Chapter 4

-- SUMAN’S Point of View --

Today’s the day! My regiment and I are driving from Bhopal to Dehradun. I rolled down the window and closed my eyes to feel the wind against my face. I felt like as we were getting closer to Dehradun, the air was starting to feel different. It was breezy, cool, and it tingled against my skin. But, for some reason it triggered the flashback image of the last time I saw my dear friend and the hurt expression on his face when I broke his heart with my bitter words.

I can’t believe that I almost stepped back from this mission. I, Captain Suman Tiwari, am always up for a challenge. Nothing is impossible for me and I never back down. So, obviously hearing that I would be leading my regiment for the mission in Ladakh, I felt honored. But, when I heard who would be leading the mission, I wanted to back out. But my senior insisted that I lead the regiment. No, I was not hiding from him. Why would I hide? Although I would never admit this to anyone, I have missed him so much since the day he left Bhopal. I wonder if he missed me as much as I missed him. If he did, why did he never call me in these past 7 years? Now you must be thinking, if I missed him so much, why didn’t I call him and why was I backing away from this mission? 

About two years ago, I ran into Bunty at a market in Bhopal:

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I tapped the shoulder of the familiar short man in front of me, “Bunty? Is that you? Remember me? Suman?” 

“Arree Suman! How are you? I haven’t seen you in a long time! So, did you end up joining the Army after all?”

“I’m good. Yes, I’m actually about to get promoted to Captain! How’s your life?”

“I’m pretty good too. I got married last year. My wife and I just had a daughter! You should come visit.” 

I was quite surprised to see the change in Bunty. Who would’ve thought that he would’ve turned into a family man! “Oh that’s wonderful news! I will definitely stop by to meet bhabhi and your little doll! Erm...By the way, how is…” I was curious but I hesitated to ask about him. 

“Shravan?” I nodded. He gave an odd smile that I couldn’t quite decipher. “The last time I met Shravan was last year at my wedding here in Bhopal. We don’t talk much on the phone since he’s so busy.” 

“Wait? What? He came to Bhopal last year?”, I frowned. I never spent a single day without thinking about him and he came back to Bhopal but he didn’t even come to see me? Did I ever mean anything to him?

“He’s good. He lives in Dehradun and I believe Aunty lives in Vrindavan. I sent him a picture of my daughter last month and he told me that he recently got promoted to Major! Can’t believe it’s the same guy I grew up with! I know that things did not end well between the two of you but do you want his phone number? Maybe you can rekindle your friendship?”

I wasn’t properly listening to Bunty. I was still stuck in my own thoughts. Shravan came to Bhopal after all these years and he didn't even come visit me? I was so upset and wanted to cry. Was he avoiding me? Does he hate me? “No thanks, Bunty. I don’t think that is possible. I’ve moved on from the past.” 

Bunty’s smile faded. “Shravan has changed too. He’s very quiet and keeps to himself. I never imagined him to become so serious. I think you should talk to him. I feel you might be able to bring back the old Shravan.” He handed me Shravan’s phone number on a piece of paper. We bid adieu but as Bunty turned around the corner, I threw Shravan’s phone number into the trash can. Why should I contact him if I don’t mean anything to him? Later I regretted this decision that I took in anger. But, I wonder if Bunty ever told Shravan that we met. 

----

“Captain! We are near Dehradun Cantonment!” my junior informed me, bringing me back to the present. My heart was racing, palms were sweaty, and my stomach was bubbling. In a few moments, I would see my Shravan again...after seven long years.

As we were walking through the cantonment, my eyes kept searching for him. As much as I hate to admit it, I felt restless to see him. I could not properly sleep since the day I found out that Shravan would be leading the mission. We were escorted to a large conference room.

Everytime, someone would walk into the conference room, I would quickly turn around hoping that it would be him only to be disappointed to see someone else. My mouth was getting dry so I drank some water. Suddenly, I heard the door click and heard hushed whispers. Without turning around, I knew it was him. I could recognize his footsteps anywhere. I felt as if my spine went stiff and now I couldn’t turn around to look at him. We all rose to salute him as he was a higher rank.

From the corner of my eye, I watched him as he walked into my field of vision. I felt my blood rush to my toes and I held my breath. Bunty was right. Shravan had changed and the man I saw before me was not the same Shravan I knew. He was someone else. This Shravan had a serious face and a formal smile that accentuated his handsome features. He had a crisp army haircut which slightly disappointed me because I adored his fluffy hair. His army uniform was tightly fit around his broad shoulders, muscles, and abs which were proof of the intense training he went through in these past years. He walked with an unfamiliar confidence.Yes, Shravan was always confident, even in school. But this Shravan carried himself with a confidence that made him seem so mature and disciplined. 

“Hello everyone. Please have a seat. I am Major Shravan Devraj Malhotra of Dehradun Regiment. I am pleased to have you all here for Mission Ladakh. This room is full of talented individuals and together we will be undefeated. Let’s begin with the presentation and please do not hesitate to interrupt if you have any questions.” His voice was slightly deeper from how I remembered it. Finally, his eyes met mine and I felt my face flush. But, he didn’t react. Instead, he looked away and carried on with the presentation. Did he not recognize me?

The whole time during the presentation, I had trouble focusing as my whole attention was on Shravan’s voice and body language. Was this even the same person? I snapped from my thoughts as everyone started clapping. Captain Prakash, Shravan’s junior, was going to give the rest of the presentation. I listened intently but he proposed a strategy that I disagreed with. I raised my hand, “Excuse me Captain Prakash, but I don’t think this is the most effective way to handle this situation. There is too much risk and we would be putting our soldiers in danger. I propose that we-” I was rudely cut off by Prakash. 

“Oh please Captain Suman. I’ve been researching and planning for this mission for the past two years and you just came on board last week. So I think I know what I am talking about.” I frowned but what he said next set me off in rage. He mumbled under his breath but loud enough for us to hear, “These women...forgetting their place thinking they know more than us.” 

I stood up in anger and slammed my hand on the table. Prakash's eyes widened with fear. I shouted, “Hey! What do you mean by these women? It’s because of regressive men like you that women are denied opportunities despite their top-class qualifications.” I was used to dealing with these types of situations. My whole life, I had idolized the army but I was unaware of the misogyny and sexism I would have to face for simply being a woman. I believe that I deserved to be at a higher rank than captain but my male counterparts always downplayed my achievements and inhibited me from being at higher rank than them because their ego refused to take orders from a woman. This is why I advocated to start a women’s regiment. 

“Mind your language, Captain! As a woman, you should be speaking more gracefully!”

“Gracefully, my foot! This type of mindset is absolutely unacceptable. I demand an apology or I will have you suspended.” Whispers grew in the room and all the eyes in the room were on me, including Shravan, who was watching me intently. Yes, I know I had developed anger issues after my father’s death but in this situation I was not wrong.

“You? You will get me suspended? I don’t work for you. So you can’t suspend me, Captain Suman Tiwari.” Prakash responded snidely.

“But, I can!” said a calm yet firm voice. Shravan got up and walked up to Prakash’s face and spoke with a strong, firm voice, “You work under me and I will not tolerate any discrimination in my team. Therefore, I demand that you apologize to Captain Suman and her regiment. It sickens me that in these modern times, you have such regressive thinking. You think women are incapable? I suggest you pick up a history book and read about Rani Laxmi Bai. If you ever repeat this sort of nonsense again, I will suspend you immediately.” The fear in Prakash’s eye was obvious as he quietly apologized to me and sat back down. 

I heard a low hushed voice of a girl from my regiment next to me, “Well ladies, Mission Ladakh is about to be interesting! All thanks to Major Hottie here.” She gave a mischievous wink and the other girls quietly giggled as they subtly checked Shravan out. I stared back at my girls with annoyance and they quieted down. For some reason, It made me uncomfortable the way they spoke about Shravan.

Shravan looked at me and said, “Captain Suman? Please go ahead and tell us your proposal.” This was the first time he had addressed me directly. I won’t lie, but I was in complete awe of Shravan. I never needed anyone to stand up for me because I’m strong enough to fight for myself. But, my heart was so fullI when Shravan stood up for me. He couldn’t stand seeing someone insulting me. I continued explaining my proposal and most of the people agreed that my idea was a better route.

As the meeting concluded, everyone started heading out. I saw Shravan get up too, he was talking with a couple of people as he was walking out. Should I go thank him? I mustered up the courage and walked towards him. Should I address him as Shravan or Major Shravan? So many thoughts were going through my head. I’ve waited so many years to see him and now that he’s finally here in front of me, why am I going numb? I started feeling a tickle rising in my stomach. I haven’t had this feeling in years. “Major Shravan?” I called out after him. He stopped and slowly turned around. I stopped breathing as I looked into his dark eyes, trying to find the boy I once knew. 

“Yes? Do you need anything?” Shravan asked while giving a polite smile. I hated this fake smile of his. Why was he acting as if I was a stranger to him. “Captain Suman? Hello?” He waved his hand in front of me and asked me again if I needed anything. The people around him were staring at me.

“Umm...Thank you for supporting me during the meeting. I really appreciated it.”, I replied with my sweetest smile. I really don’t know what I was expecting him to do but all I knew was I wanted to hear him again...talking to me. 

“It’s no big deal, Captain. I would’ve done it for anyone.” He gave his stupid formal smile again and continued talking to the people he was with. I might be overthinking but I felt as if he emphasized the word “anyone”. I watched him walk away. Who even was this man? I was more than disappointed to see Shravan after so many years. He equated me with anyone? Was I ever anything for him? He used to call me his best friend and today he was treating me like a stranger. Tears stung my eyes but I did not let them fall. If this is how he wants it to be then so be it! If I am a stranger to him, then he is a stranger to me also. During this mission, I was going to stay ten feet away from him!

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