Anandi's pain is not because of child marriage - Page 3

may be they stayed too long but the circumstances surrounding their daughter are unusual and unpleasent.

Originally posted by: kabakaba4

i do nto support what they did to anandi.

Well of course Ma should wish happiness for her children.

It's just that Gauri's Ma constantly talks against Anandi. She does not know A properly, but is always negative. Once, I just could not believe my ears when Ma said that A should kill herself. SO much hatred!

But, bade papa told them all the truth and left them in a rage, as "they still did not repent for what they have done to Anandi"

Originally posted by: earth1978

in my own life, i was the msot educated bahu in entire khaandaan. but i wasnt allowed to work. then made to feel low about it! the only and sole appreciation i ever got was for my cooking which my saasu maa mistakenly believes she taught! so infact that too goes to herself only.

i have many other talents which get no recognition.

but i was able to combat all this becuase i was not a child. i was a mature woman with unshakable self confidence and even then i have had days of depression and loss of self worth. cant imagine a scared, outnumbered child going thru this process of systematic demolition.

Originally posted by: di_vya

I would like to know how you coped because I'm going through this right now.

I'm a working woman and I think I'm very strong as a person. But at times, these continuous taunts and criticism start eating into my positivity.

I start wondering if I'm really as worthless as I'm made out to be and that's when all my achievements during my student and professional life come to my rescue. I keep reminding myself that I am good enough - may be not for them but that's not important.

So may be I can't cook, but do I really need to to get my family's approval? If that's the yardstick they have for me, then I refuse to play into their hands. I think I'm a bit of a rebel in that regard.

I don't think men are superior to women. That's how I've been brought up. So whenever my MIL tells me to do something because a DIL is supposed to do it, it just acts as a turn-off. And even if I would have done it willingly, I lose all desire to do that particular task.

I can put some effort and time into doing what they expect me to and get into their good books, but then I'll become someone they want - not someone who I am! I'll lose my personality. I can't let them make me play second fiddle to my husband! So I just concentrate on what I feel I should be doing. I am tolerant and adaptable, I do not answer back when they say anything to me, but I also do not let them crush me.

But, it's easier said than done!

Originally posted by: earth1978

m not sure evn if they had repented what cud have been done. they were wrong to allow gauri to marry jaggi. and true her maa criticising and cursing anandi is wrong but actually quite plausible. basic human nature traits. if they were really that gud people one they wud have never sold gauri in childhood. they wud have never allowed her to marry jaggi. ab ye to bahut durr ki baat rahi hai naa.

what im saying is a maa will worry bt her kids good bad or ugly. cant really criticise her for that.

then i decorate my house as best as i cn in my means. keep it nicely.

I agree that both guy and girls' parents are at fault here. Its the entire society. It is convenient for a guy and his parents to think of women as submissive. I am a woman, and my own mother who could not have a career due to kids and is frustrated because of it, was all about marrying me off. Sometimes I felt her desperation at getting me married with the types of guys she looked at for arranged marriage. She put so much pressure that I gave in, and had a lot of problems initially in my marriage because I was not ready. For my father, my career is just a means to keep myself busy.

Originally posted by: Nach_Baliye

I agree that both guy and girls' parents are at fault here. Its the entire society. It is convenient for a guy and his parents to think of women as submissive. I am a woman, and my own mother who could not have a career due to kids and is frustrated because of it, was all about marrying me off. Sometimes I felt her desperation at getting me married with the types of guys she looked at for arranged marriage. She put so much pressure that I gave in, and had a lot of problems initially in my marriage because I was not ready. For my father, my career is just a means to keep myself busy.

Even though India is progressing, the culture and mentality have not changed much.

I have a good husband though. Initially we had problems especially due to in-laws, we stayed far away but even my career-oriented MIL didn't have the same progressive views for me that she did for herself. We finally made our marriage work, and I made it clear to my husband that I will never ever live with my in-laws. I have one life, only one life, I will not throw it away by being miserable.

Today I have a career after much struggle. I want to remain financially independent even after I have kids. Sometimes I feel submissive due to my upbringing. Even today for my parents the "damaad" is be all and end all for me. I HATE HATE it. My mother sometimes supports my MIL because she fears that her own DIL will not listen to her. I can only imagine the problems between my mother and DIL once my brother gets married, and keep telling my mother to change.

So yes a girl's family is to be blamed. If a girl's parents weren't so scared of their daughter doing "something wrong" and hence they need to get her married, it would be better for the girl. A woman's career will not give her parents even half as much happiness as her marriage will.

Over time my views have become more progressive, helped by living far away from my parents and in-laws. I will never have my kids go through arranged marriage, and I want them to have live-in relationships so they know exactly what they are getting into.

I didnt go through the whole thread but by reading some of the posts I can make out almost everybody is distraught with their MILs.
Any girl who goes into a new family will have adjustment issues either with MIL,husband or relatives.
Usually In Indian arranged marriage people just consider the financial status of the guy...An NRI guy would mean a secure future for their daughter so people marry off their daughters without considering the future aspects.
1st of all one should be clear what do we want from marriage ?
Do we want to remain working...or leave job...all these things should be cleared with Inlaws before marriage.
I have always been rebellious even my parents had hard time controlling me 😛...I was not a wild child but I had my set of ideas and values and I never compromised on them.
I was very clear tht I would continue working after marriage.
I recall now during my groom hunting days and guy and his family had come to see me.Tht guy was from my company only...I had just become permanent after trainning period...he asked me my appraisal rating !!😲
I told him its against company policies U should be knowing it ur from same company 😆
And his sis asked me what are ur household hobbies 😕...As If sweeping and cleaning would be a hobby 😆
I told her truth ...tht I didnt do any household work...I could even make a chapati 😆
needless to say tht proposal didnt go thorugh...I didnt like tht guy anyways 😳

Fortunately I have got an understanding hubby and in laws...My MIL is very nice but we do have some issues because of generation gap...
I just listen to everyone and do as I please...I am never rude to anyone but now everybody in my sasural knows tht I am headstrong girl and will do what I feel is right so nobody bothers me much 😛
Just close ur mind and ears ignore the taunts and dont ans back...be very good in front of ur husbands...guys r pretty dumb they believe what they see.They r tigers when they r with their mothers and become tame cats with wives 😆 so better stay in a nuclear family.
Learn to ignore things...apna khoon kyun jalana kisi aur ki baat par...just live ur life ur way and to hell with others.

mein aapke sath agree nahi hoon muje to dono hi pain hi lagtein hai. bachpan ki shaadi bhi pain hai. aur bade hoke jagya ka anandi ko bhool jaana hoga hi lekin sath mein jagya ne jo dard diya hai woh hum tisra pain kahe shaktein hai.