.

Firstly, please make something clear. Do you have an issue of him not being a virgin OR the fact that he lied to you about it?

Honestly speaking both hurts. But I am more hurt due to him lying.

It will be intresting to read the replies here 🍿

He lied to you, because he knew it would be hard for you to accept. I guess, it depends on how or where you were brought up. I am a city girl..I don't know many people who are virgins.. What happens in the past, before marriage should only bother you, if your spouse has not moved on. I think you are too possesive. You mentioned that you love him more... That is in all probability,in your head and not a fact. You have to become more mature and confident. If you continue like this, l am afraid,you will ruin your relationship with your husband.

Make a fresh beginning. You have a new baby. You should be the happiest person . Please don't waste it. He has committed no crime, hasn't cheated on you. Don't tell me that YOU have never lied to anyone in your life. We lie to our parents for the same reason.They don't have the capacity to understand... not because we want to to deceive them.

This is complicated. I feel like you're more hurt by the fact that he lied to you. I suggest that you have an open minded conversation with your partner and see where it leads.

1. Why did he feel the need to lie to you about the physical relationship if he had already confessed that he had an ex?

2. Does he still harbour feelings for his ex?

3. Why do you feel unwanted in his life/relationship? Have there ever been any physical or verbal altercations?

4. How does he feel about being a father and equally taking up responsibilities in the upbringing of your baby?

3.Did you try to communicate to him about how hurt you are with his lying? Or how he makes you feel about yourself in general?

4. Does he love you? Has he confessed his love for you? In many arranged marriages verbal expressions of love is hardly seen, particularly in desi setup. So YOU need to express your feelings for him so does he for you.

5. Are you financially independent? Do you work or have worked in the past?

The fact is it's very hard to judge and give advice to someone's marital problems based on an message alone on a public forum. We don't know your life, neither your emotional or mental state. So ask and discuss with your partner and then come to a conclusion. If you any of you find it hard to open up, you could go for marriage counselling.

Communication is key here. Please dont take any hasty decisions with on-running emotions. Think it through with a cool mind and then decide.

So what you want us to do? Return the man’s virginity back to him? Sorry, science ain’t that advanced, yet.

Originally posted by: Ananya1404

My husband lied about his virginity

I was a normal middleclass girl. I didn't had any affairs before marriage. I had an arranged marriage 2 years ago. He was the first guy I ever fell in love with. He told me few weeks before marriage that he had in a relationship with his colleague. Due to her family's opposition they didn't marry. They broke up. And now she is married to another guy. I was sad hearing this. Because he was my first love. But I am not his first. Then i asked whether they had any sexual relation. He strongly denied it telling he hadn't done anything. They weren't that close.So I decided to let it go.

After 1.5 year of my marriage when i was 7 months pregnant i get to know from some where that he used to have physical relationship with her. When i asked him with evidence he couldn't deny it. I was heartbroken knowing it. But still I didn't tell this to anyone. I don't know what to do. I can't bear this at all. But I love him so much. Lot more than he do. Now my baby is 2.5 months old. I am still not able to decide what to do. Sometimes I decide to forgive him. But when I think about it, its so heartbreaking. It is getting really difficult. There is no single day in my life where I am not crying thinking about this. I am not able to decide thR Should i forgive him or leave him. I always felt he doesn't love me much. I do feel unwanted in his life often. Earlier i used to ignore all these. Now thinking everything its hurting so badly. Any advice?

I may not be the right person to advice you as I have never been in your shoes and it's easy to advice others but when it comes to our own emotions our brain stop working.

But still a small advice

@bold

I feel you should communicate with him how you are feeling unwanted. Sometimes it's better to listen other side of story too then only you can understand what made him the way he is with you right now. Did you ever communicate with him about it? If yes what is his response? And do you think he stills loves his ex?

Regarding virginity, I think how anyone takes it depends on the person.. Before marriage I would not even ask any guy whether he was in any relationship before..so I would never know about his virginity. I feel people fall in love, fall apart, and move on. What matters for me most would be his present and his future. After his commitment with me I should be the only woman in his life.

But again I have commitment phobia so I'm not even sure I will even get married.. lol

Originally posted by: Ananya1404

Honestly speaking both hurts. But I am more hurt due to him lying.

I’m honestly not in favour of asking someone about their past. You should only focus on the present and the future. He can’t undo his past and nor should he be shamed for something he did prior to meeting you. Yes, lying is bad but you have to ask him the reason why he denied it. Perhaps he was trying to spare you the pain or he didn’t want to be judged. At this point, I feel like even if he told you the truth, you’d still be miserable because you can’t seem to overlook the fact that he wasn’t a virgin.

If your husband has given you any reason to believe that he hasn’t moved on from his ex girlfriend, then I would understand your pain. However, if he’s treating you right, showers you with love, and has not cheated or tried contacting his ex, then you need to move on. You’re the one keeping his ex alive in the relationship, especially if you keep letting the ghost of his past affect your marriage.

Also, do you think you love him more because he confirmed this or is it just your unconfirmed belief? I suggest you sit him down and tell him that’s how you feel. At least give him a chance to convey his own feelings to you.

I have a friend who also can’t get over the fact that her husband wasn’t a virgin before he met her. She keeps throwing his ex in his face even though this guy ADORES his wife. He’s literally obsessed with her and has begged her to stop fixating on his past. She’s destroying her own marriage because her ego can’t accept the fact that she wasn’t his first. Do not become that person if he’s given you no reason to think otherwise.

I just want to reiterate that if it’s the lie you’re upset about, then just talk to him and ask why he lied. Give him a chance to explain. Is it a one time lie? Context matters. If you’re upset about him not being a virgin, then you can’t convict a person for any relationships he/she had prior to meeting you. It’s unfair and unjust.

Best of luck xo

If a guy who is a virgin,marries a girl who has had a few boyfriends..I am sure he will be very insecure. He will be wondering, how he compares with others. Virgins romanticise sex. For them it is a big deal. For those who have been around.. it is not a big deal..not at all..

Originally posted by: Ananya1404

I was a normal middleclass girl. I didn't had any affairs before marriage. I had an arranged marriage 2 years ago. He was the first guy I ever fell in love with. He told me few weeks before marriage that he had in a relationship with his colleague. Due to her family's opposition they didn't marry. They broke up. And now she is married to another guy. I was sad hearing this. Because he was my first love. But I am not his first. Then i asked whether they had any sexual relation. He strongly denied it telling he hadn't done anything. They weren't that close.So I decided to let it go.

After 1.5 year of my marriage when i was 7 months pregnant i get to know from some where that he used to have physical relationship with her. When i asked him with evidence he couldn't deny it. I was heartbroken knowing it. But still I didn't tell this to anyone. I don't know what to do. I can't bear this at all. But I love him so much. Lot more than he do. Now my baby is 2.5 months old. I am still not able to decide what to do. Sometimes I decide to forgive him. But when I think about it, its so heartbreaking. It is getting really difficult. There is no single day in my life where I am not crying thinking about this. I am not able to decide thR Should i forgive him or leave him. I always felt he doesn't love me much. I do feel unwanted in his life often. Earlier i used to ignore all these. Now thinking everything its hurting so badly.

After few months of our marriage during one one night he was calling his ex name in sleep. He was doing things with me calling her name in sleep. I was so shocking for me. Does this means he still loves her and wants her.

About him hiding about his physical relation from you, that was his past and I think you should accept it and let it go, as long as he is sincere to you now then his past does not matter. Focus on the present. I know you feel bad about him lying to you about it, but who knows what his intentions were? Maybe it was for the better? Maybe he didn't want to hurt your feelings?

About him saying his ex's name in sleep and still harboring feelings for her, that is really a more serious matter and you must address this. I think you should confront him about it.