Very interesting question, Tinoo. I maybe your polar opposite on point. From childhood I had a strong sense of right and wrong. I stood up to the class bullies even when I was not their victim...actually I was more likely to stand up for someone else then for myself. At that age, its not something I reflected upon, but just did instinctively as it felt right.
As I grew up, I got exposed to various philosophies, cultures, and social structures as I traveled, studied, and worked. Eventually, one day as I was campaigning with a local politician...we got into a discussion about law & ethics. It sparked me to realize that we live in a society where we are so into "acceptance" that we are scared to say X, Y, Z is wrong and to judge others. But, law, order, and even societal norms should be and for the most part are for the betterment of people and society as a whole... otherwise we would disintegrate into anarchy. We should change the customs that aren't for betterment, but uphold the ones that are for betterment. And it is in everyone's interests to maintain law, order, and progressive societal norms...its everyone's job not just the duty of politicians, lawyers and police.
Your friend is wrong and is doing wrong. By associating with him despite that wrong you through your silence were condoning his wrong...giving him social/moral license for his wrong. His wrong has detrimental consequences for his children and both wives. He abandoned his children and his wife... so what if they didn't get along. He still had emotional/social obligations especially to those children that he has neglected for years. And now he is consciously defrauding another woman. What happens when he dies? Won't both wives learn the truth? How cheated they both will feel then and how wronged...i.e. the new 'illegal' wife who maybe most in need of financial support after his passing will be the one legally left destitute due to inheritance laws.
We are wrong when we accept wrong or turn a blind eye to it...sometimes as culpable or complicit in the wrong as the wrongdoers. That's why I supported Shiv having everyone attending the wedding arrested not just the boy's father. That's why am glad you spoke up to your friend and Payal to hers. Your friend and Payal's are lucky that I am not their friend... especially yours as I would have told his new "bride" she is not his legal wife!
In India people are fasting against graft/corruption, but some of these people have they themselves often facilitated it by participating in it or by remaining silent about it. If you see a traffic officer taking a bribe - Speak Up. If the only way your friend gets a job is by paying for it then - Complain about it. If your neighbour beats his wife regularly - then Stand Up. If your brother-in-law has a mistress then his wife needs to know! If what they are not doing is wrong then why not do so openly and honestly... in front of all of society? All of these things may not be our personal business but, they are society's business. If we don't stand up for those weaker than what is the point of society? Extrapolating from Hobbesian theory.. society is but, a moral contract we have with others to look out for them and for them to look out for us. When we let others breach that contract without sanction or censure then we surrender the right to complain when others wrong us as well.
Also, from a personal perspective... if your friend is capable of cheating those closest to him...then will he be loyal to you? Think on that if you are missing him. People don't change until they themselves want to change and your friend is perpetuating his wrongs not correcting them. The benefit to yourself is go find a better friend worthy of your time.
As for Daadisa, her moral compass is thora crooked. Remember she herself married Jogia to Gudiya because at the time she felt that was best for her ladesar... though she has developed since then, she still looks out first for her new favorite's (Anandi's) interests. Further she didn't think Ashi was really Shiv's girlfriend despite Ashi's chipkooness. So, her proposal to Shiv was not immoral or unethical. Also, she left the decision to Shiv and he decided. Where she was unethical was in misleading the woman at the temple. That was uncool...she maligned Shiv's character for her own purposes. Imagine that truth comes out in front of Shiv and Anandi someday or infront of Shiv's family? Both Anandi and Daadisa will be soo embarrassed. All actions have consequences we just often don't think about the negative ones when our moral compass is broken...the world would be a better place if we did.
Edited by AnjanaYYZ - 13 years ago
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