Why Anupama is so cruel to Anuj and CA but not Shahs?? - Page 2

So, in trying to call out certain points that are deemed unacceptable, if one were to make scathing statements for the said person in calling out names, how are the two different?

🤷🏻‍♀️.

Anyway, purely in the context of the show, Anupama is far from oppressed. They are trying hard, albeit unsuccessfully, to show her that way.

Waise dekha jaaye toh who says Jhumritalaiya doesn't have good colleges🤔?

What is the basis of comparing Harvard with a local college?

My limited point is, we ALL do the same kind of comparisons. Just the degree varies. Some are defined in some "ism", the others, we might nit know.

Originally posted by: Bodhianveshika

So, in trying to call out certain points that are deemed unacceptable, if one were to make scathing statements for the said person in calling out names, how are the two different?

🤷🏻‍♀️.

Anyway, purely in the context of the show, Anupama is far from oppressed. They are trying hard, albeit unsuccessfully, to show her that way.

Waise dekha jaaye toh who says Jhumritalaiya doesn't have good colleges🤔?

What is the basis of comparing Harvard with a local college?

My limited point is, we ALL do the same kind of comparisons. Just the degree varies. Some are defined in some "ism", the others, we might nit know.

Purely from the context of the show, Anupamaa was married off as an undergraduate. Undergraduates are teens at best.She grew up in an abusive, gaslighting sasural. Unlike Anuj who had rich parents who could afford to send him to elite places. Bringing up her education and class and sophistication etc is victim-blaming and classist. No names were called apart from obvious classist and prejudiced statements being called out. As they should.

Anyone can say two people are incompatible. (Like Upmaa and Anuj are or even Shruti and Anuj are) but no, we must reiterate how unlikely it is that hot, educated men like Anuj go for "lower class women" like Upmaa and how she should have built a temple for him just for the mahaanta of loving someone like her. That is not classist at all.

I guess Anuj not being a victim of negetive female literacy rates and not being married off as a teen adds so much to his personal virtue of being god-gift NRI-returm-MBA-billionaire who must only get attracted to Oxbridge graduates with poshest most sophisticated accents straight outta Downtown Abbey.

I guess all Harvard and IIM graduates just turn out to be billionaires without nepotism. They should publish that in their student brochures.

And Anupamaa did not funnel Anuj's -hard-earned' money to some offshore account. She was entitled to his money and anyhow he fully consented and participated in however she chose to spend it. Do husbands take permission from (second) wives before spending money on their kids or grandkids? Do husbands curtail their interaction with their children/grandchildren for (second) wives? Will Shruti get to ask Anuj to not interact with Adhya or be preoccupied with her life once she turns 18 because she is the ex's child? Nah, she'd be called the evil stepmother. Did Anuj compensate Anupamaa (or Shruti) for the domestic labour they did for him? Ask any person to cook even three meals a week and nanny your kids for free and see how that works out. South Asian families like most other families get free labour out of the wives/DILs and turn around to call them golddigger for spending money on their own accord. Women cannot win, lol.

Originally posted by: Blueeeee

See, my dude/dudette,

"Have you seen an Harvard person marry a waitress whose 12th pass?

Or an IIMB degree holder marry a 10th pass lower class woman?

There is possible a person whose very qualified marries 10th pass or 12th pass only but thats only possible if that girl or boy is relative or close family friend and they know from birth each other family and parents fix marriages."

When class, educational qualifications, accent (Surri surri jokes are not funny or savage— sorrrrry to burst the bubble, I am more educated than a fictional IIMBI graduate, so I guess, my opinions are more valid than Anuj according to the logic of people on the internet), sexiness is brought up to delegitimise a fictional character, they are coming from a place of social prejudice (instead of their individual actions). Social prejudice is not cool the last time I checked. And should not be platformed.

The quoted statement doesn't say that a fictional character was not suitable/qualified for a compensated job, the statement states opinions about social relations at large. They are arguing that certain group/class of women (like an exaggerated fictional character) are just not good enough to be loved and married by a certain section of privileged men.

That is both sexist and classist. That is victim-blaming. Especially when women's access to education is so tied to caste, class, and the benevolence of men around them. I hope when Havard graduates and IIMBA's go around evaluating women on whether they are "classy", "sophisticated," and "well-educated", they support reservation and free public education— because many women irl, like Upmaa, are just socially oppressed to not be able to afford Harvard and IIM ka fees/coaching etc etc etc.

Furthermore, those same men should be prefectly fine when women grade their suitability on superficial things like money, hotness, sexiness, poshness and whether their degree is from Harvard or Juhmritalaiya's best college.

Anyhow.

I am a silent reader, but I am totally in agreement with you @ Blueeee

"Have you seen an Harvard person marry a waitress whose 12th pass?

Or an IIMB degree holder marry a 10th pass lower class woman?"

These are highly objectionable comments in a public forum and, again, have nothing to do with the series Anupamaa.

Originally posted by: leafy2022

I am a silent reader, but I am totally in agreement with you @ Blueeee

"Have you seen an Harvard person marry a waitress whose 12th pass?

Or an IIMB degree holder marry a 10th pass lower class woman?"

These are highly objectionable comments in a public forum and, again, have nothing to do with the series Anupamaa.

Istg, woman is... a human? Did not worship the dude... we find the baaaast? Is she eligible to be loved?????

Originally posted by: Bodhianveshika

So, in trying to call out certain points that are deemed unacceptable, if one were to make scathing statements for the said person in calling out names, how are the two different?

🤷🏻‍♀️.

Anyway, purely in the context of the show, Anupama is far from oppressed. They are trying hard, albeit unsuccessfully, to show her that way.

Waise dekha jaaye toh who says Jhumritalaiya doesn't have good colleges🤔?

What is the basis of comparing Harvard with a local college?

My limited point is, we ALL do the same kind of comparisons. Just the degree varies. Some are defined in some "ism", the others, we might nit know.

I never said Jhumritalaiya doesn't have good colleges. If anything, I was making the point that elite institutions like IIM and Harvard require massive amount of class and caste privilege. Doesn't make someone special or more deserving in a marital setting to be from IIM or Harvard.

That's why we need reservations and free public education so everyone can have a chance to go to these elite institutions if that is how we determine whether people should marry each other or not.

Glad we agree.

Originally posted by: Blueeeee

Istg, woman is... a human? Did not worship the dude... we find the baaaast? Is she eligible to be loved?????

You were 100% right when you commented on the problematic comments on education and class.

However, the Anupama hate is NOT because a woman don't love a man. It's because a woman who agreed to get married didn't fulfil the basic responsibilities of marriages, was obsessed with her exes and abandoned an orphan 9 year old kid

Making this a man vs woman issue makes a mockery of genuine gender issue women face in Indian.

Also calling her abusive exes her "mayka", when she actually abandoned her real mom and real mayka who were genuinely in need of money, is hilarious.

I am sorry if anyone felt bad about my description of iimb/haravard ppl marrying lower class woman not much educated like anupama. I did not tell as reference to demean anupama. Its a fact she came from lower class family hence was married off early and was not sent to college

In the city i lived in india metro lower class means ppl who are not much rich and do not have much money like anupama and her parents only, middle class is ppl who are professional and good educated and live in apartment, Rich class in big business man who own many cars and bungalows and many apartments in many cities and who travel abroad etc

Pls read reditt and twitter they are also saying since anupama is not as rich as anuj or educated enough she cannot adjust to him or his family same thoughts

https://www.reddit.com/r/IndianTellyTalk/comments/18ezjkz/the_reason_why_anupama_ignores_anuj/

anupama is from lower middle class and has lived with uneducated uncouth ppl like shahs whole life or her own uneducated mother brother and herself not much educated

I used uneducated uncouth for vanraj shah and baa and hasmukh because they talk very rudely with all guests be it rakhi, anuj, adhik, barkha etc do not maintain decency such ppl are called uncouth and baa, hasmukh are uneducated only and vanraj is a educated illiterate person who does not truly have morals or values so why not call him uncouth and uneducated only

Next i come to topic of iimb/harvard marrying 10th pass or 12th pass etc. have also written below that MBBS/BE/MBA will only marry another MBBS/MBA/BE they will not marry 10th or 12th pass. Only 1% may marry but mostly they will try to marry same level of education and class ppl only in indi. Apart from caste they look at education and class only even in online matrimonilas you can read whats written.

If my saying truth is classist or sexist that all matrimony ads are sexist and classist and ost marraiges are classit and sexist. But thats truth ppl feel comfortable marrying those as educated and as rich as them only.

I agree IVy league can get admission by very rich by donating millions although may not be eligible to do that course. But its same in india too MBBS can be done by ppl who just pass but can pay crores as management fees or donations to colleges. Everywhere education is affordable only by ppl who can pay fees or can pay hostel amount only not only USA.

I think regarding anupama even if you pay crores and get her admitted in a college or course she will not be interested in studies. If she was so interested how come after going to college she has such bad accent of hindi and engish. While anuj and devika went to same college but do not have because they put effort in school and college to read and change any accent.

I have seen ppl who studied in villages in local language come to metro and learn to speak good english by reading books and listening news etc anupama has never put such effort. Even those ppl work in company or go to colleges and work part time to make ends meet but put efforts to learn proper english etc but anupam ajust is not interested in studies at all. Only self interest can make you learn proper english or hindi or any other state local language others cannot teach or force you as you are adult not kid to threaten hit punish and learn

I agree woman are discriminated in india and not all get opportunity. When i went to college to learn out of 60 students only 9 girls in that course as its IT and electronics. Only boys enroll in those courses even today in 2023 there is no 50-50 gender ratio in many courses. Same way you go to biggest It company of india on floor you wll see 65% to 70% staff is male only 30-35% is female although india has 50% women and 50% male ratio. You go to microsoft in USA its male dominated only you will not find many female engineers there too. And mind you IT woman ratio is biggest for any other sector in india except education sector may be 30% women to 70% men. In 1990s or early 2000s i heard there used to be for every 900-950 men and 50 to 80 women even in company like infosys or wipro etc on floor. So that discrimination to not give jobs to women although educated remains everywhere india and USA. Even USA has women in It company only 30-35% only not 50-50.

This is universal bias against females whetther USA or india. So i will not say that anupam remained back because of this issue. Its more her family and parents thinking that woman should be married off early. Otherwise in india in 1990s also women studied in engineering and colleges too.

And money was not constraint i know sweeper lady daughter dd BE in early 2000s as govt would provide grants to meritous students girls, govt pays all their fees for college. Mnay such quotas exist today too if students are interested in studies, money is not a criteria to not get educated now or even 90s. My carpenter son did BE in 90s and govt paid his fees now hes in USA. If anupam awas so interested in studies fees is not an issue for whatever she wanted to study many govt schemes pay fees for poor kids. It all depends on your family and your interest to study.

I can assure you dear that in real life people like Anupama do exist. I have one very close in my family who cares more about others than her own family.

So yeah..we as a family suffer like Anuj and CA. Obviously we do not face grim circumstances like Anupama (accidents, ex sasural as maayka and all)so it's going on okay.

Originally posted by: Blueeeee

Purely from the context of the show, Anupamaa was married off as an undergraduate. Undergraduates are teens at best.She grew up in an abusive, gaslighting sasural. Unlike Anuj who had rich parents who could afford to send him to elite places. Bringing up her education and class and sophistication etc is victim-blaming and classist. No names were called apart from obvious classist and prejudiced statements being called out. As they should.

Fair enough that bringing in her past helplessness is uncalled for.

That said, we ALL give importance to continuous learning and education, right? When Anupama had the chance, what efforts did she put to improve herself? She expected people to adjust to her ways not a joint efforts and in the process, there was absolutely no effort from her side to acknowkedge and connect with her new found family. Her utter lack of commitment to her work has been shown glaringly.

We have ALL seen what happened in the Finance Literacy Course she joined. Or the role of Partner at Kapadia Empire or her role as Project Head.

It's not the repetitive words, accent or not being educated but lack of or absence of efforts and lack of valuing the opportunities of a re-start. Not many, man or woman, get so many chances which she is shown throwing away.

Not just that, she let her mother and brother be insulted infront of her by the same abusive family that she had divorced. This does NOT require education, class or anything.

Anyone can say two people are incompatible. (Like Upmaa and Anuj are or even Shruti and Anuj are) but no, we must reiterate how unlikely it is that hot, educated men like Anuj go for "lower class women" like Upmaa and how she should have built a temple for him just for the mahaanta of loving someone like her. That is not classist at all.

Love can happen anytime to anyone. Again, this, in the context of Anupama, attributes to the lack of efforts in trying to introspect and improve rather than the literal sense of the word.

Why does she need to continue to be shabbily dressed? (Mind you I am not talking about her wearing a saree or the legendary sweater. I am only talking about her need to look needy. How difficult is it to tie your hair well especially in your workplace, a kitchen at that, be hygenic to not use the multipurpose pallu to wipe face, hand? Be presentable and welcoming because it shows that she is learning and putting in efforts for the job that she has.) Why does she need to continue to insist on running the old processes When she has been introduced to new ones?

Is it her need to gain sympathy? What term should we call this as?

Do we not agree that love and understanding would fade away with lack of efforts from both involved?

I guess Anuj not being a victim of negetive female literacy rates and not being married off as a teen adds so much to his personal virtue of being god-gift NRI-returm-MBA-billionaire hlo must only get attracted to Oxbridge graduates with poshest most sophisticated accents straight outta Downtown Abbey.

I guess all Harvard and IIM graduates just turn out to be billionaires without nepotism. They should publish that in their student brochures.

Should that be the case, Anupama herself, Samar, Paritosh and Pakhi are ALL products of nepotism🤷🏻‍♀️. They did not earn their positions, rewards (in cash or kind). They were given Purely by virtue of their associations. So, let's not even go there.

Again, it is not what happened in 26 years that is the problem (everyone but Anupama herself, sympathise with Anupama for what happened to her at Shah House). It is what happened after 26 years that is the problem.

And Anupamaa did not funnel Anuj's -hard-earned' money to some offshore account. She was entitled to his money and anyhow he fully consented and participated in however she chose to spend it. Do husbands take permission from (second) wives before spending money on their kids or grandkids? Do husbands curtail their interaction with their children/grandchildren for (second) wives?

Since when and how did Hansmukh-Leela (the evil ex-saas), Vanraj, Kavya fall into this category?

About "kids". They were Adult, married and parents themselves. The kind of interaction that Anupama had is called interference or over involvement.

Again, no one has issues with her "interaction" with her overgrown "kids". It is about priorities where there were none.

Will Shruti get to ask Anuj to not interact with Adhya or be preoccupied with her life once she turns 18 because she is the ex's child? she'd be called the evil stepmother.

Did Anuj ever stop Anupama from being "pre-occupied" in the married lives of her adult, married "kids"?

And if Anuj or Shruti were to have kids together and Anuj were to be "pre-occupied" in an adult Aadhya's life, ofcourse he should be called out. It wiuld be problem if it wouldn't be called out. Aren't these basic? If Anupama gave Pakhi being the youngest more time than Paritosh, would that be called wrong? Really!

Did Anuj compensate Anupamaa (or Shruti) for the domestic labour they did for him? Ask any person to cook even three meals a week and nanny your kids for free and see how that works out. South Asian families like most other families get free labour out of the wives/DILs and turn around to call them golddigger for spending money on their own accord. Women cannot win, lol.

Isn't it an oxymoron that you should, on one hand talk of dignity of labour and compensation in the same sentence?

So, if the husband were to help his wife with the chores, should the wife be compensating him?

Wasn't Anuj shown to be helping Anupama around for household chores? This after his job, so, technically, he was overworked, how come none sees that? On the contrary, Anupama was seen helping Shahs with the household work more than Kapadias, so, whose fault is it? Furthermore, that house now belongs to Kavya and isn't it only decent for Anupama to respect that distance herself from taking decisions on her behalf at her house? How come this does NOT get called out?

None values your work until you value it yourself.

To run a household, ALL functions have to run well together. I agree, not ALL households are the same, but when was it shown that Anupama was degraded at Kapadia's?

When Company funds, money in general, is generously spent on strangers (abusers at that), which appears to be the only reason for the marriage continuing, if questioned, would break, what is called?

This is a classic case of not reading through history and cherry picking instances suitable to a narrative. In this case a specific agenda of "Financial Independence", "Oppressed Housewives".

Ok, she was married off young into an abusive family where her mother was insulted and both were not allowed to meet, a privilege she did not seem to freely enjoy even after staying at Shahs post divorce. Her mother and brother gladly wanted to take her in which she refused to.

So, the abuse was never acknowledged by her.

Furthermore, when her own son was unfaithful, she asked her DIL to stay in the relationship for her infant child that needed a family.

The problem is not what happened in 26 years but what happened after than what did she do to better her life.

Originally posted by: Blueeeee

I never said Jhumritalaiya doesn't have good colleges. If anything, I was making the point that elite institutions like IIM and Harvard require massive amount of class and caste privilege. Doesn't make someone special or more deserving in a marital setting to be from IIM or Harvard.

That's why we need reservations and free public education so everyone can have a chance to go to these elite institutions if that is how we determine whether people should marry each other or not.

Glad we agree.

Well, agree only partially.

2 points:

1. Equal opportunities and reservations are contradictory and cannot come in the same line.

2. Anything that comes free is never valued.