Is not wanting to work also a woman's choice? - Page 5

Kaun sa hu kum chal rahi hai Anupama anuj pe

Originally posted by: prerna4rishav

Call me names, but I dont support women not working. We like it or not, the world runs on money. And who makes it matters. That shifts the power balance. It is not a priviledge that woman was given this ‘choice’. It’s brainwashing and manipulative oppression to make woman think it’s a choice. It’s a loop. Men gets to treat women in whatever way they want because where would the woman go anyways ? Also, as a mother I think it’s our duty to ensure even if no one else is supporting me, at worst possible scenario also, I can, AT ANY INSTANCE, support feeding my child and providing shelter to my child.

Women fought for their rights to work for 100s of years. I am going to continue supporting that.

This is why Pakhi pissed me off at another level. 😳

I agree with you that the world runs on money and yes women should work. But then again not everyone cares about that because I know a lot of girls when I was in college who were not very much inclined towards earning, in fact my own mother was like she can't work because it was difficult for her to manage both housework, the children and office so she gave up in the end and only sticked to being a housewife as office was taking a heavy toll on her health. Men don't even help with the chores and I know this because I had a colleague who would do all the housework after she got back from office while her husband would just sit and watch TV to relax as if he is the only one with office and work stress and mind you most of them are so entitled and feel that it is the wife's job only to do housework irrespective of whether she is working or not hence dont bother to contribute, which makes me believe that this is one of the reason why most women especially in India prefer not to work. Other than that another reason is that as per one study was that men don't want working women as their wives but rather only homemakers making it difficult for working career oriented women to get married. Let's say even after they do get married they very often end up bending down for their Husband's sake when it comes to his promotion or transfer without a care for the wife's own career or achievement.

As Pakhi’s parent, Anupama is not wrong in wanting her child to have the ability to stand on her own feet. Whether she then needs to and/or wants to exercise that ability is up to her. But, at least she will have that choice.

Parents will always want their child to have the tools to face what life may throw at them. Pakhi, of course, doesn’t see it that way because she’s been spoilt rotten as we all know. Ask and ye shall get is the life she’s known.

Marriage is a partnership and each party has to contribute if you want to make it work. A homemaker is contributing to that marriage just as the one who is contributing financially. Both just require a different set of skills. In this case, Pakhi has nothing to offer. She wants all the trappings of a lady of leisure and pleasure without having an iota of sense about how to run that life. Managing staff and maintaining high standards in the house need a lot of effort putting in. She can’t expect Adhik to be the Vanraj figure in her life.

An fyi for Pakhi - That Hermes bag comes with a lot of baggage that she is clearly clueless about!

I have already explained this before but I'll repeat it again,

Imagine a scenario where you were living with both your parents as a child and had siblings but then you notice that your parents are being partial or tend to cut your siblings a hell lot of slack irrespective of what they do while you always end up bearing the harshest possible consequences for any mistake you make since forever and this is exactly what has been happening to Pakhi. She is pampered by her father because he wanted her but for Anupamaa apparently she was the 'unwanted' child as per one users post so she never received the same kind of love or support her brothers the wanted children got apparently. When Paritosh was caught talking to Kinjal, Anupamaa was so happy and was dreaming of her future bahu, she was supportive towards Samar and Nandini too whenever they would interact, even when Vanraj opposed them, she supported them, the same for kintosh but when it came to Pakhi who was just talking to a guy near the moholla she was treated like a criminal and was told off for it.

Anupamaa gets hyper over Pakhi and her studies, but why was she never the same with Samar or Kinjal when she had just got married? Just because Samar has a passion for dance which by the way is not a very reliable career path with slim chances of making it big in life she thought it was okay for him to be disinterested in studies but for Pakhi it is a big sin? Why? Just because she is a girl?

Kintosh marriage reaction vs Padhik marriage reaction and then the whole ouster decision which in my opinion was unnecessary due to reasons I have already explained earlier in another post or thread.

Paritosh and Barkha still being allowed to stay in the house.

Point is when your parents treat your siblings way better than you in a discriminate and explicit manner it is only normal to resent them, parental love and responsibilities can't be limited to just making pizza, burgers, and giving Bhaashans every other day. If your child is not listening to you or is rebelling against you for some reason then as a parent you need to figure out why and address the same as soon as you can, you don't punish them right away as that wont really help much other than make your children hate you or treat you as an enemy. I had given the reference of how the same was handled in WKD.

If Pakhi started doing all the household chores and started being serious about her decision to become an actual housewife will you still say the same?

Originally posted by: Rein123

I have already explained this before but I'll repeat it again,

Imagine a scenario where you were living with both your parents as a child and had siblings but then you notice that your parents are being partial or tend to cut your siblings a hell lot of slack irrespective of what they do while you always end up bearing the harshest possible consequences for any mistake you make since forever and this is exactly what has been happening to Pakhi. She is pampered by her father because he wanted her but for Anupamaa apparently she was the 'unwanted' child as per one users post so she never received the same kind of love or support her brothers the wanted children got apparently. When Paritosh was caught talking to Kinjal, Anupamaa was so happy and was dreaming of her future bahu, she was supportive towards Samar and Nandini too whenever they would interact, even when Vanraj opposed them, she supported them, the same for kintosh but when it came to Pakhi who was just talking to a guy near the moholla she was treated like a criminal and was told off for it.

Anupamaa gets hyper over Pakhi and her studies, but why was she never the same with Samar or Kinjal when she had just got married? Just because Samar has a passion for dance which by the way is not a very reliable career path with slim chances of making it big in life she thought it was okay for him to be disinterested in studies but for Pakhi it is a big sin? Why? Just because she is a girl?

Kintosh marriage reaction vs Padhik marriage reaction and then the whole ouster decision which in my opinion was unnecessary due to reasons I have already explained earlier in another post or thread.

Paritosh and Barkha still being allowed to stay in the house.

Point is when your parents treat your siblings way better than you in a discriminate and explicit manner it is only normal to resent them, parental love and responsibilities can't be limited to just making pizza, burgers, and giving Bhaashans every other day. If your child is not listening to you or is rebelling against you for some reason then as a parent you need to figure out why and address the same as soon as you can, you don't punish them right away as that wont really help much other than make your children hate you or treat you as an enemy. I had given the reference of how the same was handled in WKD.

**long post alert**

Well, there are too many topics mixed in this.

a. Differential treatment of Paritosh-Kinjal and Pakhi-Adhik marriage.

b. Pakhi being the pampered brat.

c. Parenting issues in Shah house. Drawing examples from Wagle ki Duniya.

d. How is Barkha at Kapadia's when Pakhi was asked to leave?

Parenting issues in Shah House:

1. There cannot be a one size fits ALL template to parenting.

Whatever methods were successfully employed on one needn't work on anyone else. Anupama asking them both to live on their own was with the intention to face the real world.

2. Consider a topper who for whatever reason fails for the first time in his life. They are not able to accept their failure. This is what is happening to Pakhi.

If it did not happen while she was young, she has to learn the hard way. One can only guide someone who is receptive, here Pakhi is in a bubble of her own. She will realise when the bubble breaks.

If you don't learn to bend, life teaches you to.

3. Is Sakhi married in Wagle Ki Duniya? If marriage is not in the equation, i am afraid, it would still be a false equivalence.

Wagle ki duniya is a nice show and depicts Indian middleclass. Pakhi does not fit in to that context.

While at it, we ALL know the problem statement, however, what could be the solution? Would be curious to get some interesting, effective ways to correct Pakhi.

There is an old song (although it is a very positive and good context).

How do you solve a problem like Maria,

How do you catch a cloud and pin it down,

How do you find a word that means Maria😊.

Pakhi being the pampered brat.

1. How she was treated in Shah House was to Pakhi the daughter. She married Adhik. They are partners.

I am sure she understands that difference very well. There is a role change. She is old enough to understand that.

Well she is smart enough to emotionally manipulate and instigate Vanraj against Anupama and Anuj, she is smart enough to purposely move to a rental place opposite the Shahs, so, she knows exactly what she is doing. Tough situation demand tough actions. And she is beyond repair.

2. She also knows what she has got into. She had planned it out in her head. Her reactions are not because of how she was treated at Shah House. Her reactions are a result of her plans failing. More than that it is the social validation that she seeks. This is true for many her age.

Differential treatment of Paritosh-Kinjal and Pakhi-Adhik marriage.

1. We ALL agree about there being no real justifiable reason for the differential treatment to the 2 weddings. We have called that out as well.

2. That being a reason for her behaviour, makes no sense to me. Again, when she was corrected for her behaviour, the reasons given by Anupama were not correct either. I have pointed it out on many occasions. Her behaviour was not Right. Period. Not because Barkha is a Saas figure not because she is in her sasural.

Anyway, like I said she would NOT have adhered anyway.

How is Barkha at Kapadia's when Pakhi was asked to leave?

1. So instigation, intentions are as big a crime as actual actions, right? Again, false equivalence.

Anyway, they would have left but for the Dimple track. Now they want Ankush-Barkha to stay to take care of Choti Anu while Anupama takes on the goons, right?

2. They committed a crime, they were rightfully humiliated and made to apologise to, hold your breath, Shahs🤦🏻‍♀️.

I am wondering what punishment have other "instigators" got including Anupama. Come to think of it, we can consider Kinjal's resentment of Rakhi a result of instigation from Anupama?

3. That means intention to harm is as big a crime as actually committing it. Why is Vanraj still at large? Oh wait, he is Anuj's bestie now🤔.

Originally posted by: Rein123

I agree with you that the world runs on money and yes women should work. But then again not everyone cares about that because I know a lot of girls when I was in college who were not very much inclined towards earning, in fact my own mother was like she can't work because it was difficult for her to manage both housework, the children and office so she gave up in the end and only sticked to being a housewife as office was taking a heavy toll on her health. Men don't even help with the chores and I know this because I had a colleague who would do all the housework after she got back from office while her husband would just sit and watch TV to relax as if he is the only one with office and work stress and mind you most of them are so entitled and feel that it is the wife's job only to do housework irrespective of whether she is working or not hence dont bother to contribute, which makes me believe that this is one of the reason why most women especially in India prefer not to work. Other than that another reason is that as per one study was that men don't want working women as their wives but rather only homemakers making it difficult for working career oriented women to get married. Let's say even after they do get married they very often end up bending down for their Husband's sake when it comes to his promotion or transfer without a care for the wife's own career or achievement.

Agree with both points. Let me add one more responsibility pounced upon woman post marriage - kids. And precisely these are the reasons women should think more about being independent. Who decided household chores and kids are only woman’s job? I have seen families with this misogynist notion where one day the working wife simply decides not to put one sided extra effort and let the household chores remain pending. It was not only her responsibility. Once she put her foot down, everyone pitched in to complete the required chores, take care of the baby and recruit househelps if needed. And why all those followed ? Because she decided it was enough !! Why men never thought of ‘bachhe ka kya hoga’ or ‘ghar kaise chalega’ ? And if they didn’t, women shouldn’t do that too. Solutions would follow if we address the core problem. But if we don’t recognize the problem, nothing will change !!

I say every woman should set priorities in their lives. I myself have rejected 3 proposals where they were expecting me to leave my job post marriage. Then I got a husband to marry who takes care of cooking where I do the rest of stuff and kid is shared responsibility. The day all women decide not to leave jobs to get married, those MCP boys won’t have an audacity to expect women to do so post marriage.

I strongly condemn today’s generation girls who dont have a career. And I dont blame them as I said before. It’s result of generations of manipulation. Men don’t want women to work, and for anything important they taunt women saying they haven’t seen the world, what would they know !! Imagine how insulting that’d be. I hope those girls in your class would not have to hear this, but ask anyone who’s at their 50’s or 60’s now and did not hear this at least once in their lifetime !!

Originally posted by: prerna4rishav

Agree with both points. Let me add one more responsibility pounced upon woman post marriage - kids. And precisely these are the reasons women should think more about being independent. Who decided household chores and kids are only woman’s job? I have seen families with this misogynist notion where one day the working wife simply decides not to put one sided extra effort and let the household chores remain pending. It was not only her responsibility. Once she put her foot down, everyone pitched in to complete the required chores, take care of the baby and recruit househelps if needed. And why all those followed ? Because she decided it was enough !! Why men never thought of ‘bachhe ka kya hoga’ or ‘ghar kaise chalega’ ? And if they didn’t, women shouldn’t do that too. Solutions would follow if we address the core problem. But if we don’t recognize the problem, nothing will change !!

I say every woman should set priorities in their lives. I myself have rejected 3 proposals where they were expecting me to leave my job post marriage. Then I got a husband to marry who takes care of cooking where I do the rest of stuff and kid is shared responsibility. The day all women decide not to leave jobs to get married, those MCP boys won’t have an audacity to expect women to do so post marriage.

I strongly condemn today’s generation girls who dont have a career. And I dont blame them as I said before. It’s result of generations of manipulation. Men don’t want women to work, and for anything important they taunt women saying they haven’t seen the world, what would they know !! Imagine how insulting that’d be. I hope those girls in your class would not have to hear this, but ask anyone who’s at their 50’s or 60’s now and did not hear this at least once in their lifetime !!

Long post alert

I'm not going to talk wrt show or Pakhi here coz I don't think its worth commenting about ...The writing of her character has been pathetic and just to drag on the drama and grab TRPs 🥱

I agree with you on women in their 50s and 60s subjected to this taunt . My mother and MIL still are sometimes ...It was one of the reasons why my mother was so keen I have a good career and I'm grateful to her for that .

But coming to the scenario now , I think men in general are more respectful of women's choices and acknowledging openly the role played by them as homemakers , caregivers etc . In my family , my cousin sister almost 20 years ago , despite having an arch degree and work experience of 2-3 years , herself decided she didnt want to continue working and be a homemeker (by her own admission it really wasnt career of her choice and flexibility to switch careers did not exist much then) . She declared this upfront when the guy came to meet her for marriage , and he himself being in a high profile stressful job that would assure them financial security was totally fine with it .

Similar is case with a cousin Bhabhi . She is an MBA with work ex , but willingly gave it up when they had to move abroad during initial years and then later to take care of their daughter . Here also she said she would often feel stressed due to high pressures of her job , she is domestic by nature and loves housekeeping , cooking etc . Now that her daughter is grown up , she has started to pursue a career in freelance writing , something that offers her flexibility and is also of her interest .

In both the cases , the choices were theirs and notably both enjoy and derive satisfaction from their role as a homemaker . Also the importance of their contribution is openly expressed by their partners ,I'm not sure if they are subjected to taunts the kinds our mothers faced or Anupamaa faces in the show . In such cases are their choices wrong ?

Now coming to the scenario that husband turns out be a Vanraj or may be due to some unfortunate circumstances the women can no longer depend on earning member (like demise , or job loss etc ) . In such cases it definately helps if the women have a basic degree and some skills (which is what I feel Anupamaa at this point stresses for Pakhi ) to make them employable should the need arise .

There can be another debate why this option isnt available to men and that I agree is a more complex issue esp in India . But I wont comment on it now , as its not really the topic of discussion .

My 2 cents :)

Absolutely. I cannot really comment on current rural Indian scenarios but in urban India, things are changing. Infact the change has been consistent.

Our boys are raised right. Also, when boys move out for education and/or work, they are forced to fend for themselves and life makes them learn things and appreciate their mother's struggles.

At home, the boys may insist on not eating food made in the morning for dinner or despise certain household chores but when they move out and have to cook, clean and care for themselves and the house, they will eat the same food week long as well and learn to operate every appliance around the house or manually work.

There have also been instances (although low) where the women has had a good pay and the men have taken it on themselves.

I am not saying it is massive but we will get there.

As for women's choice of being a homemaker, there could be many. Including the fact that there may be aged parents, parents-in-law needing care, kids and the sheer fact that there may be financial constraints in not being able to afford a creche or nurse or househelp.

I am glad there are so many points and we are discussing it and exchanging viewpoints.

Author of the topic: Thank you for bringing it up.

Originally posted by: Shri_12

I get your frustrations with Anupama made directly the CEO. However I request you again not to bring real people in arguments and put real people down for the sake of arguments. Do you know who the wife (now ex) of Bill Gates is? Her name is Melinda and she is a computer scientist. She worked on a very high post on Microsoft even before she met Bill. In fact they both fell in love in office. She continued working after marriage too. Sudha Murthy is the chairperson of Infosys, she too goes to office. Do you think she Padma Shri for Ghar baith ke holding shares? Stop diminishing achievements of women who made it big in the men dominated industry

Apology if my post felt so....... i guess my wording confused what i wanted to convey actually that in last 30 years people are keeping family out of business or company its become professional

All i meant was even Infosys founders wives are BE and very highly qualified but never got any official job at infosys like Mrs Sudha Murthy was a lecturer in college etc even after infosys became so big she had her own career apart from being infosys foundation chairperson

Same for azim premjis sons wife etc they are not holding high positions at wipro they are also highly qualified and could have got any post if they desired

All these woman could get highest post in hubby company but did not take any post but had their own independent careers which is what i wanted anupama to desire on own, than lord over anuj and malvikas company as CEO