Why Anupama is so cruel to Anuj and CA but not Shahs?? - Page 4

Originally posted by: Blueeeee

How is she responsible for Anuj's trash behaviour, is she his mother?

It's funny you can see a woman's mental issue but don't understand how if someone you love and are married to runs away without a trace it can affect the mental health of someone. But but he is a man, he can have no emotions or attachment. Please check how people are mentally affected if a loved one just runs away and disappears.

Her rich husband and rich friend could very well afford and compel her to go to therapy, or just reinforce the need to recognise her codependency on her abusers. But no! We will blame the victim of decades of abuse and gaslighting for being attached to the shitty people she literally grew up with. We would ask her to prioritise her mahaan second husband's fragile phleez over her own need to mourn her child's death.

Her husband has been incredibly patient with her ex obsession and has put up with her and her exes for years and even helped them out both financially and with effort. Also you are again pretending this all started with Samar's death when she has been neglecting her husband and child for years before that. No victim can ever be rescued if they don't want to get better, 3 years of love and patience has shown no improvement.

P.S. This is NOT how real life abuse victims believe, they are co dependent on the abusers only till they are under the abusers power. Once rescued and put in a safe environment they NEVER look back, they take their second chances and flourish.

Men just expect women to put up with their shitty families because sanskar, sasural, sanskriti. Every itv show is about the barely legal FL's journey to be a good bahu, and every fandom defends abusive behaviour and expects the FL to stick around for turu lobh and kemistreee. Men are always centred in women's lives.

Again revisionist history. Anuj didn't want his brother and his wife to live with them. Anupama brought them home and made him. He wanted nothing to do with his mother, anupama emotionally blackmailed him and made MD to live with them. Anuj never wanted her to put up with any of his family except his adopted daughter. Anupama's God complex has nothing to do with Anuj. But she did expect Anuj to put up with her grown children and exes who constantly abused him and his daughter and he did with love. Double standards galore here.

This show clicks because it sends the same mixed signals that society sends to women. And fails because the protagonist turns out to be an abusive and manipulative saas to her own bahus.

Some counters in bold.

Originally posted by: Harish111

Which means that poor woman should abandon an orphaned child she adopted who just wanted her love and attention and run away.

And if you call that out, you are just sexist.

That is not at all what I said. The classist rhetoric on this thread has been doubled-down on and reinforced. Parents do get divorced and break up. You cannot expect someone to stay in a relationship just for the sake of a child. Like Shruti cannot be expected to be with Anuj just because she's mother-figure to Adhya. But please continue the false-equivalency to justify the utter classism on this thread. You have responded more to me than to posts that actually made the comnents on class and education.

Anupamaa could have negotiated the custody but a) She is not a good mother and wasn't mentally healthy enough to parent a child b) she wasn't rich enough to meet all of Adhya's expenses and taking child support and alimony would have made her a golddigger according to the fandom at large. Adhya is with the parent who could give her a better life.

The dude who had the money and means to deal with her psychological issues failed the child more than Anupamaa.

'Buuuuuh whaaa abouuuu Upmaaa" doesn't help when Upmaa hasn't been around for half-a-decade.

Originally posted by: Harish111

Some counters in bold.

Good lord. Loooooooooool

Anuj was obsessed with a married woman for twenty-six years. No one thought "dude, this is a slight bit creepy, go to a therapist" is absolutely on him and his well-wishees.

From what I have gained from this forum is, Upmaa did not pat him to sleep and wake him up everyday. She went to meet her children and grandchildren instead of hand-feeding a middle-aged man who clearly felt neglected by his wife because she was helping around her young adult/teen children a lot. Because who doesn't feel jealous of children.

She didn't even find him new cringe shayari everyday to show that she looooooouus only him.

She didn't even get obsessed with her foster child enough to stop her biological mother from taking her because who doesn't risk a kidnapping case for beti ka pyaar.

She didn't even understand him when he couldn't stand her trying to find happiness in sad situation, blamed her for having a family when he was obsessed with her for two decades, then abandoned her to play house with the woman who was sexually attracted to him and then was about to divorce her to take care of the same (for beti ka pyaar of course!)

Why her children were 'not actually his children'? Why was Adhya to be more loved or prioritised over Pakhi/Toshu/Samar who took a bullet for him no less.

I mean if Anuj had grown biological children, Anupamaa would have asked him to not be involved in their lives as to not emotionally neglect her— a woman in her mid-40s. Same way Shruti can ask Adhya to eff off as she goes to college so that Shruti doesn't feel neglected as a wife.

Bechara Anooooooooooooooj, uncooth biwi ka shataya hua shoshit billionaire-NRI-return-MBA who could never afford therapy for his obsessive tendencies

Originally posted by: Arshi67

Given that there are women who identify with Anupama, I feel it's all the more important that her shortcomings are highlighted and clear, positive paths are etched for her. To show women like her that there is a possibility of a better, more fulfilling, life beyond the one they find themselves bogged down in. Demonstrating ways and options that could be adopted will be a far stronger message to send out than the random homilies they have the characters spouting out of the blue.

Exactly.

A show that has such a reach and having the impact ought to show a mirror of the society and what CAN be done to bring about a change.

It is NOT what happened in the past but what efforts she put in, to better herself. Could this NOT be termed stubbornness?

Her double standards regarding middle-class way of life or looking down upon the upper class (example of her conversation with Barkha about branded fashion or her own proposed fashion line or when Anuj gifted the expensive silverware to Choti). When she subtly asked Barkha stay away from "her kitchen" since kitchen is her saheli and she is used to making desi, paushtik khana vis-a-vis "foreign" cuisine? How is this not called out?

Yes, she did not have access to education, a different group of interaction etc. during the 26 years of life, but when she did get access to ALL of them, what did she do about it? Was she not guided to do the right thing.

There was no effort from her side whatsoever for anything in life other than getting a divorce from Vanraj.

Besides, the frequency with which terms such as class or education are used on this topic is perhaps higher than collectively on other topics . This despite a clarification. Says much about changing goalposts.

If it wasn't her fault to be married off young into a toxic family, it wasn't Anuj's fault as well that he was adopted by a well-to-do family. Infact, that has not been the bone of contention here at ALL.

Anyway, the bottomline is, we ALL agree that visual media needs to be:

a. More sensitive to social issues in handling them

b. Responsible to show the right thing, shown right.

Dropping these here

Bhai itna sab ke baad bata do Upmaa kya kare ab? She has left the most shoshit hooooooman alone good lord. Uske obsession ko satisfy karne ke liye usse dobara shaadi kar le ya beti ke pops ke love life ke obsession ke liye marr jaye. Ya abhi Princeton ke liye GRE ka prep kare to retroactively avail all the access she was given as a middle-aged woooman by her sophisticated, ba'adab ex in-laws?

This is a woman who hit her bahu, was glorified, and all the rhetoric about this show is how she was allegedly a bad wife to a man who was much more privileged and powerful than her. Lmao.

Anupama kaha kuch karti hain. Woh toh bas victim hain, unmeedon ki, halaaton ki, samaaj ki, apnon ki. Maze ki baat toh yeh hain ki sab kuch usi ke saath hota hain.

Anupama kaha kuch karti hain. Ya toh apne aap ya haalat majboor karte aaye hain:

1. Online classes, Dance Academy Samar-Nandini ne banadiya, Hansmukh ne zabardasti kaarkhaana dediya.

2. Kavya ko Shah Bahu bankar rehne ka saleeka sikhana tha.

3. Anuj ne zabardasti partnership dedi, ghar zabardasti uske naam kar diya.

4. Hansmukh-Leela, Vanraj, Kavya, Kinjal, Paritosh, Pakhi sabne zabardasti bulaya, kheenchkar lekar gaye.

5. Vanraj ne galati se Anuj ko dhakka dediya, bechari ko apne pati ki sewa karni padi.

6. Ghar me rehna kya Kam tha ki Choti ke school ka function bhi attend karna pada. Dear jo gayi, par jaldi me gadi me jana toh pada.

7. Maaya zabardasti unke ghar aa dhamki aur dera jamaya.

8. Maaya apne aap truck saamne aagayi. Uski bachchi ki dekhbaal karneka wada karna pada.

9. Malati Devi ne zabardasti "Uttaradhikari" banadiya.

10. Anuj ko convince karna pada "Maa" manne ke liye. Ek Jethani kam thi ki Saas jhelni padi.

11. Itne log kya kam the ki Choti Anu ke saath time bhi spend karna pada. Dadi ke dekhbaal, pyaar ne kahi Maa ko andekha karde toh?

12. Anuj ne Samar ki jaan leli phir bhi uss insaan ke saath jeena pada.

13. Kavya-Vanraj ka secret rakhna pada. Vanraj ko convince karna pada 2 baby shower aur Kavya ke bachche ko apnane ke liye.

14. Barkha ko convince karna pada Romil ko apnana ke liye.

15. Hansmukh-Leela ki, pregnant Kavya, Dinpy ki dekhbaal karni padi.

16. Kavya ke liye Ghar ka intezaam karwana pada.

17. Bade hue toh kya, sahi kaha toh kya, Malati Devi aur Barkha ko apni aukaad dikhani thi.

18. Apne pseudo Maayke se chootne ke baad sasural kya cheez hain. Chodna pada, koi sawaal kaise poochsakta hain?

19. Devika ne zabardasti Amreeka bhejh diya.

20. Bachchon ne zabardasti late karwa diya.

21. Beeji ne zabardasti phir se naukri dedi.

22. Kinjal ne zabardasti, kheenchkar ghar par bula liya.

Originally posted by: Blueeeee

Dropping these here

He did not get samar killed because of his wannabe hero attitude, he just wanted to protect a girl's honor just like every man in India should be doing. He did not drag samar in front of him when the bullet was charged towards him, samae HIMSELF came in the middle.

Adopting CA was theirs choice not his alone.

It's not just about missing a dance competition, it's about living your adopted daughter in the middle of the road ALONE, allowing your MAYKA to mistreat her, make her feel that she's not a part of them, etc.

When anuj and anupama lost their ADOPTED daughter and had no chances of meeting or seeing her in future she went and celebrated holi with the shah's after calling him paagal just because he was mourning and wanted to he left alone.

When ache pita and her lost samar she let him grab her husband's collar, drag him out of the house, mishandle them and then she goes on to say "boliye ne mishter shah is beck"

He humiliates her all the time, proposes her, tires to separate her with her husband still she doesn't do anything about it and acts perfectly normal in front of him, it's natural that the present will feel that she indeed had feelings for the ex.

She took abuse from them and still continues to take it. Anuj didn't abuse her, just asked simple questions in a sensitive situation though some of them were harsh

Originally posted by: Blueeeee

Her shortcomings are not her class or accent or clothes or body image. Those are her social positioning. Attacking a fictional character for those reflects social prejudice. Men are called emasculated and simps for being attracted to her. How is that not misogyny? What is so offensive and emasculating in YD developing a crush on her (if we ignore the boss-employee dynamic as we ignore Anuj's three-decades-long obsession as love)? How is she responsible for Anuj's trash behaviour, is she his mother?

Her rich husband and rich friend could very well afford and compel her to go to therapy, or just reinforce the need to recognise her codependency on her abusers. But no! We will blame the victim of decades of abuse and gaslighting for being attached to the shitty people she literally grew up with. We would ask her to prioritise her mahaan second husband's fragile phleez over her own need to mourn her child's death.

Men just expect women to put up with their shitty families because sanskar, sasural, sanskriti. Every itv show is about the barely legal FL's journey to be a good bahu, and every fandom defends abusive behaviour and expects the FL to stick around for turu lobh and kemistreee. Men are always centred in women's lives.

This show clicks because it sends the same mixed signals that society sends to women. And fails because the protagonist turns out to be an abusive and manipulative saas to her own bahus.

I agree with what you’ve said about ITV shows in general. The reason we look at this show differently is because it’s promoted as being about women empowerment. Should we not, therefore, use a different yardstick to measure its impact?

I’m with you in that she is not responsible for the feelings of either Anuj or YD. Anuj was in love with the idea of her for 26 years. He never knew her to be in love with her in a true sense. Today she said he showered her with so much love that she was ‘Majboor’ to love him back. Did it make her feel claustrophobic or smothered? Was that why she walked away so easily? In the case of YD, she seems to bring out his protective instincts and in some way he identifies in her what he went through in his past. Clearly she can’t be blamed for that. And no one is saying so.

But, isn’t the point of an udaan an uplifting of yourself in all aspects. I feel she often makes a virtue of inverse snobbery. You mentioned accent, but the ridiculing is because of her actively clinging on to certain pronunciations despite hearing them spoken differently by each and every person around her. It’s nothing to do with not being able to speak a language fluently.

It’s always interesting to read different views and perspectives. We may not agree on everything but that shouldn’t hinder our cordiality :)

Originally posted by: Arshi67

I agree with what you’ve said about ITV shows in general. The reason we look at this show differently is because it’s promoted as being about women empowerment. Should we not, therefore, use a different yardstick to measure its impact?

I’m with you in that she is not responsible for the feelings of either Anuj or YD. Anuj was in love with the idea of her for 26 years. He never knew her to be in love with her in a true sense. Today she said he showered her with so much love that she was ‘Majboor’ to love him back. Did it make her feel claustrophobic or smothered? Was that why she walked away so easily? In the case of YD, she seems to bring out his protective instincts and in some way he identifies in her what he went through in his past. Clearly she can’t be blamed for that. And no one is saying so.

But, isn’t the point of an udaan an uplifting of yourself in all aspects. I feel she often makes a virtue of inverse snobbery. You mentioned accent, but the ridiculing is because of her actively clinging on to certain pronunciations despite hearing them spoken differently by each and every person around her. It’s nothing to do with not being able to speak a language fluently.

It’s always interesting to read different views and perspectives. We may not agree on everything but that shouldn’t hinder our cordiality :)

Are we really going on into language prescriptivism and mocking people for not being able to change their accent in their 40s? Lol, so by that logic, every human being who isn't speaking English with a generalised NY-Boston accent is a case of failed udaan and inverse snobbery— whatever that means— because that is the register of English most reinforced in American-hegemonic pop culture.

Then, by the same logic, any NRI or world leader who speaks with a thick accent despite being exposed to the language being spoken differently is fair meat for mocking. Even the discourse about her lack of education is somehow about how that makes her not good enough for NRI-return-Harvard MBA Anuj. As if women's access to education is about being eligible for privileged men. I cannot believe such elitism is being rationalised no less.

Anupamaa is the shittiest FL I have seen. She has a lot of internalised misogyny and saviour complex. The way this show dealt with sexual assault, sex work, domestic violence and even something as simple as widow remarriage is pukeworthy. The chauvinism about sanskars and culture is also pukeworthy but they are pushed because they sell. She literally perpetrated acts of domestic violence on Dimpy. Yet, I am supposed to centre how she made a rich dude in his 40s feel by being invested in her children and grandchildren while assessing her character? Nah.

And more than that, I dunno how deeply degrading and misogynist terms like "Emasculated simps", "unpaid maid," "puppy", "golddigger" and "joru ka ghulam" get thrown around and defended to criticise a regressive character? Seems a very self-contradictory exercise.

MaAn adds nothing to this show apart from a cursory nod to love and remarriage being possible in your middle-age. This show's premise fails because Upmaa never got over her internalised misogyny and can never fathom someone filing a DV case. MaAn or her accent have jack-all to do with it.

This show would have just been as popular if she never got remarried. This leap is actually the healthiest she has been on this show, lol, barring the cancer track where she genuinely wanted to live on her own and had made new friends outside of her kids and extended family. I still don't understand why they didn't go on with Apoorva's track when their love story would not only have been realistic but actually quite progressive if they had to absolutely have a love story.