The Beautiful and The Damned - IshRa TS - Part 2 - Page 13 - Page 9

Originally posted by: RisingAsh

This was something really beautiful.. So flawless.. Loved reading it <33

Originally posted by: v_ani_patel

Awesome ..

Originally posted by: Nikita99

Great shot. Subbu needs to come back and see Ishra. So like to see this angle on YHM.

Originally posted by: vani_prem

amazing read! great twist!!

Note -

the next part may contain some sensitive material reader discretion is advised - not bold or sexual in nature - BUT sensitive in a way..

Chapter 2 - Milestones and Conclusions.

When he holds you close, he pulls you near
When he says the words you've been needin' to hear
I wish I was him 'cause those words are mine
To say to you 'till the end of time
- Always, Bon Jovi

He had been brought back to reality when his Appa had called onto him and pulled him into the room where Anna and Annai were basking in the joy of their little bundle of joy. He saw how very happy they looked as they were congratulated by everyone around them, everyone taking turns to hold and adore his niece all wrapped up in pink.

His Amma had finally passed her onto Madhavi Aunty and Vishwanathan Uncle who were in tears and smiling at the same time, showering blessings and kisses upon their granddaughter. Ishita and Raman were taking their turns to hug his Anna and congratulate Annai when he had been standing just within the periphery of the entrance when suddenly he felt someone had bumped into him from behind and the action repeated even before he could properly turn around.

He saw his nephew and a little girl breathless and cheerful and caught them just in time as they were about to fall.

"Ruhi, Shravu." The voices had chorused taking the names of the children.

"Are you two all right?" He asked them holding onto their shoulders.

"Yes Chittappa sorry."

"Ruhi, how many times have I told you not to run like this?" He finally heard the voice that had been his constant for years and turned around to see Ishita behind him, her husband with her as the little girl looked down.

"Sorry Ishimaa, sorry Papa. Shravu and I wanted to look at the baby so we hurried up."

"Say sorry to uncle as well Ruhi." He finally heard the man acknowledge him whose acquaintance he had been anxious to make.

"Sorry Uncle."

"It's ok beta, take care though you could have fallen down and hurt yourself running like this."

"I am sorry as well Subu on behalf of my daughter."

"No it's ok Ishu...Ishita."

"How are you?"

"I am fine, how are you?"

"I am good, well you already have met my daughter, but let me introduce you formally so meet my daughter Ruhi and my husband Raman."

The man extended his hand with a small smile on his face that he had to take as he introduced himself.

"Hi."

"Hello."

Barely had they shook hands when he had turned around seeing Raman and Ishita looking behind him at a tall, good-looking guy, Raman clearly looking pissed and the guy nervous.

"Bhai, before you get angry at me listen to me. I was parking the car when Ruhi and Shravan got out of the car and before I could stop them they were inside the hospital."

"Romi..."

"Raman, please."

"I am sparing you now but be careful in the future."

"Sorry Bhai, thanks Bhabhi... now where is the baby I want to look at her too."

Raman had shook his head, rolling his eyes and Ishita looked clearly amused and quietly gestured her brother-in-law to stand in queue. He hadn't missed how a simple touch on his arm and two words from Ishita had altered Raman' stance completely, as if her mere touch transformed him.

"Ishu, come here now its Chitti and Chittappa' turn."

As soon as the words were out of Annai' mouth, Ishita and her husband had walked towards her to hold the baby leaving him behind. Soon Ishita delicately held the baby as Raman' arm went around her shoulder, as he too adored the little one, placing a hand on her head.

"She is beautiful Akka."

"Vandita she is a beauty, she has your eyes."

"Thanks Ishu thanks Raman."

"What about me huh don't you guys see how she resembles me too I am her father people?"

"Hmm you are right Bala; her chin does look like yours."

"Jiju so does her nose."

The exchanges had continued among the two couples as he had looked on finding himself once again lost in the memories of the times gone by when things were similar, when he had been the one whose arm had been around Ishita' shoulder.

"Subu why are you standing there? Come here it's your turn now, she is your niece too." His Amma' booming voice had called out to him and mechanically he had found his feet taking him towards Ishita to get his turn at holding their niece.

The next moments might as well be a blur to him he muses as he nurses his drink sinking into his recliner.

He cannot recall the face of his niece or her features, the words he exchanged or even how he got back home, all he can recall is the nurse coming in to inform visiting hours were up and asked everyone to leave. He had been the last one to exit the room and so had been unable to get on either of the two elevators with the rest of the party and hence had to wait for the elevator' next ride up.

It had seemed like a breather to him at last, only his respite lasted for a few brief moments, when he heard the quiet sobs the moment he had been near his car in the underground parking of the hospital.

He saw them once he came a little closer and slumped a little bit as he saw Ishita quietly crying in the arms of her husband.

"I am sorry Raman, I am so sorry." She chanted the words like a mantra over and over again into his shoulder as he ran his hand gently over her head trying to hush her, finally when she didn't stop he saw Raman cup her face, making her look at him.

"Listen to me Ishita; you have nothing to be sorry about, did I give you a cause to be sorry ever tell me. Have I ever said I want another child, demanded it off you and said a word to you huh? "

"No but I have seen you and mummyji long for Adi, if I could have given you a son maybe..."

"Maybe then what huh, you think it would have helped? Ishita we miss Adi because we love him and nothing can change that, even if you had been able to give me a son it wouldn't have changed Adi' importance in our life, we would have missed him just the same."

"But mummyji says you don't have an heir and..."

"Maa is old-school Ishita; she is still orthodox and primitive a bit, even if she is liberal. However, how can you say I don't have an heir, I have Ruhi, isn't my daughter my heir? Cant she take my legacy forward?"

"She is Raman... but..."

"No ifs and buts Ishita I miss Adi and will always but I don't regret you, I don't regret us."

"That is what makes me feel even more terrible, you, you have made me so happy Raman. I have everything I always dreamt of today, I have you and Ruhi, our families love me so much but I am unable to give you'll anything, I saw how Ruhi was so happy with the baby, how she didn't want to stop playing with her. You remember that day she said we would get her a brother or sister to play with if Shravu does not allow her to play with his sister, it had killed me Raman. I can't even give my daughter a sibling."

"Ishita, Ruhi is a child she would react this way naturally but how can you even say you haven't given us anything. Do I have to remind you what my home was like when you married me? Do I have to remind you what I was huh? Have you not seen the change, felt it? Who made thatdifference? You did, you changed our lives, turned them around and made them so much more beautiful, so peaceful. Just the ability to bear a child isn't everything."

"But it is something."

"Ishita, listen to me...you are a mother irrespective of your limitations, you are more of a mother to my children than Shagun ever has or could be in this lifetime or the next seven."

"Would you have not liked it if we could have a child of our own Raman?" He had heard her whisper with utter desolation dripping from her voice.

Taking a deep breath her husband had then closed his eyes and rested his forehead against hers before replying to her,

"I would have loved to have a child with you Ishita; I would have loved it so much I can't put it into words. However, I love you, I love you more Ishita and will love you just as much always. Nothing can change that, child or no child."

"I...I don't like to even think now you...you had someone in your life before me Raman, but I am glad you were married, you and Shagun - if not for her because of me you would have suffered too.."

"Shut up! Just shut up you complete idiot. Just because I know you are in pain does not give you an excuse to utter nonsense. I regret Shagun, I regret her with every fiber of my being, yes its true she gave me my children and because of that I can't ever be rid of her completely but it doesn't allow you to come up with these stupid notions and think I am okay with whatever crap you say or think."

"But it's the truth Raman. You love Ruhi and Adi beyond anything, you adore your children if not for Shagun you wouldn't have had them, if I had been the only woman in your life you would have..."

"I love my children because I am their father but it doesn't mean I have to agree with the rest of your foolish nonsense. You think if you had been the only woman ever in my life I would have regretted it, regretted you? Then listen to me Ishita Bhalla, you are wrong. You are absolutely, completely wrong and it has hurt me today more than I can explain to you that you could not understand me after all this time too. I can never, NEVER regret you or us. You think if we had met earlier, it would have made me regret you. Then that can never be the case, Ishita you are an educated woman, a doctor at that you know we always have options."

"But what if none of those options work for me?"

"So what huh, tell me? Say we had married each other years ago, been the only people ever in each other' lives .We would have discovered your infertility at some point you think I would have what left you and married another woman just for a child? Then you are a bigger idiot than I always assumed you to be, because I would have never left you, I could never leave you Ishita and for a child? No way, could we not have adopted, tried treatments, gone for surrogacy - the options are and were always available, we would have resorted to everything until we got a child. I would have done everything in my power and more to give you a child Ishita but leave you, because I can't imagine my life without you."

"Raman..."

"No, you don't get to say you are sorry or anything else. You don't get to assume things and just apologize as if you didn't hurt me."

"I... I just wanted to say could we, I mean ...do you mind if we give those options a shot now?"

"We can, but only if you want to Ishita."

"I want to Raman; I want us to have a baby."

"Okay, we can try those, but I have a condition before that."

"What?"

"I want you to promise me to not share this with anyone; and I mean anyone in our families. All of this will be only between the two of us, not because I am worried about some hopes or something, but because this is between you and I, us alone...it's not a matter of concern to anyone else. I do not want everyone breathing down our necks or teasing us more than usual. As it is they don't leave us alone, so anything that helps us to spend time alone is something I can't share with anyone."

"Raman... you are incorrigible."

"What? Wanting to spend time alone with my wife makes me incorrigible then so be it... as it is with our work we stay the whole day apart and then you have to play social worker, perfect maa, daughter, daughter-in-law and god knows what else... so yeah I do not want to share my wife. You got any problems with that?"

"No..." She had all but smiled looking down as she replied.

"I also want you to promise me that if none of it works, you won't lose heart."

"I promise."

"Good."

He had seen the couple hug then and had felt his stomach churning at the very thought of Ishita carrying another man' child only his hell had not ended there.

"Ishita, I want you to know you have to stop thinking of yourself as some incomplete woman because of these issues as to me you aren't one nor could you ever be."

"Ok."

"No, just saying ok isn't enough. Do you understand why am I saying this to you? I am not trying to make you feel better or cheer you up, I am not saying this as I am supposed to but because I really believe this."

She had merely nodded her head in a reply that had made him pull her even closer to himself.

"When we make love what do you feel Ishita?"

He heard her take a sharp breath at the unexpected question.

"Tell me Ishita, when I touch you what do you feel?"

"Love...I feel your love."

"And...?"

"Your...your desire, your passion...when you touch me, make love to me I feel all of those things and more."

"Do you know why?"

"Because you love me Raman, because we love each other."

"Yes and because nothing matters to me when I am with you, nothing else does Ishita. When I touch you, hold you or kiss you I cannot put into words the effect you have on me and when we make love...I cannot get enough of you. Ishita I cannot keep my hands off you because I love you, because I can't help myself I want you, all of you, always, all the time... you, you are so gorgeous, your body...it's beautiful how can I stop myself from wanting you? Ishita... I do not love you for your body, I love it but I love you for the person you are, for you loving heart, for that silly mind of yours that drives me crazy, for your smiles and your laughter. I love you because you make me happy, because when I am with you, I am at peace, my life is more beautiful than I thought possible and nothing can change that. "

Hearing her husband she had blushed as her gaze lowered, the color rose on her cheeks.

"Raman..."

"What? It's true... and tell me one thing would having a child make a difference in any of these? Would it change you as a person, your heart or that silly head of yours huh? Okay let us say we go for a treatment and something works, you get pregnant you would be hormonal that would surely make me pull my hair out but would anything really change Ishita? Would you love me, Ruhi or anyone less? What makes you, you isn't your body Ishita its...it's your heart and I have fallen in love with that, not your face or body. You are beautiful inside and out Ishita and your face is only a fraction of that heart of yours. It is what makes me want to be with you always, it is what makes me want to grow old with you. You make me happier than I have ever been and for me that is enough because I love you."

Her husband had barely finished before she captured his mouth with hers in a fierce kiss, the impact of her movement making him step back a bit, as they collided.

He had been unable to look on or move as he had heard the couple' moans and sighs over the next few moments until they had broken apart gasping for air.

"I love you Raman."

"I love you too. Come on let's go home."

The couple had walked up to their car as she had leaned into her husband and were off soon, unaware of his presence, him being a witness to their private moment.

He had retched as soon as he was sure they had exited as the bile rose in his throat recalling all that he heard and saw.

Tears now escape his eyes as he recalls the day he was almost engaged to the love of his life, the day he broke ties with her pressurized by his Amma, as he recalls the moment his wife served him with a divorce notice just two days back as she walked out on him with their son in tow.

Seeing Ishita happy with her husband today split his heart in two.

A part of him was happy as he saw her in love with her husband, who loved and appreciated Ishita equally if not more. He had learned the man came with his own baggage of a bitter divorce and two kids; a man he had been apprehensive off since the day he learned about him. The man made him wary for Ishita since he wondered would he be good to her...that part of him was laid at rest today with his doubts cleared and questions answered only another part of him reared its head.

The part that has him captured is the one who recalls the man' words to Ishita and thinks...it could have been him saying those words to her today, him holding her, kissing her today instead of Raman.

He recalls the last words of his wife before she had left their home as he closes his eyes,

"I can't do this anymore Subu; I can't keep on competing with her, even when she isn't in your life anymore."

"Ragini, listen to me please give me a chance, don't take such a drastic step think of Varun first."

"I am thinking about him Subu, it would be for his good if we split now when he can't see things get ugly between us. He would be a part of your life as your son always but I would raise him, but if we stay together for his sake it would be worse for him."

"No Ragini, it won't I promise you it won't."

"How can it not Subu when you still love her? I gave you time, I gave you space... I thought with Varun things would change between us but it was my biggest mistake. You aren't over her, would never be."

"Ragini...Ish...Ishita was a part of my life for twelve years I can't just flush her out of my system."

"I have been a part of yours for three years now Subu and now I don't have the patience because frankly I don't think even my lifetime would match up to her twelve years with you."

"Ragini, I love you please you know that."

"Please don't lie to me Subu, not anymore... be honest with yourself at least."

"I won't divorce you, we have a son."

"I want a divorce from you and would have one, since I can't take it anymore... I cannot not after what you did again for a second time Subu, not even after Varun I can't now."

"It was a mistake Ragini!"

"A mistake, you are calling it a mistake." She had yelled at him finally angry and raging.

"Yes! A honest to god mistake."

"A mistake is forgetting to throw gifts from your ex Subu, a mistake is still having old photos and videos of her, a mistake is remembering everything about her, what you did was not a mistake it was ... it was something disrespectful to me. You hurt me beyond words Subu."

"I didn't mean to do that."

"You called out her name, her name when you came inside me Subu, you screamed her name when you touched me for the first time after we had Varun. I forgave you that, I did once but not again when you did it again on our anniversary two days ago Subu. I could forgive you everything but that. I can't tolerate it, do you know how disgusting it was to me? I was with you and ...you...you were with her in your mind while you ...you were buried..." She had broken off on a sob unable to continue.

"I...I ...I was drunk both times Ragini, please."

"People let their guards down when drunk Subu so save your breath as I am leaving, I can't stay with you anymore I can't allow you to touch me anymore I can't even see you anymore. I forgave you the first time which was a mistake ... I ...I should have understood now that you have what you wanted from me - a son - you... you don't think I matter anymore."

"No Ragini that... that ...you are taking this the wrong way I said it happened as I was drunk."

"No don't you dare try to use the drunken excuse again and again - the truth is you are searching her in me. You used me Subu, you used me for my body to get a child and now that your purpose is done with you... you cannot ignore those feelings of yours anymore, all of which are meant for her. You married me even when you loved her only because you wanted a child, because your Amma wanted you to marry me...I thought ... I thought Varun would change things for us, but not now. I cannot do this anymore. I should have known better than to marry a man like you in the first place, serves me right."

"What does that mean huh? What does it mean?"

"It means I was way too much in love with you before we married to not realize you could never be mine, I fell for you, stupid love at first sight and was over the moon when our marriage was fixed. When you informed me of her...I thought you would get over her but now I see how stupid it was of me to think that. A man like you who dumped a girl because the poor thing was infertile, something she could not even control ... he does not even deserve to be respected and I loved you... I fell for your looks... I should have seen your heart; your cowardice instead...it would have saved me."

"How can you say that?"

"A man who cannot respect the girl he was with for twelve years should never be trusted... I learned that a little too late. I was stupid to think we had a chance Subu but my self-respect cannot hear you scream her name even when it is me you are with."

"Ragini, please don't leave, please stay."

"Why so that I could hear her name a third time when you are with me? No Subu, you ...you don't get any more chances because I don't have any more strength or patience saved for you or this marriage."

"Ragini..."

"Just sign the damn papers otherwise I would make your life hell.

She had walked out on him carrying their crying son without a second look leaving him behind in the ruins of his life and their marriage, making him question his choices made years ago.

As he now recalls her words and recollects the moments he spent watching Ishita with Raman - whether in a room full of people as they celebrated or all alone in that parking lot...he can't help the tears that fill his eyes as he realizes there is no going back, there is no way to change things.

He lost on his chance at love and happiness when he made the choice to be a coward and even his regrets cannot change the outcome today nor provide him an alternative to restore things.