qualities, what we like or dislike in a relationship/friendship, what our priorities are, our flaws, our ways of giving and receiving love, our expectations from the other person, and the list goes on.

now coming to the main question of the thread - what are some important lessons that you have learned from your past relationships? these can be romantic relationships, friendships, or relationships that fall in any other category.

Reserved will answer the below question soon.

now coming to the main question of the thread - what are some important lessons that you have learned from your past relationships?

romantic:

Casual :

friendships:

these can be romantic relationships, friendships, or relationships that fall in any other category.

Keep in touch. Don't ghost them. Don't take it for granted. Or you'll regret.

Lesson learnt - Never forgot that you're an individual with your own mind and world views. You have your own ambitions and aspirations for your life and you must never abandon your individuality for your partner. Never forgo your own wishes to appease your partner and communication is key!

here's my answer - i learned plenty about myself from my first serious, long-term relationship and the aftermath. this was when i still had the messed up idea of what love and relationships are supposed to look like, as many of our younger selves did, and many people still do because they never got out of that phase (thank you movies, dramas, people around me for influencing me and contributing to the unhealthy ideas). between then and now, my idea of love and expectations from a partner have completely changed. at first, i thought things like jealousy, possessiveness, and control are signs of love but with time, they started feeling suffocating. with age, i came to my senses and learned that a healthy relationship doesn't involve these things (this is my opinion, if you still subscribe to that kind of thinking, please don't attack me 😆).

i learned the importance of freedom and being your own person. your life does not begin and end with your partner. sure, they are an important part of your life, but you should still have a life outside of them. they shouldn't control your life or prevent you from doing things that are good for you. they should want you to grow and encourage your growth. you should both want to grow together and become better people. they shouldn't pressurize you into doing things that your heart doesn't truly want. you should be able to communicate about anything and everything because you both have that kind of safe space with each other, and there's no judgment ever. you should wholeheartedly trust each other and never break each other's trust.

i also learned that pain doesn't equal love. heartbreak doesn't equal love. you don't need to suffer and be in pain for it to be considered love. love is meant to be happy, it's meant to bring you peace. there's already so much stress and hurt in life that your partner shouldn't be another source of hurt and stress for you. they should be your safe place. being with them should bring you relief and joy after a hard day.

trust me when i say this, it's freaking life-changing to have a partner who accepts you the way you are and supports you in each and everything and loves you and brings you peace and joy. someone who you can confide in and never have to hide anything from due to fears of any kind. someone who respects you and understands you and doesn't feel entitled to you. someone who doesn't show any kind of jealousy, possessiveness, control. someone who lets you be because nothing matters more to them than loving you and being with you. someone who wakes up every day and chooses you. ❤️ i know it sounds like the bare minimum when listed out like this, but it's so rare to even find this in our world because toxic relationships are romanticized and normalized to no end.

there's a lot more to say but i think these things have been the most important for me. i might have additional information pop up in my head later 😆

ya, something from romantic relationships- you are in trouble if:

1. it's gone longer than 3 months;

2. she starts looking for a ring for you;

3. she tells you she loves you already

of course, whichever comes sooner😉

Originally posted by: PangaNaLe

Keep in touch. Don't ghost them. Don't take it for granted. Or you'll regret.

those are all good lessons to have learned. sometimes we don't recognize the value of people in our lives until much later and then it's too late.

Originally posted by: Pasoori

Lesson learnt - Never forgot that you're an individual with your own mind and world views. You have your own ambitions and aspirations for your life and you must never abandon your individuality for your partner. Never forgo your own wishes to appease your partner and communication is key!

i agree! holding on to your individuality and communicating with your partner are both important aspects of a healthy relationship. i said something similar in my post as well that you are your own person and you shouldn't let that go

You already now my dating history so should I be answering this? 😆

Originally posted by: CobraKai1972

You already now my dating history so should I be answering this? 😆

of courseeee. we wanna know more😆