Chapter 13

alina.b

@alina.b

--- Shravan’s POV ---

A couple of months later in Vrindavan…

I sighed as I ran my fingers through my hair. I am growing out my hair again since I’m not in the army anymore. Sumo always loved my hair when we were teenagers. I haven’t seen her since she left Mumbai. I tried calling her but she never answered. After a few tries, I quit calling because I didn’t want to ruin things for her again. I just hope Anish has changed himself for Sumo. I picked up my maroon wedding card that said in gold letters: Naina weds Shravan. I promised Sumo that I would move on in my life and be happy again. So, that’s what I am doing...moving on. But, I’m not happy. Everything feels so wrong. 

I traced the words on Sumo’s letter with my fingers and stopped at the smudge where the ink spread. She was crying when she was writing this letter. I turned the letter over and felt the grooves and ridges of her handwriting. Sumo always uses pressure when she writes. She tried to hide what she wrote, but my fingers could feel the words. I broke out of my thoughts as my phone rang and sighed. It was Naina and she wanted to meet me at the coffee shop tomorrow to discuss something important. I put a fake cheerfulness in my voice and agreed to meet her. Naina is a nice person but I don’t love her. I can give her everything in this marriage except love. Bunty is convinced that if I give Naina a chance, I will eventually fall in love with her. But, he doesn’t understand. I can’t love anyone the way I love Sumo. 

The next day, Naina and I met at the coffee shop. She sighed, “I know the wedding is in a week and the cards have been sent out but I don’t think I can marry you anymore”. My eyes widened as I wasn’t expecting her to say that. She put her hand on mine and said, “I met Aman, my boyfriend from medical school, a couple months ago. Back then, we both parted ways because we wanted to focus on our careers. But, seeing him again, I realized that I don’t love you because I still love him. You are a really nice person, Shravan but we aren’t meant to be together”. 

I awkwardly asked, “So, are we calling off the wedding?” 

She took a deep breath and said, “Well, that’s what I want to do. I know you don’t love me either. Both of us are only getting married because our mothers are friends but neither of us will ever be happy together. But, I don’t know if my mother will let me get married to Aman”. 

I smiled, “Actually, I was having second thoughts about this wedding too so I’m glad you feel the same way. Don’t worry, I will handle everything and talk to our families. I will try to convince your mother about Aman”. Initially, our mothers were very upset and there was a lot of emotional blackmailing. But, eventually I was able to convince them. 

I attended Naina and Aman’s wedding. Naina was very grateful and said, “This wouldn’t have been possible without you, Shravan. I wish you the best in life and I think you should marry Suman because she’s the only person you will ever truly be happy with”. 

She was right. There wasn’t anyone more perfect than Sumo for me. But, did Sumo want to marry me? When I read that she got back with Anish, I felt a pang in my heart. But, I understood her decision. She and Sagar deserved to have a happy family. I just wish that they could have been a happy family with me. The last time I saw Sumo, we were lost in each other’s embrace and I was going to ask her to marry me after her divorce. But, I couldn’t as my mother showed up and I decided I would talk to Sumo later. Unfortunately, she had left my life again. But, later I thought it was good that I hadn’t proposed to her as she was getting back with Anish and I was also still engaged to Naina at the time. Even if Sumo had divorced Anish, she still would have needed time to recover from her divorce before getting married again. But, what if she didn’t believe in marriage anymore? Sumo was always a mystery to me. I never knew what she was thinking. 

5 years later in Mumbai…

I fulfilled my promise to Sumo and found my new purpose in life by working for an organization to help army veterans like myself who had been injured. I wanted to help them find their new purpose rather than succumbing to depression. I became a board member at an Army School upon the insistence of my friend. It would remind me of my own school days at the Army School. In my free time, I taught badminton to army children. Despite keeping myself busy all the time, I always still found myself thinking about her. 

One day while teaching badminton, a couple of my students were bullying a little boy. I had never seen him before, perhaps he was a new kid at the school. He had a very innocent face but his eyes were full of fire as he fought back with his bullies. Even though he was small, he had courage to stand up for himself. He reminded me of myself when I fought against Anish despite the whole school being against me. I broke up the fight and the little boy looked up at me. His eyes were so familiar. I smiled at him and could tell he was very shy. “What’s your name? Are you new here?”

“Today’s my first day here. My name is Sagar”, he said with a low voice while looking down. I became perplexed hearing his name. I studied his face carefully. His features were soft like Sumo’s and her son would be the same age as this boy. Could he be Sagar, Sumo’s son? That can’t be right. Why would he be in Mumbai? Shouldn’t he be in Bhopal with Suman? Besides, a lot of people have this name. 

“That’s a nice name. How is your first day going? Are you from Mumbai?” 

He gave a soft smile, “Thanks. I’m not from Mumbai. I’m staying in a hostel so it’s not too bad”. He couldn’t be Sumo’s son. She would not send him to a hostel as she wanted to keep him close to her. I asked Sagar if he would be interested in learning badminton. At first, he was hesitant since he had never played before but later agreed. This boy had natural talent for badminton. 

Over the few months, Sagar and I became closer as I taught him more badminton. He started opening up to me more. There was something special about him. He told me that playing badminton and talking to me was his favorite part of the day. I was convinced that he wasn’t Sumo’s son because even though he did not talk much, I could tell he had a difficult childhood and was devoid of love. Sumo was a good mother so she would never let her son feel unloved. 

A couple weeks later, I attended a board meeting where I was shocked to learn that the school was expelling Sagar. Apparently, he was bad at studies and had a lot of behavioral issues. He got into fights at school and talked back rudely to teachers. I felt like they were talking about a different kid altogether. I spoke up, “I coach Sagar for badminton and he is not like this at all”. They handed me his file and I read his full name: Sagar Tiwari. My breath was caught when I looked down at the names of parents and their marital status: Captain Anish Raghuwanshi and Major Suman Tiwari - Divorced. My head was spinning. Sagar was indeed Sumo’s son.

One of the teachers spoke angrily, “We can’t have a child like him at this school. He will ruin the school’s reputation. He is undisciplined for army school”. Undisciplined? Would anyone have imagined that this word would be used for Sumo’s son? The teacher scoffed, “His parents have never even visited him. When the parents are so flawed then obviously the kid will be flawed”. 

My blood boiled as Sagar’s upbringing was questioned because it insulted Sumo which I cannot tolerate. I shouted, “Why are you bringing his parents in this? Besides, he is only seven-years-old and you have too many expectations from him. Let him be a child. He has time to grow up and find his path. I was very undisciplined up to age seventeen. No one would have thought that I would have joined the army but look at me today. He just needs some proper guidance”. 

The principal sighed, “You’re right, Major Malhotra but this boy is completely out of control. He is rude and violent. Who will want to mentor such a rowdy child?”

“I will mentor him. Please, don’t expel him. Just give me one month. I promise his grades and behavior will improve. He is my responsibility now”. I will not give up on Sagar. I need to understand why he behaves this way because it was difficult for me to believe that Sumo, who lived by rules and discipline, would have a disobedient son. 

I spent more time with Sagar. I tutored him and within one week, his grades improved. He was intelligent but didn’t fully apply himself. He reminds me so much of myself. We discussed topics he liked such as art, video games, and of course, badminton. He participated more at school events and I would be there to motivate him. I realized that he was very comfortable with me and trusted me more than anyone else in this school. The school permitted me to take Sagar out on short outings as they were seeing positive changes in his attitude under my guidance. 

I took Sagar out for ice cream and learned that his favorite flavor was orange just like his mother. He reminded me so much of Sumo but also of myself. I can’t believe he’s the same little baby that fell asleep in my arms five years ago. Sagars eyes brightened up and said, “Coach! I made something for you!” He pulled out his sketchbook and showed me a drawing he made of us playing badminton together. He went back to eating his ice cream but I continued admiring his drawing. I started flipping through his sketchbook. He drew himself winning awards and eating ice cream. Just like Sumo, his drawings represented his emotions. But, as I flipped through more pages, I saw glimpses of Sagar’s dark past. I paused at a drawing that made me shudder and questions came to my mind. He drew a picture of a little boy with bruises and tears locked inside a cage. Sagar looked up with an innocent smile and said, “I like you. You’re the best person in this whole wide world”. 

I took a deep breath and asked, “The best in the whole world? What about your Mom and Dad?” I needed my answers because my gut feeling said something terrible has happened with Sagar.

He froze and whispered, “They don't want me. No one wants me”. He sat there quietly in a daze as if he was recalling something. He spoke again, “You should stay away from me. I might bring you bad luck too”. 

I grew confused at his words. How can a child think like this about himself? I replied, “That’s not true, Sagar. Who said that to you?”

His eyes started to tear up and he said, “Devika Aunty said that I’m cursed and bring bad luck to everyone. She’s right. My parents got divorced when I was two-years-old.” I thought to myself how could that be true? During that time, I was in the hospital and Maa said Suman and Anish reunited. Was it a lie? He continued talking, “I lived with my Nani in Bhopal till age five until she…” He broke down crying and I comforted him understanding that Anjali Aunty was no more. Sumo had lost another important person in her life and I couldn’t be there for her. He sniffled, “Then, I lived with Kancha Maasi in Delhi but then her family had money problems. So, I was sent to live with Anish Uncle and Devika Aunty in Hyderabad". My heart broke hearing how Sagar was tossed around in his life. No wonder he thought no one loved him.

I said softy to him, “Sagar, none of these things were your fault. Don’t blame yourself”. He sat there quietly wiping his tears. I asked, “Sagar, why do you call your Dad, Anish Uncle? Why did Devika Aunty call you bad luck? Did something happen when you were there?” 

“I wasn’t allowed to call him Dad. Only my half-brothers were allowed to call him that. I didn’t get along with my brothers. They accused me of stealing and I got really angry. I pushed my brother and he broke his arm. Then, Devika Aunty said I brought bad luck with me everywhere and that’s why no one wants me”. 

I clenched my fist. How dare Devika talk to Sagar like this? It seems like she has become more heartless over the years. I touched Sagar’s shoulder and he flinched. I remembered his drawing and asked, “Sagar, did they hurt you?” He froze and started breathing heavily. I knew the answer but I had to hear it from him. I kneeled in front of him and held his hand gently. I softly said, “You can tell me”. He slowly nodded and started trembling. My heart sank seeing how scared he was. I wanted to punch Anish for hurting Sagar. I touched the scar on his temple and asked, “How did this happen?”

He whispered, “After my brother broke his arm, Anish Uncle got really angry and he hit me. My head hit the corner of the table and I had to get stitches. Then, they decided that they didn’t want me and that’s how I ended up here”. He wrapped his arms around my neck and sobbed into my shoulder, “I hated it there...they were so mean and would always lock me in my room. I’m scared one day they will come back to take me”. 

Each tear that fell from his eye felt like a stab at my heart. I wiped his tears and said, “I promise you, Sagar. As long as I’m alive, I will never let anyone hurt you again”. He gave a tearful smile and hugged me again. I slowly asked, “Does your Mom know about all this?” 

He looked up and scoffed, “She doesn’t care about anyone but herself. She doesn’t even deserve to be called my Mom”. 

I was shocked to hear the way Sagar talked about Sumo. Did Anish and Devika brainwash Sagar against Sumo? “No Sagar, that’s not true. Don’t say that. She isn’t like that”. 

He looked up angrily and said, “You don’t even know her, Coach! Are you going to take her side without even knowing what she did?” 

Seeing the anger in Sagar’s eyes, I realized that I couldn’t let him know about Sumo and me because he was just beginning to trust me. If I spoke in favor of Sumo, who he didn’t like, he might stop trusting me. I stuttered, “No, I meant that all moms love their kids”. 

He sneered, “Not my mom. I haven’t seen her since I was two. Nani would always ask her to work in Bhopal but she never listened. Maybe, she never wanted me. She’s so selfish that when Nani...she didn’t even come to see her one last time. Kancha Maasi begged her but she didn’t listen to anyone. I haven’t seen my mother in five years and you’re saying she’s a good mother? She’s not like other Moms...you don’t know her. If she had been there for me...I would never have been hurt by Anish Uncle and Devika Aunty. It’s all her fault”. 

My mind went numb. Five years ago, Suman promised the army that she wouldn’t take a single day off because she wanted to take care of me during my recovery. I was the reason she stayed away from her son. My voice broke and said, “Maybe she had a reason”. 

Sagar gave a cynical laugh, “What good reason did she have to abandon her son? She could have at least called. You know, Anish Uncle would tell me a lot of lies but he was right about her. He said she was a monster and looks like one too”. I thought to myself: No Sagar, she is the most beautiful, gentle, and kind person alive. Sagar spoke up in a flat voice, “Please don’t ask about my Mom again. I hate her”.

Later that night, I talked to Maa and she admitted that she had asked Sumo to lie that she was getting back with Anish because she was afraid I would call off the wedding with Naina. She sadly said that it would have been better if I had married Suman since Naina married someone else. I was infuriated that Maa had insulted Sumo like that. Sumo sacrificed everything just to be with me and gave me hope to live. In return, she never asked for anything, not even love. Today, my Sumo was completely alone devoid of love and her own son hated her because of me. 

Six months passed and Sagar was doing much better in school. Sometimes, I felt as if he was my own son: I would buy him presents, take him on outings, and help with his projects. He had even won a first-place trophy at a badminton championship and I was so proud of him. I had promised Sagar that I would never let anyone hurt him again so I reported Anish for child abuse and the school made sure that he would not be allowed to contact Sagar. He even became more disciplined as I would try to reason with him and listen to his point of view. I would try to understand him and in return he would listen to me. I wish he really was my son. 

I came to visit Sagar after school and saw him sitting at a bench with his head down. Sometimes he would get upset about things at school. I sat next to him and caressed his hair. “Rough day, Buddy? Wanna talk about it?” 

I was taken aback as he suddenly hugged me tightly and started crying. He sobbed, “I’m transferring to another school, Coach”. My heart fell hearing that he was leaving. He couldn’t get expelled as he was doing so well in school now. Did Anish have a hand in this?

I frantically asked, “Why? Where are you going? Who decided this?” 

He wiped his tears and said, “I’m going to Bhopal. My mom wants me to live with her”. He hugged me tightly and cried, “I don’t want to leave you. I want to stay here with you”. 

My heart broke at the thought of being separated from Sagar but it would be the best for him to be reunited with Sumo. He will finally get to know his mother and what a wonderful woman she is. I held his shoulders and said, “No, go to Bhopal. It’s a nice place. You’ll like it there. We’ll talk on the phone every day. But, promise me that you’ll be a good kid. I’ll buy you that watch we saw at the mall last week if you keep your promise”. He cried again saying he doesn’t want to leave me. I tried to hold back my own tears as this was just as difficult for me. I whispered, “No, Sagar...you have to live with your mom. Promise me, you’ll give her a chance. She’s not as bad as you think. She loves you a lot that’s why she is calling you there. Remember, how you said no one wanted you? Well, she wants you. Try to understand her”. He nodded and wiped his tears.

Saying goodbye to Sagar at the train station was one of the hardest things I’ve done in life. I felt as if someone was tearing out a piece of my heart and taking it away. I bought him snacks for his journey and gifted him a new badminton set. We both held each other tightly and cried. I know it was for his best but it was so difficult. It was time to go but Sagar clutched onto me tightly and I reluctantly let go of him. Just like that, he was gone from my life...both mother and son seemed to have this effect on my life. I went home and stared at the drawing Sagar had made for me. I missed him already and felt as if the light of my life was gone. I didn’t realize how attached we got to each other during this time. It would be hard to learn to live without him again.

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A/N: Yes, that Aman + Naina reference was from Kal Ho Naa Ho  So, we missed Sumo a lot in this chapter but next chapter is all about her and what happened to her in the last five years. It's a mystery because we know why she didn't visit her son during those five years but why did she leave Bhopal or never even call her son? Also, FYI Suvan are now ~33 years old in the story. This chapter might have seemed like a boring filler but it is actually a "turning point". We see how Shravan has improved his life but we realize that the same cannot be said for Suman. We get to see the relationship between Shravan and Sagar. He will play an important role in the story and in Suvan's relationship. Also, Anish is still a scum along with Devika.