What is humanity ???

Not related to Anupama.

Hellooo friends,

Whenever I see a child working in a dhaba, in some store, or as a delivery boy, I feel terribly bad. But at the same time, a question comes in my mind. “kaam na kare toh kya kare”.bheekh maange. Which is the better option?? What are the alternatives for them and their families? The impoverished families have no alternative but to put their children to work instead of teaching them due to poor living conditions, low levels of income, and a lack of jobs.

I would like to share my experiences with you and want to know if you were in my place, what would you have done?? To what extent, we should help people or kids. Are we really helping or ruining their habits and making them lazy? Are we really helping or promoting begging?

IMO, No moral value is greater than humanity and kindness is the best form of humanity. I always keep this thing in my mind and try to help others in some way or other.

I live a 3rd floor, no lift, so whenever I order something from a nearby store, I make sure that I order all the items at once, so they don’t have to climb so many stairs again and again. Although it's their duty to deliver items every time they are also human beings so we should understand others' pain too?? In summer, I normally ask for cold water, most of the time, give thanda or something to eat also.

Coming to incidents:

1 . Once I was at a shop, I saw a boy of 10-11years having 5 Rs note in his hand asking shopkeeper to give a patty.. price of patty was 15. Two girls older than him were behind him. The shopkeeper said,”bring 15 rs.”

Boy: bhaia aur paise nahi hai.

Shopkeeper:itne mei nahi aata…………..

I felt pity for him and asked the shopkeeper to give patty to him.

I asked other girls:” tumhe chahaiye”

Girls: haan

I asked the shopkeeper to give two more.

All three got the patties.

Somewhere deep down, I felt contended that I had fulfilled the small desire of that child.

But instead of smiling or show expression of thanks, he said” ghar mei aur bhi hai”.

I did not understand how to react. But I neither said anything nor bought more patties for them.

IDK, why do I behave so weird sometimes, I could have bought more patties. Jada sa jaada 100 Rs lag jaate. I don’t have an answer for this behavior.

2. A 11-12 boy used to come to deliver grocery items from a nearby store. One chilly evening; I noticed that he was in slippers.I felt very bad for him and at the same moment, I searched for shoes in my house and gave him, a pair of socks too. The next day, I bought 2 extra pairs of socks and gave them to him.

After 2days, meri choti behan aayi hai, uske liye shoes and kapde.

I said,” I will see, at that time I was bzy.

After 2-3days, I gave him a pair of bellies and a few dresses. Actually, I had dresses and shoes which I had to donate.

From that day onwards, whenever he felt, he kept his finger on my doorbell and asked for something or the other.

One day, I had to scold him, no option was left, one can’t land up at my place every time like this, bcoz we also have our own lives…. After all, our resources are also limited.

3. Whenever we are eating out at some open place or stalls, there are so many kids around us, begging or looking at us. How can you help everybody or eat in front of them?

There are so many other examples also. I have seen many times, that whenever you help other, they start taking undue advantage of you.

My question is this really help?? And agar unke paas khane ke liye hi nahi hai toh Is begging or working .. which option is better??

Hi....interesting topic...

By the way ur 1 point happened with me too...i was purchasing some snack...2 kids selling balloon came to me and asked for money....i said no money but can give u samosa to eat...they ...said ok...i gave them then they said two more for other 2 members who were selling the balloon with them ..i smiled and then purchased for all...

For me its ok...when u actually give or help from heart....but i avoid those who come and ask and think that we have to oblige them at any cost...

For some such help means a lot as they may not afford them...

Option of begging vs working ...it depends on person to person..eg. one man comes to our office once in 3 months and ask for money giving various reasons,,,but when we say u do some work for a day and get payment, he runs away ...scolding us....

Originally posted by: Raatri

Hi....interesting topic...

By the way ur 1 point happened with me too...i was purchasing some snack...2 kids selling balloon came to me and asked for money....i said no money but can give u samosa to eat...they ...said ok...i gave them then they said two more for other 2 members who were selling the balloon with them ..i smiled and then purchased for all...

For me its ok...when u actually give or help from heart....but i avoid those who come and ask and think that we have to oblige them at any cost...

Hi Dear,

Thanks for liking my post and replying.

Actaually, tthere are so many factors on which your action or reaction is based at that moment.

Sometimes, after doing that action, you realize that you should do or not do like this.

After all, we learn from our experiences.

1 more similar post I have written; Anupama, package of social message ( not exactly related to Anupama)

based on child related issue.

Dear Chirpy,

I just saw you had tagged me and ran to read your note.

It's already very late for me for I have to be up by 6 tomorrow morning but your writing always touches a special string in my heart - and now even more.
Also, from your writing I can see that you are really a consciously living person who goes beyond the surface of things.
Your writings started out to be funny and witty, but your bringing up topics like these indicate your deeper sense of life and living beings around you.
Wonderful and thank you for sharing so much of yourself with us here at the Forum.
Again, so wonderful to realise that a story and serial like Anupama can bring out such depth and talents - across the board!!

Anyway, here are my 2-bits worth of observations:

1. First in general

As you know, I have been involved in programmes for kids (and other poor people) for ages - or so it feels.
The problem of poverty is a highly complex - and deeply disturbing one.

On the on the hand I feel that at least 50% of poverty situations are self-made/caused.
Look at the situation of dowry debts, for instance. Dowry is a curse, it's illegal, it's one of the basic reasons for people (STILL) not wanting to have a baby-girl. Yet, so many go ahead with fulfilling dowry demands, giving dowry 'of their own accord', etc.

It's a custom that was man-made and can be man-unmade. But do people do so???

You get the point.

Another general point: I think we're on earth to help each other, as much as possible, as often as possible - but in a sensible and sensitive way.

A basic question one may ask oneself is, when giving something to another (money, goods): does the other REALLY benefit from what I am giving? Is it just a momentary fulfilment of a desire - or perceived need - or will it have wider repercussions and/or effects?

You get the point here too.

2. Second, specifically
I don't want to make this too long a piece, and it's certainly not meant as an academic exercise, so let me go quickly to the detailed cases you mentioned:

i) it's totally human to draw a line somewhere, and it need not be a conscious or reasoned out decision. So, when you did not heed the implied asking for more samosas, it's 'all right'!

I, too, have stood in front of a young man - and denied him when he just needed some Rs.50 to go back home by train to his far-off village - because the army recruitment test he came for with high hopes, was just too difficult for him...

Why do we do a thing like that? We're not misers, we're not kharab people - it just happens. But we can learn from it (Anupama style...) by remembering the event and trying to do the 'right' thing next time!

ii) The case of the 'greedy boy'. His is an evident situation of a much deeper economic malaise. If one has time, one could contact either an NGO or a functionary nearby and appraise him/her of the situation.
When the intention is pure, Kanna ji koi na koi raasta dikha dega!
If not this time - next time!

iii) eating out and seeing all those hungry eyes on you .... - and they're not only of kids!
It's tough to continue eating, pretending one hasn't seen or felt their presence.
There are no hard and fast ways of dealing with this. Go by the spur of the moment, I'd say.

But one thing is there - and I apologise deeply in advance - but the basic problem of poverty in this respect (and here I actually hark back to my opinion that at least 50% is self-made) is the fact that so many families still have so many kids!!
Feeding 1 mouth is already a handful (-), but 2, 3, or more extra....Oof, OOF. And so, kids roam around, are put to work, and yes, look at you with hungry eyes and empty tummies.

So, in conclusion, I'd say, we can only just be of help in specific situations - AND THAT IS OK ALREADY.

One may think of doing it the Gita way: de dena aur mod mod ke na dekhna (surri, if the paraphrase is a bit defective)

Hope whoever reads this, except for you Chirpy-Sam, could remain awake. This was ..... than an Anupama bhashan :😆

Originally posted by: ChirpyKiya10

Not related to Anupama.

There are so many other examples also. I have seen many times, that whenever you help other, they start taking undue advantage of you.

My question is this really help?? And agar unke paas khane ke liye hi nahi hai toh Is begging or working .. which option is better??

Yes, there are cases others can take advantage of others’ niceness. Analyzing the examples you gave,these were cases of children.

Every child must have a parent or guardian. So, in these cases, if you assume that the parent/guardian of these children in question are making their kids do that, then it is plain wrong. The parent/guardian must be held accountable. It should be solved by talking to them or warning. The child should not be begging, it is the parent/guardian's responsibility to provide ( in this case, seems like basic needs such as food/clothing).

If the child is doing this out of habit without the parent/guardian's knowledge then they must be made aware of the situation.

If the child doesn’t have a parent or guardian,that is a bigger problem. Social services needs to be engaged.

While small help is fine based on your circumstance, I believe in the saying – "You give a poor man a fish and you feed him for a day. You teach him to fish and you give him an occupation that will feed him for a lifetime."

Very nice point. While i have the same doubts, unfortunately i don't have the answers.

let me add a scenario from my side, often we see people keeping small boy/girl around 10 years+ to look after and play with their toddler. One may say it's not real work, as they like need to play and help the toddler with feeding them, changing shoes or clothes. No matter how well you treat that kid, the difference remain. But then, if you really think, the difference in kid and toddler is just which family they are born into.

On the other side, the kid is treated well, he/she is either getting pocket money or helping the parents financially. So, really can't say what is right here. These are harsh realities of life which somehow we need to accept. I only wish, these kids do get opportunity to go school, study and help as part-time only with such jobs.

Originally posted by: ChirpyKiya10

Which is the better option?? What are the alternatives for them and their families? The impoverished families have no alternative but to put their children to work instead of teaching them due to poor living conditions, low levels of income, and a lack of jobs.

I am apologizing before only for what I am gonna say. If a couple knows that they cannot provide a decent life to a child, why bring that new life on earth? Having and raising kid is not a child's play. Why to get married when you know you can't take the responsibility of a married life: this applies to both man and woman. I for one feel like am not fit for marriage. I have been living alone since I was 17 and it has been 9 years then. I am too comfortable with myself that I do not want anyone to enter that space. Currently am at my hometown staying with my younger brother and my mom. It feels good to have ghar ka khaana and banter with my brother but I crave for that personal space and time.

Again the root cause is parent's upbringing. In India atleast, a child when he/she grows up majority of the parents wishes are as follows:

1. Good job (a job which pays handsomely does not matter if the child is happy or not)

2. Good spouse

3. Shaadi ho gayi to kids

Marriage is treated like a necessity in our society. Why not teach your kids to be little selfish and think about their ownself before anyone else? Thankfully some people are doing that but the families/people who are devoid of even basic education have a long way to understand that. Even if you try to explain them, they won't as their opinions are already concretized.

Originally posted by: ChirpyKiya10

I would like to share my experiences with you and want to know if you were in my place, what would you have done?? To what extent, we should help people or kids. Are we really helping or ruining their habits and making them lazy? Are we really helping or promoting begging?

I usually do not give money. I have seen an old lady carrying carton boxes but she refused to beg. Begging is the easy way out imo. Sometimes I buy them food but not more than that. Once you start giving people's expectations rises. This is true for everyone.. even family.

I feel if we wanna help them we should it in a way such that they develop the capability to stand on their own feet. Sam, which you are already doing by teaching. Instead of academic teaching, they need to learn about life as well, but that we can do only to some extent.

"Knowing what it feels to be in pain, is exactly why we try to be kind to others."- Jiraiya (Masashi Kishimoto)

once i went to old age home gave blankets and pillows etc to all ashram ppl

the ashram guy asked a new TV from me

he already had a 50 inch TV yet aked another bigger TV for aged

than i was speaking to aged and a woman said they only watch TV 2 hour on sundasys not allowed otherwise

o why does he want 72 inch or bigger TV

we can as well buy saree and pant shirt in that 1 lakh lus tv he wants

Originally posted by: strancho

I am apologizing before only for what I am gonna say. If a couple knows that they cannot provide a decent life to a child, why bring that new life on earth? Having and raising kid is not a child's play. Why to get married when you know you can't take the responsibility of a married life: this applies to both man and woman. I for one feel like am not fit for marriage. I have been living alone since I was 17 and it has been 9 years then. I am too comfortable with myself that I do not want anyone to enter that space. Currently am at my hometown staying with my younger brother and my mom. It feels good to have ghar ka khaana and banter with my brother but I crave for that personal space and time.

Again the root cause is parent's upbringing. In India atleast, a child when he/she grows up majority of the parents wishes are as follows:

1. Good job (a job which pays handsomely does not matter if the child is happy or not)

2. Good spouse

3. Shaadi ho gayi to kids

Marriage is treated like a necessity in our society. Why not teach your kids to be little selfish and think about their ownself before anyone else? Thankfully some people are doing that but the families/people who are devoid of even basic education have a long way to understand that. Even if you try to explain them, they won't as their opinions are already concretized.

I usually do not give money. I have seen an old lady carrying carton boxes but she refused to beg. Begging is the easy way out imo. Sometimes I buy them food but not more than that. Once you start giving people's expectations rises. This is true for everyone.. even family.

I feel if we wanna help them we should it in a way such that they develop the capability to stand on their own feet. Sam, which you are already doing by teaching. Instead of academic teaching, they need to learn about life as well, but that we can do only to some extent.

"Knowing what it feels to be in pain, is exactly why we try to be kind to others."- Jiraiya (Masashi Kishimoto)

@blue - Completely agree. Marriage should not be the holy grail. Everyone must strive for education, employment, and most of all be happy independent individuals. If marriage happens along the way, it is a bonus. But life shouldn't revolve around it.

IMO, Indian society is pretty conservative in this regard. If a person does not follow the prescribed formula of life events, one is bound to criticism and ridicule. This change in thought process will be slow, but will surely come around.

Pompy,

The clarity in your thoughts and foresight at this young age is commendable.👏 I wish you nothing but the best. May your tribe grow!❤️🤗

Originally posted by: SmithaRam

@blue - Completely agree. Marriage should not be the holy grail. Everyone must strive for education, employment, and most of all be happy independent individuals. If marriage happens along the way, it is a bonus. But life shouldn't revolve around it.

IMO, Indian society is pretty conservative in this regard. If a person does not follow the prescribed formula of life events, one is bound to criticism and ridicule. This change in thought process will be slow, but will surely come around.

Pompy,

The clarity in your thoughts and foresight at this young age is commendable.👏 I wish you nothing but the best. May your tribe grow!❤️🤗

Tenkyu tenkyu.. A praise coming from you..❤️

I don't feel age has anything to do with learning. I am a little spiritual also, will talk about that if any topic comes. But yeah I have made many mistakes. Most of my life has gone in mistakes only. Only good thing is I learnt from those and try to make new mistakes.. so new learnings.. Cheers to making new mistakes