Shiv was too harsh towards his mother - Page 7

Originally posted by: redapple1

In today's episode, I got a feeling Ira thinks Shiv took the blame on himself to protect Anandi. I don't think she truly believes he already knew about dadisa's act and didn't bother telling her. That is why she is more hurt that her son chose his wife not her. May be once Shiv talks to her and tells her everything, she may come around. She cannot stand to hear bad things about her son, but she hurt someone else's daughter. This part I don't like. As a mother if you can't bear people talking bad things about your kid, then you should be careful when hurting somebody's kid.

It is very tough to balance between two families. It is a big challenge for both woman and a man.

Originally posted by: leavesandwaves

It was mainly Shiv's fault.

Originally posted by: Jan50

Mothers take a lot of abuse first from husbands and at later stage from sons. This is the way of the

world. Shiv should be forgiven for this little lapse. Ira should also learn to let go and stay detached.

It was a little indiscretion on the part of Ira to say those words. For which she has to pay thru her

nose. Now she has seen what her son is. Now on stay away from their affairs.

Shiv is not going to be like Vasant or Bairon. Thaere lot more coming in future.if she has to save

Her dignity and respect stay away from A or Ds or even her son.

Hi All,

I congratulate LeavesAndWaves on another superhit topic! 👏

I'll just add some anecdotes from my experience on this "debate" and end it there.

I have friends whose parents are now goading them to get married. One of my best friends earlier resisted. Now she's agreed only on one condition - that her parents find her a boy whose mother is no more. She has no specifications for the kind of boy she wants or for the in laws. Only she wants that there should be no "saas".

Another one has not specified anything except the condition that the boy be the only child of his parents so that there's no panga of jeth-jethani, devar-devrani or nanad and she also hopes the boy's mother is either sickly silent type woman or is dead.

No kidding.

I've seen a girl marry a not so educated, not so good looking and kind of older guy from a so so family (both in economic status and education level) simply because she was delighted that boy was the only son of his parents and she would not have to think about others. She brags openly that she'll have in laws in "control" since her husband is their only child and they will have no other option but to support him and her.
She even uses words like meri saas mujhse panga lene ki himmat nahi kar sakti.

She rejected better offers for marriage only because of "hassles" of handling inlaws.

I know no female likes in laws. Many females dread marriage only due to fear of in laws - especially MIL & SIL.

So I am not surprised by anti-Ira tirade here and comparing her to Gauri's mom or making fun of her brains or trashing her.

And complete refusal to see how she is right in her own place.

So what if she was lied to and kept in dark by her son, DIL & samdhis?

What's great is that man should support wife no matter what, insult his mom in front of everyone, put her in "place" and instruct her how to behave - even though the mother is not always nasty or nasty on purpose!
Be understanding towards kaand of in-laws for sake of wife but blast away your own mother even if she expresses genuine concern.
And what can be better than FIL, BIL, husband etc. also ganging up against your MIL and making her feel guilty just because she pissed you off by protesting against BS of your family and reminding you of your responsibility and your own reality!

Surely Shiv is ideal man and Daddu, Alok and Mahi are best men to have as in laws.

MIL is not wanted anyway by females. And if she is there she should only smile and keep her mouth shut.

Hubby and others are there to praise you and suck up to your family. Dream scenario!

From experience in real life I am not surprised by tone of responses here.

No more arguments from my side.

@Skepbun: Members posting in this thread don't hate mil's :). I can speak for myself. I don't 😊
Fortunately I have a very supportive and good mil. I can tell you this much, it takes lot of patience to balance between families and to top it off to balance between two generations (kids and elders) coming from two different cultures. It is very important to control anger and not to say something were you can't take back your words. This is what Ira did and I don't support that.
One of my friend's mom told the same thing like your friend, that she would give her daughter to a house were mil is no more. I politely told my friends mom "aunty your son has to wait till you die to get married" this was few years ago.
Being a mom myself I am still learning when to step back and when to take a stand. It is like never ending learning curve. You make mistakes, correct yourself and move on 😃

skelpbun we know Ira is fair in her behaviour but whatever she said she said it in front of an outsider

Redapple, Libs,

Annika, it's quite presumptious of you to think that those who oppose your line of thinking hates MIL's. If you feel from your experience and your circle of acquaintances that MIL's are becoming an endangered species due to several reasons from picky females, the flip side of that same coin especially in Indian society is that MIL's want to choose the ideal bahu and wife for their sons who is docile and then they make her shoulder the responsibility of ensuring that the izzat of the family is intact.

There is no need to call Ira a pendulum. This time she was not just listening to Sanchi but also confirmed truth from UD and Anandi herself. She was also under impression that Shiv knew nothing about this. So she said what she did.

She is angry only at the "lie" issue, which she is perfectly justified to get angry at.

And she would not feel worse if Shiv had not talked to her like this and not visited her again.

It's not like Shiv should not support Anandi. But he should be careful in his choice of words while talking to his mom. If he can tolerate DS' lies/Jagya's drama silently or deal with them tactfully then why not be tolerant towards mom?

The same things which he said to Anandi in his rom while talking about this incident, he could have said those to his mother. That he knew it all but did not anticipate it would hurt them so much.

He is still cooped up inside his room with wife instead of going to his mom and having a heart to heart talk. No wonder mother will feel bad.

Anandi is new in family and needs support - she is getting it amply, even as support is withdrawn from others in house. In making new ones comfortable, family should not forget existing members and take them for granted.

MILs are hated. Hen pecked husbands are dream men. What's wrong in accepting this?

No need to think from mother or sister's POV as of now. That we can do when we get much older.

Influence men in family by pampering their ego to have them by your side always. Others will be taken care of with just one tear from your eyes - as men spring up to trash them.

Anyway till now Anandi was bearing unfair treatment. Now as they say every dog has its day, it's her time now and others put up with unfairness and frustration while she enjoys absolute control over her new home and the one she left behind.
She deserves to enjoy!
Ira will fall to her feet soon as is rule with anyone who objects to actions of Anandi and Singhs.